Protecting our children from sexual abuse - III

What should a parent do if he or she suspects abuse?
If you are worried that your child has been sexually abused, it is
important to put your trust in Allaah and stay calm. Children arevery
intuitive and can easily sensethere is something "up". Allaah Says
)what means(:"…Indeed, Allaah is with the patient."]Quran 2: 153[
It is imperative that you stay completely casual when you ask your
child the following question:
"I'm wondering if someone has been touching you in a way you don't
like or don't understand.")this question was taken from 'Protect Your
Child from Sexual Abuse'(.
Did anyone ask you to keep a secret?
Stay away from questions like:"Did anyone touch you in a place that
you didn't like?")A common question(.
Generally speaking, a child who has never been abused may just
complain about somebody tickling him or her. But for the child who has
been sexually abused, more than likely they willeither act
uncomfortable about the questions or avoid it completely. It is
important to understand that they are still in the cycle of violence.
They may have been possibly threatened or made promises that they
"feel" they should keep. The abuser has probably spent hours and hours
gaining the child's trust and being their "personal friend". This
makes it very difficult for thechild to say anything about the abuser.
It is important that you remain both relaxed and open. Try to pray
Salaat –ul-Istikhaarah )the prayer of seeking Allaah's Guidance( for
help before you start opening the communication. Allaah Says)what
means(:"And seek help through patience and prayer…"]Quran 2: 45[
It is natural for the parent to feel rage, anger, pain etc. But it is
essential that you remain calm. Mujaahidsaid: "Beautiful patience is
patience without any panic."'Amr Ibn Qayssaid: "Beautiful patience
means to be content with adversity and to surrender to the will of
Allaah."The child will probably think that you are angry with him or
her and not with the abuser. They may not even know that by talking to
you they had incriminated their "friend". Your reaction is very
important to keep the lines of communication open. It is important to
be reassuring and to let the child know that he had done nothing
wrong.
Once opening the "can of worms", the child might start feeling scared
and insecure. He orshe may need lots of hugs and reassuring words.
From the moment that the child opens up, everything after that will
affect him or her for the rest of the life. Your being stable and a
"rock" for him or her is impetrative.
Depending on what country you live in, you need to then follow
procedure in order to insure proper legal steps are taken. You can't
just leave the situation thinking "ok, I won't let him or her with­
again." This is not enough. Reread Characteristics ofthe Sexual Abuser
and see how many children they abuse in theirlife. Is this fair to
allow a criminalto go free, knowing very well that he will strike
again. I know itis very hard to do this, especially if it is a family
member. But thesepeople are very sick. Think about Prophet Lootewhen
hedealt with the homosexual issue.Left undone, the sickness spread
throughout the entire city. The same happens with innocent children,
many may have multitude of sexual issues when they grow up. The effect
of even just one incident can permanently damage them for the rest of
their lives. It is important to note that young boys who are sexually
abused caneither withdraw into theirselves or actually become sexual
abusers themselves as they grow up.
They are so mixed up and feeling shame and powerlessness that they may
end of repeating the same cycle. Like the man who is yelled at by his
boss, then comes home and yells at his wife, then the wife yells at
the kids and the kids kick and yell at the neighbor kids or guard dog.
It is a vicious cycle that will not go away.
One thing in Islamic communitiesis that they worry more about
protecting their girls than their boys. This is a big mistake! We need
to wake up and care about both our girls and boys the same.Just
because they are boys doesn't mean that they cannot be sexually
abused.
Please note that your child may feel very guilty for "causing" all the
problems in the family. It is of course worse if the offender is one
of the family members. Your child may have to repeat over andover to
different authorities whathappened. You do not want the child to close
down. It is important that you offer your unconditional love and
support for the child. Help the child understand that the move he
or she made, Allaah willing, will protect him or her and other
children from the offender. Read to children stories of those who
stood up to injustice no matter how hard it was. Let them know that it
is their right as Muslim children that they are protected and cared
for.
It is important not to let too many people know about what had
happened. Your child's privacy is very important. Also take care of
yourself and get the support you need. Remember! Allaah wrote
everything that was to happen, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for
this. We must believe that Allaah has Wisdom behind every incident.
Allaah Knows and Sees everything. With His infinite Wisdom call on
Allaah by His most beautiful Names and Attributes.
Allaah Says )what means(:"…But give good tidings to the patient, who,
when disaster strikes them,say, "Indeed we belong to Allaah,and indeed
to Him we will return.Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from
their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the ]rightly[
guided."]Quran 2: 155-7[

Dought & clear - He broke the fast at home before travelling, then he had intercourse with his wife; what doeshe have to do?

I was going to travel on a particular day, so I broke the fast in my
house then I had intercourse with my wife. What do I have to do?
Please note that I thought that the expiation was to make up that day
only, I did not know that it is fasting for two consecutive months or
feeding ten poor persons.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The evidence from the Qur'an and Sunnah, and scholarly consensus,
indicates that the traveller may break the fast of Ramadan, then make
up the number of days that he did not fast.Allah, may He be
exalted,says (interpretation of the meaning):"and whoever is ill or on
a journey, the same number (of days which one did not observe Saum
(fasts) must be made up) from other days" [al-Baqarah 2:185].
If a person is in his home, then he decides to travel, he is not
called a traveller until he has passed beyond the built-up area of his
city. So it is not permissible for him to avail himself of the
concessions of travel,such as not fasting and shortening the prayers,
just because he has the intention of travelling. That is because
Allah, may He be exalted, has only made breaking the fast permissible
for the traveller, and he is not a traveller until he has passed
beyond (the boundary) of his city.
Ibn Qudaamah said inal-Mughni(4/347), after mentioning that the onewho
travels during the day may break the fast:… it is not permissible for
him to break the fast until he has left the houses behind, i.e., he
has passed beyond themand emerged from the built-up area. Al-Hasan
said: He may break the fast in his house, if he wishes, on the day
that he is going to depart. Something similar was narrated from 'Ata.
Ibn 'Abd al-Barr said: The view of al-Hasan is an odd (shaadhdh) view;
no one who is not travelling has no right, on the basis of either
rational thinking or reports, to break the fast; and the opposite was
also narrated from al-Hasan.
Then Ibn Qudaamah said: (That is also) because Allah, may He
beexalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):"So whoever of you
sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of Ramadan i.e.
is present at his home), he must observe Sawm (fasts) that month"
[al-Baqarah 2:185]. This one who is present at his home (andis not
travelling) is not described as a traveller until he has left the
city. So long as he is in the city, he comes under the heading of
those who reside there (and are nottravelling), hence he may not
shorten the prayers. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about a
man who decided to travel, and hebroke his fast at home because he was
unaware (of the ruling), then he set out. Does he have to offer
expiation?
He replied: It is haraam for him to break the fast when he is in his
house, but if he broke the fast before leaving his house, then he only
has to make up the fast. End quote fromFataawa as-Siyaam, p. 133
Secondly:
The one who has intercourse during the day in Ramadan when he is
fasting and not travelling has to offer a heavy expiation, which is to
free a slave; if that is not possible then he has to fast for two
consecutive months; if he is not able to do that, then he has to feed
sixty poor persons. He also has to repent and make up that day.
His wife also has to do the same if she was willing. It makes no
difference whether ejaculation occurred or not; if intercourse, i.e.,
penetration occurred, then expiation must be offered.
Thirdly:
The kind of ignorance for which one may be excused is ignorance of the
ruling. If a person failed to do an obligatory duty and did not know
that it is obligatory, or he did something forbidden and did not know
that it is forbidden, this is the one who is ignorant andmay be
excused for his ignorance.
You may only be excusedin your case if you did not know that this
action of yours was haraam in the first place,or you thought that the
one who has decided to travel can do that when he is still in his
house.
But in the case of one who knew that this action is forbidden, and he
did it but was unaware of the punishment that results from it, this is
not regarded as an excuse, because in this case the person went ahead
and committed the sin and transgressed the sacred limits knowingly.
Hence in the case of the Sahaabi who had intercourse with his
wifeduring the day in Ramadan, the Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) instructed him to offer expiation, and he did not
let him off because of his ignorance of (the punishment), as was
narrated by al-Bukhaari (1834) and Muslim (1111), because he had done
it deliberately, knowing that it was forbidden. This was stated by
al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar inal-Fath(4/207), based on the fact that hesaid "I
am doomed" or "Iam burnt".
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If someone were to say: Wasn't the man who came to the Messenger of
Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) ignorant?
The answer is: He was ignorant of what he wasrequired to do (after
breaking the fast); he was not ignorant of the fact that it was
haraam. Hence he said "I am doomed." If we say that ignorance is an
excuse, we are not referring to ignorance of the consequences of this
haraam action; rather what we are referring tois ignorance of whether
this action is haraam or not. … Ignorance of the consequences of the
haraam action is not an excuse; ignorance of whether the action is
haraam or not is an excuse.
End quote fromash-Sharh al-Mumti', 6/417
To sum up:
You have to make up that day, and you have to offer expiation, so long
as your breaking ofthe fast occurred when you had not yet begun your
journey.
Our advice to you is to try to fast the two consecutive months on cold
or moderate days when the day is shorter and there will be less
difficulty involved, or during the days of annual leave from work and
other times when you have the opportunity to do what is required of
you. If youare genuinely unable to fast, then it is permissible for
you in that case to feed sixty poor persons, giving them one meal, or
giving several meals until you complete the number required.
Your wife also has to fast, and if she is not able to, she should feed
sixty poor persons and not ten poor persons as mentioned in the
question.
And Allah knows best.

Dought & clear - Doing sports and exercise during the day in Ramadan

Is it permissible to do some sports training in Ramadan? I want to
remain in good shape by running and lifting weights, but I heard that
it is not permissible to do this kind of exercise during the day in
Ramadan, because that will affect the fast. Is that true?
Praise be to Allah.
The basic principle with regard to exercise or sports such as running,
swimming and the like isthat they are permissible; however, if they
are disallowed, thatis because of some othermatter that is connected
to them but in principle has nothing to do with fasting or not
fasting. But we may say:
If doing exercise or sports will lead to the fasting person
becomingweak and tired, and he will not be able to pray Taraweeh, then
they are makrooh because of what they lead to of missing out on one of
the virtuous acts of the month of Ramadan. If they will lead to
physicalweakness and the need to break the fast or carelessness with
regardto offering the prescribed prayers in congregation, then they
are haraam.
But if they will not lead to you failing to do obligatory duties or
missing out on some virtuous deeds, then they are not disallowed and
they are not makrooh, either when fasting or otherwise.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
During the nights of Ramadan, some of the youth play sports or do
exercise. What is your advice?
He replied:
We think that such activities are a waste of time and cause people to
miss out on highly rewarding acts of worship. This is not whatthe
Muslim youth should be doing with their lives;what they should be
doing in their lives is worshipping Allah, may He be exalted, and
striving to benefit the Muslims, either by walking about in the
marketplaces and speaking out against any evil they see, in a polite
and gentle manner, or by gatheringto read Qur'an.
As for wasting time with such matters, this leads to loss. Now in
reality their society has lost these youth if they are wasting all
their time in such pursuits.
If a person wants to have fun by playing permissible sports such as
football (soccer), but he does that in moderation, we do not see
anything wrong with that, because it is training and strengthening the
body, helping the mind to relax and dispelling boredom.
End quote fromLiqa' al-Baab al-Maftooh, 116/13
There follow some words of advice concerning that:
-They should avoid playing tough sports andintense exercise during the
day in Ramadan, especially in hot weather; hot weather will cause the
body to lose fluids, which may lead to dehydration.
-The best time for exercising in the month of Ramadan is just before
iftaar or two or three hours after iftaar; it is not recommended to
exercise immediately after iftaar because all the body's energy at
thattime is focused on digestion.
-It is better to play sports or exercise in places that are well
ventilated, away from pollution and crowded streets.
-It is better for the sports played or exercises done during the month
of Ramadan to be light and not intense, such as walking or simple
calisthenics.
-The level of exercise should be moderate, so that it does not take up
all one's time; rather a specific time should be set aside for
exercise.
In conclusion, it should be pointed out that doing exercise or playing
sport in general, and especially in Ramadan, should not distract one
from what ismore important than that of matters pertaining to this
world or the Hereafter.
And Allah knows best.

Dought & clear - If a person misses ‘Isha’ prayer, can he pray Taraweeh with the imam, with the intention of praying ‘Isha’?

If a person misses 'Isha' prayer, it may be noted in the month of
Ramadan in particular – as you are well aware – that there are more
than two jamaa'ahs in the same place and at the same time. This is
something that often happens at the time of 'Isha' and Taraweeh
prayer. For example, when the first jamaa'ah has finished 'Isha'
prayer, another jamaa'ah comes and they say the iqaamah (call
immediately preceding the prayer) and they begin to pray 'Isha'.
During this time, the first jamaa'ah get upand start to pray Taraweeh.
Is it permissible to have two jamaa'ahs at the same time and in the
same place? What is your advice – may Allah preserve you and bless
your work – to imams and those who come late to 'Isha' prayer? Is
itpermissible for me to pray with the imam having the intention of
'Isha' whilst he has the intention of Taraweeh?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The Muslim should hasten to do good deeds and compete with others in
doing acts of worship, and this is emphasised even more during the
month of Ramadan, in which the gates of Paradise are opened and the
gates of Hell are closed, the devils are chained up and a caller calls
out every night: O seeker of good, advance; O seeker of evil, go back.
Our advice to the one who misses some of the prayers without any
excuse, or misses them because of something haraam, such as those who
neglect the prayer in order to watch soap operas, is that they should
be keen to offer the prayers with the Muslims and they should hasten
to pray when they hear the adhaan (call to prayer). Ramadan is a month
of worship andmultiple reward; we ask Allah to protect us from the
evil of our own selves and to help us to obey and worship Him, for He
is the Most Munificent, Most Generous.
Secondly:
If some people have missed 'Isha' prayer with the regular imam, should
they pray 'Isha' in congregation (jamaa'ah), or should they join the
imam in Taraweeh prayer, with the intention of praying 'Isha'? That
depends on their situation:
If they came in straight after the prayer, and there is enough time
before Taraweeh to pray 'Isha', then in this caseit is better for them
to pray in jamaa'ah on their own, so as to avoid differing with those
scholars who donot allow a person to offer an obligatory prayer behind
(an imam) who is offeringa naafil prayer.
But if they came in whilst Taraweeh prayer was in progress, or the
imam started to pray Taraweeh shortly after 'Isha', and there is the
fear that if a second jamaa'ah prays, the two groups will disturb one
another, then in this case it is better to jointhe imam in Taraweeh,
with the intention of praying 'Isha'. Then when the imam says the
tasleem after two rak'ahs, they should stand up and complete the
prayer by themselves.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: We notice
that in some mosques, those who come after the end of 'Isha' prayer
and the beginning of Taraweeh offer a second ['Isha'] prayer, but by
doing so they disturb those who are praying Taraweeh. Is it better for
them to offer the prayer in jamaa'ah, or to join the imam in
Taraweehprayer, with the intention of 'Isha'? Is the ruling different
if it is one person or a group that comes in?
He replied: If those who come in are two or more, then it is better
for them to offer the prayer on their own – i.e., 'Isha' prayer – then
to join the people in Taraweeh. But if they join the imam with the
intention of praying 'Isha', then when the imam says the tasleem, each
of them gets up and completes the prayer by himself, there is nothing
wrong with that, because it was proven from Mu'aadh (may Allah be
pleased with him) that he used to pray the obligatory prayer of 'Isha'
with the Prophet(blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), then he
would go backto his people and lead them in offering that prayer; for
him it was naafil but for them it was obligatory. But if only one
person comes in, then it is better for him to join the imam with the
intention of 'Isha', so that he will attain the virtue of praying in
jamaa'ah. Then when the imam says the tasleem following tworak'ahs, he
should complete 'Isha' by himself.
May Allah help us all tounderstand Islam properly.
End quote
And Allah knows best.