Your “Stuff” is Not a Part of You

In fact what truly defines our character is how we react to loss. If
we were stripped of all the possessions we love, who would we be in
that moment? Would we still be grateful to Allah, patient, trusting?
Hopefully it never comes tothat. But seriously, those times of
greatest sadness and joy are when our thoughts must turn to Allah, The
Eternal, The Merciful, The Wise.
Allah says, "Never will you attain the good until you spend from that
which you love. And whatever you spend – indeed, Allahis Knowing of
it." [Quran 3: 92]
Think about that. Allah is telling us to give away the things that we
love the most! SubhanAllah! Why does Allah ask this of us? Is it to
liberate us from slavery to material possessions? To f0cus our minds
on Allah and the aakhirah (hereafter)? To prevent the evil that
results from the love of money? To benefit the poor?
Yes, for all of those reasons. Excessive attachment to any
materialthing is misguidance. The love of possessions is a spiritual
trap.
I have at times given away things that were precious to me, thinking
they wouldmean as much to the otherperson as they do to me. Sometimes
they do, and sometimes they don't, and yes it hurts my feelings when
the other person doesn't value my gift; but eventually I get over it,
because the point is the actof giving. And maybe – Insha-Allah – I'll
have something to show Allah on Yawm Al-Qiyamah (the Day of
Resurrection), maybe I'll be able to say, "O Allah, I gave away
thesethings that I loved," and maybe that will earn me some
forgiveness, Allah knows.

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Diligence is the Mother ofGood Luck

"Diligence is the mother of good luck." – Arabic proverb
If you want something, work for it and do not stop. That's how you
create your own luck. Whether you were born into a rich family or a
poor one, whether you are innately talented or not, whether you have
charisma and charm or you are a tongue-tied nerd, it doesn't matter.
I'm not saying it wouldn't be nice to be rich, talented, and
charismatic, but you can succeed without them, and you'll appreciate
it all the more. All you have to do is hang on even after others have
let go.
Don't bemoan your fate. No one is born into a perfect family. Don't
complain about lack of resources. Allah created this world and
everything in it, and laid it at your feet. If you're facing the right
direction, you can reach anywhere in the world if you keep on walking.
Find a Way
In 1997 I started a small web development consulting service. I really
wanted to work with Muslims and help to create Islamic websites. As a
small adjunct to my service, I started a Muslim matrimonialservice. I
thought of it as a hobby. That was the first incarnation of Zawaj.com
Muslim Matrimonials . It was one of the first three such services on
the internet. The problem was that I was not really a programmer (I
was more of a graphic designer), and in the beginning I was
hand-creating every page for every ad. The traffic climbed, until I
was getting many new ads every day. It quickly became impossible.
I contacted some large web development firms to get a price quote for
building a proper, automated matchmaking service. Their quotes were
too high for me. I contacted some firms in India, and found one that
would build the website first, and let me pay in monthly installments
of $500. The bill was many thousands of dollars, and that was at a
timewhen I could barely pay the bills. I agreed to the deal, not
knowing where the money would come from. Every month I had to come up
with$500 somehow. I eliminated all unnecessary expenses, I borrowed
from my parents and my wife, and somehow I made it, and paid it all
off.
More than ten years later, Zawaj.comis still my bread and butter. I
don't know whatI would have done without it. I feel that Allah guided
me to make that choice, and I was smart enough and determined enough
to seize the opportunity. For once in my life, ha ha!
Make your own luck. Make something happen. Find a way.
Diligence, diligence. Focus on your goal, work hard, don't give up… be
as persistent as the sun. Sometimes the sun is hidden behind clouds,
but it's there every day. It's okay to have days when you're tired,
when it seems hopeless, when you wish life would give you a break, but
just keep showing up every day and doing the work, and your break will
come.
Whoever said that opportunity knocks once mustnot have been paying
attention, because opportunities come along all the time. It's just
that you have to listen for them, and you must lay the groundwork so
that you are ready when the knock comes.
Faith and Diligence
I'll finish with a story from thelife of the Prophet Muhammad (sws):
Narrated Khabbab bin Al-Arat:
We complained to Allah's Apostle (of the persecution inflicted on us
by the disbelievers) while he was sitting in the shade of the Ka'ba,
leaning over his Burd (i.e. covering sheet). We said to him, "Would
you seek help for us? Would you pray to Allah for us?" He said, "Among
the nations before you a (believing) man would be put in a ditch that
was dug for him, and a saw would be put over his head and he would be
cut into two pieces;yet that (torture) would not make him give up his
religion.His body would be combed with iron combs that would remove
his flesh from the bones and nerves, yet that would not make him
abandonhis religion. By Allah, this religion (i.e. Islam) will prevail
till a traveler from Sana (in Yemen) to Hadrarmaut will fear none
butAllah, or a wolf as regards his sheep, but you (people) are hasty."
What type of persecution wasKhabbab referring to? Was it simple name
calling, or Muslim businesses being boycotted? No, it was torture and
murder. Bilal was laid in the desert with a huge stone on his chest.
Others were place in chains, burned, stabbed by spears… all because
they had adopted the religion of Allah. So it wasno small thing they
were complaining of. And yet all the Prophet had to say to them was
that they were hasty, and that a time would come when all of Arabia
would be united and safe. Someone standing beside himat the moment,
looking around at the weak circumstances in which the Muslims found
themselves, might have found such a statement hard to believe. But the
Messenger of Allah (sws) had faith, and he had diligence, and those
together can achieve anything.--
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Bring it In

Let's bring it together.
Everything moves in circles,
everything whirls, but sometimes
you cut across the tide
and find yourself in the light
of a strange sun. Bring it in.
Smaller circles, far from thedin
of the city, we meet:
your breath and mine,
warm and sweet,
tighter, closer, moving in time
to the galaxy, earth, air,
until we are the center, paired,
and all turns in harmony.
Let's bring it in, become
lion and lioness, oak and stone,
shelter and home.
Mother and father,
husband and wife,
lover and loved,
passion and fire,
dunya and deen ,
family, hearth, laughter
and one true dream.

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Your Life

When seeking a marriage partner, remember, a husband or wife is not
just some pretty face that you get to admire or possess, or show off
to your friends.This person is not a checkbook, a status symbol, a
servant, or a household maid. This is notsomeone that you'll see fora
few minutes each day after work, and take to dinner parties.
You could marry someone only for looks or status then find yourself
miserable, harped on, arguing every day, lonely within your marriage,
or abused. All you rich and attractive people don't take offense – you
might be perfectly lovely and sweet – I'm just saying thatappearance,
wealth and lineage are no guarantee of happiness, and if you focus on
those factors to the exclusion of the soul, then you will likely find
yourself mismatched, brokenhearted and forlorn.
A spouse is someone you abide with for the rest of your life, even
when you are wrinkled and bent. Someone to hold you when you're sad,
to support you when you're tired, to cool your foreheadwhen you're
sick, to share in your joys, tell jokes and play frisbee with;
someoneto pray with in the still morning hours, and struggle with to
achieve Paradise.
This is someone to be a witness to your life, to know you intimately
and recognize your worth as a human being (not that we need someone
else to affirm our value – but it's always nice to be recognized and
seen). Someone to love you unceasingly, like a great river, even when
you disagree. Someone to see your faults, and keep on loving you.
Make sure your priorities are in order. Look past the surface. Connect
with the person's soul. Find someone who will make you smile, and with
whom you will be happy to share this strange journey we calllife.

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