How 2 manage yourself, - Why most people don'tCommit to New Year’s Resolutions

How to keep New Year's resolutions
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Every New Year lots of people make promises to themselves and do their
best to keep them but studies have shown that most people fail to keep
New Year's resolutions.
Why do most New Year resolutions fail?
Why can't someone keep a promise that he gave to himself?
Why can't a person stick to something that is very important to his well being?
Why do people fail to stick to very simple tasks such as running 15
minutes a day?
In this article I will tell you the secret behind the failure of New
Year's promises and I will tell youhow to keep New Year
resolutionsthroughout the year.
Why do most new year resolutions fail
In order to know how to keep New Year's resolutions you must first
know why people fail to keep them. Here is a list of the reasons:
*.The Goal was chosen because of peer pressure:Lots of people choose
goals because of the pressure exerted on them by their peers. Some
people want to exercise because they saw their friends exercising or
because someone kept pushing them to do so. ( See how peer pressure
affects you)
*.The subconscious mind isn't convinced:Lots of people want to make
changes to their lives but a part of them may be resisting the change.
For example a person might want to wake up earlybut deep inside him
there is a part that enjoys staying up late. Unless this part is dealt
with he will never manage to sleep early
*.The promise involves changing a symptom not a cause:A person might
promise himself to stop overeatingwithout knowing that the main reason
he eats a lot is the emotional turbulence he suffers from. If that
person eats when he becomes depressed or stressed then his goal should
be modified to helping himself deal with these root causes instead of
dealing with the symptoms.
*.Not understanding his unmet needs:unmet needs are usually the main
driving forces behind our actions. In my book The ultimate guide to
break any bad habiti said that If you have a certain unmet need that
you are satisfying through a certain behavior then unless you find an
alternative way to satisfy this unmet need you won't be able to get
rid of the behavior. For example some people smoke to feel in control,
if they didn't find another way to feel in control then they will
never be able to quit smoking
*.Loss of hope:Loss of hope is one of the most common reasons for
failing to commit to new Year's resolutions. When the progress appears
to be insufficient after a certain amount of time has passed the
person losses hope and stops trying
*.Not understanding that they don't have to make it from the first
try:If a person decided that he won't drink in the new year then did
it once he might lose hope and think that he failed!!
How to stick to New Year's resolutions and keep them
After you understood the main reasons behind the failure of New Year's
resolutions here is a quick plan that can help you avoid those
reasons:
*.Set goals that you really want to achieve:Choose a Goal that you
really want instead of a one that is based on friends expectations
*.Resolve inner conflict:Learn how to convince all parts of your
subconscious mind with the new Year's resolution. This can be achieved
by getting a deeper understanding of your conflicting needs then
taking a conscious decision that helps you make a compromise (see
Becoming happier by understanding your unmet needs)
*.Differentiate between symptoms and root causes:If you lose your
temper because of feelings of resentmentthat results from jealousy
then dealing with jealousy should be your goal and not anger
management
*.Understand your unmet needs and provide alternative ways for meeting
them:If you are an internet addict who wishes to reduce the use of
computers then fix your social life first if socializing was the
reason you overuse the internet
*.You might fail many times before you succeed:Don't put high hopes by
thinking that you will succeeded from the first attempt else your new
year's resolutions will fail
In short keeping New year's resolutions is all about getting a deep
understanding of your behavior and needs then setting them in the
light of this information.

General, - Diversity isn’t the goal; we must do better

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"Just having a mix of people (diversity) doesn’t mean anything fundamentally changes. And tolerance is terrible; I tolerate my annual mammogram but I certainly don’t like or look forward to it."

Bad behaviour, - * His brother is gay; what are his responsibilities towards him?

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I think my brother is gay, and I say this because of the way he talks, the way he does his hair, the kind of clothes that he wears and the things that he is interested in. One time I used his USB and saw some pornography on it, including anal intercourse, and I do not know whether it was between two men, because I closed it quickly and erased the file. I asked him about it and he said he did not know where it came from, but in the end I found more in his room. I also checked his personal computer and I found out that he visits gay websites in the country where he is studying. My question is: do I have to advise him and warn him about the bad consequences of this sin?
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Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Homosexuality, whether it is among men or women, is one of the most abhorrent of immoral and evil actions that a person may commit, and is one of the most shameful deeds in this world and in the hereafter. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said concerning the one who commits this act that he has committed so great an evil that there is no hope that he will ever be reformed after that; it takes away all his good deeds and removes all modesty and shyness, because after that he will not feel shy before Allah or before His creation.
Indeed, Allah, may He be exalted, destroyed an entire town along with its people, namely the town of the people of Loot, because of this immoral action. See the answers to questions no. 10050, 38622and 20068.
What you must do for your brother is tell him of the shame in this world and in the Hereafter that results from this evil, that it will ruin his spiritual and worldly interests, and that he will become insignificant to Allah and to other people if he persists in it. Warn him of the consequences and the shar‘i ruling on the one who does that.
Then you have to block every means that makes it easy for him to do this immoral action or that calls him to it. If you can move him from the place where he is studying, where he began to find out about these homosexual websites, then you should do so. If he is under your guardianship and you are responsible for him, then you should prevent him from doing that by all possible means. You should remember that you are responsible for him so long as he is under your care and authority.
In fact, even if this sinner was not your brother or you did not have any authority over him, your duty would still be to strive by all possible means to remove this evil that you see and prevent him from doing it, and to advise him for the sake of Allah and warn him of Allah’s punishment.
Muslim narrated in hisSaheeh(70) that Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”
See also the answers to questions no. 52893and 39357
Secondly:
These signs that you see in your brother’s appearance, namely his clothes and outward appearance, and the way he speaks, are all evil actions that lead to homosexuality and immorality, even if you do not know that your brother has committed that action. So how about if he were to exhibit signs indicating that he has committed that action?
It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) cursed effeminate men and masculinised women and said: “Expel them from your houses.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5436
Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
That is, men who imitate women in appearance, clothing, using henna, voice, speech and all their movements. Such actions are prohibited because it comes under the heading of changing the creation of Allah.
An-Nawawi said:
Effeminate men are of two types. One type is those who were created like that and are not trying to imitate the attitude of women and the way they dress, speak and move. For such people, there is no blame, sin, shame or punishment for them because they are excused.
The second type is those who deliberately imitate women in their attitude and movements, and imitate the way they speak and dress. These are the ones who the hadeeth says are cursed. End quote.
We ask Allah to make things easy for you and to set your brother’s affairs straight and help you to discipline him.
And Allah knows best.

Comedy

" நடிகை லட்சுமிராய்யைப் பார்த்து டோனி விழுந்து விழுந்து சிரிக்கிறாரே! ஏன்?"
:
" கிரவுண்ட விட்டு வெளியே போன பால தூக்கி போடுன்னு சொன்னதுக்ககு
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அரோமா பாக்கெட் பால தூக்கி போட்டுட்டாங்களாம்!"

How 2 manage yourself, - 5 ways to avoid answering annoying questions

Examples of Annoying questions
How much money do you make?
When are you gonna get married?
How much you bought this for?
Do you like him?
I am pretty sure you were asked some of those questions or similar
ones and didn't feel like giving an answer. Some people can't really
realize how sensitive some questions can be and so they ask them as if
they are normal questions. Because such a situation is unavoidable i
will tell you about few interesting ways that you can use to avoid
answering those questions without offending the person who asked them.
After all replying with answers such as "It's none of your business"
or "I don't want to answer that question" might seem rude to some
people. And since many close people might ask you those sensitive
questions you don't want to annoy them all.
5 Ways to Avoid Answering Annoying Questions
*.1) Reply back with a question:The first trick is to reply back with
a question such as "Why do you want to know" or "will it make a
difference if you knew?". The good thing about replying back with a
question is that the conversationcan easily take another direction
away from the original question.
*.2) Reply back with a joke:Question: "How much money do you make each
month" Answer: "Few million dollars". Many people will realize that
you don't want to answer a question when you reply back with a funny
answerand if you were lucky they won't repeat the question again
*.3) Reply with an unclear answer:You will be amazed when you find out
how many people just want any answer and not just a specific one. Here
is an example Question: "How much money do you make" Answer: "Not
enough to pay my bills"
*.4) Reply with a personal question:The best way to distract a person
and make him forget about a question is to reply back with a personal
question. Question: "How much do they pay you?" Answer: "Are you
looking for another job or what?"
*.5) Combine two methods together:You can always combine two methods
together for more effective results. Here is an example where the
answer included a vague reply plus a question. question: "How much you
bought this for?" Answer: "Its not as expensive as it seems, Do you
want to buy one?"
What else can you do
It would also be very smart of you to try to guess why a person is
asking a certain question because once you know the intention you can
give an answer that appeals to him without actually giving exact
facts.
If for example you realized that a friend of yours is asking about
your salary because he wants to know whether his company pays well or
not then an answer such as "Its close to the salary everyone gets"
might be satisfactory for him.
After all he didn't ask that question because he wanted to know how
much you earn but he asked it because he wanted to know whether he is
being paid well or not. Knowing the intention behind the question
isn't always easy but if done right you can always escape the question
without answering it directly.{ see more Articles -
http://aydnajimudeen.blogspot.in/}

Invalid Marriages, - * He took his wife back during her ‘iddah on the basis of a fatwa but she obtained a different fatwa and married someone else

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I was married to a woman and had a son from her, then there were some differences between me and her and I divorced her. During the ‘iddah, there was an argument between me and her brother, and I swore an oath and said: “If So and so does not come back to my house before Fajr, then she is thrice-divorced.” But her brother did not let her, so she did not come back. At that time I had not taken her back (formally, as a wife). After a short while I sought a fatwa and was told that it was permissible for me to take her back but I did not ask whether the second talaaq had taken place or not. Two years later there were major problems in which her family played a major role, and I divorced her, but during the ‘iddah I met her and there happened between us that which happens between husband and wife. I asked one of the scholars working in the court in my city and he gave me a fatwa in writing stating that the divorce that I did not ask about did not count as such, because a divorce issued to an already-divorced woman does not count, and my taking her back by means of intercourse was valid, and I also asked two friends to testify that I had taken her back and told my wife about that, but I did not tell her family because of the severity of the discord in the family. My family got angry with me when they found out that I had taken her back. But I asked her to bear that with patience and to let the taking back continue in secret until I was able to become independent of my family. After one year, during which I used to meet with her in secret and we would sometimes do what husbands and wives do, Allaah blessed me with the opportunity to travel abroad to complete my studies. I got in touch with her ten days before I was due to travel and told her that Allaah had given us a solution to our problem. I asked her to wait for one or two months, and I would tell her how Allaah had granted me a way out, then I left and did not tell her. One week after I left, my family suddenly told me that my ex-wife (or so they thought) had got married! I became very distressed and I did not know what to do, as I was abroad and I did not believe it. I tried to contact my wife and she told me that she thought that I was deceiving her all that time and that I had betrayed her, because she knew that the period of travel would not be less than five years, and she claimed that she had consulted a scholar on the radio as to whether intercourse with the wife without the intention of taking her back was regarded as taking her back or not, and he told her that the intention was essential.
I asked for advice and was told that I had the right to refer the matter to court to seek a separation, or to divorce her, so long as I told her so that she could observe the iddah following divorce. Please note that they married her to someone else without taking the divorce papers from me, and that is what Ii intended to tell them when they asked me about the divorce papers.
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Praise be to Allaah.
The most beloved deed of the troops of Iblees to him is causing separation between man and wife. The devils keep competing in that so as to attain the honour of being close to Iblees and gaining high status before him.
It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Iblees places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such and such, and he says: You have not done anything. Then one of them comes and says: I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife. Then he draws him close to him and says: How good you are.” Narrated by Muslim (2813).
What we see, hear and read of the actions of husbands and wives points to the success of the devils in achieving their aims. The divorce rate in Muslim countries is frightening. And if you look for the reasons you will see that it rarely has to do with religion. Most of it has to do with insignificant worldly matters, so the husband acts in haste, gets angry and divorces his wife, then the family is divided and scattered, and the children are lost.
Perhaps the one who reads this will think carefully before divorcing, and he will strive to do that which will make his family happy and avoid divorce, so that he will not bring misery upon himself and his family.
Secondly:
In general terms, there are differences of opinion among the scholars concerning many cases of divorce. Whatever the husband knows of the rulings before he utters the words of divorce, he should adhere to what he knows, and whatever he does not know about, if he asks someone whose religious commitment and knowledge he trusts, then he has to follow the fatwa he issues, and it is not permissible for him to move from one scholar to another in order to find another fatwa. He should not have any doubts, for he has done that which Allaah has enjoined of asking the people of knowledge, and it is obligatory for him to follow the ruling, especially if there is a ruling issued by an Islamic judge, because the ruling of the judges is decisive in cases of differences of opinion, and the questioner must accept the answer of a trustworthy scholar.
Thirdly:
What the scholars said about a divorce issued to an already-divorced woman not counting as such is a view that was favoured by a number of scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, and by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen among contemporary scholars.
Fourthly:
What the scholars said to you that your having intercourse with your wife is regarded as taking her back is the view of the Hanafis and Hanbalis, and there is nothing wrong with you following this opinion, because you did what you were enjoined to do, namely asking the people of knowledge, and asking about a matter that is subject to ijtihaad in which the scholars have differed.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The apparent meaning of the words of al-Khuraqi is that taking back is only achieved verbally. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i and is one of the two views narrated from Ahmad.
The second view is that taking back is achieved by means of intercourse, whether or not he intended to take her back. This view was favoured by Ibn Haamid and al-Qaadi. This is the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, al-Hasan, Ibn Sireen, ‘Ata’, Tawoos, al-Zuhri, al-Thawri, al-Awzaa’i, Ibn Abi Layla and ashaab al-ra’i. End quote.
Al-Mughni(8/482).
We think that your telling your wife of the fatwa and taking her back, and bringing two witnesses to the taking back, may have been another way to confirm that you were taking her back, in addition to having intercourse. Your telling her and the two witnesses is a clear statement that you took her back.
Whatever the case, you asked for advice and were told that she had been taken back, and you told her and bought witnesses to confirm the taking back.
Based on this, the fact that your wife says that she consulted one of the scholars who gave her a fatwa saying that your taking her back did not count as such because you had intercourse without the intention of taking her back is of no significance, because you consulted someone and told her of the fatwa and brought witnesses to that, thus the taking back was done in the proper manner, and there is no way for your wife to disagree with that.
Fifthly:
Telling your family and your wife’s family is not a condition of taking her back, and in fact it is not a condition that the wife tell them herself. A husband may take back his revocably-divorced wife (first or second talaaq) even if she is far away from him, and it is not a condition that she be told or even agree to it.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):“And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation” [al-Baqarah 2:228].
Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The scholars are unanimously agreed that if a free man divorces his free wife, and he had consummated the marriage with her, and it is a first or second talaaq, then he has more right to take her back so long as the ‘iddah has not ended, even if the wife disagrees.
Tafseer al-Qurtubi(3/120).
But it would have been better to tell her family that you had taken back your wife back. The fact that you did not tell her may have caused them to do this terrible evil, which is marrying her to someone else, thinking that your divorce and your absence meant that their daughter was divorced fully and was able to remarry.
Allaah has enjoined bringing witnesses to taking back a wife in the verse (interpretation of the meaning):“And take as witness two just persons from among you (Muslims)” [al-Talaaq 65:2], so as to put an end to disputes, inform people and alert the heedless to the number of divorces.
The fuqaha’ indicated that if there are no witnesses to the taking-back, that may result in disputes and arguments as to whether the wife has been taken back or not, and the woman may end up marrying another man, thinking that she has not been taken back (by the first husband).
In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (22/114) it says:
The majority of fuqaha’ are of the view that it is mustahabb to tell the wife that she has been taken back, because that will put an end to the disputes that may arise between man and wife.
Al-‘Ayni said: It is mustahabb to tell her (i.e., to tell the wife that she has been taken back), because otherwise she might get married on the basis of her belief that her husband has not taken her back and her ‘iddah has ended, and she may have intercourse with the new husband, thus she will be sinning for not asking her husband, and he will be sinning for not telling her. But even if he does not tell her, the taking-back is still valid, because it is the continuation of an existing marriage and is not the initiation of a new one and the husband is exercising his rights, and for a man to exercise his right he does not need to inform others. End quote.
Now what you must do is refer the matter to the sharee’ah court, and present the written fatwa from this scholar, and bring the two witnesses, to prove that you had in fact taken your wife back.
If you can inform everyone of the matter without going to the sharee’ah court, that is fine.
We should point out that if you do not want to take her back, it is not permissible for you to keep quiet about the matter. After setting things straight, you can divorce her if you wish, but you should understand that if you keep quiet, her second marriage will remain invalid, and this is a serious evil.
We ask Allaah to help you to do that which pleases Him and to make good easy for you.
And Allaah knows best.