Preparing for puberty

Learn why it is so important to talk to your child about sexuality
from an Islamic perspective, and how you can help take the lows out of
growing-up.
Talking to teenager about sexuality
Your child has just turned 11 years old; over time you begin to notice
subtle changes in the way that she looks, acts, and talks. Her body
begins to show signs of maturation, she is rather moody, and
conversations with her seem to be more adult-like. Your child, or
rather 'young lady', is just nowentering the first stages of puberty
and experiencing the wonderful changes that it brings.As a parent, it
is important to prepare your child for this phase of life, and it is
also crucial from the Islamic perspective. Once she has reached
puberty, she will no longer be considered a child free of
responsibility. Instead, she willbe an adult with all of the
obligations of Islam placed upon her. Spiritually, her relationship
with Allaah will grow and develop, and she will be accountable for all
of her choices,actions, and intentions.
Although we are able to train ouryouth for the religious and spiritual
aspects of this phase, we often neglect to teach them about another
important element – sexuality. Our neglect may be due to shyness,
discomfort, fear, or worry, but it is something that must be done for
the sake of our youth. Young adult Muslims have actually related that
they wished someone )i.e., a parent, relative, Imaam( would have
spoken to them about the Islamic perspective on sexuality and dealing
with the opposite gender. They have so many questions about this new
passage in their life, but are oftenafraid to ask. It is imperative
thatMuslim parents discuss with and educate their youth on this
issue;otherwise their child may turn to other sources that are likely
to beun-Islamic. It is actually the responsibility of parents to
undertake this task, as it is part of the overall education, or
training of a child. We must also consider how much our involvement
will benefit our youth, because adequate preparation for the changes
they are about to experience will lessen their worry, anxiety, and
fear.
What should you say?
The following are some key points to consider when imparting
information about sexuality to youth, and are also good points to draw
on when discussing it with them.
1. Sexuality is a beautiful gift from Allaah
Sexuality is a blessing given to us from Allaah, Almighty. It is
obviously for the purpose of procreation, but it is a mercy from
Allaah, Almighty, that there is also enjoyment and satisfaction that
comes with it. The relationship between man and woman in all spheres
highlights Allaah's Graciousness. Allaah, Almighty, Says )what
means(:"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves
mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you
affection andmercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give
thought."]Quran 30: 21[
Thus, sexuality is one componentin a loving and affectionate
relationship between husband and wife. It is not something shameful or
disgraceful, but is rather part of Allaah's wondrous, universal plan.
2. Sexuality is a test and also a responsibility
Although sexuality is a gift from Allaah, along with many other things
in life, it is also a test and it entails responsibility. Allaah,
Almighty, determines, at the age of puberty, that an individual is
ready for this test. The test determines whether or not a person will
submit to Allaah and His laws in this sphere of life. To pass this
test, the satisfaction of one's sexual urge must be fulfilled in pure
and legitimate ways )within the bond of marriage(; to fail the test is
to engage in illegitimate sexual relations and those actions and
thoughts leading up to it. There are strict guidelines in the
Sharee'ah )Islamic Law( for our sexual life, even in relation to other
issues such as Hijaab, privacy and our social behavior. Many of these
are a means of prevention, which is the most effective mechanism. This
matter is a very serious one, and should be treated as such, for the
consequences are quite severe if it is neglected.
3. Sexuality and marriage are inseparable
To assist in successful completionof the test, Allaah, Almighty,
through His Mercy, has provided legitimate means to satisfy sexual
desire. Marriage is stronglyemphasized in Islam for this reason )as
well as many others( as indicated in the following Prophetic
narrations. The Prophetsaid: "Whoever marries has completed half of
his faith; so let him have fear of Allaah in the remaining
half."]At-Tabaraani[ Healso said:"He who can afford to marry should
marry, because itwill help him to lower his gaze)from looking at
forbidden things and other women( and save his private parts )from
committing illegal sexual acts( and he who cannot afford to marry is
advised to observe fasting, as fasting will diminish his sexual
power."]Al-Bukhaari[
Islam encourages marriage as a legal sexual outlet and as a shieldand
protection from immorality. Marriage should not be postponed, as is
common practice in this time, particularly if the youth has strong
sexual desire. The fulfillment and satisfaction of this desire is one
of the main purposes of marriage, and it should not be postponed or
suppressed for the sake of further education or reaching a certain
age, especially if the temptation for illicit relations is present.