The essential pillars of marital life

Marital happiness is a dream that all husbands and wives have had
sincethe beginning of time and many spouses are still trying to
fulfill this dream through all possible means. Nevertheless, being
awayfrom the true teachings of Islam and sound prophetic guidance has
led them to confusion between the different means: Western and
Eastern. However, when one returns to the Sunnah of the Prophet he
will inevitably reach his goal. Allaah The Almighty has granted
success to one of the callers to Allaah to compile the pillars of the
marital life, which are:
First: good intention:
This means that the spouses should begin their marital life with a
sincere intention to obtain the pleasure of Allaah The Almighty. This
would be displayed in the following matters:
1 – Maintaining ones' chastity, guarding the private parts against
committing sin, lowering the gaze and fulfilling each spouse's
responsibility towards the other.
2 – Establishing the Muslim home in concordance with the methodology
of Allaah The Almighty.
3 – Producing righteous offspring who affirm thatthere is nothing
worthy of worship except Allaah and who worship Him as He should be
worshipped.
Second: Cooperation withone another in obeying Allaah The Almighty.
Third: Establishing a Muslim home and family.
Fourth: Building the marital relationship on love, mercy and kind association.
Before talking about marital happiness, there is a set of rules that a
wife should comprehend and be fully aware of:
First: a human being has three levels:
This is specific to mental and cognitive aspects.
Second: a woman must distinguish between two things:
This is specific to instinctsand desires (the abdomen and sexual organs).
2 - Good association (affection and mercy), and this also has its components.
Satisfying the husband's needs according to his age as well as his
economic status are components of stability. The woman should knowthe
man's needs and the manner in which he thinks.
A righteous woman can achieve her husband's essential needs in terms
of security and efficiency,as stated in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
This includes the basic needs:
Through maintaining his wealth and honor, in addition to patience,
chastity, and so on.
Through satisfying basic needs, sexual desires etc.
He is looking for a lovingwife and a friend. Add-ons:
Third, a pious woman never asks until she gives:
Such a woman gives first and then asks. A Bedouin woman offered her
daughter the following advice on her wedding day, "Be an earth for him
and he will be your sky; be a bondmaid for him and he will be your
slave."
This is an indispensable introduction that should be known before
discussing marital happiness and its components in detail.
Sufficiency:
Security:
3 - The lower level:
1 – The stability of the home, and this has its components.
2 – The middle level:
1 - The highest level:
This is specific to feelings and emotions (heart and sentiment).
Fifth: Forgiveness and pardoning.
Sixth: Calmness at times of anger. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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Let Those who have DeadHearts Rejoice - I

I can no longer feel it.
It is certainly inside me, but I have not felt it for so long now. In
fact, I do not know when, where or even how it happened. What I know
now is that I do not feel it. I have lost it. It was inside me. I
truly felt it. Nevertheless, it has died.
I remember when it was alive and energetic. I felt then that I was
alive. Whenever I came to do an act of obedience, my living heart was
full of joy and happiness. However, now it is completely darkened by
acts of disobedience and covered with drapes that never allow light to
penetrate it.
Ibn Al-Qayyim said,
The sick heart is a heart with both life and illness. The former
sustains it at one moment, the latter atanother, and it follows
whichever of the two that manages to dominate it. It has love for
Allaah, belief in Him, sincerity towards Him and reliance upon Him and
these are what give it life. It also has a craving for desires,
preferring them and striving to experience them. It is full of envy,
arrogance, self-conceit, love of superiority and tendency to cause
corruption on earth which can lead to its owndestruction. It is
motivated by two callers: one calling it to Allaah, His Prophet and
the Last Day; and the other calling it to this worldly life. It
responds to whichever of the two that happens to be closer. That sick
heart wavers between its safety and its ruin.
Nevertheless, I did not surrender. I did not feel comfortable with my
heart wavering between light and darkness. I do not know whether my
self loves darkness or is fond of light. Wavering between these two
can make a person feel mad. Once he reaches the highest degree of
obedience and closeness to Allaah. As such he feels as if everything
is all right and that he will remain straight. Nevertheless, darkness
soon calls him and drags him to its circle. As such one can not flee
from thecustody of darkness. In fact, he falls into the traps of
disobedience and moves down to the deepest degrees in challenging
Allaah The Almighty. Then he regains consciousness after having been
dumbfounded by the horrible fall and gravity of being away from Allaah
The Almighty. Therefore, he quickly moves to Allaah The Almighty
asking Him to save him from darkness.
While one wavers between this and that, hegives free hand to himself
leaving it to drag him to darkness. Meanwhile, his reason calls him to
stand up, to wake up before it is too late! But he does nothingto save
himself. Rather, he keeps on falling and falling and falling…
When he reaches the bottom, it is as if he does not feel his heart. He
killed it by his own hand. He no longer feels the pain of disobedience
or the sweetness of obedience. He lost the ability to feel anything
around him. He even lost the taste of life itself.
My heart died
He shouted loudly with a cry that echoed around the place, "My heart
died.It no longer feels anything. Can the dead come to life again? Can
it come back? How can it, when it is lifeless? How can it, when I have
killed it by my own hand?"
Ibn Al-Qayyim said,
The opposite of the healthy heart is the dead heart. It neither knows
its Lord nor worships Himaccording to what He commands, loves and
approves. It clings instead to its lusts and desires, even if these
are likely to incur the displeasure of Allaah and His wrath. It is
enslaved to other than Allaah The Almighty in terms of love,fear,
hope, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, exaltationand humbleness.
He loves, hates, gives andwithholds motivated by his personal desires.
His personal desires are preferable and dearer to him than the
satisfaction of Allaah. He is led by passion, motivated by lust,
driven by ignorance and carried by heedlessness. His heart is immersed
in its concern with worldly objectives. His heart is drunk with itsown
fancies and love for this worldly life. It is called to Allaah The
Almighty and the Last Dayfrom a distance but it does not respond to
advice, and instead it follows any scheming, cunning devil. Life
angersand pleases it, and passion makes it deaf and blind to anything
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Let Those who have DeadHearts Rejoice - II

Reflect on the meaning of the following Hadeeth (narration). The
Prophet, , said:
"There was among the people who came before you a man who killed
ninety-nine persons. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person
on earth, and wasdirected to a monk, so hewent to him, told him that
he had killed ninety-nine people and asked if his repentance could be
accepted. The monk said, 'No.' So, he killed him and completed one
hundred. Then he asked about the most knowledgeable person on earth
and he was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one
hundred people and asked whether his repentance could be accepted. The
scholar said, 'Yes, what could possibly come between you and
repentance? Go to such-and-such land, for in it there are people who
worship Allaah. Go and worship Allaah with them, and do not go backto
your own land, for it isa bad place.'
So, the man set out, but when he was halfway there, the angel of death
came to him, and the angels of mercy and the angels of torment began
to argue over him. The angels of mercy said, 'He had repented and
headed wholeheartedly to Allaah.' The angels of torment said, 'He
never did any good thing.' An angel in human form came to them and
they asked him to decide the matter. He said, 'Measure the distance
between thetwo lands (his home town and the town he was heading for),
and to whichever of the two he is closer is the one to which he
belongs.' So they measured the distance and found that he was closer
to the townfor which he was heading, so the angels of mercy took him."
Qataadah said, "Al-Hasan mentioned that the man, while dying, turned
his chest towards that village(where he had hoped his repentance would
be accepted)." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Scholars mentioned many benefits in this noble Hadeeth . The following
points show these benefits:
1- He killed ninety-nine persons:
Do you think that such a person had a healthy or sick heart? He killed
the monk to whom he came to ask about repentance. He was
pathologically bent upon killing. After killing the monk, he did not
experience the least feeling of regret for his action. Strangely, he
killed the monk and then went out asking about the most knowledgeable
person on earth. He was still looking for repentance. He took a
decisive decision to revive his heart. His decision was subject to
neither delay nor changewhatever the reason maybe. He was determined
torevive his dead heart.
Do you not wonder how he did not even stop for a moment after killing
the monk to say to himself, "You have been disobedient (to Allaah)
again. You have done what you used to do. Youwill never repent and
Allaah will not accept you!" He did not utter these frustrated
remarks. Rather, he moved forward looking for his goal, which was
repentance.
2- Repentance wipes out even the gravest of majorsins:
This story stands as great evidence that Allaah The Almighty accepts
repentance from a wrongdoer, even if his sins are grave. Having a
sincere intention to repent is the crucial factor here.
This is also supported by evidence from the Quran and the Sunnah .
Allaah The Almighty says (what means): } Say, "O My servants who have
transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the
Mercy of Allaah. Indeed, Allaah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He
who is theForgiving, the Merciful." { [Quran 39: 53]
Abu Hurayrah narrated that the Messenger of Allaah, , said: "By the
One in whose Hand my soul is, i fyou were not to commit sins Allaah
would remove you and replace you with people who would commit sins and
then ask for forgiveness, and He would grant them forgiveness."
[Muslim]
3- The vastness of the Mercy of Allaah and the danger of despairing of it:
The story with its several narrations indicates that the Mercy of
Allaah is vastand that it overcomes His wrath. It also indicates that
when the slave of Allaah sincerely repents to Him, not only does
Allaah The Almighty accept his repentance but He also grants him
success and guidance to the straight path. The other narrations of the
story indicate that Divine Care played a role which signifies the
vastness of the Mercy of Allaah and His Bounty on the repentant slave.
Another narration reads: "Allaah ordered the land (towards which he
was going) to come closer to him, and ordered the land (from whence he
had come), to go far away, and then He ordered the angels to measure
the distances between his body and the two towns. He was found to be
one span closer to the village (he was going to). So he was forgiven."
[Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Ordering the town (towards which he was going) to come closer and
ordering the town (whence he had come) togo far away indicates that
Allaah The Almighty not only accepts repentance from His slaves, but
He also gives them of His bounty.
In a Hadeeth Qudsi (sacred narration), Abu Hurayrah narrated that the
Prophet, , quoted Allaah The Almighty as saying: "I am just as My
slave believes Me to be, and I am with him when He remembers Me. So if
he remembers Me within himself, I too remember him within Myself. If
he remembers Me in a group of people then I remember him in agroup
that is better than them. If he comes one span nearer to Me then I go
one cubit nearer to him; if he comes one cubit nearer to Me then I go
a distance of two outstretched arms nearerto him; and if he comes to
Me walking then I go to him running." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Commenting on the verse, Ibn 'Abbaas said,
Allaah invites all to His Forgiveness; those who claim that the Christ
is Allaah, those who claim that the Christ is the son of Allaah, those
who claim that 'Uzayr is the son of Allaah, those who claim that
Allaah is poor, those who claim that the Hand of Allaah is tied up,
and those who say that Allaah is the third of three (Trinity). Allaah
saysto all of these (what means): } So will they not repent to Allaah
and seekHis Forgiveness? And Allaah is Forgiving and Merciful. {
[Quran 5: 74] He calls to repentance theone who says something even
worse than that, theone who says (what means): } "I am your most
exalted lord." { [Quran 79:24] and (what means): } I have not known
you to have a god other than me. { [Quran 28: 38]
Ibn 'Abbaas added, "Anyone who makes the slaves of Allaah despair
ofHis Mercy after this has rejected the Book of Allaah." ] Tafseer Ibn
Katheer [
If you think that your heart is dead and that it will never revive,
then what about the hearts of the disbelievers and atheists which are
destroyed with denial of the existence of Allaah The Almighty?
Let us try to revive our dead hearts.

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Dought & clear, - How can a seeker of knowledge make a schedule to organise his time?.

Can you advise me as to how a seeker of knowledge can make a schedule
to organise his time?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The status of the seeker of Islamic knowledge is great in Islam.
Allah, mayHe be blessed and exalted, has praised knowledge and those
who seek it, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Say: Are those who know equal to those who know not?' It is only men
of understanding who will remember (i.e. get a lesson from Allahs
Signs and Verses)"
[az-Zumar 39:9]
"It is only those who have knowledge among His slaves that fear Allah"
[Faatir 35:28].
It was narrated that Humayd ibn 'Abd ar-Rahmaan said: I
heardMu'aawiyah say, when he was delivering a khutbah: I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say:
"When Allaah wills good for a person, He deepenshis knowledge of
Islam.
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (71) and Muslim (1037).
It was narrated that 'Abu'd-Darda' said: I heard the Messenger of
Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: "Whoever follows
a path in the pursuit of knowledge, Allaah will make easy forhim a
path to Paradise. The angels lower their wings in approval of the
seeker of knowledge, and everyone in the heavens and on earth prays
for forgiveness for the seeker of knowledge, even the fish in the sea.
The superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like the
superiority of the moon over all other heavenly bodies. The scholars
are the heirs of the Prophets, for the Prophets did not leave behind
dinars or dirhams, rather they left behind knowledge, so whoever takes
it has taken a great share."
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (2682), Abu Dawood (3541) and Ibn Maajah
(223); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh at-Targheeb, 1/17
Islamic knowledge brings a person the good of this world and of the
Hereafter; it takes precedence over all other branches of knowledge,
especially if one's intention is pure.
See the answer to question no. 10471
Secondly:
The best thing you can spend your time on when beginning to seek
knowledge is memorising the Book of Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted. This is the best thing in which people may compete and
strive, and it is the best thing on which the seeker of knowledge may
focus his efforts.
See the answer to question no. 14035 for information on the advantages
of memorising the Book of Allah.
See the answers to questions no. 7966 and 11561 for information on the
basic principles ofmemorising the Book of Allah.
Thirdly:
One of the things that will make things easier for the seeker of
knowledge is to have many shaykhs and scholars from whom he can learn.
The quickest way to seek knowledge and the best way to attain the goal
is if Allah makes it easy for him to find one shaykh or scholar among
the scholars of the Sunnah, from whom he may acquire knowledge
directly. See the answer to question no. 22037 .
Fourthly:
With regard to organising your time, it may be as follows.
(a)
Have fixed times for regular things every day,such as a time for
sleeping, a time for meals, a time for visits, a time for gatherings,
a time for revision.
(b)
One of the things that will help you make the most of your time and
save time is to put a stopto time wasters such as sleeping, eating and
drinking too much, or meeting people except for Islamically beneficial
purposes. You should also avoid time wasters such as means of
entertainment like TV shows, soap operas, newspapers, magazines,
games, sports matches and competitions.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The seeker of knowledge must make the most of his time and avoid
wasting time. Wasting time may take the following forms:
1. Failing to review and revise what he reads
2. Sitting with his friends and engaging in idle talk in which is no benefit
3. The most harmful time waster for the seeker of knowledge is
when he has no interest except finding out aboutpeople, what they are
saying and what they are doing, with regard to a matter that does
notconcern him. This undoubtedly stems from a weakness of commitment
to Islam, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon
him) said: "Part of a person's beinga good Muslim is leaving alone
that which does not concern him." Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, 2318;
classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.
Focusing on who said what and asking a lot of questions is a waste of
time. In fact it is a kind of sickness which if it affects a person –
we askAllah to keep us safe andsound – will become his main focus and
concern and he may end up showing a hostile attitude towards one who
does not deserve enmity, or he may be friendly towards one who does
not deserve friendship, because of his interest in these matters that
are distracting him from seeking knowledge, on the grounds that this
is part of supporting the truth. But that is not the case; rather this
comes under the heading of being distracted by that which does not
concern one. But if news comes to you without you seeking it or
looking for it, everyone receives news but you should notbe
preoccupied with it or focus on it, because this causes distraction
for the seeker of knowledge and may confuse him, and it opens the door
to partisanship and division amongst the ummah.
Kitaab al-'Ilm, p. 143-144
(c)
Another matter that is detrimental to the issue of organising one's
time and making the most of it is procrastination. Procrastination is
a severe disease that deprives one of many good things in this world
and in the Hereafter.
(d)
One of the best ways of succeeding in this world is to keep yourself
busy at all times with that which is best for you and most beneficial
for you in the Hereafter, as Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:The best act of worship is to strive to please the Lord at
all times by doing that which is mostappropriate and is expected at
any particular time.
Madaarij as-Saalikeen, 1/88
(e)
Investing one's time as much as one can and notwasting a single moment
in anything thatis not an act of obedience or worship. Our early
generations (may Allah have mercy on them) set an amazingexample of
making the most of their time. All seekers of Qur'anic knowledge were
keen to study under Abu Na'eem al-Asfahaani (d. 430) and every day one
of them would have his turn and he would studywhatever he wanted with
the Shaykh until just before Zuhr. Then when he got up to go home,
another student might recite a juz' to himon the way (for him to
listen and correct), and he never showed any impatience.
Saleem ar-Raazi was a Shaafa'i. One day he went home and came back,
and he said: I recited a juz' on my way.Al-Haafiz adh-Dhahabi (may
Allah have mercy on him) said in his biography of al-Khateeb
al-Baghdaadi: The khateeb used to walk with a juz' in his hand, which
he would study.
For forty years, Ibn 'Asaakir (may Allah have mercy on him) – as his
son said – did not focus on anything except matters of knowledge, even
during his free time or when he was alone. He always had with him
books of knowledge and the Qur'an, which he would read and memorise.
They were always keen to make the most of their time by doing more
than one thing at the same time. If the penbecame blunt and he needed
to sharpen it, one of them would move his lips with remembrance of
Allah whilst fixing his pen, or he would review things that he had
memorised lest any time pass without him doing something useful.
Abu'l-Wafa' 'Ali ibn 'Aqeel (may Allah have mercy on him) said: I do
not allow myself to waste even one hour of my life; even when I am not
reading anything or reciting anything, I would think whilst I am
resting of some issues of knowledge and I will notget up until I have
come up with something I can write down.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:I know someone who
fell sick with a headacheand fever, and his book was beside his head.
When he was awake he would read, and when he fell asleep he would put
it down.
(f)
With regard to making aschedule and organisingone's time, that may be
done as follows:
1.
The program of the seeker of knowledge begins at dawn, which isthe
time for memorisation of Qur'an and hadeeth. The best time for
memorising – especially memorising Qur'an – is the time just before
dawn and after Fajr prayer, when the mind is clear and it is easier to
memorise. So the seeker of knowledgeprays in the mosque andremains
there until sunrise or afterwards, memorising and reviewing what he
has memorised. When he has finished that, he begins to memorise
textsof knowledge – the textsof hadeeth, fiqh, usool and Arabic
language.
2.
If he has a job or is in school, he goes to it. Otherwise he spends
the rest of the morning memorising and revisinguntil Zuhr, then he
takes a siesta and rests a little.
3.
As for the afternoon, it isfor studying and reading, or studying with
others, or discussion and reviewing issues of knowledge with others.
4.
After Maghrib, he attends study circles and after 'Isha' he reviews
what he has learnt or he may read a new book.
It should be noted that what we have mentioned here comes under the
heading of organising time in general terms. Each student should
organise his time according to his circumstances, whether he is
working or not, whether he is married orsingle, whether he devotes all
his time to Islamic knowledge or he has some other preoccupations, and
so on. What matters with regard to organising time is that there
should be some hours of the day and night in which he makes himself
memorise and read. People tend to want to rest and like to be somewhat
lazy, so he should train himself to work hard and be active,and he
should make himself get used to being organised and adhere to doing
acts of worship and obedience. Otherwise he will have wasted his day
and then he will have wasted his life. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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