Fathwa, - A Wife's Right to HousingSeparate From Her In-Laws and Others

Question:
I would like to know what the husband's obligations are towards his
wife regarding providing shelter for her. The husband makes his wife
live with his family (in-laws) and makes her share the household
facilities with other members of the family (kitchen, bathroom), and
this is causing a lot of problems for the wife and she does not have
her privacy either. The husband is capable of providing separate
residence and facilitiesbut does not, and the wife is having a
difficult time? Please could you explain according the Hanafi School
how to deal with this problem? I have been told that theHanafi
scholars have dealt with such things and a woman is entitled to a
separate residence where none of in-law live? Is this true?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
The Shariah has given certain rights to the husband, just as it has
give rights to the wife. Many times, failure to give the spouses their
rights results in conflict and eventually breakdown of Marriage.
These rights, at times, may not go down to wellwith certain people and
cultures. However, it is necessary for us to educate those Muslims who
have been affected by cultural customs and traditions, and inform them
of the injunctions of Shariah.
The benefit of learning and educating the masses about the rules and
injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs is that each
party will appreciate what the other has to offer. Subsequently, this
will lead to respect, love and harmony.
For example, it is not necessary upon the wife to cook for or serve
her parents in-law. Now, many people believe thatit is the duty of the
wife to look after not only thehousehold affairs but all the family
members including the nephew, niece, etc... If she is negligent in any
way, then she is rebuked.
However, if the in-laws did not regard this as an incumbent duty of
the wife, and she on her own accord took care of the household work,
then this work will surelybe appreciated. She will also in turn do her
best to give something back in return for this appreciation.
Therefore, it is our duty that we teach the massesand inform them of
the injunctions of Shariah with regards to social affairs. This may be
a Jihad, and one will no doubt face much opposition from culturally
oriented individuals, but the rewards by Allah will be immense Insha
Allah.
Question: The Wife's Right to an Independent 'Shariah House'
Coming to your question,In the Hanafi school, the wife has a right to
live (and demand to live) separately. It is the duty and
responsibility of the husband to provide her with shelter (suknah).
This shelter must, if she demands so, be free from the interference of
any of the husband's family. The responsibilityof the husband will be
fulfilled if the wife is provided with a separatearea within the
house, and where she is able to keep her belongings andwhere none of
the husband's family members are able to enter.
Imam al-Haskafi states inDurr al-Mukhtar:
"It is necessary for the husband to provide the wife with a shelter
(home) that is free from his and her family members…. taking into
consideration both their economic standings. A separate quarter within
the house that has a lock, separate bathroom and kitchen will be
[minimally] sufficient."
The great Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) comments on this by saying:
"The reason behind al-Haskafi's statement "Free from his family
members" is that at timesit may be harmful for herto share the house
with other people, as her belongings may not be safe. Also, she will
not able to enjoy her husband's company in the presence of other
people".
Regarding al-Haskafi's statement "Separate bathroom and kitchen", this
may defer from one family to another. Poor people who normally share
these things with other families may find itdifficult to provide a
house with a separate bathroom and cooking area. Therefore, for themit
will be sufficient to provide a separate quarter that has a lock"
(Radd al-Muhtar 3/559-600).
Imam al-Kasani states in his Bada'i al-Sana'i:
"It is necessary to provide the wife with shelter as Allah Most High
Says: "Let the women live in the same stile as you live, according to
your means. And annoy them not, so as to restrict them" (al-Talaq, 6).
So what about the other family members?
If the husband desired her to live with his other wife or his family
members, such as: his mum, sister, daughter from another wife or
relatives, and she refused, then it will incumbent upon him to provide
her with a separate living quarter. The reason for this is thatshe may
be harmed in co-sharing, and her refusal is a sign of harm. Also, the
spouses need tofulfill their mutual sexualneeds whenever the need
arises, which may be difficult with others around.
If the husband provided her with a separate quarter in a large home,
which has a separate lock, then she will not have right to demand fora
total separate house" (Kasani, Bada'i al-Sana'i, Vol.4, P.23).
In Conclusion
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the husband to provide the
wife with shelter. If she demands it to be separate from the husbands
family, then the husband will be obliged to provide a living quarter
which is free from the interference of others and that it has a
separatelock. As far as the bathroom and cooking area is concerned,
this should also be separate if they are not from a poor family
background (as Ibn Abidin mentions in length in his super commentary),
or else the responsibility will be discharged by providing the above.
And Allah knows best

Fathwa, - My husband doesnt understand my feelings regards to living with his family

Question:
I've been married for 11 months now and and me and my husband are
expectingour first child in April. In general I am very happy with my
husband and i love him very much, the only problem is living with his
family. he has loads of brothers and sisters some are married but they
are always around with their children and their husbands there isn't
much privacy. His mum is constantlymoaning about something or the
other and it is really getting me down and I feel like any day now I'm
goingto have a mental breakdown. the problem is my husband knows how i
feel about living with his family, but his refusing to to do anything
about it. I can't take this anymore. please help me with this problem
and what can i do to make my husband see how im feeling. Im notasking
him to disown his family or anything like that just that i need my own
space.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you well. Congratulationson your pregnancy!
A woman has the right toseparate lodging from her in-laws. At the very
least, your husband is obliged to provide you with a separate living
space, bedroom, bath, and kitchen.
Please communicate your concerns to your husband emphasizing:
1. the importance of fulfilling one's responsibilities towards one's spouse
2. the importance of privacy in building a strong and lasting marriage
3. the importance of having your own space (and some peace and quiet)
when the baby arrives
I pray that you can work out a solution that is to the benefit of all involved.

Fathwa, - My Future sister-in-law has removed her Hijab

Question:
I am a practising muslimah who comes from a conservative and educated
practising sunni muslim family (Mashallah). My sisters and I all
observe hijaab and we all try tobetter ourselves as muslims each day.
Last year while at university my brother met a muslimah and they
developed an understanding - through this understanding this Muslimah
started to observe hijaab and also started to pray salah. By the tail
end oflast year they got engaged with my father's blessing.
Earlier this year I heard rumours that my brothers fiancee had removed
her hijaab. Naturally I didn't want to believe it because I hadn't
seen it for myself. Eventually I saw it for myself. As a result other
girls at university started to question myself and my sisters about
the actions of my brother'sfiancee. Given the situation, there is not
a lot we can say since she refuses to speak tous about it.
At this moment in time I am absolutely furious about what this girl
has done. She has not only hurt my brother's feelings but she didn't
stop to thinkwhat consequences her actions would have on others around
her (Firstly displeasingAllah (swt) by withdrawing from a compulsory
Fard and secondly hurting my family's feelings - especially my
parents).At this moment in time I have lost all respect for this girl.
I feel she is unsuitable for my brother and I feel that she would
never fit into our family. We are inclinedto believe that her decision
to wear hijaab in the first instance was to merelygain approval for
engagement, following which she removed it, hence deceiving us - may I
stress that we made absolutely no indication that we required her to
wear the hijaab in the first place but naturally we were very pleased
with her decision to do so and built respectfor her. For her to
voluntarily take on a fard and then withdraw from it is wrong.
The question I would like to raise is therefore - as future in-laws to
this muslimah, are my parents entitled to question her actions and
request that she re-adorn her hijaab before marriage?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you and your family well.
If your parents want to talk to your brother's fiancee about her
hijab, they need to do so with the utmost caution and discretion. I
can understand how everyone has been upsetby this, but there are
several points to keep in mind:
1. Your brother met this young woman and became attracted to her even
though she did not cover. It's possible that her motivation in
covering may have been to please your brother. The problem with
speculating about her motivation is, firstly, she is not here to tell
us. Secondly, only Allah Ta'ala knows what is in her heart. And,
thirdly, we need to learn to deal with people as we find them, and not
how we want them to be. If your brother wanted someone who was strong
about her hijab, then choosing this particular sister may not have
been ideal to beginwith.
2. The decision to wear hijab may be one of the most important
decisionsa woman ever makes. Consequently, this decision should come
about as a result of reflection, remembrance of Allah, and one's own
personal volition. Unfortunately, when sisters cover under pressure,
the desire to please Allah is submerged under the desire to make
everyone else happy. The bottom line is: we don't cover to please
people. We cover to please Allah.
3. Your parents can certainly discuss their expectations with this
young woman. But this brings me back to my original point: we don't
bring people into our lives, determined to change them. Change has to
be from within. It is very possible that this sister may decide to
wear hijab again. And it's also quite possible that she may never do
so. All you can do is pray for her, wish the best for her, and
continue to encourage her. Being judgmental or harsh will not help.
4. Finally, this is really a decision your brother will have to make.
Is he willing to have a wife that is uncovered? Men are responsible
for the wellbeing of their families, and part of this includes making
sure that everyone is carryingout his or her religious duty. This will
have to be approached with sensitivity.
I pray that Allah Ta'ala gives this young woman the conviction to do
what is most pleasing to Him.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - What a loving muslim wife should do when herhusband shakes hands with non-muslim women?

Question:
What a loving Muslim wife should do when her husband shakes hands with
non-Muslim women ?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most MercifulDear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
The solution is clear. Explain to your husband that it is not
permissible to shake hands with unrelated members of the opposite sex.
If he fears embarrassment, then offer to shake the women's hands for
him. And explain to the women in a nice way that Muslim culture does
not permit men and women, who are not related, to shake hands.
Nevertheless, if your husband persists, then leave this between him
and Allah. He may have to figure out this issue for himself.
Just advise him to be cautious and fear Allah inhis dealings, and then
goon with your life.
And Allah knows best.

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