Engagment, Dought& clear, – * Marrying a woman who is not chaste

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I am in state of confusion. I am engaged, i love my fiancee however before engage, she used to act like Canadian girls which i knew but smoked cigarette etc while she was in high school I did not know. When we got engaged she told me that she loved and was crazy about this guy but never had a boyfriend, she used to hung around with rougth bad and black guys just like friends and she is virgin, she escaped so many school days and the reason is that she used sat with friend in the back of school or in their house watching Indian movies and used smoke because her friend led her to this path. HOwever, she stopped everything after we got engaged. But I did not liked these things she said and i start disliking her little by little because i thought she is lying to me. The quesiton is i always thougth to myself that a girl like her being so open to guys, wearing open cloths and her parenth did not care much how come she would not have a boyfriend(in this easthern society)it is impossible. As a result, everyday i start to hate(dislike) her and we had alot of fights. As a result, i used to worked in a restaurant and there, i meet a girl and right after a week i sleep with her for one night, i don't know how it happened but it did. I repent for my bad deeds because i see my fiancee is very sincere to me after we have engaged. My question is brother, what should i do, how i could solve this issue in my life. I really need help?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
If the women was as you describe before you got engaged, then it is not permissible to marry her unless she repents sincerely for the sake of Allaah, not for the purpose of getting engaged to you. If you see that she has repented and regrets what she did, and that she is serious about keeping away from non-mahram men and avoiding being alone with them, then it is permissible for you to marry her.
My advice to you is to look for a righteous and chaste women, for a righteous wife will bring you happiness in this world and will be one of the means of your salvation in the Hereafter, because she will one day be the mother of your children, and she will guard your honour and your wealth, and in that way there will be the love, compassion and tranquility that form the basis of marital happiness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy”
[al-Room 30:21]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four reasons: wealth, beauty, lineage and religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3/242; Muslim, 2/1086.
According to another hadeeth: “This world is temporary pleasures and the best of the temporary pleasures of this world is a righteous wife.” Narrated by Muslim, 2668.
With regard to what you mention about what happened with that other girl, praise be to Allaah for having enabled you to repent. This is the bounty of Allaah towards you. You have to strive to control yourself and avoid the things which lead to such serious consequences.
We wish to point out that repentance must be for the sake of Allaah, not for the sake of your fiancée and so that she will be sincere towards you. So we advise you to renew your repentance and to pray for forgiveness and to make a promise to Allaah not to do such a thing again.
I also offer the following advice, and hope that Allaah will benefit you thereby:
1 – Lower your gaze and do not look at that which Allaah has forbidden.
2 – Keep yourself busy with reading Qur’aan and hadeeth, stories of the righteous, the scholars and ascetics.
3 – Beware of being alone with women who are not mahrams.
4 – Keep company with righteous people who will help you with religious and worldly matters.
5 – Beware of listening to music and songs, for they are a means that lead to zina.
6 – Strive to offer prayers regularly with the Muslims, and strive to observe all the essential parts of prayer with proper focus and humility, and having wudoo’, for it keeps one away from evil actions, and those who observe regular prayer are the ones who will succeed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Successful indeed are the believers.
Those who offer their Salaah (prayers) with all solemnity and full submissiveness”
[al-Mu’minoon 23:1]
May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good, and may He make things easy for you.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Engagment, Dought& clear, – * She has committed haraam actions with her fiancé

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I am a Muslim girl. I pray and I fear my Lord a great deal, but I have a problem. I know a person who came and proposed marriage to me. My father agrees but he always postpones the matter because of family reasons. We cannot be patient and the more time goes by, the more I find myself attached to him. He used to ask me to meet him often, and we have met more than once. We spoke together and kissed one another as if we were married, and even touched one another. I know that this is haraam and is wrong. Every time that happens I end up arguing with him and get angry with myself. I asked my Lord for forgiveness and I prayed Istikhaarah, asking whether this person is right for me or not. Every time I tell him that we should only meet in permissible ways, but then we make the same mistake. I want a solution. Please help me.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
You say in your question that you regularly observe the five daily prayers and that you fear Allaah a great deal. We hope that you will be fine, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in faith and in doing righteous deeds, and to keep evil and corruption far away from you.
Secondly:
Islam has blocked all the ways that may lead to committing immoral actions. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Come not near to Al-Fawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly”
[al-An’aam 6:151]
“Coming near” implies doing something that may lead to those actions. Islam also warns against men mixing freely with women. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” They said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.” Agreed upon.
“In-law” refers to the husband’s relatives, his brothers, uncles, cousins, etc.
Islam also warns us against being alone with a non-mahram woman. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man is alone with a (non-mahram) woman but the Shaytaan is the third one present.” Narrated by Ahmad, al-Tirmidhi and al-Haakim; al-Albaani said: It is saheeh.Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2546.
All of this is for the purpose of protecting people’s honour against committing immoral actions, and blocking all paths that may lead to the crime of zina (fornication, adultery).
Thirdly:
The fiancé is a “stranger” (non-mahram) to his fiancée until the marriage contract has been done. So your going out with this non-mahram man, kissing him, meeting him and the other things that you mention are all haraam. Fear Allaah and refuse to meet him until the marriage contract has been done, and be frank with him about that.
Fourthly:
If this person sees that you are determined and righteous, this will make him more keen to marry you, because he will see that you have a strong personality and that you do not give in to your emotions. Who would not want his wife to have a strong personality and be keen to protect her honour? That will affect him and make him change his ways and become more righteous, and you will be the cause of that.
Fifthly:
Put your trust in Allaah and make a lot of du’aa’, especially at the times when prayers are answered. Be patient and remind yourself of that which Allaah has prepared for those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning”
[al-Zumar 39:10]
Sixthly:
We remind you that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al-Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al-Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower”
[al-Noor 24:21]
The Shaytaan gradually calls people to falsehood; before a Muslim commits zina, the Shaytaan draws him towards it by his being alone with a woman, and speaking to her, then kissing her, then meeting her in haraam ways, then the great evil which is zina – we seek refuge with Allaah.
As the saying goes: A look, then a smile, then a greeting, then speaking, then an appointment, then a meeting.
Seventhly:
You should avoid blind trust in anyone. How many women and girls have said, “My fiancé is decent, he is not what people think”? Then they fell victim to their naïveté. So you should not think of him in a positive way, rather you should be extremely cautious and careful.
Eighthly:
You should think carefully about this husband and find out more about him, because he is going to be your life partner. Is he fit to be your life partner even though he has tried to do something haraam and persisted in that?
Ninthly:
Try to find out what obstacles and problems are making your father postpone this marriage, and talk to him about the matter. If you cannot address him directly, then you can bring in someone who has an influence over him, whether that is your mother or your brothers, or any person who has any status in your father’s eyes and can urge him to hasten to do the marriage contract and explain to him the danger of a woman being left without a husband, especially as she grows older, because the opportunity may not come again, and can remind him of the bad consequences if he is careless in this matter.
Some guardians – may Allaah guide them – exaggerate about family problems, even simple ones, and make them an obstacle to proceeding with matters such as marriage; others may suffer as a result but they do not care about that or pay attention to their responsibilities.
And finally:
We ask Allaah to guide you to all that is good, and we ask Him to guide your fiancé and to make it easy for you to do that which pleases Him, for He is Able to do that.
May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his family and companions.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Da'eef (weak) hadeeths, Dought & clear, - * How sound is the hadeeth about the parents of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) being brought back to life?

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How sound is the hadeeth which says that the mother of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was brought back to life and believed in him, then she died?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
There is no saheeh hadeeth which says that Allaah, may He be exalted, brought the parents of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) back to life, and that they believed in him then died. Rather the saheeh ahaadeeth that have been narrated indicated that they died in kufr and that they are among the people of Hell.
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I asked my Lord for permission to pray for forgiveness for my mother, but He did not give me permission; I asked Him for permission to visit her grave, and He gave me permission.” Narrated by Muslim, 976.
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, where is my father?” He said: “In the Fire.” When he turned away, he called him back and said: “My father and your father are in the Fire.” Narrated by Muslim, 203.
Another indication that these ahaadeeth are not saheeh is the fact that if this had indeed happened, it would have been well-known, because it would be one of the great signs of Allaah, and there would be strong motives for transmitting it.
The scholars have ruled that these ahaadeeth are fabricated and false.
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) led us on Hajj during the Farewell Pilgrimage and he passed by me at ‘Aqabat al-Hujoon and he was distressed and weeping. I wept because the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was weeping, then he dismounted and said: “O Humayra’, hold the camel.” He stayed away from me for a long time, then he came back to me and he was smiling joyfully. I said to him: “May my father and mother be sacrificed for you, O Messenger of Allaah. You left me and you were grieving, and I wept because you were weeping, then you came back to me smiling joyfully. Why is that, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said: “I went to the grave of my mother Aaminah and asked Allaah to bring her back to life, so He brought her back to life, then she believed in me, then Allaah sent her back.”
This was narrated by Ibn Shaheen inal-Naasikh wa’l-Mansookh, and by al-Khateeb al-Baghdaadi inal-Saabiq wa’l-Laahiq– as stated by al-Suyooti inal-Haawi, 2/440
Ibn al-Jawzi said:
This is undoubtedly a fabricated (mawdoo’) hadeeth, and the one who fabricated it has little understanding and is lacking in knowledge. If he had any knowledge he would have known that whoever dies as a kaafir, it will not benefit him to believe after being brought back to life. Even if he believes when he sees (the truth) with his own eyes, it will not benefit him.
It is sufficient to refute this hadeeth by remembering the words of Allaah, may He be exalted, in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):“and dies as a disbeliever, then his deeds will be lost in this life and in the Hereafter, and they will be the dwellers of the Fire. They will abide therein forever” [al-Baqarah 2:217]. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I asked my Lord for permission to pray for forgiveness for my mother, but He did not give me permission.” Some people used to fabricate ahaadeeth and insert them into the books of the negligent, who would then narrate them. Our Shaykh, Abu’l-Fadl ibn Naasir, said: This is a fabricated hadeeth. The mother of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) died in al-Abwa’, between Makkah and Madeenah, and was buried there, not in al-Hajoon. End quote.
Al-Mawdoo’aat, 1/283
Al-Hajoon is a place in Makkah.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the hadeeth mentioned by al-Suhayli, in its isnaad he mentioned men who are unknown (majhool) until it reaches Abu’l-Zanaad from ‘Urwah from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked his Lord to bring his parents back to life, so He brought them back to life and they believed in him – this is a very false hadeeth (munkar jiddan). Even though it is possible and within the powers of Allaah, what is proven in the sound ahaadeeth contradicts it. End quote.
Al-Bidaayah, 2/261
Mulla ‘Ali al-Qaari says concerning this hadeeth:
It is mawdoo’ (fabricated), as Ibn Dihyah said; I have written a separate chapter concerning this matter. End quote.
Al-Asraar al-Marfoo’ah fi’l-Akhbaar al-Mawdoo’ah, p. 83.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Is there any saheeh report from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which says that Allaah, may He be blessed and exalted, brought his parents back to life so that they could become Muslim at his hands, then they died after that?
He replied:
None of the scholars of hadeeth classed any such report as saheeh, rather the people of knowledge are unanimously agreed that that is a fabricated lie. Although Abu Bakr al-Khateeb narrated something concerning that in his bookal-Saabiq wa’l-Laahiq, and it was mentioned by Abu’l-Qaasim al-Suhayli inSharh al-Seerahwith an isnaad that contains unknown men (majhool), and it was mentioned by Abu ‘Abd-Allaah al-Qurtubi inal-Tadhkirahand elsewhere, there is no dispute among the scholars that it is one of the most obviously false of fabricated reports, as the scholars have stated. It is not to be found in any of the reliable books of hadeeth, neither inal-Saheehoral-Sunanoral-Musnad, or other well-known books of hadeeth. It was not mentioned by the authors of books of Maghaazi and Tafseer, even though they used to narrate da’eef (weak) reports along with saheeh ones, because it is obvious to any religiously-committed person that this is a lie. If such a thing had happened it would have received a great deal of attention and there would have been strong motives for transmitting it, for it would have been one of the most extraordinary events in two ways: the revival of the dead, and belief after death. So it would have deserved to be transmitted more than other reports, but because it was not transmitted by any of the trustworthy narrators, it is obviously a lie.
Moreover this goes against the Qur’aan and saheeh Sunnah, as well as scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Allaah accepts only the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and foolishness and repent soon afterwards; it is they whom Allaah will forgive and Allaah is Ever All‑Knower, All‑Wise”
[al-Nisa’ 4:17]
“And of no effect is the repentance of those who continue to do evil deeds until death faces one of them and he says: ‘Now I repent’; nor of those who die while they are disbelievers”
[al-Nisa’ 4:18]
Allaah states that there is no repentance for the one who dies a kaafir:
“Then their Faith (in Islamic Monotheism) could not avail them when they saw Our punishment. (Like) this has been the way of Allaah in dealing with His slaves. And there the disbelievers lost utterly (when Our Torment covered them)”
[Ghaafir 40:85]
Allaah tells us that His way in dealing with His slaves is that faith will be to no avail after they have seen His punishment, so how about after death? And there are similar texts.
End quote fromMajmoo’ al-Fataawa, 4/325
Some of the Sufis cannot verify these ahaadeeth according to the principles of hadeeth, so they verify them according to inspiration!
Al-Bayjoori says:
Perhaps this hadeeth – the hadeeh about the parents of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) being brought back to life and believing in him and then dying – is saheeh according to the holy men by means of inspiration.” End quote.
Jawharat al-Tawheed, p. 30
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, refuting such notions:
Most of these people, if they are confronted with the falseness of what they are saying, say something like the Christians do: This is a matter that is above reason! Some of them say: Things that go against common sense are proven to us by means of inspiration. End quote.
Al-Jawaab al-Saheeh, 2/92
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI