'Our Hearts are Still Adhering to the Truth'

In his book, Siyar A'laam An-Nubalaa' (11/238), Ath-Thahabi said that
during the ordeal of Imaam Ahmad it was said to him, "O Abu
'Abdullaah! Do you not see that falsehood is being victorious over the
truth?" He replied, "No. The victory of falsehood over truth is when
the hearts change from guidance to error but ourhearts are still
adhering to the truth."
How badly are we in need for this accurate criterion that shows the
reality of the victory of falsehood over truth, especially in this age
when many hearts have been affected by trials of doubtful issues and
desires, we seek refuge with Allaah The Almighty from them.
One of the most serious trials is confusion about the reality of the
victory of the truth in one's heart which may be induced by any cause,
since confusion about the criteria of judgment necessarily leads to an
unstable methodology. Atthis point, the person on his way of Allaah
The Almighty becomes confused because of the confusion of criteria, as
he sometimes links the truth to the greater number of followers; some
other times, he links it to power; and sometimes to victory of the
people of falsehood or any other thing. None of this brings any
benefit to man.
Indeed, the conviction of Imam Ahmad in refuting this allegation, that
some of his companions mentioned, was not an instant reaction, but it
was the result of his profound understanding of the Book of Allaah and
the Seerah (biography) of HisMessenger, along withhis scrutiny of the
historyof the people of the truthin their struggle against falsehood
and the peoplewho follow it.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
· } That He should establish the truth and abolish falsehood, even
ifthe criminals disliked it. { [Quran 8:8]
· } And say, "Truth has come, and falsehood has departed. Indeed is
falsehood, [by nature], ever bound to depart." { [Quran 17:81]
· } Rather, We dash the truth upon falsehood, and it destroys it, and
thereupon it departs. Andfor you is destruction from that which you
describe. { [Quran 21:18]
Anyone who contemplates the previous verses and those that are similar
cannever be shaken regarding the fact that the truth must be
victorious and must triumph over falsehood and those who follow it.
Since this is addressed to our dear Muslim sisters, they should bear
this factin mind especially at this time when many women are awed by
the glamourof falsehood and have weakened belief in the truth.
This entails that women should recognize the truth by means of its
evidence so that it wouldremain an established belief in the heart and
cannot be shaken by temporary changes or temptations.
The concealed Fitnah (trial) in this regard is represented in two matters:
The first one is the confusion between truth and falsehood because
ofthe great number of those who call to falsehood and the powerful
means that they use to propagate it.
The second one is that many Muslim women have become negligent in
seeking the truth and knowing its supporting proof which gives
strength to their 'Aqeedah (creed) and faith. Supporting proof islike
a weapon that is necessary for the one who is engaged in fighting. If
someone goesto war without a weapon, what would happen to him?
Because of this, the evidence that a woman holds to support the
correctness of what she isdoing will be vulnerable and she will be in
a state of emotional defence without being able to show the proofs and
make her true argument victorious. She will be criticized by others
and will soon receive a fatal blow because of attacks of criticism.
When this happens, she will becomeweak enough to be a recipient which
is a disaster as she surrendersand her faith deteriorates (we seek
refuge with Allaah The Almighty from this).
In conclusion, Muslim women nowadays, are badly in need to be armed
with knowledge that is coupled with proof, not only to be enlightened
and certain regarding religious matters, but also to transfer this
knowledge to others before they are swept away by the flood, and
before they become confused about the criteria of judging the victory
of the truth. To Allaah The Almighty belongs the command before and
after. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): } He whom Allaahguides
is the [rightly] guided, but he whom He leaves astray -- never willyou
find for him a protecting guide. { [Quran18:17] - - ▓███▓
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The Intelligent Educator

In front of the school headmaster's room
Faaris entered the headmaster's room hurriedly and without seeking
permission, for the matter was serious and needed to be addressed
urgently. He cried at the top of his voice, "Sir! Sir! I have to tell
you about something of great importance."
The headmaster sat straight in his chair and paid great attention to
Faaris, put his hand on his shoulder and said to him, "Calm down! Calm
down, my son! What happened? Lower your voice and speak quietly."
The child said, "I have to tell you, headmaster, about something
dangerous that takes place in our class."
"What is happening, son?" the headmaster asked interestedly.
"I have seen some children in the class ridiculing the Mathematics
teacher," the child said, "and sticking clips on his clothes
containing some humorous words while he did not notice. After that
they joke with each other, laugh at and ridicule my teacher whom I
love so much, and do not like anyone to ridicule. I warned them more
than once that I would tell the headmaster, but they mocked my words
and gave no importance to it."
"May Allaah reward you, Faaris, for telling me about that," the
headmaster said, "and I appreciate your protective zeal for your
teacher, and promise youthat I will take suitable measures."
"May Allaah reward you, sir," the child said.
In the class
"Beware, Maajid," Ad-ham said.
"What is it, Ad-ham?" Maajid asked.
"Get into the classroom quickly and take your seat," Ad-ham said, "for
the headmaster is inspecting the classes of the school."
Suddenly, the headmaster entered the class where Maajid and Ad-ham
were mocking the Mathematics teacher. The headmaster stood in front of
all the pupils.
He said, "As-salaamu 'alaykum."
"Wa 'alaykum as-salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh," all the pupils
replied together.
"How are your studies progressing? The time of the exams is very
near," the headmaster said.
"Fine, sir," they all repliedtogether.
"I am sure that only thosestudents who make a great deal of effort
will succeed in the end and Allaah The Almighty will grant them
excellence," the headmaster said.
He added,
"No doubt, whoever has high ambitions should work day and night. But
those who engage in playing and mocking teachers and particularly the
Mathematics teacher will suffer great loss and failure. It is enough
disgrace to ridicule one's teacher and role model, which is also
enough reason for failure. I have been informed that manyboys do so.
But I will not mention their names in order not to expose themto
scandal. But I ask them to return to the right path lest Allaah The
Almighty become angry with them. Allaah The Almighty Says (what
means): } O you who havebelieved, let not a peopleridicule [another]
people;perhaps they may be better than them; nor let women ridicule
[other] women; perhaps they may be better than them.And do not insult
one another and do not call each other by [offensive] nicknames.
Wretched is the name of disobedience after [one's] faith. And whoever
does not repent- then it is those who are the wrongdoers. { [Quran
49:11]
The headmaster concluded his speech with this Noble Verse. Then he
turned his back to the pupils after he greeting them and left.
Both Ad-ham and Maajid were confounded, and none of them dared to
speak, as if they were mute. But after the lesson, both Maajid and
Ad-ham agreed to go to the Mathematics teacher to apologize to him,
and go to the headmaster to thank him for his valuable advice.
An intelligent educator always uses hints rather than explicit condemnation.
Dear educator,
The headmaster was capable of entering the class, catching hold of a
stick and beating all the pupils, or at least both Maajid and Ad-ham,
and forcing them to apologize to the Mathematics teacher while the
other pupils watched. An intelligent educator favors hinting to
explicit condemnation,dialogue to clashing, anddiscussion to shouting.
This is one of the means of successful education that each educator
should choose in raising his children.
Parents should admonish their children when they act improperly. But
the problem lies in the fact that during the process of admonishment,
we ignore the child's identity, and think that because of the relation
ofkinship and his being under our care (as parents), he should listen
and comply with all that we say to him. This is wrong. A child has
overflowing emotions and an immature mentality. Therefore, we have to
reduce the direct instruction and severe criticism as much as
possible. No parent wants to destroy his child's self-esteem for
thesake of rectifying him. Indirect hinting and advice always lead to
the desired result, and are more palatable to the child, whereas
continuous disparagement deprives him of his self-confidence.
You should learn, dear educator, that if you understand the psychology
of your child well, particularly when he approaches the stage of
adolescence, you would not resort to condemnation.
"What is the matter with some people who say such and such things?"
That was the same method used by the Prophet, with his Companions .
With thismethod, the Prophet, , saved the face of those who made
mistakes and made them correct their mistakes without disgracing them
before the people.
The effectiveness of hinting
When the headmaster used this method of hinting with the children,he
saved the child's honor and did not humiliate him before others lest
this would result in future psychological complexes.
Moreover, this method boosts mutual confidenceand coherence between
the headmaster and the children; and also boosts love, for the child
always loves reassurance and comfort when his mistake is treated by
his teacher and educator without putting shame on him before the
people. This method will also correct the educational mistakes of
other children who were not intended by the hinting.
When an educator defames a child at the first slip and humiliates him
before his fellows in the name of "guidance", or insults him with foul
words, perhaps before his friends with the goal of rectifying his
behaviorand preventing him frommaking any further mistakes, this,
indeed, establishes in the child's heart rebellion and feelings of
inferiority.
To clarify the importance of subtlety in changing the child's
behavior, the author of The Sound Disposition says that when we ask
some fathers about what they do when they are overwhelmed by anger,
they usually say that they shout at or insult their children. Some say
that they beat a little, and throw or kick things. However, even this
response only curbs the behavioral problem temporarily. Therefore,
what do their children learn? They learn how to shout, beat, throw and
kick things when annoyed.
The method of hinting is highly effective and indicates the educator's
intelligence, forbearance and patience.

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Praised Manners, - Arguments with her husband – she is asking how to become a righteous wife .

I am a new muslimah and am fromthe U.S. I have been raised not to let
a man controll me. Now the problem is that my husband is not from here
and we tend to argue alot.I know more of the laws and commoneveryday
things more than he does.His english is not that great, so, I have to
explain to him sometimes and he is used to how his country and culture
are, so, in public I tend to do the talking alot.This makes him mad
sometimes but I feel it is the only way toget things done right most
of the time. Now we argue alot and I don't know how to be the "wife"
that I am supposed to be Islamically. I am still in the learning
process, butthat is were I have my biggest problem.How can I change
that or try to make the problem better.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allaah for guiding you to Islam, which is the greatest
blessing that Allaah can bestow upon His slaves.
We would like to tell youthat Allaah has given yourights over your
husband, and has enjoined upon you duties towards him. You can read
question no. 10680 to find out more about this.
You have to do the duties towards your husband which Allaah has
enjoined upon you. Islam regards the husband's rights as greatbecause
of the husband's great importance in building the Muslim household,
and because Allaah has enjoined him (the husband) to look after his
family's interests and take care of them.
The Muslim woman should be wise in her dealings with her husband,
because man – usually – is pleased with kind words and appreciates
kind treatment. So if that comes from his life-partner, that will
have a greater effect. The wise woman must also keep away from all
kinds of behaviour that will offend her husband,and rid herself of
every kind of action that annoys him, and try not to control him. The
man has the role of qawwaam (protector and maintainer), and
theresponsibility is his. Making him feel that he is falling short in
certain situations may make himangry and not treat his wife well. One
of them said: "The best wife is the one who knows howto create harmony
in hermarriage and strikes a balance between obeying and respecting
her husband and expressing her own strong personality."
Your speaking to people on his behalf – because he does not speak your
people's language well –is permissible according to sharee'ah, but as
stated above, you have to be wise in doing this. When doing these
thingsyou should not make him feel that he is lacking or that he is
not important. Rather you should refer to him when speaking to the
people, and consult withhim, and do not make decisions in his
presencewithout asking his permission. You should do that in front of
the people to whom you arespeaking so that he will feel that he is
important.Try to make him feel thathe speaks his own language better
than you do, and that you complement one another; and you can help him
to learn your language, and he can help you to learn his language.
This is what we advise you to do, and this is what may reduce his
anger and stop him frombehaving in this manner.It seems that it is
only a matter of time, and you have to be careful in handling this
situation until he becomes more fluent in your language and is able to
do things himself, on his own.
Secondly:
In order to become a good wife, you have to learn what Allaah has
enjoined upon you, so that you can do it. You have to know how
righteous women behave, their attitude and the way they interact with
their husbands. You will need to strive hard until you get used to it,
but it is not impossible. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "Knowledge comes by learning, and patience comes by
trying to be patient. Whoever seeks goodness will be given it, and
whoever fears evil will be protected from it." Narrated by
al-Daaraqutni in al-Afraad; this is a hasan hadeet, as was stated by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami', 2328.
Some of these characteristics and attitudes are those of which a wise
mother advised her daughter before marriage, which is comprehensive
advice.We ask Allaah to help you to achieve this. That mother said to
her daughter:
"O my daughter, you are leaving your house in which you grew up, and
going to live with a man whom you do not know,a companion whom you are
unfamiliar with. Be like a slave woman to him and he will be like a
slave to you. Remember ten characteristics whichwill be a stored
treasure for you:
The first and second are to be devoted to him and be content, listen
to him and obey.
The third and the fourth are to consider his nose and eyes; do not let
him see anything ugly of you, or let him smell anything but a good
fragrance.
The fifth and the sixth are consider the time of his sleeping and
eating, for hunger burns and disturbance of sleep causes anger.
The seventh and the eighth are to look after his wealth and to take
care of his family and hisdependents.
The ninth and the tenth are to look after his wealth and take care of
his dependents."
Thirdly:
The husband has to fear Allaah his Lord, and not transgress the rights
of his wife. He should give her her rights as Allaah has enjoined upon
him. He should realize that people vary, and that what he knows, many
people are ignorant of, and what he is ignorant of, many people know.
For him to have a wife who will translate for him and show him what
will benefit him and how things are done is better for him than having
someone with him whom he cannot trust. Knowledge can only be acquired
by learning, and the way tolearn is by striving and working hard.
Advise him to try to control himself at times of anger, and not to get
angry unless you have transgressed one of the sacred limits of Allaah.
This is the kind of anger that is regarded as praiseworthy.
And Allaah knows best. - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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Praised Manners, - Ruling on accepting an invitation, and the conditions for doing so .

Sometimes I am invited to a meal or to a party. What should I do if
thesegatherings are mostly filled with backbiting, slander, showing
off andcompeting in clothes, where they make fun of those who wear
simple clothes (like me)? There may also be gossip, and Ihave
housework to do (I don't want to bring a servant, but nearly everyone
who attends these parties has a servant so she has free time).
My husband and my house need me, and every moment I spend athome
matters in sha Allaah. This is my primary mission. I also want to
spend any extra time I have in reading Qur'aan or a useful book. I
don't want to attend worldly gatherings whose harm, as I see it,
outweighs thebenefits – if there are any benefits. Please advise me,
how should I deal with this? What suitable excuse can I give for not
attending, ifI have the right not to attend?
What should I do if the hostess of the party looks down on me and
enjoys seeing me in an embarrassing situation and talks about me? Do I
have to accept her invitation?
Praise be to Allaah.
It was narrated in Saheeh al-Bukhaari (1164) and Saheeh Muslim (4022)
that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: "I heard the
Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say:
'The rights of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five: returning
greetings, visiting the sick, attending funerals, accepting
invitations, and saying Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you)
when he sneezes.'"
The scholars divided the invitations which the Muslim is commanded
toaccept into two categories:
1 – Invitation to a wedding party (waleemah). The majority of scholars
said that it is obligatory to accept such an invitation, unless there
isa legitimate shar'i excuse – some such excuses will be mentioned
below, in shaAllaah. The evidence (daleel) that it is obligatory to
accept these invitations is the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari (4779)
and Muslim (2585) from Abu Hurayrah, that the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The worst kind of food is
thefood of a wedding feast that is withheld from those who would come
and to which people are invited who mayrefuse it. Whoever does not
accept the invitation hasdisobeyed Allaah and HisMessenger."
2 – Invitation to various kinds of gatherings other than
wedding-feasts. The majority of scholars say that accepting these
invitations is mustahabb,and no one differed from that apart from some
of the Shaafa'is and Zaahiris, who said it is obligatory. If we say
that it is strongly mustahabb that is close enough. And Allaah knows
best.
But the scholars have stipulated conditions foraccepting an
invitation; if these conditions are not met then it is not obligatory
or mustahabbto accept the invitation, rather it may be haraam to
attend. These conditions were summed up by Shaykh Muhammad ibn
'Uthaymeen, who said:
1- There should be nothing objectionable (munkar) in the place
where the party etc. is tobe held. If there is something
objectionableand it is possible to remove it, then it is obligatory to
attend for two reasons: to accept the invitation and to change the
objectionable thing. If it is not possible to removeit then it is
haraam to attend.
2- The person who invited him should not be someone whom it is
obligatory or Sunnah to forsake (such as one who openly commits
immoral actions or sin, where forsaking him may be of benefit in
bringing about his repentance).
3- The person who invited him should be a Muslim. If he is not,
then it is not obligatory to accept the invitation, because the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The rights
of a Muslim over his fellow Muslim are five…"
4- The food offered should be permissible for us to eat.
5- Accepting the invitation should not lead to ignoring a more
important duty; if that is the case then it is haraam to accept the
invitation.
6- It should not cause any trouble to the person who is invited.
For example, if he needs to travel or to leave his family who need him
there, and so on. (al-Qawl al-Mufeed, 3/111).
Some scholars added:
7- If the host issued a general invitation, saying that everyone
is welcome, then it is not obligatory to accept the invitation.
From the above it shouldbe clear to you that you do not have to accept
such invitations, rather itmay be haraam for you to do so, if you
cannot change the reprehensible things (munkar) or if your attending
the gatherings will affect your duties towards your husband and
children and prevent you from taking care of them as you are supposed
to do. Moreover you will not besafe from their evil and harm. This is
an excuse which frees you from having to accept invitation which you
areobliged to accept, let alone those which are not obligatory at all.
Women should also notethat they have to ask their husband's permission
to go out to parties etc. to which they are invited. You should advise
these sisters to try to make thebest use of their time and their
gatherings in ways that will benefit them either in religious or
worldly terms. For theMessenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) warned us of the consequences of attending
gatherings in which Allaah is not mentioned. He (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "No people sit in a gatheringin which
they do not remember Allaah or sendblessings upon their Prophet, but
they will regret it, if He wills He will punish them and if He wills
He will forgive them." (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3302; he said, this
is a saheeh hasan hadeeth. It was also classed as saheeh byal-Albaani
in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 3/140)
In Sunan Abi Dawood (4214) and elsewhere it is narrated that Abu
Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: "The Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'People who
get upfrom an assembly in which they did not remember Allaah will be
just as if they had got upfrom a donkey's carcass, and it will be a
cause of grief to them." (Classed as saheeh by al-Nawawi in Riyaadh
al-Saaliheen, 321, and by al-Albaani).
Convey this advice to them, either verbally or in writing. In
addition, you could invite them to your house and make the most of
this opportunity to hold a dhikr circle, in addition to doing some
permissible things that they will like. Perhaps Allaah will make you
the means of starting a goodtrend of benefiting fromsuch gatherings.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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