Rulings on Marriage, - * She is pregnant and she did not pray for nine months, then she repented. What is the ruling on her marriage?

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- You replied to my question by giving me a link to previous answer,but please i need more clarification if you could answer in person!
On the day my father took my permission to marry me to my husband i just started praying,not all the prayers but prayed a couple of salats,i knew that some scholars said if a women dosent pray at all nikah is invalid so thats why i prayed only a day before my nikah,the day after my permission was sought was my nikah day and i prayed fajr and zuhur on my nikah day,and after my nikah in the next couple days i prayed 2/3 prayers altogether,after that my period started and than became lazy may Allah forgive me and stopped praying for 9 months of our marriage,i was lying to my husband he use to think i prayed before and after we got married but alhamdulilah i have started praying again now,i also got pregnant 2 months after my nikah when i was not praying and am still pregnant now and praying alhamdulilah,does this have any effect,is my nikah valid?
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Praise be to Allah.
The scholars (may Allah have mercy on them) differed as to whether the one who does not pray is a kaafir, if he does not deny that it is obligatory. Some of them – and this is the view of Imam Ahmad and a number of the early generations – said that he is a kaafir in the sense of kufr that puts one beyond the pale of Islam, and he is to be regarded as an apostate.
The majority of scholars said that he does not become a kaafir by not praying, so long as he does not deny that it is obligatory, but he should be asked to repent for three days; if he repents, all well and good, but if he does not, he is to be executed as a hadd punishment, not on the grounds that he has become a kaafir.
The more correct view is the former, which is that the one who does not pray is a kaafir. This is the view reflected in fatwas given on this website.
See also the answer to question no. 5208
Secondly:
If a person prays sometimes and not at other times, there is a difference of opinion among those who say that he is a kaafir in this case. Some of them say that he becomes a kaafir if he omits one obligatory prayer deliberately until the time for it is over. Others say that he does not become a kaafir unless he stops praying altogether. The latter is the view favored by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him). For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 83165and 185619.
Thirdly:
If you were praying before marriage, then the marriage contract is valid, and there is no problem with it.
If it so happened that you stopped praying altogether after marriage, for a period of nine months as you mentioned, then this is subject to the difference of scholarly opinion mentioned above concerning the ruling on one who does not pray. The opinion of the majority of scholars is that the one who does not pray is not deemed to be an apostate, so there is no problem, and the marriage remains valid, especially since you repented after that and adhered to praying regularly.
But according to the view of those who think that the one who does not pray becomes a kaafir and apostate, the marriage is not completely annulled because of that; rather the matter is to be left till the end of the ‘iddah. If the partner who became an apostate repents before the end of the ‘iddah, then the marriage remains as it was. But if the ‘iddah ends (without that partner having repented), then they are to be separated and the marriage is annulled.
Rather, Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] thinks that even after the end of the ‘iddah there is still an opportunity for the partners to go back to their previous marriage contract, if the one who became an apostate repents before the woman remarries.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If both or one of them becomes a kaafir after consummation of the marriage, the matter is to be left until the end of the ‘iddah and the marriage is not to be annulled yet. Rather we should wait until the ‘iddah ends. Then if they come back to Islam, the marriage remains valid. It says inar-Rawd: If the one who became an apostate repents before (the ‘iddah) ends, then their marriage remains valid, otherwise the marriage is to be annulled from the time he apostatised.
Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] has the same opinion concerning this issue as is mentioned above about the first issue. He says: Before the end of the ‘iddah, the woman is not allowed to marry someone else; after the end of the ‘iddah she may marry someone else. But if she does not want to get married, in the hope that her husband may come back to Islam, then she is allowed that option.
End quote fromash-Sharh al-Mumti‘, 12/249. See also:al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 7/35
To sum up:
So long as you have repented and adhered to regular prayer, and you are still pregnant and have not yet given birth, then your marriage is valid and there is no problem with it, in sha Allah.
But what really matters here is that you learn a lesson from this, which is that prayer is too important to be ignored because of laziness or one’s own whims and desires. It is the most important physical act and is the most important thing that Allah demands of His slaves after their entering His religion.
And Allah knows best.

Comedy

அப்பா அடிச்சா வலிக்கும்,
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அம்மா அடிச்சா வலிக்கும்,
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ஆனா .. சைட் அடிச்சா வலிக்காது?!

Comedy

அப்பா அடிச்சா வலிக்கும்,
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அம்மா அடிச்சா வலிக்கும்,
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ஆனா .. சைட் அடிச்சா ?!

Bad behaviour, - * He is very distressed because of his father’s dealing in riba(usury)

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I know this question is un-related to fasting,but I beg you to answer, I am thinking of committing SUICIDE!
My father bought house 7 years ago (I'm currently living in it now). He took out Haram loan to buy it. He's paying it back to the bank ever since. He then stupidly took out another loan to buy another house 3 years ago. He borrowed tens of thousands from my older sister who helps him out a lot with re-paying the loans. I only found out 6 months ago about existence of all of this Riba, and have been urging him to repent to Allaah & pay bank back for both loans. Me & my sister are so fed up. She has no life because she is too busy helping my dad for years
Solution: My dad could sell 1 house & he has another big house in Pakistan (which is earned through Halal means). If he sells both of these, that would be enough to pay off both loans
I have no savingS myself. He cares about nothing. He delays paying it back, or selling the houses. Every time I convince him, he abuses me a lot
1) Am I to blame for anything? I Fear Allah!
2) Please tell me, HOW can I convince him to sort out Riba? It has been utter torture for me living with them knowing about his mess! They are both paying about 5 haraam bills between them!
3) Dad got re-married. His wife knows about ALL financial crisis, I cannot explain how little concern she has. She has never encouraged him to fix this Riba. Selfishly, All she cares about is having financial security, at ANY COST!
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Praise be to Allah.
Riba (usury) is a grave sin which the Muslim is obliged and required to avoid.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Fear Allah and give up what remains (due to you) from Ribaa (from now onward) if you are (really) believers.
279. And if you do not do it, then take a notice of war from Allah and His Messenger but if you repent, you shall have your capital sums. Deal not unjustly (by asking more than your capital sums), and you shall not be dealt with unjustly (by receiving less than your capital sums)”
[al-Baqarah 2:278-279].
It was narrated that Jaabir said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) cursed the one who consumes riba and the one who pays it, the one who writes it down and the two who witness it, and he said: they are all the same.
Narrated by Muslim (1598).
When a person takes out a riba-based loan, the only one who sins is the one who does it; there is no sin on his family, unless they approve of that or help him. But if they object to his action and advise him not to do it, then there is no sin on them, because they have not done anything haraam.
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another. Then unto your Lord is your return, so He will tell you that wherein you have been differing”
[al-An‘aam 6:164]
“And no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden, and if one heavily laden calls another to (bear) his load, nothing of it will be lifted even though he be near of kin. You (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) can warn only those who fear their Lord unseen, and perform As-Salat (Iqamat-as-Salat). And he who purifies himself (from all kinds of sins), then he purifies only for the benefit of his ownself. And to Allah is the (final) Return (of all)”
[Faatir 35:18].
Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words “And no bearer of burdens shall bear another’s burden” mean: on the Day of Resurrection, each one will be requited for his deeds, and no one will bear the burden of sin of anyone else. “and if one heavily laden calls another to (bear) his load” means: if a soul that is heavily laden with sins and transgressions seeks help from someone else to take some of his burden, “nothing of it will be lifted even though he be near of kin” because no burden can be taken from a relative. End quote fromTayseer al-Kareem ar-Rahmaan fi Tafseer Kalaam al-Mannaan(p. 687)
Your distress or sorrow at the sin of your father is something praiseworthy and indicates that your heart is spiritually alive and fears Allah, may He be exalted, but if this distress reaches the level of thinking of suicide, then it becomes blameworthy, because it has ceased to be useful and has become harmful. Hence you must strive to overcome it and focus on doing righteous deeds.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
As for distress or grief, it is not enjoined by Allah or His Messenger; rather it is prohibited in several places, even if it has to do with matters of religion, as in the verses in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“So do not become weak (against your enemy), nor be sad, and you will be superior (in victory) if you are indeed (true) believers”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:139]
“And grieve not over them (polytheists and pagans, etc.), and be not distressed because of what they plot”
[al-Nahl 16:127]
“and he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to his companion (Abu Bakr ): "Be not sad (or afraid), surely Allah is with us”
[at-Tawbah 9:40]
“And let not their speech grieve you (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him))”
[Yoonus 10:65]
“In order that you may not be sad over matters that you fail to get, nor rejoice because of that which has been given to you”
[al-Hadeed 57:23].
And there are many similar examples.
That is because it does not bring any benefit or ward off any harm, so it does not serve any purpose, and whatever does not serve any purpose, Allah does not enjoin it.
Grief or sorrow may be an indication of something for which a person will be rewarded and praised, so it is praiseworthy in that sense; it is not praiseworthy in and of itself, as in the case of one who is grieved by a calamity that affects his religious commitment, or is grieved by calamities that befall the Muslims in general. Such a person will be rewarded for what is in his heart of love for good and hatred of evil, and the like.
But if it leads to discouragement and being distracted from doing that which Allah and His Messenger have enjoined, then it is blameworthy in this regard, even if it is praiseworthy in some other aspects. End quote.
Majmoo‘ al-Fataawa(10/16-17)
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) regarded grief as something from which one should seek refuge with Allah, because grief leads to discouragement, weakens resolve and undermines willpower. There is nothing more beloved to the Shaytaan than the grief of the believer. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Secret counsels (conspiracies) are only from Shaytaan (Satan), in order that he may cause grief to the believers”
[al-Mujaadilah 58:10].
Grief is one of the diseases of the heart (spiritual diseases) that prevent a person from recovering and striving hard … But grief may be praiseworthy in terms of its cause, source or implications, not in and of itself. The believer may feel grief for his carelessness and shortcomings in serving and worshipping his Lord, or he may feel grief for going to extremes in opposition, disobedience and wasting his time. This is indicative of the soundness of the faith in his heart and of his spiritual wellbeing , because his heart feels such pain, hence he feels grief. But if his heart is dead (spiritually deadened), he will not feel that and he will not feel any grief or sorrow, because the dead do not feel the pain of wounds. The more spiritually alive his heart is, the more he will feel this pain. But grief does not help at all, because it leads to discouragement, as mentioned above. Rather what benefits the heart is to focus the mind, strive hard, roll up one sleeves and do one’s utmost. End quote.
Tareeq al-Hijratayn(2/607-608)
Secondly:
The grief that you are feeling, that has led you to think of suicide, is something unwise. The wise person would not commit a grave sin due to sorrow for the sin of someone else. Suicide is not an insignificant sin.
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, throwing himself down in it for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, sipping it for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron will have that iron in his hand, thrusting it into his belly in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5778) and Muslim (109).
Rather you have to understand that no matter what has befallen you of worry and grief, whether that is because of your father’s debts and sin, if you bear it with patience and seek reward for that with Allah, may He be exalted, and you hasten to set straight whatever you can, then it you will be among those who are forgiven.
It was narrated from Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with them both) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No hardship, pain, worry, grief, harm or distress befalls a believer – not even a thorn that pricks him – but Allah will expiate some of his sins thereby.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5642) and Muslim (2573).
Thus you may attain triumph by meeting Allah, may He be exalted, with no sin on you.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Calamity will continue to befall the believing man and woman with regard to themselves, their children and their wealth, until the believer will meet Allah with no sin on him.”
Narrated by at-Tirmidhi (2399). He said: This is a hasan saheeh hadeeth. It was also classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSilsilat al-Ahaadeeth as-Saheehah(2280)
You have to offer a lot of supplication, calling upon Allah, may He be exalted, sincerely, especially at the times when supplications are answered, such as the last third of the night, and when prostrating in prayer. You must also cast aside the despair in your heart, and be optimistic and have certain faith that Allah is able to do all things, and is Most Merciful towards His creation, for you do not know when relief will come.
Allah, may He be exalted, says, telling us of the advice that Ya‘qoob (peace be upon him) gave to his sons (interpretation of the meaning):
“and never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy. Certainly no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve”
[Yoosuf 12:87].
Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“and never give up hope of Allah’s Mercy”, for hope requires the individual to strive hard for what he hopes for, whereas despair makes him lethargic and apathetic. The best thing that people may hope for is the grace, kindness, mercy and compassion of Allah. “Certainly no one despairs of Allah’s Mercy, except the people who disbelieve”, for as a result of their disbelief they think it unlikely that He will have mercy on them, so His mercy is far removed from them; so do not be like the disbelievers.
This indicates that a person’s hope of the mercy and grace of Allah will be commensurate with the level of his faith. End quote.
Tayseer al-Kareem ar-Rahmaan fi Tafseer Kalaam al-Mannaan(p. 404)
To sum up:
You are not to blame so long as you objected to what your father was doing and tried to advise him. Rather Allah may reward you for what you do of giving advice. But you have to strive hard to do righteous deeds and do not be a prisoner to your grief, for grief opens a door to the Shaytaan, who will try to make you despair of the mercy of Allah, may He be exalted, and refrain from doing good deeds and hastening to do them. You have to carry on trying to advise your father and striving hard in supplication for him.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to relieve you of your worry and grief, and to guide your father.
And Allah knows best.

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Comedy

விஐபி-க்கள் இறந்தா மட்டும் செய்தியா போடுறாங்க!
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ஆனா ...
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விஐபி-க்கள் பொறந்தா ஏன் செய்தியா போடுறதில்லை?

Bad behaviour, - * How can she rid herself of lesbian desires?

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-I have a question my friend is a lesbian and has been all her life she tried to change wear girl clothes got engaed to a guy whod didnt knwo she was one but the engamgent broke off becuisae she coudnt do it felt sick aorund him etc she did really try.
She does not want to be alone and does not want to sin for the rest of her life what can she do?
have a marrige of convience atleast then with a gay guy they wont have no pressure but can try and make it work then no one has decieved anyone?
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Praise be to Allah.
The advice we can give to this girl is that haraam desires and addiction to immoral practices must be confronted with all decisive measures, which may be bitter and difficult, but they offer protection against that which is worse and more evil, and they guard against doom in this world and the hereafter. In order to achieve that, it is not sufficient to take some measures that are doomed to failure. Any attempt that does not begin by cutting off the causes of temptation from the root does not deserve to be called an attempt and it does not give an excuse to carry on with that sin.
Therefore – if that girl is really sincere in her wish to deal with the problem – we state here that the first remedy is to shun the other girls with whom she is engaging in the sin of lesbianism, and to keep far away from the places where they live, and to cut off all means of communication with them and erasing all contact information, such as emails, phone numbers and the like in such a way that it will not be possible to retrieve them after that. She will feel some pain and psychological distress because of what she is going to give up the bad habits of the past. But she must be patient, put up with it and persist in making progress with this remedy, and she should try to keep herself busy with permissible beneficial actions that will take up her time, or with study and seeking knowledge, or training in professional skills that are appropriate to her age and gender. Expert psychologists confirm that six months after giving up the sin is sufficient to forget it and be able to move on, and to protect oneself against easily going back to it.
Islamic scholars prefer this kind of remedy, which involves cutting off ties, as we see in the hadeeth of Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which the Prophet of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Among those who came before you there was a man who killed ninety-nine people, then he asked who the most knowledgeable man on earth was, and he was directed to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people; could he repent? The monk said no, so he killed him, thus completing one hundred. Then he asked who the most knowledgeable man on earth was, and he was directed to a man of knowledge and said that he had killed one hundred people; could he repent? He said: Yes, who could stand between him and repentance? Go to such and such a land, for therein there are people who worship Allah, so go and worship Allah with them, and do not go back to your own land for it is a bad land. So he set out, then when he was halfway there, death came upon him. The angels of mercy and the angels of torment disputed over him. The angels of mercy said: he came repenting and turning wholeheartedly towards Allah. The angels of torment said: He never did anything good. Then an angel in the form of a man came to them and they appointed him (to decide) between them. He said: Measure the distance between the two lands, and whichever is closer, that is where he belongs. So they measured it and they found that he was closer to the land that he was heading for, so the angels of mercy took him.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3470) and Muslim (2766)
Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The scholars said: This indicates that it is recommended for the one who has repented to leave the places where he committed sins and the friends who helped him to do that; he should cut off ties with them so long as they are still sinning, and instead keep company with good and righteous people, knowledgeable people and pious worshippers, whose example he can follow and he can benefit from mixing with them and consolidate his repentance.
End quote fromSharh Saheeh Muslim(17/83)
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This highlights the virtue of moving from the land in which a person committed sin, because it is most likely that habit will overtake him in such a place, either because he will be reminded of the things that he did in the past and be tempted to do them again, or because of the presence of those who used to help him and encourage him to commit those actions. Hence the last person said to him (the repentant sinner mentioned in the hadith): “and do not go back to your own land for it is a bad land.” This indicates that the one who repents should leave the situations and places that he used to frequent at the time when he used to sin; he should leave all of them and focus on other things.
End quote fromFath al-Baari(6/517)
This is the remedy indicated by the Holy Qur’an before the prescribed hadd punishments were ordained, in order to rid society of the effects of sexual immorality, as in the verse in which Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those of your women who commit illegal sexual intercourse, take the evidence of four witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them (i.e. women) to houses until death comes to them or Allah ordains for them some (other) way”
[an-Nisa’ 4:15].
We have previously mentioned some of the means that may help one to give up this sin. Please see fatwas no. 101169and 104078
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The remedy to the problem of emotional attachment and falling in love may be discussed from two angles:
1. Prevention before it happens
2. Eradication after it happens
Both are easy for the one for whom Allah makes it easy, and are difficult for the one whom Allah does not help, for Allah is in control of all things.
As for the means that will prevent this problem from happening in the first place, there are two things: lowering the gaze and focusing on that which will prevent one from falling into such things.
End quote fromal-Jawaab al-Kaafi(178-181)
With regard to what this girl is asking about, namely the ruling on her marrying a gay man so that after that she will be able to continue lesbian practices without anyone watching her or criticising her, that would lead to her doom and being prevent her from taking steps to repent, because by doing that she is planning to continue in her sin and make it easy to do so, and even to look for new partners. This means that she will be able to get to know gay men and marry one of them after agreeing on each spouse having the freedom to engage in perverse practices. But Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, is watching them and giving them more time to repent, whilst they are indulging in sin. It is as if they have never read the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, (interpretation of the meaning):
“This is because they defied and disobeyed Allah and His Messenger. And whoever defies and disobeys Allah and His Messenger, then verily, Allah is Severe in punishment”
[al-Anfaal 8:13]
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __ and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful
71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70].
Our message to this girl is that she should fear Allah, may He be exalted, with regard to her own self, and her religion and community, and indeed all of humanity, lest she be a cause of people being led into this perversion and deviating from sound human nature. She should constantly bear death and the grave in mind, when she will be alone beneath the soil for ever, and there she will have nothing to comfort her but her righteous deeds. As for perverse desire, it will be a cause of loneliness, darkness and punishment.
It was narrated that Abu Hamzah said: I said to Muhammad ibn ‘Ali ibn al-Hanafiyyah: Did Allah punish the women of Loot’s people for the deeds of their men?
He replied: Allah is too just to do such a thing; the men were content with men and the women with women.
Hudhayfah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Punishment became due for the people of Loot when the women were content with women and the men with men.
Both reports were narrated by Ibn Abi’d-Dunya inDhamm al-Malaahi(no. 145, 149)
In fact this woman is weak and poor, and in need of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted. So advise her not to hesitate to raise her hands in supplication and ask Allah, may He be glorified, to help her to obey Him and to refrain from sin, to forgive her for what has happened in the past and to protect her in the future. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse etc.) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; - and none can forgive sins but Allah - And do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.
For such, the reward is Forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allahs Orders).
Many similar ways (and mishaps of life) were faced by nations (believers and disbelievers) that have passed away before you (as you have faced in the battle of Uhud), so travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who disbelieved (in the Oneness of Allah, and disobeyed Him and His Messengers)”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:135-136].
Let her try again, when she repents sincerely and starts to implement the correct remedy, to get married in the permissible manner, and let her ask her Lord to bestow upon her guidance, piety, chastity and independence of means, and to help her find in that which He has permitted that which will leave her in no need of that which He has prohibited.
And Allah knows best.

Comedy

ஓட்டல்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா மாவாட்டச் சொல்வாங்க ...
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ஆனா பஸ்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா... பஸ் ஓட்டச்சொல்வாங்களா

Fwd: Comedy

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Comedy
From: "Najimudeen ." <najimudeen@live.com>
To: aydnajimudeen.3091956@blogger.com
CC:



ஓட்டல்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா மாவாட்டச் சொல்வாங்க ...
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ஆனா பஸ்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா... பஸ் ஓட்டச்சொல்வாங்களா?

Comedy

ஓட்டல்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா மாவாட்டச் சொல்வாங்க ...
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ஆனா பஸ்ல காசுக் கொடுக்கலன்னா... பஸ் ஓட்டச்சொல்வாங்களா?

Invalid Marriages, - * He got to know a girl through the internet and he wants to marry her but her father is refusing

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-I am a Muslim Arab youth. I got to know a Muslim girl of Arab origin who lives overseas, through the internet. It was – and still is – a relationship within the limits of the laws of Allaah, because, praise be to Allaah, I fear Allaah a great deal. I love her and she loves me because she is a committed Muslim girl, and she also fears Allaah. Our love is for the sake of Allaah, in sha Allaah.
I proposed marriage to her, and she accepted and agreed, and I praised Allaah for answering my du’aa’ by blessing me with a righteous wife, especially since I have wanted to get married and settle down for a number of years. She told her mother, who is a non-Arab, and she agreed at first, because her father had been away from them from a while. Her father recently returned, and she was happy, but he had come to tell his daughter to get ready to marry a man from her father’s country, without asking his daughter’s opinion of the prospective groom. She is afraid of him because he beats her sometimes, and she sometimes says that he is crazy; may Allaah guide us and him.
She told me that she does not want to marry this man and that she wants to marry me, and I told her the same thing. She said to me: What do you think of marrying me in secret, then we tell her father what has happened. She is over 18 years of age.
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Praise be to Allaah.
You should note that Allaah sees and knows all that you do. “Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal”
[Ghaafir 40:19 – interpretation of the meaning]
You should also note that you have done something that is not permissible according to sharee’ah, which is corresponding and speaking to one another. You have seen how the relationship between you developed until the Shaytaan was able to deceive you and make your relationship appear to you to be “love for the sake of Allaah”.
Secondly:
We know that love is the matter of the heart, and that a person is not to be blamed for that over which he has no control. But he is to be blamed fully for the things that led him to enter into this relationship, such as forbidden glances, or words spoken in secret over the phone or via the internet, and other footsteps of the Shaytaan which he wants to people to follow and fall into evil ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower”
[al-Noor 24:21]
He is also to be blamed for getting carried away in a matter in which the beginning is haraam and the end of which is an invalid marriage.
But it has gone this far, and the relationship between you has reached the stage that you describe, so now it is up to the girl and her family. If the woman can convince her father not to marry her off to someone whom she dislikes, and she and her mother can convince him to let her marry you, and she is – as you say – qualified for marriage, then you should follow the steps outlined in sharee’ah of asking her father or her guardian for her hand in marriage. If you see that the path to marriage is blocked, then it is not permissible for you to carry on with this relationship. Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than it. It may be better for her to marry someone other than you, and it may be better for you to marry someone other than her.
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216 – interpretation of the meaning]
If what this girl says about her father is true and he is insane – but we do not think that he really is insane in the sense that his rights of shar’i guardianship over her are waived and he is not fit to take charge of the affairs of his dependents – or he is denying her the right to marry one who is compatible with no legitimate shar’i excuse, then in that case the role of guardian is transferred to the next closest guardian, so it moves from the father to the grandfather, for example. This matter is discussed in detail in the answer to question no. 7193.
As for thinking of getting married in secret, without her guardian’s permission, this will only make matters even worse. May Allaah protect us and you from the causes of His wrath and punishment.
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid,” three times. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood. So how can you think of this invalid marriage that is not pleasing to Allaah and His Messenger, and then claim that your love is for the sake of Allaah?
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that marriages be announced publicly? He said: “Announce marriages publicly.” Narrated by Ahmad from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr. Al-Albaani said: (it is) hasan.
He made this public announcement the factor that distinguishes a halaal marriage from haraam fornication, and said: “What distinguishes between haraam and halaal is the daff and voices (raised in song).” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1088; classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Imam al-Baaji (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inSharh al-Muwatta’: There is no dissent concerning the fact that marriage in secret is forbidden, because it is similar to zina which is also done in secret… hence it is prescribed to celebrate marriages and give wedding feasts, because that is a public announcement of the marriage.
He also said: Every marriage in which the witnesses are sworn to secrecy is a secret marriage, even if there are many witnesses.
Look at what you two are claiming. Is it a permissible marriage as prescribed by Allaah and His Messenger, or it is the matter of whims and desires and zina, and the footsteps of the Shaytaan?
Beware before you both slip and fall, and build your lives on a shaky foundation. May Allaah keep us and you safe from the Fire of Hell.
But if the father of this girl wants to arrange her marriage against her wishes, neither the father nor any other guardian, has the right to force his daughter to marry someone she dislikes, as is explained in questions no. 26852, 7193, 22760. But this is nothing to do with you, and you are not responsible for that. So leave her and her guardians alone. If is not decreed for you two to marry, and you withdraw from her life, as is required of you in that case, then perhaps she will see that this suitor or someone else is the right husband for her. May Allaah make us and you rich (independent of means) by His bounty. And Allaah is the Source of strength.