I want out of this secret marriage

Rasool(sws) said: 'Marriagewithout Wali is invalid, invalid, invalid!'
Salam,
As per my first post, I am in a secret marriage with amarried
co-worker. The story is such a long and strange one that at times, I
feel soo evil, so hypocritical, so sinful and so lowly. But deep down,
Iknow I have a goodness inme, I am not a bad or evil person. I have
never intended to get involved with him nor get married to him whether
publicly orsecretly nor allow the marriage to continue up to now.
There are moments I feel Allah SWT is testing me through this marriage
thus I should patiently endure but most of time, I believe that He is
punishing me for succumbing to my nafs. God knows that I want to be a
BETTER person. I wantto put to be on the right path! I really want to
be a better Muslimah; A role model to my siblings: I never want to let
them down as they hold me at such high esteem yet I am weak and
indecisive in doing the right thing.
I just want you to advice me on how to break awayfrom this marriage as
I know it is not good for myDunya and Arkirah!! As you mentioned in
your previous post, the tendecyof him telling his wife and family
about me is very very slim. Each time I give him an ultimatum to
publicize our marriage so Ican live as dignified life as a married
girl instead of allowing people who always see us together to thinking
that we are in a secret affair, he always keeps on giving me excuses,
excuses and empty promises?
He always says that I haveto endure a little as marriage is always
about enduring, that I should endure just as his first wifeis
enduring, etc etc. But, I always tell him she is in a sense the
"official" wife whilst for me, he has decided to keep me as
the"unofficial" wife that the insecurity that comes withthat alone is
enough reason to make any endurance unjustifiable.
I know that if I had another job, I will be able to avoid him and make
my separation from him effective, but the close proximity and the fact
that I have to see and work with him every single work day is just
making things way difficult for me. I really want out! I have to get
out of this marriage for my own sanity. I have been repenting, doing
dhikr and Duas but still I always listen to his empty promises and
hope things will get better but I know it wouldn't. That they will in
fact get messier.
Please don't want Allah to punish me any further as aresult of staying
in this secret marriage. I have already suffered a lot. Please tell me
what to do under these circumstancesbefore I ruin myself!
Khadija./

ISLAMIC ARTICLE :- ~ Is my Nikkah valid ordo I need to do it again?

I would like to ask about my marriage. Those who are answering this
please be as specific in accordance to ISLAM.
Since Allah(swt) has guided me and inshallah will forgive me for my
sins. I would like to explain the scenario. I don't feel comfortable
approaching Imam or of someone with greater knowledge.
I have been married for 10years with children. Before I married my
wife, she was non-Muslim and married to an Atheist. According to her
she was living with him but no sexual relationship after gaining more
knowledge about Islam without accepting there and then, due to family
and not ready because of her situation. She did try to give him
knowledge about Islam but he refused to accept it. At the same time
they both had the shared property in their names. So, it wasn't easy
to just move out and also because of family shame.
She did marry him on her acccordance against her parents will. But
after she had accepted Islam she was still under the same roof as him
but seperate room. Thats when I meet her and we started dating and
pretty much after 3months of dating she sold the house and got
divorced. We were dating and (shaytan got both of us with weak iman
and took us on a ugly journey) had sexual intercourse after 3 months
doing our own nikah using the Quran and no witnesses (fearing my
parents won't accept her). After 2 more months my mum wasn't happy and
decided to get us married with proper Nikkah (I still stuffed up
byforcing her to have intercourse during her period). My question is:
1. Does Iddah (waiting period) apply in her scenario? With her first
marriage and with me?
2. Is our Nikkah valid or doI need to do it again?
3. I feel I have disrespected my parents and did not do the right
thing, should I tell them the full truth or just leave it as it is?
4. Any further advice?
Regards,
nisha/

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Where My Heart Beats

You are the rich soil
from which life grows.
You are the morning snow
on a maple tree.
Your soul glitters before me
like the sun on the sea.
Your name is a kiss,
your voice an embrace.
There is no place for me
in this bewildering life
but in your arms.
There is no corona
more captivating than youreyes.
Where your feet walk,
I find my smile.
Where your head rests,
that is my bed.
Where your hands touch and flutter,
that is where my heart beats,
and if I lived a thousand years
still I would love you
like the evening tide,
immense and ripe with life.