Talhah ibn Ubaydullah - Biographies of the Companions (Sahabah)

Returning to Makkah in haste after a trading trip to Syria, Talhah
asked his family: "Did anything happen in Makkah since we left?"
"Yes," they replied. "Muhammad ibn Abdullah emerged alleging that he
is a Prophet and Abu Quhafah(Abu Bakr) has followed him."
"I used to know Abu Bakr," said Talhah. "He is an easy-going, amiable,
gentle man. He was an honest and upright trader. We were quite fond of
him and loved sitting in his company because of his knowledge of
Quraysh history and genealogy."
Later, Talhah went to Abu Bakr and asked: "Is it true what they say,
that Muhammad ibn Abdullah has appeared as a Prophet and that you
follow him." "Yes," replied Abu Bakr and went on to tell Talhah
aboutMuhammad and what a good thing it would be if he too followed
him. Talhah in turn told Abu Bakr the story of his strange recent
encounter with an ascetic in the market-place ofBusra in Syria. The
ascetic is said to have told Talhah that someone called "Ahmad" would
appear in Makkah about that time and that he would be the last of the
Prophets. He also toldTalhah, so the story goes, that the Prophet
would leave the sacred precincts of Makkah and migrate to a land of
black soil, water and palm trees...
Abu Bakr was astonished by the story and took Talhah to Muhammad. The
Prophet, peace be on him, explained Islam to Talhah and recited some
portions of the Quran to him. Talhah was enthusiastic. He related to
the Prophet his conversation with the ascetic of Busra. There and
then, Talhah pronounced the Shahadah - that there is no god but Allah
and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. He was the fourth person
who had been introduced to Islam by Abu Bakr.
The Quraysh were astounded by the young Talhah's acceptance of Islam.
The one who was mostdismayed and unhappy was his mother. She had hoped
that he would one day be a leader in his community because of his
noble character and his outstanding virtues. Some of the Quraysh,
anxious and worried, went to Talhah as soon as they could to wean him
away from his new religion but found him firm and unshakable as a
rock. When theydespaired of using gentle persuasion to achieve their
aim, they resorted to persecution andviolence. The following story is
related by Masud ibn Kharash:
"While I was making saiy between as-Safa and al-Marwa, there appeared
a crowd of people pushing a young man whose hands were tied behind his
back. As they rushed behind him, they rained down blows onhis head. In
the crowd was an old woman who lashed him repeatedly and shouted
abuses at him. I asked: 'What's the matter with this young man?' 'This
is Talhah ibn Ubaydullah. Hegave up his religion and now follows the
Banu Hashim man.' 'And who is the woman behind him?' I asked. 'She is
as-Sabah bint al-Hadrami, the young man's mother,' they said.
The Quraysh did not stop there. Nawfal ibn Khuwaylid, nicknamed the
'lion of the Quraysh" bound Talhah with a rope and with the same rope
he tied up Abu Bakr and then handed them over to the mindless and
violent mob of Makkah to be beaten and tortured. The shared experience
no doubt drew Talhah and Abu Bakr closer together!
Years passed and events of greatsignificance took place. Talhah grew
in stature as he bore the pain and suffering of being tested in the
path of God and HisProphet. He gained the unique reputation among
Muslims of being called the "living martyr". The Prophet, peace be on
him, also called him "Talhah the Good" and "Talhah the Generous".
The name of the "living martyr" was earned during the Battle of Uhud.
Talhah had missed the Battle of Badr. He and Said ibn Zayd had been
sent outside Madinah on a mission by the Prophet and when they
returned, the Prophet and his companions were already on theway back
from Badr. They were both sad at having missed the opportunity of
taking part in thefirst campaign with the Prophet but were
tremendously pleased when he told them they would get the same reward
as those who actually fought.
At the Battle of Uhud, when the Muslims fell into disarray at the
beginning of hostilities the Prophet became dangerously exposed. There
were about eleven men of the Ansar at his side and one Muhajir -
Talhah ibnUbaydullah. The Prophet clambered up the mountain hotly
pursued by some mushrikin. The Prophet, peace be on him, shouted:
"The one who repulses these people from us will be my companion in
Paradise." "I, O Messenger of god," shouted Talhah.
"No, stick to your position," replied the Prophet. A man from the
Ansar volunteered and the Prophet agreed. He fought until he was
killed. The Prophet went further up the mountain with the mushrikin
still in close pursuit. "Isn't there someone to combat these?"
Talhah again volunteered but the Prophet ordered him to maintain his
position. Another person immediately came forward, fought and was
killed. This happened until all who stood by the Prophet were martyred
except Talhah.
"Now, yes," signalled the Prophet and Talhah went into battle. By this
time, the Prophet's teeth had been broken, his forehead had been
slashed, his lips had been wounded and blood was streaming down his
face. He wasdrained of energy. Talhah plunged into the enemy and
pushed them away from the Prophet. He turned back to the Prophet and
helped him a little further up the mountain and puthim to lie on the
ground. He then renewed his attack and successfully repulsed the
enemy.About this occasion Abu Bakr said:
"At that moment, Abu Ubayd ibnal-Jarrah and I were far from
theProphet. When we came close tohim to render assistance to him,the
Prophet said: 'Leave me and go to your companion (meaning Talhah)."
There was Talhah, bleeding profusely. He had numerous wounds, from
sword, spear and arrow. His foot had been cut andhe had fallen into a
hollow where he lay unconscious.
Thereafter, the Prophet, peace be on him, said: "Whoever is pleased to
see a man still walking on earth who had completed his span (of life),
let him look at Talhah ibn Ubaydallah."
And, whenever Uhud was recalled, As-Siddiq, may God be pleased with
him, would say:"That day, that entire day, belonged to Talhah."
That was the story of how Talhah became to be called the"living
martyr". There were unnumerabIe incidents which led to him being
called "Talhah the Good" and "Talhah the Generous".
Talhah was an astute and successful merchant who travelled widely to
the north andsouth of the Arabian peninsula. It is said that after one
of his trips to Hadramawt, he had profits amounting to some seven
hundred thousand dirhams. His nights would be anxious and worried on
account of this vast wealth. On one such night, his wife, Umm Kulthum
the daughter of Abu Bakr, said to him:
"What's wrong with you, O father of Muhammad? Perhaps I have done
something to hurt you.'?" "No ," replied Talhah."You are a wonderful
wife for a Muslim man. But I have been thinking since last night: How
can a man think of his Lord and Sustainer when he goes to sleep with
this wealth in his house?"
"Why should it bother you so much ," remarked Umm Kulthum. "What about
all the needy ones in your community and all your friends? When you
get up in the morning share it out among them."
"God bless you. You are really marvellous, the daughter of a
marvellous man," said Talhah to his wife. In the morning, Talhah
gathered up the money in bags and distributed it among the poor
Muhajirin and Ansar.
It is related that a man came up to Talhah requesting help and also
mentioning some common family connection between them.
"This family connection someone has mentioned to me before," said
Talhah who was in fact known for his generosity to all members of his
clan. Talhah told the man that he had just sold a piece of land to
Uthman ibn Allan for several thousand dirhams. The man could have the
money or the land which could be re-purchased from Uthman. The man
opted for the money and Talhah gave it all to him.
Talhah was well-known for helping persons who had debt problems, heads
of families whoexperienced hardship, and widows. One of his friends,
as-Saib ibn Zayd, said of him: "I accompanied Talhah ibn Ubaydallah on
journeys and I stayed with him at home and I have not found anyone who
wasmore generous with money, with clothes and with food than Talhah."
No wonder he was called"Talhah the Good" and "Talhah the Generous".
The name Talhah is also connected with the first fitnah or civil war
among Muslims afterthe death of the prophet, peace be on him.
The seeds of trouble were sown during the caliphate of Uthman ibn
Affan. There were many complaints and accusations against him. Some
mischief-makers were not content with accusations only but were
determined to finish him off. In the year 35 AH (656 CE) a group of
insurgents stormed Uthman'shouse and murdered him while he was reading
the Quran. It was one of the most shocking events in the early history
of Islam.
Ali was persuaded to accept the responsibility of the Caliphate and
all Muslims swore allegianceto him, including Talhah and Zubayr ibn
al-Awwam. Talhah and Zubayr were deeply shockedby the murder of
Uthman. They were horrified and felt strongly that the murderers
should be punished and that justice shouldbe done. But the punishment
of the murderers was not an easy task in as much as the crime was not
just the work of a few individuals but involved a large number of
persons.
Talhah and Zubayr sought Ali's permission to go to Makkah to perform
Umrah. They met Aishah the wife of the Prophet. She was greatly
shocked when she heard of the assassination ofUthman. From Makkah,
Talhah, Zubayr and Aishah set off for Basrah where large numbers were
gathering to seek revenge for the death of Uthman.
The forces gathered at Basrah seemed to present an open challenge to
Ali. As the caliph of the Muslims and the head of the entire Muslim
State, he could nottolerate any insurrection or armed revolt against
the State. But what a difficult and awesome task he faced! To deal
with the revolt, he had to confront his brothers, his companions and
his friends-followers of the Prophet and his religion, those who often
foughtside by side with him against the forces of shirk, those whom he
respected and loved.
The forces clamoring for vengeance for Uthman and those supporting Ali
met at a place called Kuraybah, near Basrah. Ali desired to avoid war
and settle matters by peaceful means. He used every means at his
disposal to achieve peace. He clung to every hope of avoiding
confrontation. But the dark forces at work against Islam andhow
numerous were these, were determined that matters should come to a
terrible and bloody end.
Ali wept. He wept bitterly when he saw Aishah, the "Mother of the
Believers" in her hawdaj or palanquin astride a camel at the head of
the army which now emerged to fight him. And whenhe saw Talhah and
Zubayr, two close companions of the Prophet, in the midst of the army,
he shouted to them to come out to him. They did and Ali said to
Talhah:
"O Talhah, have you come with the wife of the Messenger of Allah to
fight along with her...?" And to Zubayr he said:
"O Zubayr, I implore you, by God,do you remember the day when the
Prophet. peace be on him, passed by you and we were in such and such a
place and he asked you: 'Do you love Ali?' and you said: 'Why
shouldn't I love my cousin and one who follows my religion...?'"
Ali continued talking to them reminding them of the bonds of
brotherhood and faith. In the end both Talhah and Zubayr withdrew from
participation in this civil war. They withdrew immediately when they
saw the situation in a different light. But they paid for that
withdrawal with their lives.
As they withdrew, a man namedAmr ibn Jarmouz followed Zubayr and
cowardly murdered him while he performed Salat. Talhah was killed by
an arrow allegedly shot by Marwan - a cousin of Uthman who was too
blinded by rage and the desire to seek revenge for his kinsman to
respond to the possibility of avoiding war and bloodshed among
Muslims.
The murder of Uthman had become Talhah's tryst with destiny. He did
not participate inthe fighting and killing that followed that came to
be knownin history as the "Battle of the Camel". Indeed, if he had
known that the fitnah would have degenerated into such insane hatred
and bitterness and resulted in such a bloody outcome, he would have
resisted it. He was not keen to fight Ali. He was simply appalled by
the murder of Uthman and wanted to see justice done. Before the
beginning of the battle he had said in a voice choked with emotion:
"O Lord, for the sake of Uthman, take from me this day until You are
pleased." Then when Ali faced him and Zubayr, they saw the correctness
of his position and withdrew from the field of battle. Yet, in these
difficult circumstances, martyrdom was reserved for them.
The Battle of Camel came to an end. Aishah, the mother of the
believers, realized that she had precipitated matters and left Basrah
for the Sacred Mosque and then to Madinah distancing herself from the
conflict. Ali provided well for her journey giving her all the comfort
and honor due to her.
When the numerous dead from the battle were brought together, Ali led
the funeral prayer for them all, those who were with him and those who
were against him. And when he had finished burying Talhah and Zubayr
he bade farewell to themwith a heavy heart, a heart filled with
tenderness and love.
"I really hope," he said in simple and sublime words, "that Talhah,
az-Zubayr, Uthman and I will be among those of whom God has said: 'And
We shall remove from their hearts any lurking sense of injury and
rancor; they will be brothers joyfully facing each other on thrones of
dignity.' "(The Quran, Surah al-Hijr, 15:47)
Then he looked tenderly and sorrowfully on the graves of his brothers
in faith and said: "I have heard with these two ears of mine the
Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, saying:
"Talhah and az-Zubayr are my companions in Paradise!"

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And Allah Knows the Best!

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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA

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Worth of Women in Islam

1) Worth of Women in Islam
-
The Prophet's narrationsspeak of women with praise and respect. He once said:
"The world and all things in it are precious, and the most precious
thing in the world is a virtuous woman." (Ahmad and Muslim)
He also said:
"Shall I not inform you about the best treasure a man can have? It is
a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, who obeys him
when he commands her, and who guards herself when he is absent from
her."
The Prophet said:
"Made beloved to me from your world are women and perfume, and the
coolness of my eyes is in prayer." (Ahmad and An-Nasa 'i)
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2) Biologically Men and Women are two different sexes but
complementary to each other)
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One may well ask that if there is such a complete and comprehensive
spiritual equality between the two sexes, why is this identical
treatment not found in other rights, duties and privileges. Muslims
and especially non-Muslims question why men go out to work while women
are encouraged to stay at home, why women have to wear the Hijab
(veil), why a brother receives a largershare of inheritance than his
sister, why a man can be a ruler but a woman can not, etc., and they
then conclude that Islam treats women as inferior beings. Laws can
never be discussed without being explainedfirst, so we must first
consider the fundamental Islamic ethos that men and women are two
different yet complementary sexes. It is an established medicalfact
that men and women have different biological compositions and
temperaments. Allahthe All-Mighty created and knows this biological
difference better than we do, and has thus assigned to men and women
the roles that each excels in due to its nature. Neither gender is
inferior or superior to the other; instead they complement each other
like the two halves of a whole. In everyday life we see that society
consists of many different kinds of people, all of whom playtheir
particular roles to keep society intact. The farmer and the doctor
make different contributions to the society, but both are equally
important. Each excels in his own field, and each provides a service
for the other. Similarly, men and women are different sexes and play
vital rolesin their own areas of excellence.¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤
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3) The Reward of upbringing Girls
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In the days when it was a custom to cherish the birth of male children
and to bury the female children alive because ofshame and poverty, the
Prophet has said:
"Whoever looks after two girls till they reach maturity, he and I will
enter Paradise together like these two (fingers).�(Muslim and At-
Tirmidhi)

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And Allah Knows the Best!

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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA

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Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - II

4- In disputes and arguments. Living in kindness implies that when a
dispute arises between the spouses, the husband should define the
points of dispute and explain her mistake to her, if she is the one
who is mistaken. This should be done in a way that involves no reproof
or scolding, particularly if he wants her to admit something. When she
admits, he has the choice to either reproach or forgive her. Attacking
her hastily before explaining her mistakes would end the love and
intimacy and hinder the process of living equitably, because she would
feelthat she has been wronged. Therefore, it is best that the husband
explains to his wife her mistake kindly.
The Prophet knew when his wife Aa'ishah was pleased or displeased with
him. When she was pleased with him, she would say, "By the Lord of
Muhammad"; otherwise, she would say, "By The Lord of Ibraaheem
[Abraham ]." The Prophet knew that she wouldnot swear by the Lord of
Ibraaheem unless there was something wrong. In both cases, she swore
by Allaah, who is of course the Lord of Muhammad and the Lord of
Ibraaheem but she would use the latter to show that she was upset.
This practice was the perfect politeness that only a noble and
honorable lady would practice. Such a lady neither attacks nor scolds
her husband for his mistakes, but rather behaves patiently and
bashfully. Surely, nowoman behaves patiently and bashfully, but Allaah
will grant her success and a good end.
Also, no man encounters harm from his wife patiently and without
saying hurtful or unpleasant words to her but Allaah The Almighty will
grant him a good end in this life and a great Hereafter. It is
reported that one day a student visited a scholar and saw his son
serving him and showing him dutifulnessin an amazing way. When the
sonleft, the scholar asked his student, "Are you amazed at his
dutifulness?" The student replied in the affirmative and said that he
was very amazed at the dutifulness of the son. The scholar explained,
"I lived with his mother for more than twenty years and she never
smiled at me,but I reacted patiently. Thus, Allaah The Almighty
compensated me with what you have seen."
When a man encounters the harm of his wife with abuse, revilement and
curses, she disdains and disparages him. As aresult, she will not
speak of his love or affection in his absence. People say that man
becomes a subject of discussion after his death, so he should choose
for himself the best speech. It meansthat all people who dealt with
him will talk about him after his death. They will mention what hesaid
and did.
The perfection of man appears in the flame of his anger when he
controls himself and does not sayanything but good. May Allaah endow
His mercy upon a husbandwho abstains from saying unpleasant words to
his wife!
Living equitably through speech is an important element in the
reformation of Muslim homes, and Allaah The Almighty increases the
reward of His slave according to the degree of his patience. Allaah
The Almighty favored men over women and endowed upon them patience and
wisdom that are not grantedto others. Thus, the husband should show
patience regardless of whatever he hears or sees from his wife. Also,
the righteouswoman should patiently endure any hurtful and harsh words
of her husband, for Allaah The Almighty will make these words a cause
for elevating her degrees,multiplying her good deeds and forgiving her
sins. Indeed, when Allaah The Almighty loves a people, He tests them.
So Allaah may test a woman by giving her a husband who harms her and
whom she hears unpleasant words from.
Kind treatment:
Living in kindness also entails kind treatment, which emanates from
being an ideal husband, concord and mutual faithfulness of the
spouses. Muslim homes will not be reformed except through righteous
deeds and good companionship that reflect a person's good nature, high
morals and virtue. The Prophet testified that the best of menare those
who treat their wives kindly and become superior with their good
deeds, manners and noble qualities.
It is not enough for the man to claim these qualities; he should
translate them into action. When Allaah The Almighty wants to complete
His favors over His slaveand shower him with His blessings, He
beautifies him with good conduct. So, a Muslim who adheres to Islam
and follows the way of Allaah The Almighty should, after obeying Him,
be keen to maintain noble morals and Islamic etiquettes whereby Allaah
The Almighty would increase His reward. The Prophet said: "Shall I
inform you of those among you who will be closest to me in position on
the Day of Resurrection? [They are] those of you who have the best
morals" [At-Tirmithi]
The Companions eagerly asked the Prophet about what causes men and
women to enter Paradise, saying, "What are the deeds that cause man to
enter Paradise the most?" The Prophet replied: "Fearing Allaah and
[having] high morals." [At-Tirmithi] Words and actions are required
for the spouses to live equitably, and the best person is the one who
has the best and most perfect manners. The Prophet said: "The most
perfect believers in faith are those among them with high morals."
[At-Tirmithi]
The Prophet made man's wifeand relatives the most entitled tohis good
manners. Therefore, he ordered dutifulness to one's parents due to
their closeness. A man asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, who is the most
deservingperson of my good companionship?" The Prophet replied: "Your
mother." The man again, "Then who?" "Your mother," The Prophet
replied.The man asked again, "Then who?" He said: "Your mother."
Hethen asked, "Then who?" Thereupon, the Prophet said: "Your father."
[Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]
The Prophet made the greatest share of man's good manners for his
relatives, so the first thing we look for in the manwhom Allaah has
beautified and enhanced in his manners is his good manners with his
family. This is because a man might behave in a kind and gentle way in
front of people, but once he enters his own house, he behavesbadly –
this is the most evil creation even if he is kind with people. His
kindness in this case is pretentious and hypocritical, but if he were
to behave peacefully, kindly, mercifully and gently with his weak wife
and children who are under his authority and power, it would be
considered a sure sign that he is truthful in his good manners.
For this reason, the man who wants to behave in a good way should
begin with his family. The Prophet led the Muslim Ummah (nation) and
stood on the pulpit, permitting what Allaah The Almighty made
lawful,prohibiting what Allaah The Almighty made unlawful, explaining
the Sharee'ah of Allaahand guiding to His way. He ledthe armies to
make the religion of Allaah The Almighty dominant and His word reign
supreme. Yet, when he entered his house, he would enter with
compassion, mercy, gentleness and kindness.
The Prophet was the best man in treating his wives; the first thing he
would do was to use a Siwaak (toothstick) so that his wife would not
find a bad odor. This indicates that the husband, through living
equitablywith his wife, should take care of his appearance. Ibn
'Abbaas would bring a Kohl container andapply Kohl before the mirror,
saying, "I like adorning myself formy wife, as I like my wife adorning
herself for me." This is the perfection of Islam.
A Muslim man adopts certain practices and perfections with people when
he goes out of his house. Once he returns to his family and wife, he
treats each of them properly. The first thing theProphet would do upon
entering his house was to use the Siwaak. When he was alone with his
wives, he would be kind, use the best speech and act in the best way.
When 'Aa'ishah was asked about the manners of the Prophet at home, she
said, "He was in the service of his family." Sometimes he would stitch
his clothes and had no feeling of belittlement; it was an honor and
perfection as he was the most perfect, most honored and the highest in
rank and status in the sight of Allaah The Almighty.
Seeing one's family should be featured with modesty and humbleness.
The Prophet said: "Shall I inform you of those among you who are
closest to me in position on the Day of Resurrection? [They are] those
of you who have the best morals, and are the most humble."
[At-Tirmithi] The wife is most entitled to this humbleness. When the
Prophet visited his wives, he was keen to bring them happiness, so
that they would feel his love, fidelity and the bond with him after
his departure. To help strengthen this feeling, the Prophet would kiss
his wives before he left, not out of sexual desire because once he
heard the Athaan (call to prayer) he would be busied by that, but
rather because the Prophet would kiss his wife out of affection and
mercy so that she would realize her place in his heart and sentiment.
A guided Muslim, who wishes to abide by the Sharee'ah of Allaah
regarding living equitably, should treat his family in an honorable
manner. Moreover, the Prophet was keen to bring happiness to his wives
when sitting with them, being sad on the sad occasions and being happy
on the happy occasions. Nevertheless, he would never say anything but
thetruth.
(To be continued)

Mutual Rights-Good Companionship - I

The mutual rights that Allaah TheAlmighty has enjoined on both the
spouses represent His utmostjustice. There are two major rights. There
are two main rights:the right to good companionship, and the right to
overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we willaddress
the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happinessor tranquility in their homes unless
they live together in a kindmanner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the
right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of
the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve
as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says(what means):
#{And live with them in kindness.}## [Quran 4:19] This is a command
from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation.
Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose
violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward.
Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): #{Either retain them in
kindness or part with them kindness.}## [Quran 65:2]
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in aperson's
heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his speech and
words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost ofwhich
is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The
husband cannot livein kindness with his wife, nor canshe live in
kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other.
This is what Allaah The Almighty means by hisSaying (what means):
#{And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress [against
them].}## [Quran 2:231] If the husband wants to keep his wife, he
shouldhave a good intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have
saidthat Allaah The Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his
heart, good or bad, in the slips ofhis tongue. For the man who intends
good when marrying a woman or bringing her into wedlock with the
intention to treat her kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah
will guide himand grant him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty
Says (what means): #{If Allaah Knows [any] good in your hearts, He
Will Give you [something] better.}
## [Quran 8:70]
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the
spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and
actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in
kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the
husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The
Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is
righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative.
He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this
case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his
sayingsand actions. Similarly, the womanshould have in her heart good
intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes, Allaah The
Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah The
Almighty Says (what means): #{Indeed, Allaah will not change the
condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.}##
[Quran 13:11]
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty
will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from
better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention
andlook into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In
principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous
intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. Theeffects of these
things are reflected on a person's actions. The Prophet said:
~"Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body which, if it is sound,
the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is
corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart."~~
Speech:
The second point related to goodcompanionship in one's speech isthat
just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live
in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure
of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding #{And livewith
them in kindness}## that kindness is everything that is in accordance
with the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evilis everything
that contradicts the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the
husband, who wants tolive on good terms with his wife, should fear
Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The
principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet have
affirmed is that every believing man and woman should preservehis/her
tongue and utter good words. The Prophet said:~"Whoever believes in
Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent."~~
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's
tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the
family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in
the past,addressing us as well, Saying (what means): #{And speak to
people good [words].}## [Quran 2:83] Allaah The Almighty orderedus to
say good words that please Him, because good words benefitthe person
who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter.On the other
hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter.
When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful
and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter
affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The
Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and
through the words of His Messenger .
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through
speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be
done in a nice manner. The Prophet would call'Aa'ishah saying: "O
'Aa'ish, O'Aa'ish." Scholars said that this manner of calling his wife
showed how the Prophet honored, jested and fulfilled his role as a
good husband to his wives. This is a method for Muslim husbands - to
use words of love and kindness when callingtheir wives. Harsh and
coarse addressing, which involves a coercive and forceful style on the
part of the husband or mockery and sarcasm on the part of the wife,
ruins love and severs ties of intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the
wife should call her husband by the best names and so should her
husband.
'Umar said that affection and love increases when a Muslim calls his
Muslim brother with the best of his names. This is one of the three
factors that strengthen intimacy among Muslims, so what would be its
effect on the spouses? It is a mistake when thehusband chooses for his
wife a name that embarrasses her or exposes her to ridicule or
belittlement. The same thing applies to the wife with her husband.
Some scholars would say that it is preferable that the spouses do not
call one other by their names; it is most honorablethat they call each
other by their nicknames (i.e. father of so and so or mother of so and
so). This is the best manner to adopt. Scholars have also said that
whena husband is used to calling his wife affectionately, she does the
same or even better since women were created inclined to affection and
love for gentleness, mercy and intimacy. So, when thehusband treats
his wife on that basis, she would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in
a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation,
contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something
from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor
should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve
one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet
once asked 'Aa'ishah while he was in the mosque (Masjid): ~"Give me
the straw mat."~~ She said, "I am menstruating." The Prophet said:
~"Your menstruation is not in your hands."~~ [Muslim].
Just look at how the Prophet asked a Mother of the Believers for
something, and when she declined, she mentioned her Sharee'ah-based
excuse. She did not say no or that she could not without a
justification; rather, she said that she was in her menstruation,
awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet replied: ~"Your
menstruation is not in your hands,"~~ meaning that she could simply
hand it over since entering a hand into the mosque is not like
entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting
something. Marital problems mayarise due to frequent requests.
Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands
and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the
major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels
as if she is a humiliated servant inher husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet before them, advised giving reward upon
request, at least with kind words. For example, when the husband asks
his wife to do something, and she does it,he should say kind words to
her, such as supplicating to Allaah TheAlmighty to grant her goodness
and bless her. Once the wife realizes that her favor and goodness are
appreciated, thanked and not denied, she will appreciate this from her
husbandand will actively do good to him and fulfill his needs. This
will greatly help them live equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one
another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful
that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired andexhausted or
that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This
entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The
Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he
should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he
should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects
her.

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And Allah Knows the Best!

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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA

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