I’m planning second marriage to a woman in need. How do I address thesecular government issues?

Q:-> Dear Sheikh and scholars of Islam, I hope you can help me with my
situationas I have reached a dead end and would like to seek the
advice of people of knowledge. May Allah reward you.
I am currently married andwould like to marry a second wife Insha
Allah. I am an American who lives and works in Singapore and my future
second wifeis from Indonesia.
The problem is the following: I am planning to make the marriage
official in Indonesia, but the Indonesian government requires a
document from my embassy called 'No objection to marriage'. This
document cannot be issued by my country because polygamy is illegal in
the US. So this means that I cannot make a civil marriage and my
marriage will not be recognized by any government offices (neither in
Indonesia nor in the US).
I have then thought aboutmaking a traditional marriage with the future
wife, her father (wali), andtwo witnesses under the auspices of an
Imam followed by a Walimah to publicize the marriage. The problem with
this is that if we have children, they will have several difficulties
because they will not be issued documents, will not have an official
father (on paper) and other problems.
I feel sad for this situation as this woman I am planning to marry is
reallyin need. She is a widow with 2 orphaned daughters who are 10
and2 years old. I feel our secular governments are making haram what
Allah has made Halal and are making the lives of Muslims very
difficult. Can you please advise on whatto do? I have prayed Istikhara
several times andmy feeling is positive towards marriage but I still
have these issues which have to do with thefuture of our offspring.
Please take note that I am seeking a second wife because my wife
cannot have children. Please advise your brother.
Jazakum Allah Khair
Wassalamu Aleikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuh
-sloumabs
A:-> I just want to start by saying, we are neither shaykhs nor
scholars. We are just laypeople trying to advise others as best as
possible insha'Allah, basedon our own personal experiences and limited
knowledge of Islam.
Unfortunately, I don't havethe extensive knowledge about the governing
countries you've mentioned to give any meaningful feedback about the
situation you are considering. From my heart, what I can tell you is
this: if you really believethat Allah is guiding you inthis direction,
then follow His guidance and trust Himto work out the details. In my
experience, when we follow Allah, even when situations seem
hopelesslycomplicated from our cognitive understanding, He has a way
of making everything work together for those involved. If it were me,
I would go forward with an Islamic Nikkah and take the next steps and
days one at a time, and work on each issue that may arise as it comes.
I can say, if your current wife (who I am presumingis also an American
citizen)already knows and consents to your intentions, maybe she would
be willing to give you a civil divorce (remaining married to
youIslamically) to help make the path clearer for you with the second
marriage. Then, possibly you can help your second wife attain US
citizenship, which would help the concerns you noted about possible
future children. However, if you haven't told your current wife about
what's going on or if she is not in cooperationwith you about this,
I'd say you have a bigger problem on your hands altogether.

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A Muslim man is the father of my new born baby, who nowignores us

I am a Native American/Mexican woman,I've lived in North Americamy
whole life. I met a Muslim man from Afghanistan and we started seeing
each other and fell in love. I will call him "Fred". I have never met
Fred's family and he has never met mine.
Four Months into our relationship I became pregnant. I was happy,
butnervous and scared because we hadn't been together very long and I
wasn't sure how Fred would react. At first Fred seemed happy and then
one day he came to me and told me that he didn't want the baby and
said that I would have to choose between him or the baby. It hurt to
hear Fred say this or to even think of getting rid of the baby.
I'm not religious but I consider myself to be a spiritual person and
do not believe in abortion. I decided that abortion wasn't an option
and continued on with my pregnancy. We continued to see each other and
the discussion of my pregnancy rarely came up and when it did most of
the time Fred would be defencive and not want totalk about it.
While we were together Fred told me that he would be kicked out of
hishome if he told his family. As far as I know Fred still never told
them about thebaby and I feel that I have lied to them even though we
don't know each other.There were times when Fred would express
happiness and interest in my pregnancy and it would make me so happy.I
thought that his negativity was just fear and that he would embrace
our child after he was born.
I now have a beautiful baby boy who is almost a year old and he's the
joy of my life. Unfortunately Fred stopped seeing me shortly before I
gave birth and has never met our son. I have tried to contactFred
several times in attempt to have him involved in our son's life. The
few times we spoke he said that he would come see our son, but the
last time I attempted to speak with Fred he hung up on me without even
saying hello and has ignored my calls since.
We never really discussed our religious beliefs while we were together
and I don't have much knowledge about Islam other than what I have
recently researched online.According to my research pre-maritial sex
is frowned upon and having a child before marriage is not allowed. My
child would be considered a "Haram Baby" and he would not be accepted
as part of Fred's family because he was born out of wed-lock.
In my heart I believe that Fred wanted to have this child with me but
has been restricted by his beliefs. I know that he is a good man and
he truly loved me. I am still in lovewith him and hope that someday
we might be a family. I'm filled with sadness because my son doesn't
have a father.
I'm hurt because I have been left to deal with this alone without
explanation. I have done everything for my son andeveryday is a
struggle mentally, emotionally and physically.
I have been considering filing for child support, butI don't want
cause any confrontation with Fred orhis family. I'm not interested in
money, but I don't think that I should have to take on all of this
responsibility by myself. I was hoping he would eventually come around
but it's been about a five months since the last timewe talked.
I'm searching for an understanding as to why he hasn't taken
responsibility for his son and if there will ever be a possibility of
him being in our son's life??
I'm curious what might happen if I approach his family with this
situation and what it would mean for Fred??
I'm also curious if Fred is never going to be involved in our sons
life, what can I do to teach ourson about his culture??
I don't wish to offend anyone so please correct me if I'm wrong about
theinformation I've researched.
- Janet


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Some one says

"Move in the direction thatyou want for yourself, andfocus on where
you want to be, while you make a real plan to get there (faith and
works go together)... And leave, leave, leave, those fairweather
friends alone. To grow, we've gotta let some folks go! Keep on moving,
don't stop... focus on what you want to see happen, and MAKE IT
HAPPEN. With GOD it's possible."

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The Miraculous Goat

Once there lived a very pious elderly lady named Fiddah. She was kind
and generous and always remembered Allah (SWT). One day Shaikh
Abu-ar-Rabie (RA) went to her village. He had been told that she had a
goat that gave both milk and honey.He bought a new bowl and went to
see the goat. When he got there, he was shown the goat and he milked
it. Sure enough, sweet white milk came gushing out. Shaikh
Abu-ar-Rabie (RA) drank tohis fill and then he asked they got the
goat. She narrated to him an amazing story.
She said, "There was a time when we were very poor and had nothing but
a she-goat. When Eid-ul-Adha came around, my husband suggested that we
sacrifice the goat and have a feast. The she-goat was our only means
of sustenance so I reminded my husband that Allah hasnot made it
necessary for us to sacrifice an animal under such circumstances.
Therefore, we spared the goat till the next Eid-ul-Adha. As chance
would have it, we had a guest onthat very same day. Since Allah has
commanded us to entertain our guests, I asked my husband if he would
now slaughter the animal and I would cook its meat for our guests.
Myhusband took the goat outside behind a wall, lest the children
should cry on seeing it killed. A little while later another goat
appeared bearing an exactresemblance to our own. By Allah! This was a
blessing. A miraculous she-goat that yields both milk and honey was
sent down to us as recompensefor feeding our guests."
Lady Fiddah often reminded her children thatthe goat feeds on what
grows in their hearts. "So long as your hearts continue to be noble
and un-tarnished by evil, its milk will remain good andsweet, but as
soon as yourhearts become false, its milk will also turn bad. Guard
your hearts against evil and Allah SWT will make everything beneficial
for you."

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