In a season of consumerist madness, let’s be grateful, and give

At this time of year the stores are pushing their sales at us.
Advertising is everywhere. There if a frenzy to buy, buy, buy. Let's
realize that this is not a spiritual way of life.It's not an
appropriate lifestyle for someone who is dedicated to God. The
consumerist madnessis a deception. There's nojoy or peace attached to
it. It's a shallow illusion.
Look at what society has done to itself in the nameof consumerism. A
day of thanks (Thanksgiving) has become the prelude to "Black Friday",
the biggest shopping day of the year. It used to be that Black Friday
did not begin until Friday morning, out of respect for Thanksgiving.
Then the starting gun was moved to midnight, and now it has crept into
Thursday evening. Nothing is sacred.
The Prophet 'Isa ibn Maryam (Jesus the son of Mary), peace be upon
him, has been turned into a marketing strategy. His purported birthday
has become a month of shopping insanity, presided over by a mythical
sub-deity named Santa. People go into debt, they fight over sale
goods… no mention is made of faith.
We Muslims fall prey to the same consumerist lifestyle. Sometimes the
holy month of Ramadan becomes a month of shopping, sleeping and binge
eating, astaghfirullah.
Let us – Christians, Muslims, Jews and all people of God – not follow
this path. Let's hew to a way of sacrifice,zakat (purification),
sadaqah (charity), zuhd (giving up material luxury). We don't have to
be monks, but we must focus on the things that matter: faith and
family.
There are movements that advocate a simple living, back-to-nature,
low-impact lifestyle. In Islam this is called zuhd , which could be
translated as detachmentor asceticism. Zuhd is a choice that a person
makes to give up the hunger for material possessions and transgressive
carnal experiences, and live a simple lifestyle dedicatedto God.
That's what we need.
The faith in our hearts is more important than the brand name of the
clothes we wear. Where our feet carry us – to someplace good or bad –
is more important than the cost of our shoes. Thesincerity in our
hearts is more important than anygift. May Allah help us to see what
is important in life.
The Enjoyment of Delusion
There's a powerful verse from the Bible, Proverbs 30:8-9:
Give me neither poverty nor riches,
grant me only my share of bread to eat,
for fear that surrounded by plenty, I should fall away
and say, "Yahweh – who is Yahweh?"
or else in destitution, take to stealing
and profane the name of my God.
(Yahweh is an ancient Hebrew name for God).
If you visit the shopping malls at Christmastime, and read the news
stories of people lining up from the night before and huddling in
sleeping bags in order to buy the latest gadgets, then trampling each
other in the rush; if you turn on the TV to the usual Christmas
comedies and "Frosty the Snowman" cartoons, you see that God has been
forgotten, and has even become taboo. It's not politically correct to
speak of God. Just watch what we broadcast, be hypnotizedby our
Christmas elevatormusic, buy and forget…
Allah says about this:
"Know that the life of thisworld is but amusement and diversion and
adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of
wealth and children – like the example of a rainwhose [resulting]
plant growth pleases the tillers;then it dries and you see it turned
yellow; then it becomes debris. And in the Hereafter is severe
punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the
worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion." – Quran, Surat
Al-Hadeed, 57:20
This theme is struck repeatedly in the Quran. The amusement and
adornment of the dunya is an illusion that dries upand crumbles like a
corn stalk, and becomes dust. It is empty, the enjoyment of delusion .
Wow. That phrase, "enjoyment of delusion", makes me think of a madman
alone in a room,tied in a straight jacket, engaged in a pleasant
delusion playing only in his mind.
I know people who have a bedroom devoted to allthe junk that they have
bought but do not use. They never enter that room and the door is kept
locked. Isn't that a kind of mental illness?
Gratitude
How do we resist the onslaught of the season? How do we remember Allah?
The greatest tool in our toolbox is gratitude. By looking at what
we've been blessed with, our hearts become content. Socrates commented
thatcontentment is natural wealth, while luxury is artificial poverty.
Contentment does not mean complacency or passivity; it refers to a
state of awareness of ourblessings, and gratitude for the smallest to
the greatest provisions – the tiniest cells in our bodies,to the grand
earth itself.
Let's become aware of what we have: the food on our plates, our
ability to see and hear, the love and health of our families, sanity,
intelligence, knowledge… these thingsare huge. When we openour eyes
and start to see, then we become content and happy, and we see how
meaningless are things are like big-screenTVs, the latest smartphone,
or another new dress.
Let's remember Allah the Eternal, and think of our aakhirah
(hereafter). While others are are hungering for more, let's be
grateful for what we have, and give.
Our local Muslim community center here inFresno participates in
feeding the poor at soup kitchens; and is currently organizing a
winter blanket and coat drive for the homeless. I encourage every
Muslim community to do something similar. Get Muslim adults and
children involved in the process of giving, whether to needy Muslims
or non-Muslims.
It's liberating to ignore the sales and seasonal hype. When we abandon
the idea of acquiring goods, and instead focus on giving, we dump the
whole propaganda machine on its head. We change everything. Whilethe
frantic buying of "stuff" makes us forget Allah, gratitude brings us
back to Him. That's why Allah brings together gratitude and
remembrance of Allah:
"So remember Me; I will remember you. And be grateful to Me and do notdeny Me."
- Quran, Surat Al-Baqarah, 2:152
Being grateful to Allah means that our hearts become filled with love
for Him; our bodies are obedient to Him; our tongues praise Him; we
receive His favors with humility; we thank Him for everything we have
received; and we use what He has given us for good. We could never
repay Allah. The least we can do is thank him.
By being grateful and separating ourselves from the consumerist
craziness, we set an example of how to live without avarice. We free
our spirits, remove a burden from our backs, and shine a light for
ourselves and others.

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Muslim Marriage Stories: Carry me in your Arms Importance of Marriage in Islam

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand
and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had tolet her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topiccalmly. She didn't
seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I
avoidedher question. This made her angry. She shouted atme, "you are
not a man!"
That night, we didn't talkto each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I hadlost my heart to a lovely
girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car.
Sheglanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy butI could not take back what I
had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemedto be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came backhome very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just didn'tcare so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son hadhis exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy.
Just to make our last daystogether bearable I accepted her odd
request. I told Dew aboutmy wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she has, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our sonclapped behind us, daddyis holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyesand said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. Irealized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when Ilifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresseshave grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me;she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him
tightly. Iturned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind atthis last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door.I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor and I said to her,
Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touchedmy forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs
this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank
balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
thatbuild a relationship.

Muslim Marriage Stories: Importance of Marriage in Islam Secrets of Happy Married Couples

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of
their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to
partakeof the festivities and celebrations. A wonderfultime was had by
all.
The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was
very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love
they had for each other was true.
A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal:"I
read in a magazine, a while ago, about how wecan strengthen our
marriage." She offered.
"Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit
annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix
them togetherand make our lives happier together."
The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the
house and thought of thethings that annoyed them about the other. They
thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down
what they came up with.
The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would
go over their lists.
"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many
items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading
the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were
starting to appear in her husbands eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep
reading your list."
The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her
husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands
over top of it.
"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both
of ourlists." She said happily.
Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think
that you are perfectthe way that you are. I don't want you to change
anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn'twant to
try and change anything about you."
The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth ofhis love for her and
his acceptance of her, turnedher head and wept.
IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed
and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.
We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.
Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or
annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous
things before us?
I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try
our best to forego themistakes of our spouse. Nobody's perfect but we
can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is
necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each
other....THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP.

Muslim Marriage Stories: How to stay young after marriage? Importance of Marriage in Islam

A group of people went to ask the three brothers of Banu Ghannam for a
solution for their complicated question.
As they met the first one, who was old man, and asked him for a
solution, he referred them to his brother saying, 'You may find a
solution with him because he is older than Iam.'
When they went to meet his brother, they found a middle-aged man.
Havingsought a solution from him, he said, 'You may see my third
brother and,because he is older than Iam, you can find a solution with
him.'
Hence, they went to the third brother to meet a young man. As they
couldno longer conceal their astonishment, they askedhim about his two
brothers and his manner.He answered: 'My brotherwhom you first met is
theyoungest among us. Unfortunately, he had to suffer the misbehaviors
of his ill-tempered wife because he anticipated an intolerable matter
if he would divorce her. Hiswife therefore has been the main reason
beyond his growing old at an earlier time. The second one you met is
the middle among us. His wife has gathered both good and bad
mannerism. She sometimes pleased him, but she also displeased him.
Hence, you can see him as middle-aged man.I have a well-mannered wife
who never shows misbehavior with me. Hence, I could keep my youth with
her.
Importance of marriage in Islam or Islamic marriage sayings
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "(Mostly) the doers of good of my
Ummah are the married ones, while the vicious ofthem are unmarried."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "The person who marries gains half
ofhis Faith, then he must fear of Allah (swt) for the next remaining
half."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "A two rak'at prayer that a married
person establishes is worthier than when a bachelor keeps up prayers
at nights and fasts during the days."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "The sleep of a married person is
better with Allah (swt) than an unmarried one who fasts during the day
and keeps vigil at night, establishing prayers."
Imam Ali (as) said: "In anycondition conciliate the wives, and talk
with them warmly and through kind words, thereby, they may change
their actions into good ones."
Imam Baqir (as) said: "He who takes a woman (marries) should
certainlyrespect her, because the wife of anyone of you is a means of
your pleasure,so the one who marries awoman should not spoil or
disgrace her (by disregarding her respectable rights)."