Invalid Marriages, - * A Christian man married to a Muslim woman wants to help her to fast

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It may be a strange question to you as you probably would have much to criticize about my wife and me- starting with the fact that we are together in the first place -but still I dearly appreciate your practical advice and guidance for that most holy month.
My Muslim wife and I live in the West, I was born here and Im a Christian. We met in Dubai 4yrs ago and got married 1.5 yrs ago, and this is my wifes 1st yr away from home and her family during Ramadan. She enjoys life in the West and found a balance between her tradition and religion and the Western way of life. We're in love and very happy how we live. However,during Ramadan,she is really struggling with the culture because although people are understanding, the whole environment is just not well suited to Muslims in this period (e.g. everyone eating during lunch break).I try to support her as much as I can and would like to know what else I can do to help. Here's what I already do:
-no alcohol (ever)
-no pork (ever)
-fast with her during Ramadan
-I don't go out/appointments during the month to be at home with her
-no visitors during the month I know the environment is difficult for her in this time, and I suggested that in the next years she should go to Dubai and her family during Ramadan.Is this reasonable, or do you think she can manage to celebrate Ramadan as it should be, even while being here?Pls bear in mind she has no family here.
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Praise be to Allah
Yes, the matter is indeed strange as you said.
But what is strange is not merely the fact that a Christian man has married a Muslim woman, even though this marriage is definitively prohibited in Islam, according to scholarly consensus. That is not the only strange thing about this case, for the Shaytaan deceives many of the children of Adam, until he causes them to fall into something that is even more abhorrent than that.
What is even stranger is your concern to ask about such a thing, you and your wife, or – to be more precise – your concern to help your wife in such a matter, which is indicative of your great care for her and your desire that she be happy, when you do not care about the most serious aspect of the relationship between you.
What we mean is the basis of this invalid relationship between you, which is fundamentally wrong.
Therefore we will address you directly, as you are the one who has asked us and you are the one who is responsible for this grievous mistake, and tell you that it is not permissible for you or for this woman to continue in this relationship at all, not even for a single hour. Rather what you must do is separate, for she is not your wife and is not permissible for you, and you are not permissible for her so long as you remain a Christian.
Regardless of whether you spend Ramadan in the east or in the west, in Dubai, or in the city of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), or in Berlin, none of that will change the matter in the slightest, and will not fix the basic flaw in the relationship between you.
Rather you must separate.
Then once you have separated, it is not permissible for you to go back to her unless you truly seek Islam because it is the final religion of Allah, that He loves for His slaves and wants from them.
Therefore we call upon you – as you are keen to make your wife happy and make things easy for her – to leave her immediately, because her staying with you means that she will lose out a great deal in religious terms, which would result in misery for her in this world and the hereafter, if Allah does not shower her with His forgiveness and mercy. Then you must spend some time reading about Islam and learning more about it. The Islamic centres in your country can help you with that.
If Allah opens your heart to Islam and you become Muslim, then in that case there would be no impediment to you marrying her with a new marriage contract, in accordance with the teachings of Islam, whenever you both want to do that.
Then you can begin your married life with sincere repentance that will erase the errors that came before it, for Allah, may He be exalted, forgives those who repent and turn back to Him, no matter what sins they committed before that.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to guide you to the truth.
And Allah knows best.

Invalid Marriages, - * What is tahleel marriage?

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What is tahleel marriage?
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Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
The husband is given the option of taking back his wife if he has divorced her (by talaaq) twice, and this is called revocable divorce. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The divorce is twice, after that, either you retain her on reasonable terms or release her with kindness”
[al-Baqarah 2:229].
If he divorces her a third time, then she becomes haraam for him and it is not permissible for him to marry her with a new marriage contract and mahr unless she marries someone other than him, in a valid and genuine marriage, then he (second husband) consummates the marriage with her, then divorces her or dies and leaves her a widow. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband. Then, if the other husband divorces her, it is no sin on both of them that they reunite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allah. These are the limits of Allah, which He makes plain for the people who have knowledge”
[al-Baqarah 2:230].
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that Rifaa‘ah al-Qurazi married a woman then he divorced her, issuing a third divorce. Then she married another man, then she came to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and told him that he did not have intercourse with her, and the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) understood that she wanted to go back to Rifaa‘ah, so he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “No, not until he (the second husband) tastes your sweetness and you taste his sweetness [a metaphor for consummation of the marriage].”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5011) and Muslim (1433).
Secondly:
It is not permissible for the man who issued the divorce, or for the woman, to use tricks to get around the laws of Allah and get back together by means of what is called a tahleel marriage. This kind of marriage takes several forms, including the following:
1. where the husband who had issued the divorce, or the woman, or her guardian, hire a human “billy-goat”, and stipulate that he must marry the divorced woman, consummate the marriage with her, then divorce her, and they give him a sum of money in return for that!
2. Where a man marries that divorced woman without making any agreement with anybody, but his aim is to make her permissible for the first husband, then he divorces her.
Tahleel marriages are haraam and invalid, and those who do that deserve to be cursed.
It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed the muhallil and the muhallal lahu. [The muhallil is the one who marries a woman and divorces her so that she can go back to her first husband, and the muhallal lahu is the first husband] Narrated and classed as saheeh by at-Tirmidhi (1120); also narrated by an-Nasaa’i (3416).
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It was classed as saheeh by Ibn Qattaan and Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid according to the conditions of al-Bukhaari.
End quote fromat-Talkhees al-Habeer(3/72)
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursing them [the muhallil and the muhallal lahu], this is either telling that Allah, may He be exalted, has cursed them, or it is a supplication for them to be cursed. This indicates that it is haraam and is a major sin. End quote fromZaad al-Ma‘aad fi Hadiy Khayr al-‘Ibaad(5/672)
It was narrated that ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of a borrowed billy-goat?” They said, Yes, O Messenger of Allah. He said, “He is al-muhallil. May Allah curse al-muhallil and al-muhallal lahu.”
Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1936); classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Ibn Maajah.
These hadiths indicate that tahleel marriage is haraam, and that it is a major sin; they also indicate that it is not valid.
It says inal-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah(10/256, 257):
The majority of scholars – the Maalikis, Shaafa‘is, Hanbalis and Abu Yoosuf among the Hanafis – are of the view that this kind of marriage is invalid, because of the two hadiths quoted above, and because marriage for the purpose of tahleel comes under the same heading as temporary marriage, and stipulating that a marriage is to be temporary renders it invalid. So long as the marriage is invalid, no tahleel occurs thereby [i.e., it does not make it permissible for the woman to go back to her first husband after the second marriage ends]. This is supported by the view of ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: “By Allah, no muhallil or muhallal lahu will be brought to me but I will stone them.” End quote.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
This is one of the most abhorrent kinds of falsehood, and one of the gravest kinds of corruption. He is in effect a zaani (fornicator or adulterer), because he did not marry her so that she could be a wife to him, and keep him chaste and stay with him, and so that he might hope to have children from her. No, rather he came as a borrowed billy-goat, to make her permissible for the one who came before him, by having intercourse with her once, then leaving her and finishing with her. This is the muhallil; his marriage is invalid and is not legitimate, and she does not become permissible for the first husband so long as (the second husband) married her with this intention and for this purpose. It is an invalid marriage and she is not permissible for him or for the first husband, because this is not a marriage, and Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):“until she has married another husband” [al-Baqarah 2:230]. This is a borrowed billy-goat, not a legitimate husband, and he does not make her permissible for the first husband .
End quote fromFataawa ash-Shaykh Ibn Baaz(20/277, 278)
With regard to the prohibition on tahleel marriage and its invalidity, it makes no difference whether the condition of tahleel is specifically mentioned in the marriage contract or if the agreement is made beforehand and not mentioned at the time of the marriage contract, or the second husband had that intention without anybody stipulating it or coming to some agreement to that effect with him. In all these cases it is a tahleel marriage and is haraam.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no difference of opinion, according to the people of Madinah, the scholars of hadith and the fuqaha’, whether that is stipulated verbally or by implicit agreement and intention, because in their view the intention behind contracts carries weight, and actions are judged by intentions, and in their view a condition was agreed implicitly is like one that was spoken aloud, because words are not sought in and of themselves, but because of the meaning to which they point. So once the meaning and intention become clear, the actual words do not matter, because they are just the means (of expressing what is in the heart) and in this case that aim has been achieved, therefore the rulings are to be based on the aims.
End quote fromZaad al-Ma‘aad fi Hadiy Khayr al-‘Ibaad(5/110)
The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:
If a man marries a woman on condition that it be for the purpose of tahleel, or he intends that, or they both agree to that, then the marriage contract is invalid and the marriage is not legitimate.
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah(18/439)
Al-Bayhaqi narrated inas-Sunan al-Kubra(7/208) from Naafi‘ that he said: A man came to ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) and asked him about a man who divorced his wife three times, then a brother of his married her without any prior agreement with him, so as to make her permissible for his brother – does she become permissible for the first husband? He said: No, unless it is a genuine marriage. We used to regard this as fornication at the time of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If the second husband has the intention that when he has made her permissible for the first husband he will divorce her, then she does not become permissible for the first husband, and the marriage is invalid. The evidence for that is that this is the intention of tahleel, so it is included in the curse. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Actions are but by intentions, and each person will have but that which he intended.”
End quote fromash-Sharh al-Mumti‘ ‘ala Zaad al-Mustaqni‘(12/176, 177).
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) listed all the forms in one place, and regarded them all as forms of tahleel marriage which is prohibited and invalid.
He (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Tahleel marriage is haraam and invalid, and it does not make it permissible (for the woman to go back to her first husband). What it means is that if a man divorces his wife three times, then she becomes haraam for him until she has married another husband, as Allah, may He be exalted, states in His Book, and as is stated in the Sunnah of His Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and the ummah is unanimously agreed on that. If another man marries her with the intention of divorcing her so that she will become permissible for her first husband, this marriage is haraam and invalid, whether he decides after that to keep her or to leave her, and whether that is stipulated in the marriage contract, or was stipulated before the marriage contract, or was not stipulated verbally… Or none of that happened; rather the man decided to marry her, then divorce her so that she would become permissible for the one who had divorced her three times, without the woman or her guardian being aware of any of that, whether the husband who had divorced her three times was aware of it or not, such as if the muhallil thought that this was a good deed and a favour to the man who had divorced her and his wife, by helping her to go back to him because he thought that the divorce had caused harm to them and their children and their families, and so on.
In fact it is not permissible for the one who divorced his wife three times to marry her again until she has been married by a man who wanted a genuine marriage, not a sham marriage, and he consummated the marriage with her in the sense that she tasted his sweetness and he tasted her sweetness, then after that if they happened to be separated by death or divorce or annulment of the marriage, then it is permissible for the first one to marry her.… This is what is indicated by the Qur’an and Sunnah, and it is what was narrated from the companions of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and from all of those who followed them in truth, and the majority of the Muslim fuqaha’. … This is the view of Maalik ibn Anas and all his companions, and of al-Awzaa‘i, al-Layth ibn Sa‘d, and Sufyaan ath-Thawri; it is also the view of Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal among the scholars of hadith, including Ishaaq ibn Raahawayh, Abu ‘Ubayd al-Qaasim ibn Salaam, Sulaymaan ibn Dawood al-Haashimi, Abu Khaythamah Zuhayr ibn Harb, Abu Bakr ibn Abi Shaybah, Abu Ishaaq al-Jawzajaani and others. It is also the view of ash-Shaafa‘i.
End quote fromIqaamat ad-Daleel ‘ala Ibtaal at-Tahleel(p. 6-8). The author quoted many views from leading religious scholars stating that it is haraam.
And Allah knows best.

General Article, - * Khushoo‘ (proper focus and humility) in prayer

Is it true that if a prayer is lacking in complete khushoo' (focus of
mind and humility before Allah), He will not accept it from us, or
not?
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Praise be to Allah
What is required of the worshipper is to show humility [khushoo'] in
his prayer and to have complete focus of mind, because Allah, may He
be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Certainly will the believers have succeeded:
They who are during their prayer humbly submissive [khaashi'oon]"
[al-Mu'minoon 23:1-2].
Focusing on prayer and being humble therein are among the most
important issues, and this is the essence of the prayer. Therefore we
must pay attention to focusing with proper humility in the prayer and
performing it in a tranquil and unhurried manner, when prostrating and
bowing, between the two prostrations, and after bowing when standing
up again; it should be done in a tranquil and unhurried manner.
If the worshipper fails to focus his mind and show humility in such a
way that it is as if he is pecking his way through the prayer and is
too hasty, then his prayer becomes invalid.
But if he is at ease and performs his prayer in an unhurried manner,
but sometimes his mind wanders and sometimes he forgets, this does not
render his prayer invalid, but he will not have any reward for his
prayer except inasmuch as his mind was focused and he showed proper
humility and mindfulness of Allah; he will have the reward for that,
but as for the parts in which he was not focused, he will miss out on
the reward thereof. Therefore he should focus on his prayer and do it
in an unhurried manner, showing humility towards Allah, may He be
glorified and exalted, so that he will have the reward thereof in
full. But his prayer is not rendered invalid unless he prays in a
hasty manner, such as if he bows but does not take the time to do it
properly, so he does it in a hasty manner and the movement does not
reflect proper humility. What he should do is move with ease, so that
he adopts the right posture with every vertebra in place and so that
he will have enough time to saySubhaana Rabbiy al-'Azeem(Glory be to
my Lord the Almighty) when bowing and to sayRabbana wa laka'l-hamd(my
Lord and to You be praise) when standing up straight after bowing, and
to saySubhaana Rabbiy al-A'la(Glory be to my Lord Most High) when
prostrating, and to say Rabb ighfir (Lord forgive me) between the two
prostrations.
When the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) saw a man
who did not pray in a calm and unhurried manner – rather he pecked his
way through the prayer – he instructed that man to repeat his prayer,
and said: "Pray, for you have not prayed." Praying in a calm and
unhurried manner is one of the most important aspects of khushoo', and
this is something that is required in the prayer, when bowing and
prostrating, between the two prostrations, and when standing up
straight after bowing. This is called tama'neena, which means being
calm and at ease, proceeding in an unhurried manner. It is also called
khushoo', which means having proper focus and humility when praying.
It is essential to pray in this calm and unhurried manner, so that at
every stage of the prayer, the vertebrae may settle into place. So
when the worshipper bows, he should do so in an unhurried manner, so
that every part of his body may settle into place, and when he stands
up from bowing, he should do it in such a manner that every vertebra
will settle into place when he is standing after bowing; and when he
prostrates, he should do it in a calm and unhurried manner, and should
not be hasty, so that every bone may settle into place (as he
prostrates).
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Rulings on Marriage, - * Is premature ejaculation one of the defects that must be disclosed when wanting to marry?

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When getting married, does one have to inform the other of defects such as premature ejaculation? I have such and other problems that relate to premature ejaculation. Do I tell her privately? This is embarrassing and I do not know how I tell this to the one I want to marry. How would anyone want to marry such and how would the marriage last? I have a strong desire and fear I would commit sin, so what do I do?
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Praise be to Allah
These sexual problems and illnesses that some people may suffer from before marriage may be divided into two categories when it comes to the issue of whether or not it is obligatory to inform the other party of them:
There is one category of which the other party must be informed, which refers to those sicknesses that will have an impact on married life, and because of which there will be problems and shortcomings in fulfilling marital duties, and which have an impact on the basic objectives of marriage such as physical pleasure, producing offspring and the like, as well as problems which may require lengthy treatment or may be chronic and the doctors cannot find of cure for them, such as incurable diseases like AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhoea and sterility, and diseases that are usually found off-putting and repulsive.
And there is another category that does not have to be disclosed, which is matters that do not usually affect married life and do not cause people to miss out on the basic objectives of marriage, such as those kinds of diseases that may occur but usually disappear with treatment, and symptoms that usually happen to young people.
What appears to be the case is that premature ejaculation and similar issues fall under the second category, because it is something that usually affects young newlyweds because of the intensity of desire, but with the passage of time, as they become accustomed to having intercourse, and with medical advice and using appropriate medication, this symptom will disappear and this problem will cease, by Allah’s leave.
The other party may have no knowledge of this issue and its nature, so telling them may cause some confusion for which there is no need.
Whatever the case, we advise you to consult a specialist doctor who can clarify the nature of your problem from a medical point of view, and the extent to which it will affect your marriage, and your ability to fulfil what is required of you of marital duties. If the problems that you are suffering are likely to affect that, then you must inform the woman to whom you propose, in one way or another, even if it is via some trustworthy women among your mahrams and the like.
And Allah knows best.

Rulings on Marriage, - * She has gone to her family’s home and is claiming that she is not married because the marriage was not documented

I'm in a tricky situation and need some guidances, me and my wife are
on bad terms and not living in the same house anymore. She wanted a
divorce from me and when I asked why it was because her mother doesn't
like me and sees me unfit for her daughter it has nothing to do with
the accepted Sharia law options for divorce just because I had an
arguments with my mother in law its stupid but my wife and her family
are very ignorant when it comes to islam and don't know much many
times they make up stuff in order to benefit their situation and when
I question them she tells my wife I have no respect for her. Also my
inlaws always intervenes and tells my wife why i do this and that why
does he not love you essentially causing a lot of issues of trust and
peace for us. She has moved back to her mother's house and they have
cut all communication with me I cant get hold of her blocked from
social media and I fear my wife is involved with someone else because
according to her mother we never got married only brought an imaan so
nikkah never happened no legal papers signed and also my wife never
bleed during our wedding night so there's no consumation of marrige
according to them so shes free to marry someone else and has no
responsibilities to me. My question is what can I do, if I pray and
wait for her to come back will I sin for not being there for her? I
tried telling them shes married and commiting serious evil but they do
not listen. I dont want to divorce am I wrong for trying?
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Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
If the marriage fulfilled the necessary conditions, namely the
proposal and acceptance, the consent of the wife, and the presence of
the wife's guardian and two witnesses, then it is a valid marriage,
even if it was done verbally. Documentation of the marriage contract
is only required in order to preserve people's rights; it is not a
condition of the marriage being valid.
If we assume that one of the conditions – such as the presence of the
woman's guardian or his deputy – was not fulfilled, then it was an
invalid marriage, yet despite that the wife cannot exit the marriage
except through divorce.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If a woman gets
married in an invalid marriage, it is not permissible for anyone else
to marry her until (the first husband) divorces her or her marriage is
annulled.
End quote fromal-Mughni(7/9)
See also the answer to question no. 256417.
It makes no difference if the wife did not lose her virginity, because
as soon as the marriage contract is done, she becomes a wife, and if
she has moved to her husband's house, it is haraam for her to leave
the house except with his permission, even if she is going to visit
her family.
Among the evidence that the husband's permission is necessary even to
visit her family is the report narrated inas-Saheehaynfrom 'Aa'ishah
(may Allah be pleased with her), according to which she said to the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): Do you give me
permission to go to my parents? Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4141) and
Muslim (2770).
If the woman goes out without her husband's permission, then she is
disobeying her Lord and her husband, so how about if she goes further
in disobedience and refuses to go back to him?
Secondly:
it is not permissible for a woman to seek divorce except for a valid
reason that makes it permissible to do so. If she does not have any
valid reason, then she is exposing herself to a stern warning from
Allah.
It was narrated by Abu Dawood (2226), at-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn
Maajah (2055) that Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not
absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to
her." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
What is meant by it being absolutely necessary is that there should be
some hardship and a compelling reason for divorce.
From what you have mentioned, there does not seem to be any reason
that makes it permissible to ask for divorce.
The woman and her family should fear Allah, may He be exalted, and
adhere to the limits that He has set. They should beware of His anger
and wrath.
If this wife marries another man, then her action constitutes zina
(adultery), which is haraam and is a grievous crime.
It is not permissible for her to form a relationship with any man who
is not her mahram, even if she is not married, so how about if she is
already married? This is even worse and more reprehensible.
What we advise is to bring in a mediator from among her family,
neighbours or friends, or the imam of the mosque, who can warn them
about the consequences of this evil action, and remind them of the
rights of the husband, and dispel any doubts they may have, because
this is a valid marriage which the woman cannot exit except by means
of divorce.
Allah instructs us to look for two arbitrators in the event of wilful
defiance (on the part of the wife), as He says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife),
appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from
hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their
reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with
all things"
[an-Nisa' 4:35].
Perhaps you can find someone among your family and her family who can do that.
Moreover, there is no sin on you if you do not give her her rights of
maintenance and the like, because the one who is wilfully defiant does
not deserve maintenance, and because she is the one who has forfeited
her rights by her own actions, and has been disobedient and committed
sin.
If your wife and her family insist on their attitude, then we advise
you to leave her, because there is nothing good for you in such a
woman.
We ask Allah to set straight our affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims.
And Allah knows best.
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Marriage Contract, - * Her mother wants her to marry one suitor, but her father thinks that he is not suitable; what should she do?

My Mum wants me to get married to someone who my Father thinks isnt good for me and as you know men are the head of the family and I want my dad to choose my life-partner than my mum so is this right?
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Praise be to Allah.
Allah, may He be exalted, has given authority in the matter of marriage to the man, so it is not permissible for a woman to arrange a marriage for herself or for anyone else; rather her marriage must be arranged by a wali or guardian. Women have nothing to do with guardianship in marriage; rather that is only for men, and is basically for the father, who takes precedence over others in arranging the marriages of his daughters.
Imam Abu Bakr al-Qaffaal ash-Shaashi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The reason being – and Allah knows best –that women have a natural inclination towards men and they are not able to judge people well, and that could lead them to choose one who is not an appropriate choice (for marriage),therefore Allah entrusted the woman’s case, with regard to her marriage, to her father. If the matter had been entrusted to her, there would be the fear that she might marry someone who is not compatible with her.
End quote from Mahaasin ash-Sharee‘ah, 247. See also the answer to question no. 2127
If the father has the right to guardianship in the case of marriage, and the marriage contract cannot be done without him, then it is only logical that his opinion should take precedence in the matter of choosing a husband for his daughter, especially when he in most cases will be better able to judge their character, thus he will be able to find out about the suitor and reach the right conclusion.
But that does not mean that the mother has no say in choosing a husband for her daughter; rather she should be consulted about the matter and her opinion should be taken into consideration, because perhaps it may be correct and some things may be apparent to her that are not apparent to her husband.
To sum up:
The basic principle is that the father’s opinion and choice takes precedence over that of the mother, but that does not mean that the mother’s opinion should be ignored altogether; rather it should be taken into consideration so so that she does not feel left out and to convince her of the father’s point of view, and that he is responsible with regard to their daughter’s marriage. Thus the choice is up to your father, especially if he is known to be of sound reasoning, but he should not make her feel left out; rather he should respect her opinion.
And Allah knows best.

Marriage Contract, - * Rulings having to do with divorce before consummation of the marriage

I hope that you can help me with the following, because I am confused about my situation. I was divorced before consummation of the marriage. After getting some opinions, according to the majority of opinions that I found, I have to observe ‘iddah and receive my mahr in full, because we were alone together and some intimacy happened between us, but my husband refused to believe that. Then we got married a second time with a new marriage contract and mahr a few months ago, ma sha Allah. But my husband went to study fiqh and one of the shaykhs told him: if you divorce the sister before consummation of the marriage, then she will be haraam for you like one who is divorced three times. So my husband refused to consummate the marriage with me, saying that he wants to think about it and be sure that the marriage will be successful, and that before that I have to lose some weight, and that he will not have intercourse with me unless that happens. We have been married for approximately four months, ma sha Allah, but if consummation has not happened up till now, do we have to separate? He also asked me to give up some of my rights at present, and he also agreed to some conditions, but now he is saying that he intends to go back on the agreement, saying that it was only verbal, and that it should have been written in the marriage contract in order to be valid. Is it permissible for him to do that? What is the state of my marriage?
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Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
It would have been better for you and your husband to refer what happened between you of matters having to do with marriage, divorce, the mahr and ‘iddah before deciding whether to end the marriage or carry on with it, to a shaykh near you, or to an Islamic centre run by people who you trust, or to wait until you asked someone whom you trusted, even if that was someone far away. You should not have taken the rulings on these issues from people or from a lesson given by a shaykh in a mosque. This is the advice that we always give to spouses who have problems, and we advise them to refer matters of marriage and divorce only to an Islamic judge (qaadi) or to one who plays the same role in countries where there is no Islamic legal system.
Secondly:
With regard to divorce before consummation of the marriage, the following details apply:
1.
If a divorce is issued to the wife before consummation of the marriage and without having been completely alone together in such a manner that consummation of the marriage would have been possible, then she does not have to observe ‘iddah, and she is entitled to half of the mahr that was agreed upon. If no mahr was agreed upon, then she is entitled to some payment, according to how well off he is. And he cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
Please see the answers to questions no. 75026and 99597.
2.
If a divorce is issued to the wife before consummation of the marriage but they have been completely alone together in such a manner that consummation of the marriage was possible, then the majority of Hanafi, Maaliki, Shaafa‘i (according to the earlier view of their madhhab) and Hanbali scholars are of the view that she must observe ‘iddah and she is entitled to the mahr in full. As far as taking her back is concerned, the majority of Hanafi, Maaliki and Shaafa‘i scholars are of the view that he cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
Please see the answers to questions no. 49821and 118557.
3.
As you (re)married in that manner – i.e., with a new marriage contract and mahr – then at present you are a wife to him according to sharee‘ah, and he is your husband; the marriage contract between you is valid, with all its shar‘i implications, and it is not permissible for either of you to undermine any of its conditions, if the conditions are Islamically acceptable. Moreover, it is not permissible for him to ask you to give up some of your rights, unless you do that willingly, not as a result of compulsion or embarrassment.
It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2572; Muslim, 1418.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The words “those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you” mean: The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are the conditions of marriage.
End quote fromFath al-Baari, 9/217
For more details on conditions in the marriage contract, please see the answers to questions no. 10343, 49666and 20757
Thirdly:
It is not permissible for the husband to go back on the conditions that he agreed upon with his wife or her guardian, whether the conditions were stated verbally or in writing. If the conditions were not recorded in the marriage contract, then they are still binding on him before his Lord, may He be exalted, even if they are not legally binding. Please see the answer to question no. 126855.
To sum up:
1.
Your first marriage ended with a valid, Islamically acceptable divorce. As it happened before consummation of the marriage and after being alone with him in such a manner that he could have consummated the marriage, then you are entitled to the mahr in full, and you have to observe ‘iddah, and you cannot go back to him except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
2.
Your going back to your husband with a new marriage contract and mahr is valid, whether you were completely alone with him or not. Hence your second marriage contract is valid with all its shar‘i implications, and you both have to fulfil the Islamically acceptable and permissible conditions stipulated by both of you, whether they were stated verbally or in writing.
We ask Allah to guide your husband to that which He loves and is pleased with, and to guide him to adhere to what we have mentioned of rulings. If he does not agree with what we have mentioned here, then we advise you to take your case to the director of the nearest Islamic centre, or to someone near you whose knowledge and religious commitment you trust. There is nothing wrong with asking some sincere people to intervene, especially if they are from your family or his, to bring about reconciliation between you.
And Allah knows best.