for our Christian brothers to confuse bigotry with true

incites wars in the name of Islam and that encourages killing and
bloodshed leads some Christians and Jews to form an incorrect opinion
regarding Islam.They imagine that the BIGOTED mindset that emerges in
the name of Islam is true Islam. They do not know that this
bloodthirsty system has nothing to do with the real Islam and is even
a lifestyle diametrically opposed to it.
Some people imagine that various types who appear to be Muslims but
who carry out actions that have no place in Islam and live within a
mindset that totally conflicts with the spirit of the Qur'an are
genuine representatives of Islam. As a result of that erroneous
opinion, some of our Christian brothers in particular strongly oppose
Islam and Muslims, regard them as a grave threat and prepare to fight
against them. They attempt to equate the bloodthirstiness,
enmity,cruelty, lovelessness, ruthlessness, lack of conscience and
lack of affection they see in such people with the Qur'an. The fact
is, however, that those who espouse a bloodthirsty system havenothing
to do with true Islam. They do that out of a nonsensical faith they
invent out of their own ignorance. Otherwise, there is no such mindset
in the Qur'an. Our Lord describes people with a mindset that espouses
bigotry, seeks to mix religion with nonsense and make it impossible to
live by and to deceive people in the name of Allah as follows in the
Qur'an:
Among them is a group who distort the Book with their tongues so that
you think it is from the Book when it is not from the Book. They say,
'It is from Allah,' but it is not from Allah. They tell a lie against
Allah and they know it. (Surah Al 'Imran, 78)
True Islam is the Islam revealed by Allah in the Qur'an and manifested
by our Prophet (saas). In other words, Muslims have a responsibility
to live by the Qur'an and the Sunnah of our Prophet (saas), not by the
nonsense and invented interpretationsof bigots. Their measure must be
the Qur'an and the Sunnah, not nonsense. True Islam is the Islam of
the Age of Felicity, in which people follow the Qur'an and the life of
our Prophet (saas). The affectionate and loving, protective and noble
life of our Prophet (saas), who attached great value to art, beauty,
cleanliness and kindness is the most perfect role-model for Muslims.
In the same way that examples not from the life of our Prophet (saas)
are not esteemed by Muslims, so non-Muslims must not think of Islam in
terms ofthe dark lifestyles of certain bigots.
On this subject, our Christian brothers need to bear in mind the
following statements:
The bigoted mindset is as hostile toward Muslims as it is toward
Christians and Jews
This sinister mindset people try to ascribe to Islam is BIGOTRY, not
realIslam at all. The bigot claims to act in the nameof Islam. But he
is loveless, with a dark soul, fanatical and without understanding. He
is the enemy of all beauty, art and science. He is even the inimical
tolife itself; and to joy and happiness.
The bigot regards all kinds of beauty with hatred. He hates
flowers,and children, and cats, and dogs and rabbits. His spirit and
soul are empty. As revealed in one verse of the Qur'an, such people
are, "like propped-up planks of wood" (Surat al-Munafiqun, 4). There
is nothing even resembling love in their souls. They attach no value
to human beings and no importance to any living thing. There isno room
for consideration, love or compassion in their hearts.
As a result of all this, the bigot also hates women. One of the main
featuresof bigots is their enmity toward womankind. Treating woman as
third-class citizens is a fundamental characteristic of the bigot.
Communists, Darwinists and those who to date have regarded Islam with
a hostile eye have made verbal assaults against Islam, accusing it of
a supposed hatred of women. But this enmity toward women that
theyoppose is a characteristic of fanatical and backward bigots, not
of Islam, which attaches the greatest value to womenand praises and
protects them. (You can find more information about the importance
attachedto women in the Qur'an from here .)
In the same way that thebigot loves nobody, so nobody loves him.
Everyone detests the presence, logic, lifestyle and way of thinking of
the bigot. Even bigots detest bigots. That is why there is constant
division and rancor among them. They can never live in peace and
happiness together. Liketheir souls, their lives arein utter darkness.
The bigot may be found in all faiths and sections of society. There
are people in Christian and Jewish communities, as well, not just
among Muslims, who seek to turn religion away from its true essence,
and to inflict a dark and bloodthirsty state of mind instead of the
joy and love bestowed by faith in Allah. What we are discussing here
is people who try to infiltrate themselves among Muslims. But the fact
is that the bigot represents a polluted and perverse idea, no matter
from what faith or section of society he comes from.
As a result of this frightening state of mind, the bigot desires
bloodshed. He wants bloodshed everywhere. He can only find peace with
blood and oppression. He can only express the hatred within him by
causing blood to be shed and speaking with hostility. These people,
who espouse bloodshed in the name of Islam, spread hatred of and
rancor toward Christians, Jews and even Muslims, and who drip hatred
and loathingfrom their lips, are very definitely NOT MUSLIMS, but
bigots under the influence of the way of the antichrist.
For these reasons, our Christian brothers must properly distinguish
between genuine Muslims and bigots, between true Islam and the bigoted
mindset. Only then will they be able to see that the lifestyle they
are opposed to is bigotry, not Islam.
Bigots are the army of the antichrist; they neither apply the
Qur'an,nor let others apply it.
Backwardness, fanaticism and bigotry ISTHE GREATEST ARMY OF THE
ANTICHRIST OPPOSED TO ISLAM. Our Prophet Muhammad (saas) reveals this
in a hadith:
"Seventy thousand scholars from my community, all wearing turbans,
will follow the dajjal [antichrist]." (Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, Musnad,
p. 796)
In referring to the people who will follow the antichrist in the
hadith, our Prophet (saas) speaks in particular of THOSE WHO EMERGE
FROM WITHIN THE UMMAH (COMMUNITY) OF ISLAM AND REGARD THEMSELVES AS
SCHOLARS.Through this hadith, our Prophet (saas) indicates that it is
bigots who are the main group who, as supporters of the antichrist,
will act against all the friends of Allah and do the worst damage to
religion.
In another hadith our Prophet (saas) says:
"People will spring up inthe End Times: but their brains will not
function. They will speak fine words when they. The will read the
Qur'an, but their faith will go no further than their throats..."
(Buhari, 3611, 5057, 6930, Muslim, 1066, Abu Dawud 4767, Ahmed ibn
Hanbal, Musnad 1, 81, 113, 131, 289; Al-Tayalisi, al-Musnad, no.
1984.)
As set out in the hadith, these people will speak very finely and read
the Qur'an; but 'their faith will go no further than their throats.'
In other words, they will not basethemselves on the Qur'an. These
people willspeak of the Qur'an but will not be devoted to it and will
rule by mixing nonsense up with it. They will regard the provisions of
the Qur'an as inadequate and will implement a faith they invent
themselves under the name of Islam. There, a significant proportion of
the army of the antichrist will emerge from every religion, and they
will constitute bigots who seek to damage their own faiths and the
world.
Bigots' aim is to stop people applying the Qur'an. In adding things to
Islam that have nothing to do with it, they reject those parts ofthe
Qur'an that are incompatible with their own foolish ideas. For them,
it is a cause for tremendous rage the way that the Qur'an recommends
love, peace, affection, brotherhood and unity and encourages beauty,
art and science. The quality and depth of soulresulting from living by
the moral values of the Qur'an, a Muslim model that is rational,
esthetic, modern and full of love, is incompatible with their own
nonsensical religions. That is why theantichrist uses bigotry and
fanaticism to strike at Islam and seek to do away with it.
This point now needs to be made clear; there may be honest people who
genuinely love Allah but who espouse ideas that actually have no place
in true Islam, either from lack of knowledge or inaccurate education.
We need to differentiatebetween these people and bigots who
deliberately try to add nonsense to religion. The former are people
who will accept the truth once they have been enlightened by
theluminosity of the Qur'an.Almighty Allah is He Who always shows His
genuine servants the true path.
The Qur'an has declared war on bigotry
THE QUR'AN HAS DECLAREDWAR ON ALL SCOURGES RESULTING FROM BIGOTRY,ON
UNHAPPINESS, OPPRESSION, LOVELESSNESS, FANATICISM, ANGER AND
BLOODSHED. The Islam based on the Qur'an IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF
BIGOTRY. Islam teaches peace, love and friendship. It encouragesunity,
the praising of thename of Allah all together, brotherhood and world
peace and security. People who ignore the verses of the Qur'an and
others who distort the verses in the light of their own foolishminds
and purport to use them as evidence and thus claim that
Islamencourages war, are making a serious error. As our Lord reveals
in verse 25 of Surah Yunus,"Allah calls to the abode of peace."
According to the Qur'an, active war is only permissible for defensive
purposes. The condition is imposed that a Muslim can only wage war in
the event of an attack, to defend his life. Our Prophet (saas) is the
person who applied this in the clearest way. All three wars fought in
the time of our Prophet (saas) were waged for defensive purposes, and
forgiveness was always advised. During the Battle of the Trench, for
example, our Prophet (saas) had a rampart erected to protect Muslims
from attacks by the other side.
In the Qur'an, Almighty Allah makes war lawful for Muslims only under
specific circumstances:
Fight in the Way of Allah against those who fight you , but do not go
beyond the limits . Allah does not love those who go beyond the
limits. (Surat al-Baqara, 190)
But if they cease [fighting], Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Surat al-Baqara, 192)
In order for Muslims to go to war, the other sidehas to go on the
offensive. War can neverbe resorted to in order to protect a cruel
societythat is aggressive and does not listen to reason. In such a
case, Muslims have a duty not to go to extremes; in other words, they
may only fight defensively. Moreover, according to Islam, no harm must
befall women, children or the elderly. As our Lord reveals in verse
192of Surat al-Baqara, Muslims are also advised to stop fighting once
theother side does.
Again in the Qur'an, it is clearly stated that killingis a sin:
"...if someone kills another person – unless it is in retaliation for
someone else or for causing corruption in the earth – it is as if he
had murdered all mankind . And if anyone gives life to another person,
it is as if he had given life to all mankind.Our Messengers came to
them with Clear Signs but even after that manyof them committed
outrages in the earth." (Surat al-Ma'ida, 32)
Those who do not call onany other god together with Allah and do not
killanyone Allah has made inviolate, except with the right to do so ,
and do not fornicate; anyonewho does that will receive an evil
punishment (Surat al-Furqan, 68)
As is clear from these verses, it is a sin in the Qur'an for a Muslim
to kill. In Surat al-Ma'ida, Allah reveals that although the envoys He
sent warned people of that sin, many of them still overstepped the
bounds. In other words, although this is set out in the Qur'an, there
are still people who find the Qur'an inadequate and go beyond proper
bounds and engage in unjust oppression and bloodshed. These peopleare
the fanatics and bigots who claim to act in the name of Islam but are
in fact under the influence of the way of the antichrist.
Declaring war on Islam isnot how to get rid of bigotry
Those who ascribe bigotry to Islam in an ill-informed manner andseek
to eliminate that bigoted system generallyfall into the error of
adopting a hostile attitude toward Islam. Deliberate efforts have been
made to spread theperspective toward Islam in question, especially by
the atheist and Darwinist press, intellectual organizations and
influential circles. These circles deliberately misrepresent Islam,
engaging in incitement using conditioning techniques such as saying,
"This is what Muslims are like, they will not let you live, so you had
better annihilate them before they annihilate you." They have been
charged with doing this by various sinister forces. Under the
influence of that conditioning, some Christians maintain that the
Qur'an and Islam have to be eradicated if the oppressive and unjust
system created bybigotry is to be done away with (Surely Islam and the
Qur'an are beyond that). But this policy, a violation of reason and
good conscience, merely leads to the feeding of bigotryand
backwardness, contrary to expectations.Attacks on the Qur'an and true
Islam further strengthen the bigoted system that espouses bloodshed
and violence and desires lovelessness. This means being angered by the
bigot but declaring war on Allah (Surely Allah is beyond that) and is
an exceedingly foolish way of behaving. The way to eliminate bigots
and the bloodthirsty system espoused by them is to emphasize the
Qur'an and true Islam and bringabout the Islamic Age of Felicity.
Muslims living joyful, outward-looking lives based on love, affection,
friendship andbrotherhood and sharing a mindset that espouses
democracy andfreedom and is modern and progressive will burn bigots to
dust. Therefore, our Christian brothers must support true Muslims
against the bigoted mindset that is inimical to both Muslims and to
Christians and Jews; they must encourage people to liveby true Islamic
moral values.
Combating bigotry is a religious observance for Muslims. Because
opposing hypocrisy is one of the commandments of the Qur'an. 'Bigot'
is anotherway of describing the 'hypocrites' referred to in the
Qur'an. Almighty Allah refers to hypocrites, and unbelievers and those
with sickness in their hearts, and they all ascribe equals to Him.
They are the enemies of the Age of Felicity, THEY DECLARE WAR ON THE
QUR'AN IN THE NAME OF THE QUR'AN. The perverseway of thinking that is
loveless, devoid of compassion, uncultured and ill-educated, that
dislikes art and science, that does not think deeply and seeks to make
religion something complicated, a matter of showing-off, and that
develops a religion constantly equated with prohibitions and
inventions is 'backwardness,' in other words 'polytheism.' THE BIGOTED
SYSTEM DEVELOPED IN TOTAL OPPOSITION TO THE QUR'AN, THAT REGARDS THE
QUR'AN AS INADEQUATE AND APPLIES THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF THE
COMMANDMENTS IN THE QUR'AN IS A PERVERSE SYSTEM THAT NEEDS TO BE
CRUSHED BY MUSLIMS. For that reason, the most effective intellectual
campaign against it comes from the Muslims of the Qur'an, in other
words, from us.
The solution to bigotry comes from espousing the Islam of the Age of
Felicity and the true moral values of the Qur'an. Hazrat Mahdi
(as)will do that in our day. For that reason, it is most important
that the way of the Mahdi be supported. The way of the Mahdi contains
love, peace, brotherhood, security, peace and friendship. It contains
joy, happiness, art and beauty. It means freedom, liberty and
democracy. It is modern and progressive. It is terribly dangerous to
support the bigoted system that represents a scourge on the whole
world by attacking true Islam. The bigoted system that constitutes a
threat to the three great faiths will come to an end only when the
Qur'an is fully applied and the way of the Mahdi (as) is strengthened
and supported. The Islam of the Qur'an will leave neither shamanists,
nor atheists, nor satanists nor Darwinists behind. This is the sole
and definitive solution.
Christians and Jews will also be at peace when people live by true
Islamic moral values
It is very important for our Christian and Jewish brothers to
interpret what we have described in reference to such concepts as
love, peace, democracy, liberty, happiness and modernity as a
"well-intentioned analysis." These are not our personal opinions. THEY
ARE FOUNDED IN THE QUR'AN. They are in agreement with the spirit of
the Qur'an, all the examples we see in the Prophet Muhammed (saas) and
the approval of Allah, the Rahman andRahim. That is how the Qur'an was
implementedin the time of our Prophet (saas). Bloodshed exists only in
the nonsensical ideas of the bigots. Bigots controlled by the
antichrist have depicted bloodshed as true Islam, misleading vast
masses of people, and have sought to spread it across the world.
It is essential that our Christian brothers shouldsee the true Qur'an
and its great message. The Qur'an is a ray of light for anyone looking
at it with good conscience. Everything that makes people happy and
enlightens the world is in the Qur'an. Living by the Qur'an as people
did in the Age of Felicity will bring total well-being and beauty to
the world.For Muslims to apply the Qur'an in that way will be a source
of peace, happiness and clam for Christians and Jews, as well. The
young people that emerge as a result will enjoy exceedingly happy
lives. The joy that is part of human nature but that has vanished
under the influence of the system of the antichrist will return to
society. Art will develop, and artists making real art will appear.
The architecture that disappeared under the influence of the system of
the antichrist will be restored to life. Because security, peace,
happiness, friendship, brotherhood and, most important of all, love of
Allah will spread widely. When love comes, art will come to
everything, too, and beauty, joy, happiness and science. The
perspective of the Islam of the Qur'an is founded upon affection,
compassion, love, reason, consistency, behaving in a balanced way,
thinking logically, looking at events in a positive manner,
makingsacrifices and seeing the best in everything. A world in which
people apply Islam in that way will thus be one of extraordinary
beauty forChristians and Muslims, too.
What Christians must oppose and wage an intellectual campaign against
is bigotry, Darwinism and materialism, the foe of all three faiths.
What they must support and espouse is people living by Islam as set
out in the Qur'an and the way of the Mahdi that will bringthat about
in our day. When they support that, bigotry, fanaticism, backwardness,
Darwinism and materialism will disappear, an air of festive rejoicing
will enfold the world and everything and everywhere will be
enlightened. When they support that, the corruption of bigotry will
enjoy no success whatsoever. Churches and synagogues are under the
protection of Almighty Allah, as revealed in verses of the Qur'an. Our
Christian andJewish brothers will worship as they please and attain
the ease and beauty they desire. Muslims will live in a state of love
and brotherhood with Christians and Muslims, wars will come to an
endand the world will become a place of well-being, peace and

Riba (Usury) in Islam

Definition:
The word used for 'interest' in the Quran is Ar-Riba , an Arabic word
which means 'excess.' In Sharee`ah (Islamic Law), it is the measure of
excess in one thing when two things are exchanged in some bargain; or
in the case ofa loan, an increased amount of the loan at the time of
its payment.
In Islam, dealing with Riba is one of the major sins, which entail
severe punishment by Allaah Almighty. Allaah, the Exalted, Says(what
means): " Those who consume interest cannot stand [on the Day of
Resurrection] except as one stands who is being beaten by Satan into
insanity. That is because they say,'Trade is [just] like interest.'
But Allaah has permitted trade and has forbidden interest. So whoever
has received an admonition from his Lord and desists may have what is
past, and his affair rests with Allaah. But whoever returns [to
dealing in interest or usury] - those are the companions of the Fire;
they will abide therein. Allaah destroysinterest and gives increase
for charities. And Allaah does not likeevery sinning disbeliever.
Indeed, those who believe and do righteous deeds and establish prayer
and give Zakaah will have their reward with their Lord, and there will
be no fear concerning them, nor will they grieve. O you who have
believed, fear Allaah and give up what remains [due toyou] of
interest, if you should be believers. And if you do not, then be
informed of a war [against you] from Allaah and His Messenger. But if
you repent, you may have your principal - [thus] you do no wrong, nor
are you wronged.'' [Quran 2:275-279]
Abdullah Ibn Mas`ood reported: 'The Messenger of Allaah cursed the one
who accepts usury and the one who pays it.' [Muslim] The Hadeeth
(narration) of At-Tirmithi adds: 'And the one who records it, and the
two persons who stand witness to it.'
Both the parties, the one who charges interest and the one whopays it,
are equally guilty in the matter of usury. This Hadeeth highlights the
intensity of unlawfulness of the usury, or, what has come to be called
nowadays interest which can be judged from the fact that not only the
person who charges it and the one who pays it are cursed, but even
those who writethe documents and bear witness to the transaction are
condemned although the latter two have no active part in the deal.
They have been condemned for their mere co-operation in thematter of
interest. Thus, we learnthat even co-operation in the deal in which
interest is involved is an invitation to the Curse and Wrath of
Allaah.
The reason for such severity in the matter of interest is that Islam
wants to create a society that is founded on fraternity, sympathy,
selflessness and sacrifice. If someone is in need of money, the rich
should fulfill his needs for the sake of Allaah's Pleasure or give him
a loan without interest. As against the Islamic system, this system of
interest is based on selfishness, exploitation and suppression.
In the interest-ridden societies, the affluent ones are not inclined
to co-operate with the needy for the sake of Allaah. All they are
concerned with is their own interest. Their lust and greed are not
reduced in the slightest measure even after draining the last drop of
the blood of the poor. This is the reason why Islam has forbidden
interest of every kind and regarded it unlawful, no matter whether the
loan is for the personal need or commercial requirements.
Some people say that there did not exist any practice of commercial
loan in Arabia at thattime (the advent of Islam) and people used to
borrow money fortheir personal needs only. On the basis of this plea,
they say that the interest, which has been forbidden by Islam relates
to the latter form. For this reason, they hold that interest charged
on a loan taken for industry and commerce is lawful. They contend that
since the borrowersin industrial and commercial sectors make huge
profits from such loans, how does it become unlawful if they pay the
lender a small fixed annual amount? In their opinion, it is a right of
the lender that should be paid to himon his wealth.
But such arguments are totally wrong for two major reasons:
First, the assumption that there was no practice of commercial loans
in Arabia is baseless. Commercial loans were certainly in vogue in
Arab society and there is no point in debating this fact.
Second, nobody can say with certainty that the amount invested by a
person in business will definitely yield a profit because we see every
day that sometimes huge investments made in business and industry
result in colossal loss, but the lending agency does not bother about
it at all and it recovers from the borrower every penny of his loan
and interest.
If it is supposed that there is no loss, even then the interest on a
loan substantially contributes to the increase in prices of goods.
Whatever interest an industrialistpays on a loan is added to the cost
of his goods, which ultimately increases their price and, in turn,
adversely affects the purchasing capacity of the customers - the
masses. This is the reason why Islam has closed this largest source of
exploitation, suppression and tyranny by declaring every kind
ofinterest unlawful.
The usury is of two kinds:
First, Riba Al-Fadhl : To take more in exchange of one commodity inthe
event of barter of two similarcommodities.
Second, Riba An-Nasee'ah : To take a larger return of one thing while
two identical things are bartered. But in this case the larger return
is affected after a fixed period of time.
In Islamic jurisprudence, assets are of two types. One type is of
commodities and the other is of the mode of price for
exchangingcommodities called Thaman (price). Then, every type has a
class of varieties. For example, food grains are a type of assets and
rice, wheat, etc., are its varieties. Similarly, silver, gold, etc.,
are varieties of the second type of assets. Coins, currency notes,
company shares, etc., can also be considered varieties of this type in
contemporary life.
These two types of assets have four varieties:
1. Commodities which are sold byweight.
2. Commodities which are sold bymeasure.
3. Commodities which can be stored.
4. Commodities which are used as Thaman in sale and purchase.
In all such matters the position of interest-bearing and interest-free
things would be as under:
1. When commodities to be exchanged are of the same `type' and
`variety,' any increase or decrease in them will be unlawful, as will
be their sale on credit; for example, exchange of wheat with wheat and
rice with rice. It is essential that these things are equal in measure
and/or weight, and are in one's actual possession.
2. If two things to be exchanged are of the same `type' but of a
different `variety,' any increase ordecrease in them is permissible.
Their sale on credit is, however, unlawful. For instance, the exchange
of one kilogram of silver with two grams of gold, or the barter of one
kilo of barley with half a kilo of wheat, or the exchange of one Dinar
with four Riyals. If such a bargain is on a cash basis it will be
fair, but any credit in this case is not correct.
3. When the two things to be exchanged are not of the same `type' and
are also different in `variety,' then any increase or decrease in them
is permissible and their sale on credit is also allowed. For example,
exchange of one kilogram of wheat with a gram of gold, bargain of one
kilogram of dates with ten Tola (about 116 grams) of silver. Any
increase or decrease in them is permissible, as is their sale on
credit .
To conclude, we, Muslims, ought to struggle to understand the truth in
the Quran and the Sunnah (Prophet's narrations), particularly as it
pertains to the prohibition of the usury, and to be faithful to it
regardless of the price we may have to pay, in order to gain Allaah's
Pleasure and avoid His unbearable

Restoring and maintaining intimacy in marriage

intimacy from conflict, if, and only if, they stop hurting each other
and return to meeting eachother's emotional needs again .
What is intimacy?
Intimacy is closeness to each other. In an intimate state, spouses
communicate smoothly, rush to do whatever it takes to make each other
happy, and avoid what might upset or annoythe other. Couples can
achieve this state only through meeting each other's psychological,
emotional and physical needs .
Reviving and maintaining intimacy: Mainstream-counseling perspective
From Dr. Harley's research and experience in trying to save marriages
through counseling, he concluded that couples negotiate from one of
three states of mind, each having its own unique negotiating rules and
its own unique emotional reactions. He called these states of mind,
'intimacy', 'conflict' and 'withdrawal '.
Couples can return to the state ofintimacy from conflict, if, and only
if, they stop hurting each other and return to meeting eachother's
emotional needs again. The first and most important concept that Dr.
Harley produced to help couples understand the rise and fall of
romantic love is"the Love Bank Account". In his study of what it takes
to build love bank accounts, he learned that habits were much more
important to consider than isolated instances of behavior. Habits that
deposit love units build very large love bank balances because they
are repeated over and over almost effortlessly. Isolated behaviors, on
the other hand, usually do notaffect the love bank much. Similarly,
habits that withdraw love units tend to destroy love bank balances
because they are also repeated almost effortlessly. In marriage, one
of the most destructive behaviors is an angry outburst, where one
spouse intentionally tries to hurt the other one, causing massive love
bank withdrawals .
As a starting point to build the love bank balance, dr. Harley
encourages spouses to get into the habit of doing whatever it takes to
make each other happy (deposit love units), and avoid habits that make
each other unhappy (withdraw love units). Through his counseling
experience, he proved the success of his approach in saving marriages
and restoring intimacy. As soon as he realized that a large love bank
balance triggered the feeling of love, he tried to discover what
spouses could do for each other that would make the largest love bank
deposits. "What could your spouse do for you that would make you the
happiest?" He asked each couple that he counseled, and then he
compiled the answers he had in a set of audiotapes that teaches what a
husband needs from his wife andwhat a wife needs from her husband .
Reviving and maintaining intimacy: Islamic perspective
As committed Muslims who believe that the Islamic message is the
absolute final truth that provides the cure for every ailment and
grants the ultimate happiness in both this life and eternal life, we
weigh any information or research findings with the message of Islam
to accept what is compatible and reject what contradicts any of
Islam's teachings. Dr. Harley's recommendations in the twenty first
century were not any different from what Allaah Almighty, and his
Messenger taught us fourteen hundred yearsago .
Marriage unites the souls
The Quran emphasizes the essential unity of men and women in the most
beautiful metaphor for intimacy. Allaah Says (what means): "…They are
clothing for you and you are clothing for them…" [Quran 2: 187]
Just as a garment hides our nakedness, so do husband and wife, by
entering into the relationship of marriage, secure each other's
chastity, and cover each other's faults. The garment gives comfort,
grace and beauty to the body; so does a husband find comfort in his
wife's company and she in his .
The Quran has given the comprehensive description of intimacy in
marriage, and considered it one of His Signs. Allaah Says (what
means): "And ofHis signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you
affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give
thought." [Quran 30: 21]
Islamic tips to restore and maintain intimacy in marriage
Islam gave us detailed instructions that identify rights,
responsibilities and characters of both husband and wife to build
their relationship on mutual love,respect, and mercy. Here are the
most important tips that lead to a successful and happy marriage .
1. Faith: Common faith binds the couple strongly. Since Islam is a way
of life, it becomes an integralpart of a Muslim's life. Couples with
strong faith will share the same values and the frame of reference and
communicate smoothly and effectively. Faith plays an essential role in
developing a loving relationship .
Couples who work on strengthening their faith, for example by
performing the Prayer, reading Quran, and seeking Islamic knowledge
together, become closer. They love and please Allaah through loving
and pleasing each other. The commitment couples make to Allaah are
excellent facilitatorsfor enhancing their family's spiritual
development and commitment to Allaah and His Religion .
2. Forgiving: When the Prophet said to his Companions : "Do you wish
that Allaah should forgive you?" They said, 'of course, O Prophet of
Allaah.' He responded: 'Then forgive eachother .'"
One of the main components of ahappy marriage is forgiveness. It is a
challenge not to blame and to move past an incident when one hurts the
other. This can onlyhappen if we are not too proud to ask for
forgiveness and we are not too stingy to forgive .
3. Friendship: A relationship based on friendship is more able to
withstand outside pressures. We mean the friendship that is based on
honor, trust, respect, acceptance and care for each other, in spite of
our differences .
4. Feelings: The Prophet stated that Allaah forgives all sinsif we
repent but not those we have committed against others, i.e., hurt
their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first. Couples
must be very carefulnot to hurt the feelings of each other and if they
inadvertently do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one
does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it
notbetter to make amends when wehave the time?
5. Openness: Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe
to speak their mind honestlywith due consideration to the other's
feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication
is not sincere it hinders the development of closeness and deep
understanding of each other's inner self .
6. Flattering: Paving compliments and indulging in honest flattery isa
very inexpensive way to win your spouses heart. Everyone likes to be
appreciated and noticed. So being scant with compliments is actually
deprivingone of being appreciated in return .
7. Unconditional giving: The heartdoes not put conditions or make
stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such
selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold .
8. Fallibility: When couples start to demand the impossible they must
remind themselves that

How to achieve humbleness

Islam highly commends humbleness and simplicity and reckons that as
one of the traits of a true believer. The Prophet said: "Al-Kibr
(proud and arrogance) is rejecting the truth and looking down upon
people." [Muslim, At-Tirmithi and Abu Daawood]
Humility is for one who is important and significant and he fears to
gain notoriety or to become too great among people.As it was said,
"Humble yourself, you will be as a glimmering star to the viewer on
the surface of the water even if it is lofty." We don't say to an
ordinary person,"Humble yourself." But it is said to him, "Know the
value of yourself, and do not place it in the wrong place!"
It was narrated by Al-Khattaabi in Al-Uzlahthat Imaam `Abdullaah ibn
Al-Mubaarak came to Khuraassaan [in Persia] and went to a person who
was known for his Zuhd and Wara' [asceticism and cautiousness in
piety], so when he entered wherethe man was, he (the man) did not turn
around nor give him anyconsideration at all.
When 'Abdullaah Ibn Al-Mubaarakleft, some of the people who were
inside with the man said to him, "Don't you know who he was?! " He
said, "No." He was told, "This is the 'Ameer of the
believers...`Abdullaah Ibn Al-Mubaarak." So the man was astonished and
came out to 'Abdullaah Ibn Al-Mubaarak in a hurry apologizing and
absolving himself from what happened, saying, "O Abu 'Abdur-Rahmaan!
Forgive me and advise me!" Ibn Al-Mubaarak said, "Yes... whenever you
come out of your house and see someone, assume that he is better than
you!" He knew that the man was conceited. When 'Abdullaah Ibn
Al-Mubaarak inquired as to what the man's profession was, he found out
that he was a weaver!! Therefore, this educatedImaam noticed that this
Mutazahhid (devoted pious person) possessed a kind of arrogance,
conceitedness and feeling of superiority over others.
This disease sometimes envelops pious people; this is why he was
offered advice that was easy for him. Many times we find this
characteristic in some pious people, as well as some callers toIslam.
But when it reaches the small students who misbehave with their
scholars and teachers, this really hurts inside! There is no objection
if you differ in opinion or judgment with a scholar as long as you are
qualified to do so. The problem occurs when this difference of opinion
becomes a destructive element to the scholar's dignity, diminishes his
value, disregards and disrespects him.
One should humble himself with his companions. Frequently whenthe
spirit of competition and envy is agitated between companions and
rivals, a person may feel superior over his companion, he may be
pleased byharming him, degrading his valueand importance, accusing him
of defects or exaggerating his faults; faults that may have come to
light when seeking advice, or correction. In reality this is called
jealousy.
Humility is to humble oneself to one who is below you. If you find
someone who is younger than you, or of less importance than you, you
should not despise him, because he might have a better heart than you,
or be less sinful, or closer to Allaah than you. Even if you see a
sinful person and you are righteous, do not act with arrogance towards
him, and thank Allaah that He saved you from the tribulation that He
put him through. Remember that there might be some Riyaa' (showing
off) or vanity in your righteous deeds that may cause them to be of no
avail, and that this sinful person may be regretful and fearful
concerning his bad deeds, and this may be the cause of forgiveness of
his sins.
According to Jundub the Messenger of Allaah mentioned that a man said,
"By Allaah, Allaah will not forgive so-and-so," and that Allaah said:
"Who is swearing by Me that I will not forgive so-and-so? I surely
have forgiven so-and-so and nullified your deeds." [Muslim].
Therefore, do not act in arrogantly towards anyone. Even when you see
a sinner, do not show superiority towards him, nor treat him with
arrogance anddomination. If you feel that the sinner may perform some
acts of obedience which you do not, and that you may also posses some
defects which the sinner may not, then deal kindly with him, and
gently give Da`wah which will hopefully be the cause of his acceptance
and remembrance.
Your deeds also should not become too great in your eyes. If you do a
good deed, or attempt to get closer to Allaah through anact of
obedience, your deed still may not be accepted. Allaah Says what
means: "…Indeed, Allaah only accepts from the righteous [who fear
Him]." [Quran 5:27] Thisis why some ofthe Salaf (predecessors) said,
"If I knew that Allaah accepted one Tasbeeh(saying "Subhaanallaah")
from me, I would have wished to die right now!"
The arrogant person never gives credit to anybody or mentions good
about someone, and if he needed to do so, he would also mention
defects of that person. But if he hears somebody reminding him about
his own defects, he will not be flexible nor comply due to his
inferiority complex. This is why it is among man's moral integrity to
accept criticism or comment without any sensitivity or discomfort or
feelings of shame and weakness. Here he is, the 'Ameer of the
Believers `Umar raising the flag and lifting the motto, "May Allaah
have mercy on a person