Of duas and fears

I am someone who prays a lot to Allah. I ask for everything. I really
believein the powers of dua.
I am going through a hardtime lately and feel depressed. I've been
reciting "hasbinullahu wa ni'mal wakeel, ni'mal maula wa ni'mun
naseer". Alhumdullillah it has always helped me.
Lately, I found that you could also recite ayat-e-kareema when you are
distressed. I've always known that ayat-e-kareema is very effective
and powerful dua but I once heard it from a friendthat you shouldn't
mispronounce any word of it or else it could backfire.
So, I always felt reluctant reading it. Then lately, I thought, what
the heck, I'llread it carefully as I think it's a beautiful dua but
thecurious cat in me wanted to be sure so I googled it. Ifound it's
"jalali" i.e something you shouldn't recite in excess amounts and
should be read after getting permission from a shaikh or a scholar,
both of which didn't make sense to me so I disapprove. However, one of
the answers on anothersite said that as it is a verypowerful dua it
shouldn't be read for every small matter as it creates emergency in
heavens, so this dua should be recited only in times of real hardships
or calamities.
First it made sense to me then it didn't. I mean whatis a calamity?
Who will define what level of my hard times is declared calamity for
me? or how would I know my hard time isn't really hard for me. So, I
save it for the real hard times? and suppose if I read it when my
resulting is coming outand I fear I will fail, can't I recite it? Or
will I be violating the gravity of thedua?
Now some other questions regarding dua:
Suppose, if it does create"emergency" for the fulfillment of dua, is
that abad thing? I mean nobodycan force the will of Allah
(nauzobillah) and only if He wills it, it will happen. Besides, Allah
likes it whenwe keep asking Him in supplications, right?
Having said that, a question arises in my mind, can it happen that
Allah grants us something which is bad for us? I mean sometimes like
people say, when your dua isn't answered, something better is in store
for you. But if you still ask for it and you get it after a good time,
does it mean, the better was dismissed and you insteadgot what wasn't
really good for you?
A friend of mine once said: don't ask Allah what you want. Ask Allah
to give you what is good for u. I, however, believe that you should
ask Allah what you want and if He wills it, he may make it better for
you and grant it. He is after all, all powerful! Is my approach wrong?
Also, how long is too long? how long should you keep asking for dua?
Is there any limit to it? Sometimes, months go by and your dua is
still unanswered. Is that a sign that you should stop? and if you
stop, will all your previous duas be"expired" or you should think they
are pending and will be answered when the right time will come and
move on with your life? or keep making the dua?
Finally, an issue that's not really an issue but sometimes I panic to
thinkabout it. My mom went to an astrologer and asked her how my
future would be (I've recently found that it's a major shirk, I have
since repented and I will never try finding about my future from any
source whatsoever). So, this astrologer tells my mom that I would have
a very difficult married life. (this was supposedly told by another
astrologer too)so, I shouldn't think about marriage in near future. I
should instead focus on studying and possibly go abroad.
Anyhow, I know that no astrologer has any authority of predicting
myfuture. only, Allah knows best. yet, sometimes I fear what if it
comes true. NOT because the astrologer said so, but because I believed
it to be true for a long time, before hearing it from any astrologer.
I don't know since when, I developed this fear that I would have
difficulties in my married life. They say, when you fear something
strongly, it comes true. Now, I don't know how to get this fear out of
my mind. Although, I have overcome it but since I'm not gonna listen
to this astrologer and insha'Allah I am gonna marry in near future if
God wills it but sometimes, just sometimes my mind shiftsto "what
if?".
Could it happen that my marriage was destined to be at the age of 30(
happily married) but I findsomeone at 25 and pray to Allah that I be
married to him and my prayers areanswered and I do get married but I
face difficulties after it. Could it be that the dua changed my qadr?
Since I've chosento marry early?
Please tell me I should geta life and hold onto the rope of Allah even
more strongly and instill some sense into me. I really need to hear
some words of wisdom and good advice.
Thank you for reading sucha long post!
- Naseem

Wife has left me andwants to become a film actress

I am a 40 year male. Got married 10 years back. First 3 years of
unforgettable happiness and complete compatability.
Daughter born after complicated pregnancy during which wife stayed
with her parents. I visited frequently and talked daily. Another 2
years of near bliss.
Wife stayed at her parentsplace for higher studies. We would visit
each other frequently and go on vacations. Arguments and stubbornness
started. She became abusive and slightly violent. But fondness ,
understanding and openness continued. She came in touch with her
ex-boyfriends (including the one she wanted but did not marry due to
different religion) but she told me everything. She became very
materialistic and self-centered and tried to persue her dream of
becoming a film actress.
After 6 years of marriage she told me to keep my daughter and release
her from marriage. I tried to convince her. She went to her parents
place.
I talked to her parents but they only abused me. I told them some of
her very unholy habits / deeds( which cannot be written)but instead of
counselling her they abused me.
I continued to visit her at her parents place where I was almost (with
rare exceptions) regularly abused, insulted and threatened. On one
such visit, they crossed all limits- threatened to shoot me, throw me
out of the house, etc.. I stopped going to her parents place.
I loved her, cared for her like no person I have known, had dreams for
my daughter and was hoping good sense would prevail.
My in-laws are very far from Islam though they pretend otherwise. Like
they will tell others they are fasting and at home feast and laugh
about it.
I send gifts and letters to my 11 year old daughter whom I love more
than anything.
Now my wife has gone to Imam for annulment of marriage : fasak-e-nikah.
I am confused about why this happened, what should be my response,
what will happen to my daughter and other consequences.
Also why she has gone for fasak-e-nikah instead of khula.
Any frank opinions, advise,dua, guidance ?
Many thanks.

How do I handle my wife’s mood swings?

I got married 4 months back alhamdulillah. My wife is a very good lady
alhamdulillah.We both stay in different cities. She is doing her pHD
and live in hostel and I'm working. So we meet on Sundays only.
For two months, everything was alhamdulillah going fine.But recently,
whenever she is in bad mood, she has started showing signs of
disliking me and said that many a times. She finds mistakes in many
actions of mine with regards to her. My in laws supports me so she has
stopped sharing her concerns with them also. But when in good mood,
she does acknowledge hermistakes and keeps on telling me to pray to
Allah to make her patient and good to me.
I love her alot and tried to soothe her feelings by telling her that
adjustment has to be doneby both of us. We may have to leave our
stated positions and move towards compromised positions.
I don't know how to soothe her feelings. I don'tunderstand her mood
swings and how to handleit.
-Adeelm

I want to become Muslim but I don’t know how my familywill react?

Hello everyone,
I am 16 years old. A couplemonths ago, I met a boy. He then told me he
recently became Muslim. He was talking to me a little about what the
Quran says and I mostly believe everything was true. I know that Allah
hasto choose you. I believe hechose me when I was in class getting
ready to takea final exam and someonein the class asked if they could
pray, he's Christian. Then a girl asked "Wait, is anybody in here
Muslim?" In my mind I said to myself "I'm Muslim" and when they bowed
their heads to pray, I didn't participate at all I just sat there and
looked around the room.
I feel like apart of me wants to be Muslim, but I am scared of what my
family will think. And if I did become Muslim, I feel like it would
break my grandmas heart (she's Christian) because she always asks me
to go to church with her and I am basically her only good grandchild
all the rest are in and out of jail and etc. Also, I feel like my
mother will have a hard time respecting my decision and question me
about it. I know for sure I have a lot more to learn but for right now
I am going off off what I know so far. I feel like all my life my
family automatically mademe a Christian without mehaving a say so.
They automatically put mein a christian pre- school and so on. I never
got a choice to explore religions and find out what I really believe,
so I've now pronounced myself undecided but I do believethere is a
God. I was hoping someone will respond to this and give me some advice
on my situation and enlighten me some more on the beliefs, customs,
and way of life of Muslims. I also have a lot of questions as well.
Thanks for your time whoever reads this and whoever responds, its
greatly appreciated.
Jarp/