8 Dangerous Things We Teach Each Other

and menacing lessons society teaches. To truly thrive in this world
you're going to have to unlearn and disregard some of the ludicrous
advice people reflexively pass along to each other.
Here are eight dangerouspieces of advice you may have learned:
1. There is a clear paththat everyone should follow.
Your greatest fear shouldnot be of failure, but of succeeding in life
at all the wrong things.
Choose a path that fits YOU. Those who follow the crowd usually get
lostin it. Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, each
focus point that consumes yourenergy: "Does this thing I'm doing right
now serve me and those I careabout in the next few minutes, few
months, and few years?"
Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don't gain the whole world
by losing your soul and purpose in the process. Read The Untethered
Soul .
2. Success is a particular outcome or object that can be acquired.
Success is a consistent pattern of behavior moreso than it is an
isolated event. It is the way you live rather than some object or
outcome you acquire. Success is yours when you persistently embody
the discipline, integrity, attitude, and other attributes from which
it is derived.
It is a mindset within you. If you consider success to be something
outside of you, that's where it will always remain – somewhere else.
So in your thoughts, your words, your actions and your expectations,
be the living embodiment of success, and whatever you touch will have
the potential to be successfultoo.
3. You need more to be happy.
You are doing just fine. You don't need any moreor any less to be happy.
Life would be so different if you stopped allowing other people to
dilute or poison your perception with their words and opinions.
Happiness is derived from the way you see your own life; it depends on
your thoughts, not on what you have or what you do not have, or
whatother people think aboutwhat you have. Read The How of Happiness .
4. Rejection and criticism stifle growth.
No matter how good youare at something there will always be people who
criticize your efforts. And while it's never a comfortable
experience, the feelings of criticism and rejection can actually help
you access your more creative self. Free from the expectations of
maintaining a status-quothat everyone is pleased with, you can push
the limits of innovation and self expression.
5. The future is what matters most.
Right now you are alive. This moment is your life. Today is too
valuable to waste thinking of another time and place.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore. Take a moment to
remember how fortunate you are to be breathing. Take a look around,
with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you. Much
of what you fear does not exist. Much of what you love is closer than
you realize. You arejust one brief thought away from understanding
the blessing that is your life.
6. Big opportunities only come to a lucky few.
Big opportunities come to those who make the most of little
opportunities. Little opportunities are present in each moment and in
every situation.
Today is filled with little opportunities. Everywhere you look, there
are small ways for you to make a positive difference. In little bits
of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is a piece of something
larger waitingto be created. String enough of these pieces together,
and absolutely anything is within your reach. You just need to decide
what it is you want to achieve. Read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind .
7. All relationships should be held on to and nurtured.
Most people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you
something. They come and they go and they make a difference. And
it's okay that they're not in your life anymore.
Not all relationships last, but the lessons these relationships bring
to you do. If you learn to open your heart and mind, anyone,
including the folks who eventually drive you crazy, can teach you
something worthwhile.
Sometimes it will feel weird when you realize you spent so much time
with someone you are nolonger connected to, but that's exactly how
it's supposed to be. You are exactly where you're supposed to be. We
all are.
8. The past is indicative of the future.
The mindset of your past being indicative of your future is hogwash.
Do not judge your failed attempts and mistakes as an indication of
your future potential, but as part of your growth process. Your past
has given you the strength and wisdom you have today, so celebrate it
anduse the knowledge you've gained. Don't let it haunt you and hold
you back.
Quite often, the successful people who act the happiest are the ones
who have overcomethe most. Sometimes youhave to lose something
precious in order to gain something priceless. So if you hit rock
bottom, just think, you've got nothing to lose, everything to gain,
and asolid foundation withoutexpectations or obligations from which to
rebuild your life

Her husband's desire of divorce is based on false accusations

Assalamu-alikum, married, has 2 kids, my husband accused me of I am
willing to harm him by putting some kind of shyton deeds, such as
poison him with shyton deeds. I never done any of these things he
accused me with and never willing to do, because it is shrike. I
lovemy Allah more than him and I love my Hakira (here after,) may
Allah grated me with his Janna/Haven, that is my only wish. Now he is
willing todivorce me and he already said once "I divorce you" with
something I never done. My question is I still love him and still
willing to keep our marriage for the sake of our little children. I
try to convincehim that I never comment in such sin, but still he is
not willing to accept or believe me. Even though, I have not done such
sin, I don't want him to divorce me because of this reason and I don't
want him to accuse me with it too, because it hurt me so much. Please
give me an advice on what decision Ishould take. Accept his wish or
stay fight for our marriage and make dua for me please, thank you
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad
, is His Slave and Messenger.
It is Islamically established that in principle a Muslim is innocent
of any accusations, and it is an obligation to think good of him
unless the contrary is proven against him. Allaah Says (what means): {
O you who have believed, avoidmuch [negative] assumption. Indeed, some
assumption is sin. } [Quran 49:12] For more benefit, please refer to
Fataawa 92038 and 128834 .
Therefore, if your husband accuses you of something which you
areinnocent of, then he is very wrong especially that this has led him
to being determined to divorce you. This is due to the evil of
negative assumption which mostlyresults in bad consequences.
Hence, we first advise you to supplicate Allaah to rectify your
husband and protect him from theevil of his own self and from the evil
whispers of the devil. Then, you should advise him and remind him of
Allaah andof the seriousness of sucha negative assumption. You should
be keen on showing him the contrary of what he thinks, by respecting
him and being concerned about him and being a good wife to him and so
forth. Also, you may seek the help of some rational and righteous
people if necessary.
As regards divorce, in general it leads to many disadvantages, so one
should not resort to it unless it becomes clear that it is the best
solution. For more details, please refer to Fatwa 86307 .
Finally, it should be mentioned that the saying of a husband to his
wife " I divorce you ", in the present tense, doesnot lead to divorce
unlesshe had intended.

the Righteous Wife

believing woman that helps her preserve her honor, dignity and status.
All righteous wives are bashful in their behavior and in everything
else - their clothing, their movement, their speech, their dealings
and their manners.The bashfulness of the believing wife makes her more
adherent tothe Islamic dress code, whether it be Hijaab or the face
cover. She does not wear any thing that is transparent, tight, similar
to men's clothes, ostentatious, scented or enticing. How can she not
do all this when it is an obligation and she would bear sins if she
did not abide by these rules? Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
} and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests { [Quran 24:31]
} O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the
believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer
garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be
abused. { [Quran 33:59]
} and do not display yourselves as[was] the display of the former
times of ignorance { [Quran 33:33]
How can a woman display herselfas righteous while she displays her
charms to every eye in order to attract attention? What wouldshe then
keep special for her husband? The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam , said: "Bashfulness and faith are inseparable; if one of them
is missing, the other will be missing as well." The woman who exposes
her beauty is not bashful as she does not have this essential
characteristic of Islam. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam ,
said: "Every religion has distinctive morals and bashfulness is the
distinctive moral in Islam." Moreover, the bashfulness of the
believing woman makes her lower her gaze. Allaah The Almighty Says
(what means): } And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their
vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment
except that which [necessarily] appears thereof. { [Quran 24:31]
The righteous believing woman also knows what Allaah The Almighty says
through the wordsof the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam : "The
[forbidden] gaze is one of the poisonous darts of Iblees [Satan]. The
one who avoids it out of fear of Me will be granted such faith that he
feels its sweetness in his heart." Givingfree rein to the gaze brings
nothing but harm as the forbidden gaze is the seed of all evil and can
only lead to evil as it is one of the gates of the devil. The
righteous woman does not underestimate this. The Prophet, sallallaahu
'alayhi wa sallam , saidto Umm Salamah and Maymoonah, may Allaah be
pleased with them: "Are you blind? Do you not see him?" when they were
looking at 'Abdullaah ibn Umm Maktoom, who was a blind man.
The bashfulness of the righteous woman is also exhibited in the way
she speaks. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): } Then do not be
soft in speech [to men], lest he in whose heart is disease should
covet .} [Quran 33:32] The bashfulness of the believing woman is clear
in her behavior, movement and way of walking. Thus, every Muslim woman
should be an embodiment of bashfulness. The best example of
bashfulness is that of the two girls who met Moosa (Moses), may Allaah
exalt his mention. Their bashfulness prevented them from mixing with
men at the well of Madyan. They said (what means): } "We do not water
until the shepherds dispatch [their flocks.]" { [Quran 28:23] This is
the example of the righteous woman who stays at home, and if she
leaves it for a dire necessity then she does so

Nurturing ourselves

In our fast-paced lives, it is difficult to place a priority on
nurturing ourselves. Women are particularly prone to ignoring their
own needs and neglecting themselves as they give much of their time
and energy to others.
Women are natural caretakers who instinctively focus on the well-being
of other people. We tend to think that nurturing ourselves will not
complete a project, care for a loved one, make money, or get dinner on
the table. With work, home, and other responsibilities, nurturing
ourselves often moves to the bottom of the to-do list, if it makes it
to the list at all.
The meaning of nurture
Nurture means to take care of self, to give time to self, to nourish,
to cherish and cultivate. Just as we nourish and feed our physical
body, we also need to nourish others aspects of ourselves. Just as we
cherish others, we need to cherish ourselves. The opposite would beto
disregard, ignore, or neglect the self. Nurturance and nourishment of
self is important for various reasons.
Why is it important to nurture ourselves?
The following story was once told:
"Suppose you were to come uponsomeone in the woods working feverishly
to saw down a tree. 'What are you doing?' you ask. 'Can't you see?'
comes the impatient reply. 'I'm sawing down this tree.' 'You look
exhausted!' you exclaim. 'How long have you been at it?' 'Over 5
hours,' he returns, 'and I'm beat! This is hard work.' 'Well, why
don't you take a break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw?' you
inquire. 'I'm sure it would goa lot faster.' 'I don't have time to
sharpen the saw the man says emphatically. 'I'm too busy sawing!"
We are too busy working and taking care of others to nurture
ourselves. Over time, this leads todepletion of our energy,
patience,creativity and relationship skills. Over time, our saws
become dull because we are too busy sawing away to take a break. We
find that we have little to give to others because we have not taken
the time to take care of ourselves.
The solution is to learn how to nurture ourselves so that we can
refill the depleted energy, compassion, and kindness. Nurturing
ourselves increases ourchances of success in all of our relationships.
It makes us happier, more fulfilled, and more effective in our lives.
Areas of nurturance
As humans, we need to nurture ourselves in the following areas: 1)
physical, 2) psychological/emotional, 3) social, and 4) spiritual.
This means that we need to find waysto fulfill ourselves in each of
these aspects. Of course, these elements are interrelated and impact
upon each other. Islam is a religion of balance, wholeness, and
moderation. If we balance our lies in such a way as to take care of
each of our needs, we willexperience wholeness and serenity. We must
also do this in a way that is moderate and conscientious.
Case analysis
To get an idea of what all of this means, read through the following
cases and try to determine which area of nurturance is most needed in
each case. In other words, in which aspect is there imbalance or lack
of fulfillment? Focus on the weakest aspect in each case since more
than one may be represented.
Case 1: Maysoon
Maysoon is a young mother of a 4- month old infant. She and her
husband recently moved to the United Arab Emirates from America. The
baby was born in the UAE. Maysoon's husband works from 8:00 am until
6:00 pmeach day and Maysoon is alone in the house during that time
with the baby. She has no social contact and misses her family back
home. She comes from a large family of 6 siblings. Lately, she has
been feeling more and more depressed due to her situation. She cries
often and feels that she has no desire to take care of the baby. She
is not able to sleep at night and has no appetite. She wishes that
they had never come to this country.
Case 2: Maryam
Maryam is the mother of three small children––Zakariyyah, age 4;Salma,
age 2_; and Sumayyah, age9 months. Since the birth of her first baby,
Maryam has been concerned about her weight and figure. She gained 20
kilos with Zakariyyah, and although she lostsome of it over time,
others remained. With each pregnancy her weight only seemed to
increase. She feels tired and sluggish much of the time and does not
feel that she is able to fully give what she needs to her children.
Her husband has also commented on her weight and tells her that she
needs to get slim again like she was when she first married.
Case 3: Zainab
Zainab is a 35 year-old woman with 4 children and a full-time job as a
teacher. Her work and home responsibilities take much of her time, but
she somehow manages. Lately, Zainab has felt aspiritual distancing
from Allaah. She does not feel that she has thetime to strengthen her
relationship with Him. Her salah is often completed hurriedly and she
struggles to find sometime to read the Qur'an each day. Her desire is
to study more about Islam so that she can acquire more knowledge. This
would enable her to teach her children as well as the sisters in her
community. She wishes to come closer to Allaah, but the demandsof
daily life seem to be in the way.
Case 4: Reema
Reema is an energetic, educated, and intelligent woman. She works
full-time in a company as an accountant, but does not really enjoy her
work. She has been with the company for almost 5 years. She also has a
husband and two children—Yacoub, age 7 and Zainab, age 5. Although
Reema is very resourceful, she struggles with balancing the demands of
both work and home. Her time is spent go back and forth betweenthese
two demands. By the end of the
day, she feels emotionally drained and unfulfilled due to thestresses
of her job. She feels that she has no emotional energy left to give to
her family. She is concerned about how this will impact her children.
How do we nurture ourselves?
There is no right way or one perfect solution to nurturing the self.
Nurturing is specific to each person and each season of life. It is
personal and intimate. The ways that we are nurtured reflectour
deepest wants and needs. We begin by asking ourselves, "What feels
nurturing to me?" You can try to remember times inwhich you felt
nurtured arid loved and create a list of those times (or places or
people). Spend time writing in a journal about what feels nurturing to
you. To gather more ideas, ask friends what they do to nurture
themselves. Gradually, accumulate a list of events, people, and things
that feel nurturing.
To get some practice, go througheach of the scenarios above and try to
come up with ways that each of the women can nurture themselves. It
may be a good idea to do this with a friend or group of friends. The
outcome may surprise you.
The importance of spirituality
At the foundation of the human experience is spirituality. While all
elements are important and we attempt to balance them, the aspect that
cannot be eliminated or ignored is one's relationship with the
Creator. This will impact a person's life more than any other aspect.
The soul is at the center of the human being. Allaah Almighty Says
what means: "Then He fashioned him in due proportion and breathed into
him the soul (created by Allaah for that person) and made for you
hearing and vision and hearts (i.e., intellect); little are you
grateful. " [Quran 32: 9]
We also understand that our purpose in life is to worship Allaah
Almighty. Allaah Says whatmeans: "And I did not create the jinn and
mankind except to worship Me." [Quran 51:56]. It is through this
worship that we obtain the greatest fulfillment and nourishment
because it brings us closer to our Source. We find peace and
contentment simply in the remembrance of Allaah Almighty. Allaah Says
whatmeans: "Those who have believedand whose hearts are assured by the
remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah
hearts are assured." [Quran 3:28]
When we focus on nourishing our spirituality it will flow into the
other areas of our life. The guidelines that are provided by the
religion will become methodsof nurturance themselves. Maintaining the
ties of family is an example of nurturing the social aspect. Eating
healthy food is part of taking care of the physical self. When we
understand that the concept of worship in Islam is broad and includes
any actions that are acceptable to Allaah and done forHis sake, the
matter becomes clear. In the end, we begin to realize that nurturance
can be found in the hugs and care given to a child, in the completion
of a project for work, or even in the cooking of a dinner meal.
Remembrance of Allaah in all thatwe do will bring much of the
nurturance that we need in this