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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

True Love truned into nightmare

Hi, my name is James and my wife name is Angel. We have been together
now for 5 years. Let me start with my background before I met my wife.
Like all men, I too was enjoying my life to the fullest. I had lot of
friends; went on a weekend outing, drinks, party and so on. I am a
Christian and she is a Hindu and I had a lot of opposition from my
parents and families. Even my friends advised me to stop seeing her
and start new considering the consequences. But I was so much in love
with her that I thought it is worth to live with her for 2 minutes and
die rather than living without her for rest of the life. I somehow
convinced my parents and families risking my father's life. Due to all
this chaos he had a major cardiac arrest and underwent bypass surgery.
My mom'sblood pressure shoot to 190 and she bled from nose. Doctor
said that shewas lucky to live because with such high BP she could
have had a cardiac arrest and would have never recovered. Well, I
faced all these problems but still was firm to my parents that she is
the one. I started losing interest in everything; started coming home
drinking a lot, met with an accident and was just seconds away from
death. My parents looking at my ordeal approved our wedding and we got
married.
I could have married Angel without my parent's consent, but my parents
have done so much for me that I want their blessing in my wedding. We
got married and everything was going fine for 5 to 6 months and then
problems started. Considering that I am now a married person and have
a lot of responsibilities I started concentrating in my work. I
distanced myself with all of my friends, started working for 16hrsa
day (so that I can have overtime), and even started working on
weekends. All my hard work paid off, I was promoted as an Asst.
Manager and had a salaryhike of 75%.
The problem is my wife issuspicious on me for everything; she checks
my mobile call log, messages and even my purse. She does not let me go
out even for a minute, she keeps on calling me all day checking where
I am, what I am doing, with who I am. She checks my mobile for unknown
numbers and calls them back from her mobile to see if that is a male
or a female. If it is a female, she creates such a ruckus that I feel
like I am becoming a murderer with all the negative thoughts (can't
explain it here). Well, being a manager I have a lot of
responsibilities and get calls all day long. I really don't know what
to do; I love her more than anything but her behaviour has made to
think again. I have sacrificed my life so muchfor her and still
sacrifice a lot but she pushes me to the limit.
It is no use talking to her,I have tried so many times to try to talk
it to her and have her understand that her behaviour is not right.
ByGod's grace I have everything now and financially well settled. I am
just thinking if she is really worth all my sacrifices or if I should
move on without her.

How should we choose our friends according to Islam?

We should choose the friend that believes in and abide by our
religion(Islam) and gives great respect to what Allah (SWT) and
Prophet Muhammad (saw) had ordered us. And we should stay away from
the one who is not well mannered and gives no attention to what Islam
isabout or what pleases or displeases Allah (SWT), for he will surely
affect usnegatively. There is no good if the companion drowns us in
sins and displeasing Allah (SWT). The bases for the actions of those
who follow the evil ways are corrupt; their actions are built upon
misguidance and deviation.
Good friends are those who share with their companions both happiness
and sadness. Ifwe share our feelings with the wrongdoers whose actions
are worthless and based on corruption, then we are following the same
ways and standards as they aredoing, and we will end up being as
corrupt as they are, and then we are in a big trouble, how can we face
Allah's (SWT) dissatisfaction and displeasure? Instead of making
friends with the misguided ones we should befriend the righteous, yet
treat the rest in a gracious and justmanner. Staying at sufficient
distance is necessary; yet treating everybody in a noble andkind
manner is required.
The danger of having corrupt friends isn't confined to the worldly
life. Such friendships produce repentance on the Day of Resurrection,
too!
Allah (SWT) , the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"And (remember) the
daywhen the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! Would that I
had taken a way with theMessenger! O woe is me! Would that I had not
taken such a one for a friend! Certainly he led me astray from the
reminder after it had come to me;" (Surah Al-Furqan, 25:27-29)
The two main regrets on the day of judgement are(1) Not following
ProphetMuhammad (saw) on the path of guidance and (2) Befriending a
person who diverted one from the truth.
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)has said: "The felicity of this and the
next world lie in two things: firstly, keeping secrets; and secondly,
friendship withthe good. And the miseries of this and the next world
are summed up in two things: firstly, divulging secrets; and secondly,
friendship withwicked persons."
So take heed before the inevitable day of judgement comes and we are
reckoned for our acts.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"Friends on that Day
will be enemies one to another, except al-Muttaqun (i.e. those who
have Taqwa/Piety)."(Surah Az-Zukhruf, 43:67)
It is wise to choose moderation in dealing with friends. Excessive
love and confidence in friends are unacceptable since it happens that
a friend may change into an enemy and use the secrets that he had
shown as weapons.
Allah (SWT), the Exalted says in the Noble Qur'an:"And cooperate in
righteousness and piety, but do not cooperate in sin and aggression."
(Surah Al-Maeda, 5:2)
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as)said: "When you cherish someone you should
cherish him moderately for he may be your enemy someday, and when you
hate someone you should hate him moderately for he may be your friend
someday."Also said: "If you intend to cut yourself off from a friend,
leave some scope for him from your side bywhich he may resume
friendship if it so occurs to him some day."
Imam Jafar Sadiq (as) said: "The secrets that you must show before
your friends are only those through which your enemies cannot harm
you, for a friend may change into an enemy."

Who should not be befriended according to the philosophy of Islam?

When choosing our friends we should ask ourselves first: Are they
going to help us achieve the purpose for which we were brought to
life? Or will they take us away from it? Will they desire for us
Allah's (SWT) pleasure or is that completely irrelevant to them and
not their concern at all? Are they leading us to Paradise or to the
Hell?
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (as) narrates from his father who said,"O my
son don't befriend five types of people:
1. Don't befriend a liar (Kadhib). For a liar is like a mirage. He
shows the distant as near and the near as distant. He will always
deceive you and trouble you.
2. Don't befriend a transgressor (Ghasib). Forhe will forsake you for
a paltry sum and make your sins appear very alluring to you. He will
make you a victim of Allah's chastisement through his petty sins and
take you farther away from His obedienceand satisfaction. He will make
Allah's worship appear as His disobedience, and His disobedience as
His worship. He will drag youalong with himself in the fire of hell.
3. Never befriend a miser (Bakheel/Kanjus). For in your time of need
and distress, he will withhold his wealth from you, while he is in a
position to assist you. (He values his wealth more than anything else.
And to thatend he is prepared to forsake even his friends)
4. Do not befriend a fool (Ahmaq). For (in his foolishness) he will
harm you while he intends to help you. (That is why it is said, 'A
shrewd enemy is better than a foolish friend')
5. Don't befriend the one who breaks relations (with his
relatives/Khata Rahmi). For, such a person has been cursed in the
Noble Qur'an in three places. He is engrossed in his own affairs with
scant regard for others. (Friendship with such a person will
eventually lead the individual towards sins and disobedience of
Allah)"
Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (as) said: "Do not befriend a sinner
(Fasiq/Fajir) because he will sell you for a morsel."
Imam Sajjad (as) said:"Do not make anyone your enemy even though you
consider him harmless and do not turn down a person's friendship even
if you think he will not benefit you."
The Noble Qur'an says,"The hypocritical men and the hypocritical women
are all alike; they enjoin evil and forbid good and withhold their
hands; they have forsaken Allah, so He has forsaken them; surely
thehypocrites are the transgressors." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:67)
On the other hand, Noble Qur'an discusses the believers in the
followingmanner, "And (as for) thebelieving men and the believing
women, they are guardians of each other; they enjoin good and forbid
evil and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, and obey Allahand His
Messenger; (as for) these, Allah will showmercy to them; surely Allah
is Mighty, Wise." (Surah Al-Tawba, 9:71)
The two Qur'anic verses mentioned above only goto show how critical a
role friendship can play in our lives. A true friend then, is the one
who takes us closer to Allah's (SWT) compassion and grace.
Having deliberated at length on who should not be befriended, we shall
now see what kind of people should be befriended. Imam Jafar Sadiq
(as) narrates,"Friendship entails certain trusts and duties. Then the
one who observes these obligations is a true friend and the one who
breaches this trust is unworthy of friendship. These obligations are
as follows;
1. He should be the same outside as he is inside. In other words, he
should not have a dual personality. (In this age however, we often
come across people who are exceptionally humble and modest on the
outside, with little, if any humility, on the inside)
2. He will consider your virtues as his virtues and your misdeeds as
his misdeeds. (In other words your virtues will cheer him and your
faultswill grieve him. God forbid, he must not feel relieved after
observing some vice in you, and take solace from the fact that he
himself is above that vice.)
3. If he acquires a position of power and authority, it must not bring
about a drastic change in his attitude. In other words, prosperity
must not transform the individual adversely. (There are some people
who make the best of friends in adversity. But apositive change in
their financial condition reveals a dark, hitherto unknown side of
their personality. On the other hand we see some people who make good
friends in prosperity, but misfortune transforms them, disclosing
their fickleness.)
4. He must give his friendship (with you) priority over all his
worldly possessions. In other words in times of adversity, he must be
willing to give his all to redeem you.
5. He must never leave you alone in times of misfortune and distress."

Adiyy ibn Hatim - Biographies of the Companions (Sahabah)

In the ninth year of the Hijrah, an Arab king made the first positive
moves to Islam after years of feeling hatred for it. He drew closer to
faith (iman) after opposing and combating it. And he finally pledged
allegiance to the Prophet, peace be on him, after his adamant refusal
to do so.
He was Adiyy, son of the famous Hatim at-Taai who was known far and
wide for his chivalry and fabulous generosity. Adiyy inherited the
domain of his father and was confirmed in the position by the Tayy
people. Partof his strength lay in the fact that a quarter of any
amount they obtained as booty from raiding expeditions had to be given
to him.
When the Prophet announced openly his call to guidance and truth and
Arabs from one regionafter another accepted his teachings, Adiyy saw
in his mission a threat to his position and leadership. Although he
did not know the Prophet personally, and had never seen him, he
developed strong feelings of enmity towards him. He remained
antagonistic to Islam for close upon twenty years until at last God
opened his heart to the religion of truth and guidance.
The way in which Adiyy became a Muslim is a remarkable story and he is
perhaps the best person to relate it. He said:
"There was no man among the Arabs who detested God's Messenger, may
God bless him and grant him peace, more than I, when I heard about
him. I wasthen a man of status and nobility. I was a Christian. From
my people I took a fourth of their booty as was the practice of other
Arab kings.
When I heard of the Messenger of God, peace be on him, I hated him.
When his mission grew in strength and when his power increased and his
armies and expeditionary forces dominated east and west of the land of
Arabs, I said to a servant of minewho looked after my camels:
'Get ready a fat camel for me which is easy to ride and tether it
close to me. If you hear of an army or an expeditionary force of
Muhammad coming towards this land, let me know.' One evening, my
servant came to me and said: "Yaa Mawlaya! What you intended to do on
the approach of Muhammad's cavalry to your land, do it
now." 'Why? May your mother lose you!'
'I have seen scouts searching close to the habitations. I asked about
them and was told that they belonged to the army of Muhammad,' he
said.
'Bring the camel which I orderedyou to get ready.' I said to him. Igot
up then and there, summoned my household (including) my children and
ordered them to evacuate the land we loved. We headed in thedirection
of Syria to join people of our own faith among the Christians and
settle among them.
We left in too much haste for me to gather together our entire
household. When I took stock of our situation, I discovered that part
of my family was missing. I had left myown sister in our Najd
homelands together with the rest of the Tayy people. I did not have
any means to return to her.So I went on with those who were with me
until I reached Syria and took up residence there among people of my
own religion. As for my sister, what I feared for her happened.
News reached me while I was in Syria that the forces of Muhammad
entered our habitations and took my sister together with a number of
othercaptives to Yathrib. There she was placed with other captives in
a compound near the door of the Masjid.
The Prophet, peace be upon him,passed by her. She stood up before him
and said: 'Yaa Rasulullah! My father is dead andmy guardian is not
here. Be gracious to me and God will be gracious to you.! 'And who is
your guardian?' asked the Prophet. 'Adiyy ibn Hatim.' she said. 'The
one who fled from God and His Prophet?' he asked. He then left her and
walked on.
On the following day, the same thing happened. She spoke to him just
as she did the day before and he replied in the same manner. The next
day, the same thing happened and she despaired of getting any
concession from him for he did not say anything. Then a man from
behind him indicated that she should stand up and talk to him. She
therefore stood up and said:
'O Messenger of God! My father isdead and my guardian is absent.Be
gracious to me and God will be gracious to you.' I have agreed he
said. Turning to thoseabout him, he instructed: likewise `Let her go
for her father loved noble ways, and God loves them.' 'I want to join
my family in Syria,' she said.
"But don't leave in a hurry," said the Prophet, "until you find
someone you can trust from your people who
could accompany you to Syria. If you find a trustworthy person, let me know."
When the Prophet left, she asked about the man who had suggested that
she speak to the Prophet and was told that he was Ali ibn Abi Talib,
may God bepleased with him. She stayed in Yathrib until a group
arrived among whom was someone shecould trust. So she went the Prophet
and said:
'O Messenger of God! A group of my people have come to me andamong
them is one I can trust who could take me to my family.'
The Prophet, peace be on him, gave her fine clothes and an adequate
sum of money. He alsogave her a camel and she left with the group.
Thereafter we followed her progress gradually and waited for her
return. We could hardly believe what we heard about Muhammad's
generosity towards her in spite of my attitude to him. By God, I am a
leader of my people. When I beheld a woman in herhawdaj coming towards
us, I said: 'The daughter of Hatim! It's she! It's she!'
When she stood before us, she snapped sharply at me and said: 'The one
who severs the tie of kinship is a wrongdoer. You took your family and
your children and left the rest of your relations and those whom you
ought to have protected.'
'Yes, my sister,' I said, 'don't say anything but good.' I tried to
pacify her until she was satisfied. She told me what had happened to
her and it was as I had heard. Then I asked her, for she was an
intelligent and judicious person:
"What do you think of the mission of this man (meaning Muhammad peace
be on him)?""I think, by God, that you should join him quickly." she
said. "If heis a Prophet, file one who hastens towards him would enjoy
his grace. And if he is a king, you would not be disgraced in his
sight while you are as you are."
I immediately prepared myself for travel and set off to meet
theProphet in Madinah without any security and without any letter.
Ihad heard that he had said: 'I certainly wish that God will place the
hand of Adiyy in nay hand.'
I went up to him. He was in the Masjid. I greeted him and he said:
'Who is the man? 'Adiyy ibnHatim,' I said. He stood up for me, took me
by the hand and set off towards his home.
By God, as he was walking with me towards his house, a weak old woman
met him. With her was a young child. She stopped him and began talking
to him about a problem. I was standing(all the while). I said to
myself: 'By God, this is no king.'
He then took me by the hand and went with me until we reached his
home. There he got a leather cushion
filled with palm fibre, gave it to me said: 'Sit on this!'
I felt embarrassed before him and said: 'Rather, you sit on it.' 'No,
you,' he said.
I deferred and sat on it. The Prophet, peace be on him, sat onthe
floor because there was no other cushion. I said to myself:
'By God, this is not the manner of a king!' He then turned to me and
said: 'Yes, Adiyy ibn Hatim! Haven't you been a "Rukusi" professing a
religion between Christianity and Sabeanism?' 'Yes,' I replied.
'Did you not operate among your people on the principle of exacting
from them a fourth, taking from them what your religion does not allow
you?'
'Yes,' I said, and I knew from that he was a Prophet sent (by God).
Then he said to me: 'Perhaps, O Adiyy, the only thing that prevents
you from entering this religion is what you see of the destitution of
the Muslims and their poverty. By God, the time is near when wealth
wouldflow among them until no one could be found to take it.
'Perhaps, O Adiyy, the only thing that prevents you from entering this
religion is what you see of the small number of Muslims and their
numerous foe. By God, the time is near when you would hear of the
woman setting out from Qadisiyyah on her camel until she reaches this
house, not fearing anyone except Allah.
'Perhaps what prevents you from entering this religion is that you
only see that sovereignty and power rest in the hands of those who are
not Muslims. By God, you will soon hear of the white palaces of the
land of Babylon opening up for them and the treasures of Chosroes the
son of Hormuz fall to their lot.'
'The treasures of Chosroes the son of Hormuz?' I asked
(incredulously). 'Yes, the treasures of Chosroes the son of Hormuz,'
he said. Thereupon, I professed the testimony of truth, and declared
my acceptance of Islam."
One report says that when Adiyy saw the simplicity of the Prophet's
life-style, he said to him: "I testify that you do not seek high
office in this world norcorruption," and he announced his acceptance
of Islam. Some people observed the Prophet's treatment of Adiyy and
said to him:
"O Prophet of God! We have seenyou do something which you have not
done to any other.""Yes," replied the Prophet. "This is a man of
stature among his people. If such a person come toyou, treat him
honorably."
Adiyy ibn Hatim, may God be pleased with him, lived for a long time.
He later said: "Two of the things (which the Prophet spoke of) came to
pass and there remained a third. By God, it would certainly come to
pass."I have seen the woman leaving Qadisiyyah on her camel fearing
nothing until she arrived at this house (of the Prophet in Madinah).
"I myself was in the vanguard of the cavalry which descended on the
treasures of Chosroes and took them. And I swear by God that the third
event will be realized." Through the will of God, the third statement
of the Prophet, on him be choicest blessings and peace, came to pass
during the time of the devout and ascetic Khalifah, Umar ibn Abd
al-Aziz. Wealth flowed among the Muslims so much so that when the
town-criers called on people throughout the Muslim domain to come and
collect Zakat, no one was found in need to respond.