I have cheated on my boyfriend, how can I get him back?

Assalaamu alaikum brother/sister,
I'm an international student in a university, I was in a relationship
with a guy for seven years when I was living back home; by that time
we also committed zina. We decided we would come abroad for higher
studies and live together here. Butsomehow he didn't get hisvisa but I
did and I came here because my parents put in too much money for this.
After I came here things started to get bad, he got into a depression
state and was jealous of me coming abroad, he used toconstantly hurt
me and berude and it eventually made me fed up of him and we had a
fight and didn't talk for 20 days.
By that time I met this new guy who was a very good person, always
prayed Salaah and motivated me to do so. Hegave me idea of hijaab and
I started wearing it. He basically introduced meto Allah's mercy a lot
morethan I knew previously. I fell in love with him and we kissed
which was only a spur of the moment. I wanted a person like him to be
my husband who will guide me through Allah's path and I will do the
same for him.
I was afraid to tell him that I committed zina withmy previous bf but
I told him I was in an abusive relationship (which was true). Somehow
my ex knew about this and he contacted my new bf and he told
everything about us.
However, I tried to manage things and we were in a good place with our
relationship and even decided to get married as Ihave also committed
zina with him. But I got dragged again with my previous bf and cheated
on my new bf a number oftimes. I went back home last year and I met my
ex, which my new bf got to know about. So now he hates me too much but
I fell in love with him. I'm trying to repent to Allah but whenever I
ask myselfwhy did I cheat? I get no answer from my heart.
I feel very guilty for mynew bf because he always supported no matter
how much it hurts him. I still want to get married to him but he hates
me too much as well as his family (who knew of my wrongdoings too). I
also feel ashamed to post this here, but I have no other option to
seek advice fromsomeone in an Islamic perspective. Can you please
advise me on what to do?
Thank you,
- Nafisa

--
- - - - - - -

Greating Tips

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying N the other
ensuresyou continue to do so for the rest of your life!
=
If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
=
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.
=
There`s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronicbanking. It`s called marriage
=
Man: Is there any way for long life? Doctor: Get married. Man: Will it
help? Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
=
Your wedding day is just the start Of a lifetime full of love N fun.
It just beginsas u take ur vows, When the 2 of u r joined as one
=
Hoping that the love u shared years ago Is still as strong today as it
was then Bringing u much joy ,love N happiness 2 celebrate again.
=
Q: During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the
horse? A: He is given his last chance to run away!
=
Marriage is that relation between man and womenin which the
Independence is Equal, theDependence mutual and the Obligation
Reciprocal

--
- - - - - - -

Tall Grass

I could listen all day
to the eucalyptus leaves
rustling in the wind, passing it on.
You said once
that the world was stale and worn,
like a room where everything's been used.
Sometimes I wonder
if you were speaking of yourself.
I don't see the world that way,
or you either. At this moment
the clouds in the Eastern sky
are limned with red light
like the edge of a forest fire.
The cows across the road are grazing
in the acres that burned last year.
Now tall green grass growsthere.
I know they are slow beasts, barely aware,
but they love their calves,
and they worship in their way.
They are beautiful in their striped coats.
All is beautiful, especially you.
If your world is a stale room
then let me break the door
and carry you into the Junesunshine.
Maybe you're right that everything's been touched,
but the world renews itself.
The rains wash to the sea,
and all is clean. I know that-
like the acres where the cows graze -
you've been burned.
You said you have ten thousand questions
and nowhere to turn. You said
you are a painful mystery to yourself.
That's okay. None of us have answers,
none of us know our own depths
any more than we know the stars..
You are innocent as a child to me.
You are new, never stained,
the tall grass growing green
on the acres of your soul.

--
- - - - - - -

Resilience is Contagious

"Resilience is contagious." –Amy Estrada. Sure, life comes along now
and thenand blows you off your feet. That's alright. What matters is
that you get back up.
You don't have to have theanswers. You don't have tobe superman or
superwoman. When the thundercloud opens up, who among us can stop the
rain? When the hurricane blows, who can stay on his feet? No one.
When the storm passes, stand up. Dust yourself off, take stock, and
move forward in the name of Allah. If the storm has disoriented you
and you don't see the way forward, look to the Quran. "And if there
should come to youguidance from Me – then whoever follows My guidance
will neither go astray [in the world] nor suffer [in the Hereafter]."
(Quran, Surat TaHa, 20:123). The Quran is a mighty book. Never
underestimate it. If you cannot speak Arabic and find the English
translations unwieldy, get one of the modern translations that are
easier to read, like those by Umm Muhammad, or Thomas Cleary.
When you get knocked down and then stand up tall, with strength,
others see it, and it rallies them. Your spouse sees it, your children
see it, your friends see it, and of course Allah sees it. Don't think
of it as showing off. Not at all. Think of it as brotherhood and
sisterhood, all of us helping each other, giving each other strength,
being good shepherds to our flocks.
Superman is no hero, he's impervious to bullets! Real heroes get hurt,
they get down on themselves sometimes, they're imperfect, they
struggle to pay the bills and raise theirchildren, they struggle to be
become stronger in their faith, but they struggle! They don't give up.
That's inspiring, and it's contagious, and maybe sometimes it will be
someone else inspiring you, and maybe sometimesit will be you, getting
up after the hurricane, showing us all how it's done.

--
- - - - - - -