Family, - Our Non-Muslim Relatives:Their Rights Upon us

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When I reverted to Islam over 10 years ago, I received mixed reactions from my friends and family. While attending my first family gathering wearing Hijaab, I was eyed very curiously at first, but with time they have come to accept my choice.
Now, no one even seems to notice much except for the occasional complement on my choice of scarf. Most of my relatives accepted my new faith kindly with respect and made efforts to accommodate me, and my family. When holidays rolled around, my relatives would sometimes find it difficult to purchase gifts for other children in the family while "leaving mine out." When I patiently explained why it was important to me that they respect my decision, they did just that. There were a couple of times where my new faith was "challenged" )luring intense discussions about religion, or world events, but we have all learned to respect one another's choices and continue to love and support one another as a family. In many ways, Islam helped me improve my family relationships since I began taking seriously the instruction to maintain family ties. Alhamdu Lillaah )praise be to Allaah(, it has been a pretty easy transition.
Establishing boundaries
Even the most pleasant visit with non-family members can present challenges and tests. Some things are easy to navigate, like avoiding alcohol or dishes with non-halal meat at a family event. Others are more difficult. One area that can be challenging is family gossip. Many relatives delight in sharing family secrets when they come together. It can be difficult to resist the urge to listen, participate and comment about the juicy details of another's life, but this is considered backbiting, and participating in it, is likewise forbidden and should be avoided.
Spreading malicious gossip about others is condemned in the Quran; Allaah Says )what means(:}… And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allaah; indeed, Allaah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.{]Quran 49:12[ If you are part of a family whose favorite pastime is dishing on one another, you may have to get creative when attempting to avoid this kind of activity. When you notice that the conversation is taking a turn to gossip, try gently steering the conversation to another topic instead.
Another challenge specific to women is the issue of Hijaab. Some non-Muslim family members do not understand the purpose of Hijaab and may try to discourage a Muslim relative from wearing it. Some Muslim women recall being pressured to remove their scarves when running simple errands, or while attending a large event with family and friends because it was considered "embarrassing". This could be a real conundrum for a revert who has her own struggle with the issue of wearing Hijaab. This could be an opportunity to educate your family about the benefits of Hijaab. Enlighten them to the fact that covering has been an integral part of maintaining modesty in other religions as well –including Christianity and Judaism. Ultimately, we seek to please Allaah and have to make decisions that complement that goal.
Balancing religious obligations and family
Muslims can maintain their identity and religious obligations while keeping family ties by beingpatient, compassionate and kind to non-Muslim relatives even when they are critical, or negative:
Remain humble.Don't treat others as if you are superior to them. Be polite. Accept invitations from family that are within religious principles. This is an opportunity to strengthen family ties. Refuse to be a part of bad behavior, or create dissention.
Be cheerful and pleasant to everyone.We all prefer the company of someone pleasant and happy. A positive attitude is infectious. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was known for being cheerful, smiling pleasantly to everyone. Anyone who spent time with him felt as though he liked him or her best. Our families deserve to know that feeling.
Show mercy to others.Allaah Says )what means(:}So by mercy from Allaah, ]O Muhammad sallallaahu ‘'alayhi wa sallam[, you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude ]in speech[ and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allaah. Indeed, Allaah loves those who rely ]upon Him[.{]Quran 3:159[
Many Muslims with non-Muslim family members may be confronted with challenges, but they should be considered as opportunities to grow, increase in faith and ultimately earn the pleasure and rewards of Allaah Almighty. When you are attempting to establish good habits and find yourself surrounded by those whose principles are different from yours, you must establish a delicate balance between monitoring your own behavior, and allowing others the freedom to choose their behavior and way of life. As long as their decisions do not directly affect you, it may be best to let things go in the interest of maintaining peace and harmony.
Allaah Almighty Says )what means(:}Say: O disbelievers, I worship not what you worship, nor will you worship that which I worship. And I shall not worship that which you are worshipping. Nor will you worship that which I worship. To you be your religion, and to me my religion.{]Quran 109:1-6[
For reverts, accepting Islam can be an exciting experience filled with lots of change. Many new Muslims often place lots of pressure on themselves to do everything "right," and may make drastic changes in their lives. Some of these decisions may be necessary, but it is a good idea to remember that Islam calls for moderation in all things. Islam has turned many wayward lives around, bringing an end to lifestyles that included drinking, drugs, promiscuity and even criminal activity. Even though you may never hear it directly, some non-Muslim families may be so impressed by the positive behavior of a Muslim family member, that they may start holding a much higher regard for Islam. We should always strive to exemplify the positive characteristics of our faith. We have an opportunity to show our non-Muslim family members the true, compassionate representation of a Muslim. So give others the freedom to see the benefit of Islam for themselves. Make time to visit and keep in touch with relatives.They are the people closest to us in this life, and can be our greatest allies and support.









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Dought & clear, - He lived in sin with his girlfriend and had a child from her and he wants to marry her

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I live in the west and during the last three years I got to know a kitaabi girl (from the people of the Book – Jewish or Christian), and the relationship between us deepened. That was with the approval of her family and mine. After that we had a daughter and we applied for a civil marriage, but the court refused to marry us because the girl has not yet reached the age where marriage is allowed in that country. I had no choice but to go to the imam of our mosque and the girl’s guardian, and two witnesses of good character came, and we got married in this manner. Is the marriage legitimate according to sharee’ah? Do I have to do anything because of the previous years that I spent with this kitaabi girl without being married? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Undoubtedly you did something very wrong for yourself and your religious commitment when you agreed to form a haraam relationship with a Christian woman. As for yourself, that is by committing the sin of zina for which Allaah warns of a severe punishment and decrees the hadd punishment in this world: one hundred lashes for one who is not married and stoning to death for one who is married. As for your religious commitment, that is by giving a bad example of Islam and its morals and rulings to those kuffaar, whether in the land where you live or the family of the woman with whom you are living. How can they respect Islam and the Muslims when they do not see any difference between you and others of the people of the Book?
What you –and your family who knew of your sin – must do is repent sincerely from this great sin. You should realize that you did not only fall into the sin of zina which Islam warns against even approaching, but you persisted in that and lived with the woman as man and wife. This makes your sin worse than the sin of others who may fall into the sin of immorality without continuing or persisting in it.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
For more information on the greatness of Allaah’s grace in accepting the repentance of His slaves and that He accepts the repentance of the penitent no matter how serious and numerous their sins, please see the answers to questions no. 624, 13990, 47834, 23485and 20983.
Secondly:
It should be noted that it is not permissible for you to marry this kitaabi woman unless you repent sincerely to Allaah, and until you are certain that she will not commit immoral actions with anyone and that she will not have boyfriends. This is one of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”
[al-Maa'idah 5:5]
What you should have done was to tell the one who did the marriage contract for you about your situation and hers, so that he could have enjoined you to repent and told you of the conditions of her being chaste and avoiding zina, and so that you could wait for one menstrual cycle until it was established that she was not pregnant, or until she gave birth if she was pregnant.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If a woman commits zina, it is not permissible for the one who knows of that to marry her unless two conditions are met:
1- That her ‘iddah has ended. If she is pregnant as the result of zina then her ‘iddah ends when she gives birth, and it is not permissible to marry her before she gives birth.
2- That she repents from committing zina.
And he said: If both conditions are met, it is permissible for the zaani (the man who committed zina) or anyone else to marry her according to the majority of scholars, including Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and his son, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Jaabir, Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Jaabir ibn Zayd, ‘Ata’, al-Hasan, ‘Ikrimah, al-Zuhri, al-Thawri, al-Shaafa’i, Ibn al-Mundhir and ashaab al-ra’y.
Al-Mughni(7/108, 109)
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It is not permissible to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents. If a man wants to marry her then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish that she is not pregnant before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth.
Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah(2/584)
You do not have the right to do the marriage contract in the courts that govern by man-made laws, or in their churches, rather what you did by asking the imam of the mosque to do the marriage contract was the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with confirming it in the courts for official purposes.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
If the proposal and acceptance are completed, along with all the other conditions of marriage, and it is free from any impediments, then it is valid. If confirming it legally (in the civil court) could serve some shar’i interests of both parties, both now or in the future, then that must be done.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/87).
And they said:
If the marriage contract is not recognized and no rights will be granted unless it is confirmed in a non-shar’i court, then this does not affect the validity of the marriage, but there is nothing wrong with confirming it in a non-shar’i court if the aim is to record it for official purposes.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/87).
Thirdly:
As for your daughter, she is the product of an illegitimate relationship and it is not permissible for her to be named after you, rather she should be named after her mother.
It was narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb from his father that his grandfather said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled that whoever was born to a slave woman whom his father did not own or to a free woman with whom he committed adultery, then he cannot be named after him and he does not inherit from him, even if the one whom he claims is his father acknowledges him. So he is the product of zina, whether his mother was a free woman or a slave.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (2265) and Ibn Maajah (2746); classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said, concerning a similar case:
The daughter mentioned, who is the result of illicit relations with her mother, is not your daughter according to sharee’ah, and it is not permissible for her to be named after you, because she was born from haraam water, which is zina. So she should be named after her mother and not after the one who committed zina with her.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/321, 322)
If it is not possible to name the child after the mother in the land where the mother lives, she may be given a name which does not belong to anyone in particular, so she may be given a name to use in official papers and documents.
See also the answer to question no. 12283– which is important – and also 117, 33591, 2103and 33615.
We should also remind you that it is haraam to settle in a kaafir land, and you should learn a lesson from what happened to you and try to leave that land and settle in a Muslim country where you will see Islam being practised openly and you will be able to raise your children to follow Islam, be chaste and have good attitudes.
See the answers to questions no. 20227and 45645for more information on the negative consequences of marrying non-Muslim women.
And Allaah knows best.








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Dought & clear, - Ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse

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What is the ruling on being intimate with a non-mahram woman without intercourse in the vagina? Is anal intercourse regarded as sodomy?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is by Allah’s wisdom that when He forbids a thing He forbids the things that lead to it, because indulging in things that may lead to haraam may make the heart inclined towards it, in such a way that the individual develops a psychological conflict between falling into this sin or the suffering that results from standing in the middle of the road, so that he is not shunning the haraam thing entirely, with the peace of mind that comes from keeping away from it, nor is he committing the sin and fulfilling the desires of his self that is inclined towards evil. In most cases of this type, the person will fall into major sins that he thought he would never commit, major sins that corrupt his religious and worldly affairs, ruin his life, and destroy the blessing in his wealth and children, as a befitting punishment for his sin, because he moved away from his Lord and transgressed His sacred limits, and did not care that Allaah was watching him and was aware of what he was doing. The wise man is the one who is not careless about things that lead to real disasters that affect his religious commitment, which is a man’s capital and comes before any worldly consideration.
The one who thinks about this question will realize that it is impossible for a man to reach that level of evil and then be able to control himself and refrain from falling into that great sin, which is as nothing compared to the anger and wrath of Allaah and the corruption that it causes, all just for the sake of the short-lived pleasure that the sinner is trying to achieve, which will be followed by never-ending regret.
The Muslim has to understand things as they are and what they lead to, and not be tempted by the things that the Shaytaan makes attractive, or be deceived when the Shaytaan tries to make him think of evil actions as insignificant as a trick to make people join his party of losers. He has to fear Allaah his Lord in private and in public, and know that Allaah sees him and knows his intentions and his actions, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal”
[Ghaafir 40:19]
He should remember that what is with Allaah is better and more lasting, and that the Hereafter and its blessings are better for him than this world, and that the reward for being patient in abstaining from evil actions is Paradise as vast as the heavens and the earth, in which there is whatever a person could want of absolute and untainted pleasure.
For more information on the ruling please see question no. 27259
Secondly:
Anal intercourse, if done with a man, is homosexuality which is condemned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah.
It was one of the causes of the destruction of a nation, namely the people of Loot, the Prophet of Allaah.
With regard to anal intercourse with a woman: if this is with one's wife, it is not permissible, and is known as “lesser sodomy”, so how about if it is with a woman who is not permissible for him?
(a) What was narrated concerning sodomy:
Ibn Hazam said:
The action of the people of Loot is a major sin and a forbidden immoral action, like eating pork, dead meat and blood, drinking alcohol, committing adultery, and all other sins. Whoever regards it as permissible or regards any of the things we have mentioned as permissible is a kaafir and a mushrik, whose blood may be shed and whose wealth may be seized.
Al-Muhalla, 12/389
Ibn Qudaamah said:
The scholars are unanimously agreed that sodomy is forbidden. It was condemned by Allaah in His Book, and by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And (remember) Loot (Lot), when he said to his people: ‘Do you commit the worst sin such as none preceding you has committed in the ‘Aalameen (mankind and jinn)?
Verily, you practise your lusts on men instead of women. Nay, but you are a people transgressing beyond bounds (by committing great sins)’”
[al-A’raaf 7:80]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “May Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot, may Allaah curse those who do the deed of the people of Loot.”
Al-Mughni, 9/59
Ibn al-Qayyim narrated from his shaykh Ibn Taymiyah and from others that there was consensus among the Sahaabah that the one who does the deed of the people of Loot should be put to death, but they differed as to how that should be done.
Zaad al-Ma’aad, (5/40). For more details on the ruling see also question no. 10050.
(b) What was narrated concerning anal intercourse with a woman:
Anal intercourse with a woman is a major sin, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed the one who does that.
Abu Dawood (2162) narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cursed is the one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood. This curse applies to one who has anal intercourse with his wife, so how about if the woman is a stranger (non-mahram) to him?
Al-Tirmidhi (135) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman or with a woman in her back passage, or who goes to a soothsayer, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If a man and wife agree to anal intercourse and do not stop after being punished (with a ta’zeer punishment), then they are to be separated.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a man who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage.
He replied:
Having anal intercourse with a woman is haraam, according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and this is the view of the majority of earlier and later scholars. Indeed, this is “lesser sodomy”. It was proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth. Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will”
[al-Baqarah 2:223]
The tilth (harth) is the place from which the child is born [the vagina], because the tilth is the place of planting and sowing. The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife from behind, the child would be born with a squint, then Allaah revealed this verse, and Allaah allowed the man to have intercourse with his wife in all positions, so long as it is in the vagina only. Whoever has intercourse with her in her back passage, and she obeys him in that, they should both be punished, and if they do not stop, then they should be separated, as an immoral man and the person with whom he commits immoral actions should be separated, and Allaah knows best.
Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/104, 105
With regard to having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage, the scholars differed as to whether this is zina (fornication) or sodomy.
Seeal-Mabsoot, 9/77;al-Faakihah al-Dawaanah, 2/209;Mughni al-Muhtaaj, 5/443;al-Insaaf, 10/177;al-Furoo’, 6/72
The view favoured by Shaykh al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) is that having intercourse with a non-mahram woman in her back passage is considered to be zina (fornication). He said: Zina means having an unlawful sexual relationship in the front passage or the back passage.Manhaj al-Saalikeen, p. 239.
We ask Allaah to keep us safe from evil and to purify our hearts of evil thoughts, and to help us to be steadfast in adhering to His religion and obeying His commands.
And Allaah knows best.









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