Protecting children from sexual abuse - II

What every Muslim parent needs to know about sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is a scary word. When most people hear the phrase, they
immediately cut off emotionally and stop listening. Why? People are
afraid because they don't know much about the topic and do not want to
feel powerless. We hope and pray that this will never happen to
ourchildren, but Allaah has given us a brain and we are supposed to
use it. Like the well-stated Prophetic narrationnarrated by Ibn
Hibbaanthat a man asked the Prophetwhether he should fetter his camel
or would dependence on Allaah suffice in retaining the beast.
TheProphetanswered:"Fetter it and depend )on Allaah(."This direct
command given by the Prophetleaves no doubt as tothe necessity of
working the cause while adopting dependence on Allaah.
It is our responsibility to educate ourselves on this topic so that
wecan check Qadar )Islamic view of Divine preordainment( with Qadar.
Take a look at the following statement regarding Qadar and our
responsibility to act.
It had been narrated that 'Umar Ibn Al-Khattaabwent back with the
people and did not enter Syria when the plague spread there. Abu
'Ubaydah Ibn Al-Jarraahsaid to 'Umar: "O Ameerul- Mu'mineen )the
Commander of the Believers(, are you running away from the Decree of
Allaah?" 'Umarsaid:"If only someone other than you had said this, O
Abu 'Ubaydah! Yes, we are running away from the Decree of Allaah
towards the Decree of Allaah. Do you not see that if you had a camel
and you came to a valley where there were two patches of land, one
green and fertile, and the other dry and barren, if you let it graze
in the green land, you do so by the decree of Allaah, and if you let
it graze in the dry land, you doso by the decree of
Allaah"]Al-Bukhaari[
Closing our eyes and hiding away from the topic is really like giving
up. Obviously, Allaah has granted us with the capacity to use our
brain, so we must act. Child sexual abuse is when the child is used at
an object for some kind of sexual satisfaction by an adult or older
child )by five years old(. The abuser uses manipulation, threats,
exploitation and even physical force.
Let's look at the different ways inwhich the predator takes advantage
of his victims.
1.Manipulation:"I will take you to the zoo if you take off your
clothes and play with me"
2.Exploitation:"I love you very much and I want to show you how much I
love you."
3.Blackmail:"I will tell your father that you were naughty if you
don't let me play this game with you, of course they are going to
believe me because you are always telling lies."
The sexual abuser is seriously sickand will continue abusing children
sexually until he is caught. His senses are heightened because he is
following his perverted desires without caring about who he hurts to
satisfy himself sexually. He is swimming in a sea of sin and
oppression where an evil thing is the most attractive way of
fulfilling his insecure desires. His perverted desires have taken him
to levels that are hard to ever imagine. And the children that he
touches are scared forever unless they let their parents or trust
family members know what is happening.
The child must be empowered; this is his right to stand up for his
Allaah-given rights not to be abused. They have a right to be
educated.
Trust and honor are very sacred in Islam. Because these are powerful
tools, this is one of the main tools of the offender. They will start
to develop friendship with the child trying to be someone special in
the child's life. He is skating on thin ice, but his perverted
satisfaction is like a hungry lion looking for food, never satisfied
completely until he has manipulated this trust in order to fulfill his
or her sexual gratification.
It is important not to stereotype these offenders. They are from every
kind of background. They encompass all races and socio-economic
groups. Though the rate of sexual abuse is lower in Muslim countries,
it does not mean that it doesn't happen. So whether you live in a
non-Muslim country or a Muslim country you need to know this
information.
The Prophetsaid:"Each of youis a shepherd and each of you is
responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and is responsible
for his flock; a man isthe shepherd of his family and is responsible
for his flock; a woman is the shepherd in the house of her husband and
is responsible for her flock…"]Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and others[
It is imperative that parents never ever believe the lies that
children secretly want to be abused. This is one of the most violating
acts that a child could ever feel in his or her life. Generally
speaking, most sexual abusers are older and understandwhat they are
doing. It is imperative that you never ever blame a child for the
offense. A parent's reaction can have everlasting effects on the child
either way. They could either lower the rope to help the child out of
the deep dark hole, or theycould be the one who lets him rot forever
in shame and guilt that affects the child possibly for the rest of his
or her life.
A Muslim poet once wrote,
"Our children are our hearts, walking among us on the face of the
earth. If even a little breeze touches them, we cannot sleep for
worrying about them."
In addition, children do not lie about being sexually abused. Children
do not make up stories that are scary and ugly. It is far from
anything they could imagine.
Generally speaking, the offender is very secretive about these abuses.
In order to protect the child he needs to coherce through the above
methods so there will not be any evidence of a fight. If there were
bruises or marks, this would incriminate the abuser.
It is impetrative that children are empowered by knowing that their
body is theirs, staying in tune with what kind of touch is ok, having
the right to stand up to the offender, and letting him or her know
there are no secrets and he or she is going to tell. It isour
responsibility to let our children know that they can tell us about
what has happened to them.
Part three will deal with the typical characteristics of the sexual abuser.