Dought & clear - , Working out the ‘iddah following the death of the husband according to the Hijri date

I want to find out when my mother's 'iddah will end. My father (may
Allah have mercy on him – I hope that you will pray for mercy and
forgiveness for him) died on Friday 6/4/2012.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to have mercy on your father and
forgive him, and to havemercy on all the deceased Muslims, for Heis
All-Hearing, All-Responsive.
Secondly:
If a woman's husband dies, if she is pregnant her 'iddah ends when she
gives birth, because Allah, may He be exalted,says (interpretation of
the meaning): "And for those who are pregnant (whether they are
divorced or their husbands are dead), their Iddah (prescribed period)
is until they deliver (their burdens)" [at-Talaaq 65:4].
If she is not pregnant, then her 'iddah is four months and ten days,
because Allah, may He beexalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And those of you who die and leave wives behind them, they(the wives)
shall wait (asregards their marriage) for four months and ten days"
[al-Baqarah 2:234].
Thirdly:
The woman whose husband has died must observe 'iddah followingthe
lunar calendar, not the solar calendar, because the Islamic rulings
are based on lunar months.
Months are to be counted by new moons if the husband died at the
beginning of the month. If some months are thirty days and others are
twenty-nine days, then the counting is still correct and the woman in
'iddah does not have to make up anyof the days from the months that
were twenty-nine days.
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (29/315-316): Counting the months
of the 'iddahin the event of divorce, annulment or death of the
husband, is to be based on the lunar, not solar, calendar. If the
divorce or death occurred at the beginning of the month,then the
months are to be counted by the new moons, because Allah, may He be
exalted, says: "They ask you (O Muhammad SAW) about the new moons.
Say: These are signs to mark fixed periods of time for mankind and for
the pilgrimage" [al-Baqarah 2:189], even if that falls short by a few
days, because Allah has commanded us to observe 'iddah by the months.
He, may He be glorified, says: "their Iddah (prescribed period) is
three months" [at-Talaaq 65:4] and "four months and ten days"
[al-Baqarah 2:234].So attention must be paid to the months, whether
they are thirty days or less. End quote.
But if he died during themonth – as in the case mentioned in the
question – then she should observe 'iddah for the remainder of the
first months and for three months thereafter,with their new moons,
whether they are twenty-nine or thirty days, plus ten days, then she
should add whatever she missed of the first month. There are two ways
to work out what she missed of the first month
1. She may regard the first month as thirty days, whether the
month in which the event occurred was thirty or twenty-nine days, and
if she observed 'iddah for twenty days of that month, she should
complete ten more days in the fifth month, and so on.
2. She may observe 'iddah in the fifth monthfor a number of days
equal to what she missed of the first month, whether the month was
thirty days ortwenty-nine days.

Protective Jealousy is the Characteristic of the Noble

Protective jealousy is an innate noble characteristic upon which a
sound person whom Allaah has honored and favored was created. Islam
elevated the rank of this sublime trait and laudably mentioned it to
the extent that it considers defending one's honor and being
protectively jealous about inviolable matters a type of Jihaad. For
this, a person may offer everything and sacrifice his soul, and such a
person would be at the same rank as the martyr in Paradise. It was
narrated on the authorityof Sa'eed ibn Zayd that he said, "I heard the
Prophet saying: 'A person who is killed while protecting his property
is a martyr, a person who is killed while defending his life is a
martyr, a person whois killed while defending his religion is a
martyr, and a person who is killed while defending his family is a
martyr.'
"
The Meaning of Protective Jealousy
It is a change in the state of the heart and feelings of anger that
arise due toa person's feeling that others might share or aspire to
share something that he owns. This feeling appears among the spouses.
Both men and women share this instinct, although theprotective
jealousy of women is greater. This feeling becomes more intense when
the womanfeels that her husband is betraying her or that he desires
another woman. Likewise, the man feels the same when he has suspicions
regarding his wife's behavior or feels that she desires other men.
Protective Jealously from the Sharee'ah Viewpoint
For both men and women, protective jealousy, when called for and shown
in a moderateway, is a praiseworthy trait and it is a necessity for
spouses in order that they can live in kindness. Each of them also has
to consider the protective jealousy of the other and know that every
matter has a moderate and sensible point between its two extremes. It
was proven that the Prophet said: "There is jealousythat Allaah loves
and jealousy that He hates. There is pride that Allaah loves and pride
that He hates. The jealousy that Allaah loves is jealousy regarding a
matter of suspicion. The jealousy that He hates is jealousy regarding
something that is not doubtful. The pride that Allaah loves is a man's
pride when fighting and when givingin charity. The pride that Allaah
hates is that shown in oppression andboasting." [Ahmad and others,
Al-Albaani - Saheeh]
Protective Jealousy is an Indication of Manliness
Protective jealousy, whenjustified and shown in a moderate manner, is
an indication of true manhood. It leads to the protection of honor,
the safeguarding of sacred ordinances, the veneration of the symbols
of Allaah, and the promotion of adherence to the limits that He has
set. It denotesthe strength of one's faith and shows that it is
instilled in his heart. Little wonder then that unethical practices,
impermissible exposure of women's beauty, immorality and
licentiousness prevails throughout the western world and other similar
communities. The reason behind this is either the lack of or the
complete absence of protective jealousy.
Even in the pre-Islamic era, this characteristic prevailed among the
Arabs who experienced the meanings of these virtues. They would be
protectively jealous even about their neighbors' honor from their own
desires. Manly zeal could also drive these people toincite wars for
the sake of any assault against a woman, to protect her honor, or in
response to her seeking refuge. The cause of the war of Al-Fijaar that
broke out between the Arabs was that a group of youth from Banu
Kinaanah saw a woman in the market of 'Ukaath and asked her to uncover
her face, and when she refused they began mocking her. Thereupon, she
screamed, "O people of 'Aamir!" Immediately their fighters responded
to her request. The tribe of Kinaanah stood to defend their youth. The
tribe of Hawaazin stood on the side of Banu 'Aamir and Quraysh stoodon
the side of Kinaanah, which resulted in a countless number of victims
and much bloodshed.
Excessive Protective Jealousy
Excessive jealousy is a source of trouble for the person and those
aroundhim. Many so-called honor-related crimes are committed due to
rumors. This extent of jealousy, which is hazardous, may drive a
person to kill others without any justification or sound evidence for
hisaction. This happens in many places. Some husbands have the disease
of bitter doubts which turns their marital life into unbearable
turmoil. It was narrated that the Prophet forbade that a man should
unexpectedly come to his wife at night,doubting her fidelity
andprobing into her lapses. [Muslim] It is improper for a husband to
have no confidence in his wife, and he should not be excessive in
monitoring her each and every action. There is no doubt that such
behavior damages the marital relationship and severs what Allaah The
Almightyhas ordered to be joined.
'Ali ibn Abi Taalib would say, "Do not have excessive jealousy over
your wives such that you would cause them to be slandered." Also,
Mu'aawiyah said, "There are three characteristics of
nobility:Forgiveness, having a flatabdomen and avoiding excessive
protective jealousy."
Therefore, moderation inthis regard is very important and the limits
of the required protective jealousy are determined by the texts of the
Sharee'ah. It was narrated that the Prophet said: "Allaah becomes
jealous and the believer also becomes jealous. Allaah becomes jealous
when the believer commits what He has forbidden." [Al-Bukhaari]
Protective jealousy is required if women violate the prohibitions of
Allaah The Almighty, and in this case such jealousy is praiseworthy.
Conversely, being void of such jealousy in these situations is
dispraised and is the cause of a person being prevented from entering
Paradise. The proof of this is what was narrated on the authority of
'Ammaar ibn Yaasir that the Prophet said: "There are three types of
people who will never enter Paradise: A Dayyooth, a woman who assumes
a masculine attitude and an alcoholic." His Companions asked, "O
Messenger of Allaah, we know what an alcoholic is, but what is a
Dayyooth?" He replied: "He is the person who does not care who has
private access to his womenfolk." The Companions asked, "Whoare the
women who assume a masculine attitude?" He replied: "They are women
who imitate men."
Considering the Protective Jealousy of Others
When a man feels the pain of a loss or jealousy when his friend
forsakes him and befriends someone else, then we should consider the
jealousy of the mother-in-law. A mother in this situation feels as if
she has lost her son to someone else, after having cared for him
throughout his entire lifeand sacrificed every dear and precious thing
to make him a man of consequence in this life. Also, just as the
person feels jealous over his wife, he should consider her jealousy
over him. It is improper to show his admiration for other women, not
to mention narrating his pre or post-marital relationships, as this is
not a source of pride. Rather, a person should keep it hidden, repent
from such an act if they have happened, and adhere to Sitr (covering
and protection).
A woman should also control herself as much as she can, otherwise
herjealousy would be irrepressible. Commenting on the versein which
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And they will have therein
purified spouses.} [Quran 2:25], Ibn Al-Qayyim said, "They are
purified from menstruation, urination and any harm that afflictswomen
in this world. Their souls are also purified from jealousy, wanting to
harm their husbands and desire for other men."
The Jealousy of Allaah The Exalted
Sharee'ah texts prove that Allaah The Exalted becomes jealous . His
jealousy is a fact and He becomes jealous in a manner that befits His
majesty and perfection. Amanifestation of His Jealousy is His dislike
thatHis slave should fall into acts of disobedience or associate
anything in what is due solely to Him in terms of obeying His commands
and avoiding His prohibitions. It was narrated that the Prophet said:
"Allaah becomes jealous and the believer also becomes jealous. Allaah
becomes jealous when the believer commits what He has forbidden."
[Al-Bukhaari] In another Hadeeth, he said: "No one is more jealous
than Allaah The Almighty. Because of His jealousy, Allaah has
prohibited immorality, both apparent and concealed, and no one likes
to be praised more than Allaah The Almighty." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
Another narration of this Hadeeth states: "The believer gets jealous
and Allaah is even more jealous." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]
It was narrated in a Hadeeth that the Prophet said to his Companions
about one of them: "Are you surprised at Sa'd's jealousy over his
honor? By Allaah, I am more jealous over my honor than he is over his,
and Allaah is more jealous than I am." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Guided to Faith by a Blind Boy - II

I wiped away his tears with my hands and held his hand. I wanted to
take him to the mosque by car but he refused, arguing that it was
close by and that he wanted to walk to the mosque. I felt ashamed
because Icould not even remember the last time I had entered the
mosque. However, it was the firsttime I was feeling fear and regretfor
my negligence over the past years.
The mosque was full of worshippers, but I managed to find a place for
Saalim in the first row. We listened to the Friday Khutbah (sermon)
together and he prayed beside me; actually, no,I prayed beside him.
After the end of the prayer, Saalim asked me to hand him a copy of the
Quran. I was surprised: how could he read when he was blind?
I was about to ignore his request, but I responded for fear of hurting
his feelings. I handed him the copy of the Quran.
He asked me to open it and get the beginning of Chapter Al-Kahf. I
kept on turning the pages one time and searching for the page number
in the index another time until I finally found it.
He took it from me, put it before him and started to recite the
Chapter while his eyes were closed. He had memorized the whole
Chapter!
I was ashamed of myself. I pickedup another copy of the Quran.
I felt a shiver going through my body as I read more and more of it. I
asked Allaah The Almighty to forgive and guide me and began crying
like a child. I kept reading the Quran and asked Allaah The Almighty
to forgive and guide me.
There were still some people at the mosque performing the voluntary
prayer. I was embarrassed and tried to hold back my tears, but my
crying turned into weeping and sobbing.
I did not feel a small hand touching my face and wiping away my tears.
It was Saalim. I embraced him, looked at him andsaid to myself: "You
are not the blind; rather, I was the blind one when I followed some
dissolute persons who were dragging me to Hell."
We returned home to my wife, who was very worried about Saalim. Her
worry turned into tears of joy when she came to know that I had
performed the Friday prayer with Saalim.
From that day on, I did not miss any congregational prayer in the
mosque. I deserted my bad companions and had righteous companions whom
I befriended at the mosque. I tasted the sweetness of faith with my
new friends and learnt things from them that I had been too
preoccupied by worldly pleasuresto know. I never missed a gathering of
knowledge or a Witrprayer and completed the recitation of the Quran
many times within one month, by the grace of Allaah The Almighty. I
kept my tongue often busy with remembrance of Allaah The Almighty,
hoping that He would forgive me for past habit of backbiting and
mocking people. Ifelt that I got closer to my family.The look of fear
and pity that always loomed in my wife's eyes disappeared.
Now, a smile never leaves Saalim's face. Anyone who sees him would
feel as if he owns the whole world with everything in it. I praised
Allaah The Almighty so much for His favors.
One day, my righteous friends decided to visit a remote area in order
to give Da'wah. I was hesitating about going with them. I performed
the Istikhaarah prayer and consulted my wife. I had expected that she
would refuse but her answer wasthe opposite!
She was very happy and even encouraged me. She used to see me
traveling for dissolute purposes to commit lewd acts in the past
without consulting her. Iwent to Saalim and told him that I was going
away for a few days, and he embraced me with his small arms and bid me
farewell. Ileft home for three months and ahalf. During that period, I
used tocall my family whenever I had thechance. I missed them so much!
Imissed Saalim so much!
I wished to hear his voice. He wasthe only one who I could not speak
with since I had traveled for he was either in school or the mosque
whenever I called them.
Whenever I told my wife how I missed him, she laughed from sheer joy
and happiness. The last time I called her, however, she did not sound
her normal self and I did not hear her expected laugh.
I asked her to convey my greetings to Saalim. She replied, "In shaa'
Allaah (God Willing)" and kept silent.
Finally I went back home. I knocked on the door, hoping to see Saalim
opening the door, but I was surprised when my son Khaalid, who was
less than four years old, opened the door. I carried him in my arms
while he cried out in joy, "Father! Father!"
I do not know why I felt a sense of distress when I entered the house.
I sought refuge in Allaah The Almighty from the accursed devil. My
wife came forward with an unusually strained face: it was as if she
was faking her joy and happiness.
I looked at her carefully and then asked her, "What is the matter?"
She said, "Nothing." Suddenly I remembered Saalim and said, "Where is
Saalim?"
She lowered her head and did notanswer and some tears fell on her
cheeks. I cried out, "Saalim! Where is Saalim?" Thereupon, I heard
only the voice of my son, Khaalid, saying in a childish tone, "Saalim
went to Paradise...he is with Allaah…"
My wife could not bear her sorrow in silence anymore and burst into
tears. She was about to fall unconscious on the ground, and left the
room.
Later, I came to know that Saalimhad contracted fever two weeks before
my return. My wife took him to the hospital but his fever got worse
and he died.

Guided to Faith by a BlindBoy - I

I still remember the night my wife gave birth to my first son. I was
not yet thirty years of age and had stayed out with my friends in a
restaurant all night. Itwas an evening full of vain talk, not to
mention backbiting and vulgar comments. I was often theone who
instigated the comments and backbiting that made them laugh.
I remember that I made them laugh a lot that night. I had the unique
talent of mimicking others to an uncanny degree. I could change the
tone of my voice so that it became exactly like the person I was
mocking. Yes, it was my habit to mock all people, even my friends.
Some people avoided me in order to be safe from my tongue.
I remember that night I mocked a blind person I saw begging in the
market. What is even worse is that I put my foot in his way and he
tripped and fell to the ground. He kept on turning his head this way
and that, not knowing what to say. I laughed in a loud voice and my
laugh echoed throughout the market. I went back home late as usual and
found my wife waiting for me. She was in a pathetic condition.
With a quavering voice, she said, "Raashid… where were you?"
I said sarcastically, "On Mars! I was with my friends of course."
She appeared very tired and fatigued. She was overcome with tears and
said, "Raashid... I am exhausted…it seems like I am about to give
birth." Then a silenttear fell on her cheek.
I felt that I had neglected my wife. I was supposed to take careof her
and stop my evenings out, particularly as she was in her ninth month.
I quickly accompanied her to the hospital.
She entered the delivery room and was in labor pains for severalhours,
while I waited impatiently for the birth. She suffered from a
difficult delivery. I waited for a long time until I got tired, then I
went home and left my phone number in order for them to call me and
give me the good news.
An hour later, they called me in order to give me the good news of the
birth of Saalim. I immediately went to the hospital. When they saw me
asking about my wife's room, they asked me to meet the doctor first. I
shouted, "What doctor? I want to see my son, Saalim." They said, "You
have to meet the doctor first."
I entered upon the doctor and she started talking to me about
afflictions and being satisfied with fate. Then she said, "Your child
suffers from a serious deformity in his eyes and it appears that he is
blind!"
I lowered my head, trying to conceal my tears. I remembered the blind
beggar I had tripped upin the market and made people laugh at.
Glory be to Allaah! What goes around comes around! I kept silent for a
while and did not know what to say. Then I remembered my wife and son.
I thanked the doctor for her kindness and then went to see my wife.
My wife was not sad because she believed in and was satisfied withthe
divine decree of Allaah The Almighty. She had often advised me to stop
mocking people. She had often repeated: do not backbite people.
We came out of the hospital withmy son Saalim. The fact was that I did
not care much about him much and ignored his presence at home. When he
cried, I would flee to the living room to sleep. My wife, however,
showered him with love and care. As for me, I did not hate him, but I
could not love him either!
Saalim started growing and he started to crawl like all babies, but in
a strange abnormal way. When he was almost one year old, he tried to
walk but we discovered that he was disabled. This affected me a great
deal.
Later, my wife gave birth to my other sons, Khaalid and 'Umar.
Years passed and Saalim and his brothers grew up. I did not like to
stay at home and spent most of my time with my friends; I waslike a
toy in their hands and completely under their influence. My wife,
however, did not despairof reforming me; she was always supplicating
Allaah The Almighty to guide me. She never got angry at my irrational
actions, but she was greatly grieved when she saw me ignoring Saalim
and taking care of his brothers.
Saalim grew up and my pain grew as well. I did not object when my wife
asked to enroll him in a school for the disabled. Idid not feel the
passing of years. The routine in which I spent my days was: work,
sleep, eating andenjoyment in the evenings.
One Friday, I woke up at eleven o'clock in the morning. It was too
early by my usual standards. Ihas been invited to a wedding banquet,
so I put on my clothes, applied perfume and went out.
I passed by the living room – but I stopped when I saw that Saalimwas
weeping bitterly!
It was the first time I had paid attention to Saalim's weeping since
he was a child. Ten years had passed and I had never given him any
attention. I tried to ignore him but I could not. I heard his voice
calling his motherwhile I was in the room.
I turned and then approached him. I said, "Saalim, Why are you crying?"
When he heard my voice, he stopped crying. When he felt me approaching
him, he started trying to feel around him with hissmall hands. Why was
he doing that? I saw that he was trying to move away from me! It is as
if he was saying, "Now you deign to take notice of my presence! Where
were you ten years ago?"
I followed him and he entered hisroom. In the beginning, he refused to
tell my why he was weeping. It was only when I spoke gently to him
that he ventured to mention the reason behind his weeping. As I
listened to him, I began trembling. Do youknow why?
His brother 'Umar, who used to accompany him to the mosque (Masjid)
was late and because it was Friday, he was afraid of not finding a
place in the first row. Saalim called 'Umar and his mother but neither
of them answered. Thus, he began weeping. I looked at the tears
falling from his blind eyes and could not bear the sight, and so, Iput
my hand on his mouth and said, "Are you weeping for this reason, O
Saalim!" He replied, "Yes…"
I forgot my friends. I forgot the banquet. I said, "Saalim, don't be
sad. Do you know who will accompany you to the mosque today?" He said,
"'Umar, of course. But he is always late." I said, "No. I will
accompany you." Saalim was surprised and could not believe his ears.
He thought that I was mocking him, and continued to weep.