So far I have learned 33 of the 99 Arabic names for Allah (SWT), I
don't have a list of the rest. Where can I find it on the internet, or
perhaps you know them?
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has many names, all of which are indicative of His Greatness,
Perfection and Majesty, may He be glorified and exalted. Hehas told us
some of theseNames in His Book and through the Sunnah of His Messenger
)peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him(; He also has other Names
which are known only to Him, as is indicated in the hadeeth of
'Abdullah ibnMas'ood )may Allaah be pleased with him(, who said:
"The Messenger of Allaah)peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him(
said: 'There is nobody who is afflicted with distress or grief and
whosays: "Allaahumma inni 'abduka wa ibn 'abdika wa ibn amatika,
naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka 'adlun fiyya qadaa'uka,
as'aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw 'allamtahu
ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fikitaabika aw asta'tharta bihi fi
'ilmi al-ghaybi 'indaka an taj'al al-Qur'aana rabee'a qalbi wa noor
sadri wa jilaa'a huzni wa dhihaaba hammi )O Allaah, I am Your slave,
son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant, my forelock is in Your
hand, Your command over me is ever executed and Your decree over me is
just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named
Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your
creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with
You, that You make the Qur'aan the life of my heart and the light of
my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my
anxiety," - but Allaah will take away his distress and grief, and
replace it with ease.' He was asked, 'O Messenger of Allaah, should we
not learn it?' He said, 'Of course, whoever hears itshould learn it.'"
)Reported by Imaam Ahmad; this is a saheeh hadeeth(.
The Names of Allaah mentioned in the Qur'aan and Sunnah number over
one hundred, as several scholars have agreed )see Al-Qawaa'id
al-Muthlaa fi Sifaat Allaahi wa Asmaa'ihi by Shaykh Muhammad ibn
Saalih ibn 'Uthaymeen(.
Among these are ninety-nine names which, if one learns them and actsin
accordance with them, will bring a great reward, as is indicated in
the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah )may Allaah be pleased with him(,
in which the Messenger of Allaah )peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him( said: "Allaah has ninety-nine names, one hundred less one;
whoever learns them will enter Paradise." )Reported by al-Bukhaari,
al-Fath, no. 2736(
The learning referred to in the hadeeth includes the following:
Memorizing them.
Understanding their meanings.
Acting upon them: so if aperson learns that Allaahis al-Ahad (the One
and Only), he will not associate anything else with Him; if he learns
that He is al-Razzaaq (theProvider), he will not seek provision from
anyone else; if he learns that He is al-Raheem (theMost Merciful), he
will not despair of His Mercy, and so on.
Calling upon Allaah by these Names, as He says (interpretation of the
meaning): "And (all) the Most Beautiful Names belong to Allaah, so
call on Him by them…" [al-A'raaf 7:180] - so one might say "Yaa
Rahmaanarhamni (O Most Merciful, have mercy on me)," "Yaa Ghafoor
ighfir li (O All-Forgiving, forgive me)," "Yaa Tawwaab, tubb 'alayya
(O Accepter of Repentance, turn towards me in forgiveness)," and so
on.
If you pay attention to the endings of many aayaat, you will find many
of the names of Allah mentioned there. And Allaah knows best.
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Islam is a religion of Mercy, Peace and Blessing. Its teachings emphasize kind hear tedness, help, sympathy, forgiveness, sacrifice, love and care.Qur’an, the Shari’ah and the life of our beloved Prophet (SAW) mirrors this attribute, and it should be reflected in the conduct of a Momin.Islam appreciates those who are kind to their fellow being,and dislikes them who are hard hearted, curt, and hypocrite.Recall that historical moment, when Prophet (SAW) entered Makkah as a conqueror. There was before him a multitude of surrendered enemies, former oppressors and persecutors, who had evicted the Muslims from their homes, deprived them of their belongings, humiliated and intimidated Prophet (SAW) hatched schemes for his murder and tortured and killed his companions. But Prophet (SAW) displayed his usual magnanimity, generosity, and kind heartedness by forgiving all of them and declaring general amnesty...Subhanallah. May Allah help us tailor our life according to the teachings of Islam. (Aameen)./-
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Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Dought & clear - Can Allaah be described as forgetting? .
Can Allaah be described as forgetting?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Forgetting can mean two things:
1 – Overlooking something that is known, as in the verses
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Punish us not if we forget or fall into error"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
"And indeed We made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We
found on his part no firm will power"
[Ta-Ha 20:115]
- according to one of thetwo scholarly opinions.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I
am only human, I forget as you forget, so if I forget then remind me."
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever
sleeps and misses a prayer or forgets it, let him pray it when he
remembers it."
This kind of forgetfulness cannot be attributed to Allaah, on the
basis of two kinds of evidence, textual and rational.
The textual evidence is the verse in which He says of Moosa
(interpretation of the meaning):
"[Moosa (Moses)] said: 'The knowledge thereof is with my Lord, in a
Record. My Lord neither errs nor He forgets'"
[Ta-Ha 20:52]
The rational evidence is the fact that forgetting is a fault or
shortcoming,and Allaah is far above having any shortcomings. He is
described as perfect, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"and for Allaah is the highest description. And He is the All-Mighty,
the All-Wise"
[al-Nahl 16:60]
Based on this it is not permissible to describe Allaah as forgetting
in this sense, under any circumstances.
The second meaning of forgetting is deliberatelyand knowingly
neglecting something, asin the verses (interpretation of the meaning):
"So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded,
We opened for them the gates of every (pleasant) thing"
[al-An'am 6:44]
"And indeed We made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We
found on his part no firm will power"
[Ta-Ha 20:115]
- this is according to the other scholarly opinion concerning the
meaningof this verse.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said
concerning the categories of those who own horses:
"… and a man who keeps them [horses] for earning his living so as not
to ask of others, but he does not forget Allaah's rights (i.e., zakaah
on the wealth heearns through using them in trading etc) and does not
overburden them"
This kind of "forgetting" is ascribed to Allaah as He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Then taste you (the torment of the Fire) because of your forgetting
the Meeting of this Day of yours. Surely, We too will forget you"
[al-Sajdah 32:14]
And Allaah says concerning the hypocrites:
"They have forgotten Allaah, so He has forgotten them. Verily, the
hypocrites are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tawbah 9:67]
And in Saheeh Muslim, inKitaab al-Zuhd wa'l-Raqaa'iq it is narrated
that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: They said: "O
Messenger of Allaah, will we see ourLord on the Day of Resurrection?"
… and in this hadeeth its says: "Allaah will meet His [disbelieving]
slave and will say: 'Did you think that you would meet Me?' He will
say, 'No.' He will say: 'I will forget youas you forgot Me.'"
Allaah's leaving or forgetting something is one of His actions that
happen by His will and in accordance with His wisdom. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"and left them in darkness. (So) they couldnot see"
[al-Baqarah 2:17]
"We shall leave them to surge like waves on one another"
[al-Kahf 18:99]
"And indeed We have left thereof an evident Ayah (a lesson and a
warning and a sign)"
[al-'Ankaboot 29:35]
There are many well-known texts which confirm that Allaah leaves or
forsakes thingsand also confirm His other actions that have to do with
His will. This is indicative of the perfection of His power and might,
and the way in which He does these actions is not like the way in
which His creation does things, even though they share the same basic
meaning,as is well known among Ahl al-Sunnah.
Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen 1/172-174
Praise be to Allaah.
Forgetting can mean two things:
1 – Overlooking something that is known, as in the verses
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Punish us not if we forget or fall into error"
[al-Baqarah 2:286]
"And indeed We made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We
found on his part no firm will power"
[Ta-Ha 20:115]
- according to one of thetwo scholarly opinions.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "I
am only human, I forget as you forget, so if I forget then remind me."
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whoever
sleeps and misses a prayer or forgets it, let him pray it when he
remembers it."
This kind of forgetfulness cannot be attributed to Allaah, on the
basis of two kinds of evidence, textual and rational.
The textual evidence is the verse in which He says of Moosa
(interpretation of the meaning):
"[Moosa (Moses)] said: 'The knowledge thereof is with my Lord, in a
Record. My Lord neither errs nor He forgets'"
[Ta-Ha 20:52]
The rational evidence is the fact that forgetting is a fault or
shortcoming,and Allaah is far above having any shortcomings. He is
described as perfect, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"and for Allaah is the highest description. And He is the All-Mighty,
the All-Wise"
[al-Nahl 16:60]
Based on this it is not permissible to describe Allaah as forgetting
in this sense, under any circumstances.
The second meaning of forgetting is deliberatelyand knowingly
neglecting something, asin the verses (interpretation of the meaning):
"So, when they forgot (the warning) with which they had been reminded,
We opened for them the gates of every (pleasant) thing"
[al-An'am 6:44]
"And indeed We made a covenant with Adam before, but he forgot, and We
found on his part no firm will power"
[Ta-Ha 20:115]
- this is according to the other scholarly opinion concerning the
meaningof this verse.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said
concerning the categories of those who own horses:
"… and a man who keeps them [horses] for earning his living so as not
to ask of others, but he does not forget Allaah's rights (i.e., zakaah
on the wealth heearns through using them in trading etc) and does not
overburden them"
This kind of "forgetting" is ascribed to Allaah as He says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Then taste you (the torment of the Fire) because of your forgetting
the Meeting of this Day of yours. Surely, We too will forget you"
[al-Sajdah 32:14]
And Allaah says concerning the hypocrites:
"They have forgotten Allaah, so He has forgotten them. Verily, the
hypocrites are the Faasiqoon (rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)"
[al-Tawbah 9:67]
And in Saheeh Muslim, inKitaab al-Zuhd wa'l-Raqaa'iq it is narrated
that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: They said: "O
Messenger of Allaah, will we see ourLord on the Day of Resurrection?"
… and in this hadeeth its says: "Allaah will meet His [disbelieving]
slave and will say: 'Did you think that you would meet Me?' He will
say, 'No.' He will say: 'I will forget youas you forgot Me.'"
Allaah's leaving or forgetting something is one of His actions that
happen by His will and in accordance with His wisdom. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"and left them in darkness. (So) they couldnot see"
[al-Baqarah 2:17]
"We shall leave them to surge like waves on one another"
[al-Kahf 18:99]
"And indeed We have left thereof an evident Ayah (a lesson and a
warning and a sign)"
[al-'Ankaboot 29:35]
There are many well-known texts which confirm that Allaah leaves or
forsakes thingsand also confirm His other actions that have to do with
His will. This is indicative of the perfection of His power and might,
and the way in which He does these actions is not like the way in
which His creation does things, even though they share the same basic
meaning,as is well known among Ahl al-Sunnah.
Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen 1/172-174
Dought & clear - How can we understand the divine descent during the night in different countries?.
It is narrated in the hadeeth that "Allaah descends every night to the
lowest heaven during the last third of the night..." When does the last
third of the night begin, and when does it end? And how does Allaah
descend in different countries?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There are mutawaatir ahaadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) which prove that Allaah descends. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Our Lord
descends to the lowest heaven every night when the last third of the
night remains, and He says, 'Who will call upon Me, that I may answer
him? Who will ask of Me, that Imay give him? Who will ask Me for
forgiveness, that I may forgive him?'"
Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah are unanimously agreed that Allaah
descends in amanner that befits Him, and that He is not like His
creation at all in any of His attributes, as He says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Say (O Muhammad): He is Allaah, (the) One.
Allaah-us-Samad [Allaah -- the Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all
creatures need, (He neither eats nor drinks)].
He begets not, nor was He begotten.
And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him"
[al-Ikhlaas 112:1-4]
"There is nothing like Him, and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer"
[al-Shoora 42:11]
According to Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah, we must accept the verses
and ahaadeeth that speak of the attributes of Allaah as they are,
without distorting them, denyingany of His attributes, trying to
imagine how they are or trying to liken Him to any of His creation; at
the same time we must believe in them and believe that what is said in
these texts is true, without likening Allaah to His creation or
discussing the nature of His attributes. Rather their view concerning
His attributes is like their view concerning His essence: Ahl
al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah affirm theEssence of Allaah without discussing
how it is, or likening Him to any of His creation, and thus we must
also affirm His attributes without discussing how they are,or likening
these attributes to the attributes of any of His creation. The descent
of Allaah happens in every country in a manner thatbefits Allaah,
because the descent of Allaah cannot be likened to the descent of any
of His creation. He is described as descending in the last part of the
night in all parts of the world in a manner that befits His Majesty,
may He be exalted. No one can know how He descends just as no one can
know how His Essence is, except Him.
"There is nothing like Him, and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer"
[al-Shoora 42:11 - interpretation of the meaning]
"So put not forward similitudes for Allaah (as there is nothing
similar to Him, nor He resemblesanything). Truly, Allaah knows and you
know not"
[al-Nahl 16:74 - interpretation of the meaning]
The first and last third ofthe night differ according to the season.
If the night is nine hourslong then the time of descent begins at the
onset of the seventh hour, until dawn comes. If the night is twelve
hours long then the last third begins at the beginning of the ninth
hour until dawn comes, and so on, depending onhow long or short the
night is in each place. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah by Shaykh 'Abd al-'Azeez ibn
'Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 4, p. 420
lowest heaven during the last third of the night..." When does the last
third of the night begin, and when does it end? And how does Allaah
descend in different countries?.
Praise be to Allaah.
There are mutawaatir ahaadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) which prove that Allaah descends. The
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Our Lord
descends to the lowest heaven every night when the last third of the
night remains, and He says, 'Who will call upon Me, that I may answer
him? Who will ask of Me, that Imay give him? Who will ask Me for
forgiveness, that I may forgive him?'"
Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah are unanimously agreed that Allaah
descends in amanner that befits Him, and that He is not like His
creation at all in any of His attributes, as He says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Say (O Muhammad): He is Allaah, (the) One.
Allaah-us-Samad [Allaah -- the Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all
creatures need, (He neither eats nor drinks)].
He begets not, nor was He begotten.
And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him"
[al-Ikhlaas 112:1-4]
"There is nothing like Him, and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer"
[al-Shoora 42:11]
According to Ahl al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah, we must accept the verses
and ahaadeeth that speak of the attributes of Allaah as they are,
without distorting them, denyingany of His attributes, trying to
imagine how they are or trying to liken Him to any of His creation; at
the same time we must believe in them and believe that what is said in
these texts is true, without likening Allaah to His creation or
discussing the nature of His attributes. Rather their view concerning
His attributes is like their view concerning His essence: Ahl
al-Sunnah wa'l-Jamaa'ah affirm theEssence of Allaah without discussing
how it is, or likening Him to any of His creation, and thus we must
also affirm His attributes without discussing how they are,or likening
these attributes to the attributes of any of His creation. The descent
of Allaah happens in every country in a manner thatbefits Allaah,
because the descent of Allaah cannot be likened to the descent of any
of His creation. He is described as descending in the last part of the
night in all parts of the world in a manner that befits His Majesty,
may He be exalted. No one can know how He descends just as no one can
know how His Essence is, except Him.
"There is nothing like Him, and He is the All-Hearer, the All-Seer"
[al-Shoora 42:11 - interpretation of the meaning]
"So put not forward similitudes for Allaah (as there is nothing
similar to Him, nor He resemblesanything). Truly, Allaah knows and you
know not"
[al-Nahl 16:74 - interpretation of the meaning]
The first and last third ofthe night differ according to the season.
If the night is nine hourslong then the time of descent begins at the
onset of the seventh hour, until dawn comes. If the night is twelve
hours long then the last third begins at the beginning of the ninth
hour until dawn comes, and so on, depending onhow long or short the
night is in each place. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Majmoo' Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi'ah by Shaykh 'Abd al-'Azeez ibn
'Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 4, p. 420
Muslim Marriage Stories: Carry me in your ArmsImportance of Marriage in Islam
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand
and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had tolet her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topiccalmly. She didn't
seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I
avoidedher question. This made her angry. She shouted atme, "you are
not a man!"
That night, we didn't talkto each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I hadlost my heart to a lovely
girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car.
Sheglanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy butI could not take back what I
had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemedto be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came backhome very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just didn'tcare so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son hadhis exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy.
Just to make our last daystogether bearable I accepted her odd
request. I told Dew aboutmy wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she has, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our sonclapped behind us, daddyis holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyesand said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. Irealized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when Ilifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresseshave grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me;she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him
tightly. Iturned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind atthis last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door.I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor and I said to her,
Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touchedmy forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs
this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank
balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
thatbuild a relationship.
and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had tolet her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topiccalmly. She didn't
seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I
avoidedher question. This made her angry. She shouted atme, "you are
not a man!"
That night, we didn't talkto each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I hadlost my heart to a lovely
girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car.
Sheglanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy butI could not take back what I
had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemedto be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came backhome very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just didn'tcare so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son hadhis exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy.
Just to make our last daystogether bearable I accepted her odd
request. I told Dew aboutmy wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she has, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our sonclapped behind us, daddyis holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyesand said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. Irealized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when Ilifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresseshave grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me;she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him
tightly. Iturned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind atthis last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door.I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor and I said to her,
Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touchedmy forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs
this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank
balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
thatbuild a relationship.
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