For children, - Stop blamingeveryone else for your problems

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Let's talk about blaming other people. Blaming other people for the reason why you don't have something will give all your power away to the other person. Your life is your responsibility. And it's only when you take full responsibility for your life is when you actually do something about it.
When you blame somebody, in effect, it actually means you expect somebody else to change your life situation. It means you are waiting for the other person to redeem you of your problems. It isn't their life though, it's your life.
If you think seriously about it, it's actually your fault that you are not happy, it's your fault for not taking those great opportunities and it's your fault for letting another person take advantage of you.
Your life is in direct response to the way how you treat yourself as a person. Everything you have in your life is a manifestation of how you treat yourself, NOT how somebody else treated you or what somebody else has done.
The reason why we blame others is because we become uncertain about our own capabilities and we become thwarted by our problems in life. We tend to come up with excuses to stay away from what we should be doing.
The truth is we don't like to admit when we are wrong and when we are caught; we like to shift the blame to someone or something else. If we are stopped for speeding we immediately offer an excuse, such as "I was going with the flow of traffic" (blaming someone else) or "I didn't see the sign noting the speed change" (blaming something else). We try to excuse our behavior and lessen the guilt and even the consequence of our sin.
Regardless of how much you blame others, it will not change your life; but the less you blame others, the more you will exercise greater intuition and greater judgment about what's really going on. It means you rely on yourself to determine your outcomes in life and break through adversity and this is a powerful thing!
Take full responsibility for your situation and discover how you can create success for yourself without giving away your power. Ask yourself the following questions: Am I in charge of my life outcomes? Can I personally make things better in this situation? How can I take responsibility to become better?
When you do this, you grow to feel more independent, increase determination and grow stronger as you find new ways to enhance stronger character traits. Fulfill your deepest needs and take responsibility for your outcomes that you want to manifest into your life - from now onwards, to your life success and powers.
Stop blaming and start claiming Responsibility for your results
Unsuccessful people blame external circumstances; successful people internalize responsibility for their results. This represents a new way of thinking; a paradigm shift that is necessary for your progress. Until this shift takes place the unsuccessful continue to get more and more of what they don't want, and comically it is never their fault. The following poem illustrates the above explanation.
When the other fellow takes a long time, he's slow.
When I take a long time, I'm thorough.
When the other fellow doesn't do it, he's lazy,
When I don't do it, I'm busy.
When the other fellow does something without being told, he's overstepping his bounds,
When I do it, that's initiative.
When the other fellow overlooks a rule of etiquette, he's rude,
When I skip a few rules, I'm original.
When the other fellow pleases the boss, he's an apple polisher,
When I please the boss, it's cooperation.
When the other fellow gets ahead, he's getting the breaks,
When I manage to get ahead, that's just the reward for hard work.
A man may fall many times but he won't be a failure until he says someone pushed him.

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Welcome to Islam, - * The consistency between modern science and Quran -I

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The Quran is the last revelation and a proof, not only to the pagan Arabs 1400 years ago, but also to the scientists of today. Perhaps one of the most remarkable qualities of the Quran is the complete consistency between most of the discoveries of modern Science and the Quran.
One of the first Western scientists to make a serious study of this subject was Maurice Bucaille, who wrote a book called The Bible, The Quran and Science. In this book, he compared the statements concerning natural and scientific data in the Bible and the Quran. He concluded: "The Quran follows on from the two Revelations that preceded it and is not only free from contradictions in its narrations and the sign of the various human manipulations to be found in the Gospels; but provides a quality all of its own for those who examine it objectively and in the light of Science, i.e. its complete agreement with modern scientific data.
Furthermore, statements are found in the Quran )as has been shown( that are connected with Science, and yet it is unthinkable that a man in Muhammad’s time, could have been the author of them. Therefore, modern scientific knowledge allows us to understand certain verses of the Quran, which, until now, it has been impossible to interpret.
The comparison of several Biblical and Quranic narrations on the same subject shows the fundamental differences between the statements in the Bible, which are scientifically unacceptable, and declarations in the Quran which are in perfect agreement with modern data, for example, in the description of Creation and the Flood.
An extremely important complement to the Bible was found in the text of the Quran on the history of the Exodus, where the two texts were very much in agreement with archaeological findings, dating from the time of Moses.
There are major differences between the Quran and the Bible on other subjects, which serve to disprove all the unfounded allegations that Muhammad, is supposed to have copied the Bible to produce the text of the Quran.”
In view of the level of knowledge in Muhammad’s days, it is inconceivable that many of the statements in the Quran which are connected with Science could have been the work of a man. It is, moreover, perfectly legitimate, not only to regard the Quran as the expression of a Revelation, but also to award it a very special place, on the account of the guarantee of authenticity it provides. The presence of scientific statements in the Quran which, when studied today, appear as a challenge to explanation in human terms.”
Some statements involving data confirmed by modern Science are:
1. The Accurate Description of Embryonic and Fetal Development:
At the time of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, )may Allaah exalt his mention(, prevalent theories included those of Aristotle, who thought that a child was formed by the congealing of menstrual blood, catalyzed by the male blood, as rennet does to cheese. In the 18thcentury CE, Hartsoeker claimed to have seen within the sperm a pre-formed human being through the primitive microscopes.
The Quran reflected none of these theories, describing the embryonic human development with detailed accuracy )which means(:"We created man from a quintessence of clay, We then placed him as a drop )Nutfah( in a place of rest firmly fixed, then we made the drop into an ‘Alaqah )leech-like structure( and then we changed the leech-like structure into a Mudghah, )chewed-like substance( and then We made out of that chewed-like substance bones; then We clothed the bones with flesh; then We caused him to grow and come into being and attain the definitive form. Blessed be Allaah, The Perfect Creator. After that, at length you will die. Again, on the Day of Judgment, you will be raised up."]Quran 23:12-16[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, further explained the meaning of ‘Nutfah’ as meaning both the male sperm and female ovum. The word ‘Alaqah has three meanings in Arabic:
1( A thing that clings
2( A blood clot
3( A leech-like thing.
All three accurately describe the first stage of the developing embryo. After the fertilization of the egg, a blastocyst develops, which has on its exterior villocites, which literally "cling" to the wall of the uterus. It then goes on to resemble a leech in both appearance and behavior and goes on to resemble a blood clot.
The next stage, when it becomes "chewed-like" substance, is also accurate. It is also true that the bones precede the development of muscle and flesh. The Prophetic traditions state:"When forty-two nights have passed over the conceptus, Allaah sends an Angel to it, who shapes it, makes its ears, eyes, skin, flesh and bones. Then he says: 'O Lord! Is it male or female?' And your Lord decides what He wishes and then the angel records it."]Al-Bukhaari[
This accurate information gives the correct time for the recognizable growth of the features described, and the sex of the fetus cannot be definitely determined until just after forty-two days.
This was not known until the invention of powerful microscopes only decades ago. Professor and Chairman of the Department of Anatomy at the University of Toronto, Canada, and author of The Developing Human, Keith Moore, who is considered one of the world’s leading embryologists, said concerning these statements in the Quran and authenticated hadeeth: "Until the 19th century CE, nothing was known about classifying the stages of human development. A system of staging human embryos was developed around the end of the 19th century CE based on alphabetical symbols.
During the 20th century CE, numerals were used to describe 23 stages of embryonic development. This system of numbering the stages is not easy to follow and a better system would be based on the morphological changes. In recent years, the study of the Quran has revealed another basis for the classification of the stages of the developing embryo, which is based on easily understood actions and changes in shape. It utilizes terms which were sent from God to Muhammad by the Angel Gabriel and recorded on the Quran… It is clear to me that these statements must have come to Muhammad from God because almost none of this knowledge was discovered until many centuries later. This proves to me that Muhammad must have been a Messenger of God.”

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Welcome to Islam, - * Quran as a miracle

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The Quran is truly a living miracle. Going deeper into it, one finds amazing characteristics from every perspective.
In Language
The Arabs of the 6thand 7thcenturies CE were masters of the Arabic language. Eloquence and rhetoric were their lifeblood. The liveliness that marked their gatherings, the gaiety of their fairs, and the virtues of which they boasted, all found expression through poetry and literature. They were so proud of their literary accomplishments that they disdainfully dubbed all the other peoples of the world as “’Ajam” or “Dumb.” It was in this atmosphere that there appeared on the scene an unlettered person, Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, )may Allaah exalt his mention(. He presented before them an oration, and declared it to be the Word of Allaah, which claimed )what means(:
“If mankind and the jinn were to gather together to produce the like of this Quran, they could never produce the like thereof, even if they backed up one another.”]Quran 17:88[
Such a proclamation was an amazing thing. It came from a person who had never learned anything from the renowned poets and scholars of the time, had never recited even a single piece of poetry in their congregations, and never attended the company of soothsayers. And far from composing any poetry himself, he did not even remember the verses of other poets. This proclamation, repeated several times in the Quran, was therefore the greatest challenge to their literary expertise, and at the same time a fatal stab at their polytheist creed and beliefs. Following this, a hush fell over the whole galaxy of these stirring orators and fiery poets. Not a soul stepped forward to accept the challenge of producing the like of the Quran. They persecuted the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, called him insane, a sorcerer, poet and soothsayer, but failed utterly in composing even a few sentences like the Quranic verses. To this day, the challenge has remained unmet, although throughout history and even in modern times, many people have made feeble attempts to do so.
In Prophecies
Among other things, the Quran contains prophecies of future events, many of which have come to pass. We reproduce here a discussion of one such prophecy, which was fulfilled within the lifetime of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
While the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was still in Makkah, after having been entrusted with prophethood, and was being subjected to all sorts of persecutions by the Makkan idolaters, exactly at the same time the two great powers of Rome and Persia were involved in repeated wars. The Romans were beaten, vanquished and suffered a great loss in men and material. At last, the Romans were so utterly exhausted that, far from being in a position to launch a counter-attack, they could not even take a firm stand anywhere. This situation was a matter of jubilation for the pagans ofArabia, as they identified the Persians, being fire-worshippers, with themselves and the Romans, as “people of the Book,” with the Muslims. In their eyes, the dominance of the Persians, presaged their own victory and the defeat of the Muslims. It was under these circumstances that these initial verses of the chapter called Ar-Room )The Romans( were revealed )which mean(:
“…The Romans have been defeated, in the land close by. And after )this( defeat of theirs, they will soon be victorious within a few years. To Allaah belongs the command before and after and on that day the Believers will rejoice in Allaah’s help…”]Quran 30:2-4[
For those who were aware of the military situation concerning the Romans and Persians, this prediction was absolutely incredible. In fact, the Persians kept marching forward until they reached the city walls of the Roman capital,Constantinople. The renowned historian Edward Gibbon has commented on this prediction thus:
“When this prophecy was made, no prediction could be more unbelievable because the initial twelve years of Heraclius were evidently declaring an end to theRoman Empire.” ]Fall of the Roman Empire, v.5, p.73-74[
But exactly seven years after his first defeat, the Roman emperor sallied forth from the capital and inflicted crushing defeats on the Persians at several places, and after that the Roman armies were victorious everywhere.
Meanwhile, a large number of Muslims had migrated to Al-Madeenah and their wars with the idolaters of Makkah had already begun. The day on which 313 ill-equipped Muslims were decisively beating their enemy -- 1000 heavily armed Makkan warriors -- at the battlefield of Badr, came the news that the Romans had defeated the Persians. It was then realized that the Quranic verse, )which means(:“…on that day the Believers will rejoice in Allaah’s help”]Quran 30: 4-5[ was meant to denote the twin happiness of the Romans’ victory as well as their own victory at Badr.
In Science and History
Apart from prophecies, the Quran has pointed out many scientific and historical facts which were not only unknown at that time, but could not even be imagined given the development of civilization. Entire books have been written )by both Muslims and non-Muslims( confirming the correspondence of scientific discoveries to the truths expressed in the Quran. Again, we suffice here with two examples:
The Quran has stated that as Fir’awn )Pharaoh( was drowning in the sea he made a confession of faith orally, just to save his life. In response, Allaah Said )what means(:
“What! Now? And indeed before this you did rebel and were of the corrupt. So this day We shall rescue you with your body that you may be a sign to those who come after you.”]Quran 10: 91-92[
At the time of revelation of this verse, and even centuries afterwards, nobody knew that the body of Fir’awn had been preserved, but it has been discovered only recently and is preserved in a museum atCairo.
The Quran has stated )what means(:“And of everything We have created pairs that you may take heed.”]Quran 51: 49[
When this verse was revealed, the general concept was that male and female pairs existed only among human beings and animals or in some vegetation. However, with the advancement of science, the Quranic reality is becoming manifest that male and female pairs exist in everything. In some instances they are termed as male and female, and elsewhere as positive and negative, as electron and proton, or neutron and positron. In another verse, the Quran has also clarified that the occurrence in pairs in many other things is still unknown to people. It says )what means(:
“Glorified be He Who created pairs of all things which the earth grows, and of themselves )humans(, and of that which they know not.” ]Quran 36: 36[
A Miracle For Us!
Looking back through history, it has been observed that the prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, were sent with miracles that reflected the society and knowledge of the people they were sent to. Thus, Moosaa )Moses(, may Allaah exalt his mention, was sent with a staff that truly turned into a snake, baffling the trickster magicians of the Pharaoh. ’Eesaa )Jesus(, may Allaah exalt his mention, was given the power to cure diseases and give life to the dead, astonishing the Jewish doctors who felt proud of their limited knowledge of healing, and who had begun to disregard and deny the supernatural powers of God.
Similarly, the Quran was an immediate miracle for the Arabs so many years ago, since it challenged and far surpassed the limits of their literary expression. Unlike the miracles of previous prophets, which were only applicable for a limited time, to this day the Quran -- the Final Testament given to the Last Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam -- is still a relevant miracle for humanity and will remain so as long as the world exists. We live in an age of science and technology, of knowledge, logic, and reason. Yet, in spite of all the human advancement in every sphere of life, the principles of the Quran have not been proven wrong nor have they become “out-of-date.” This is really the great miracle of the Quran, it has proven itself a timeless, universal message for humankind, relevant to every facet of our life — be it politics, economics, ethics, science, literature, arts or entertainment. In fact, even non-Muslim scholars have admitted that the entire “Western” civilization today, thriving from the “rebirth of humanity” )i.e. the “Renaissance”(, would not have been so, had it not been for the message brought by Muhammad, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam. As the celebrated English writer, Robert Briffault, says in The Making of Humanity:
“The ideas of freedom for all human beings, of human brotherhood, of the equality of all men before the law of democratic government, by consultation and universal suffrage, the ideas that inspired the French Revolution and the Declaration of Rights, that guided the framing of the American Constitution and inflamed the struggle for independence in the Latin-American countries were not inventions of the West. They find their ultimate inspiration and source in the Holy Quran. They are the quintessence of what the intelligentsia of medieval Europe acquired from Islam over a period of centuries through the various societies that developed inEuropein the wake of the Crusades in imitation of the brotherhood associations of Islam. It is highly probable that but for the Arabs, modern European civilization would never have arisen at all, it is absolutely certain that but for them, it would never have assumed that character which has enabled it to transcend all previous phases of evolution.”

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Menstruation and Post-Natal bleeding, - Dought& clear, - * She feels bad during her period

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I feel sometimes that I am not clean inside. I feel few days before my period starts that my blood is boiling inside my veins, and I feel like I want to cut myself off. About two years ago I stopped the bad habit of backbiting, since I stopped this sin I feel much more comfortable. But when the time for my period becomes close, I feel like my blood is boiling and I start repeating the past. My mother did this, my father did that, my sister is like this, and so on. When this happens I do not know how to stop it. This case of mine may stay for two days or more. Please guide me.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allaah for guiding you to an understanding of the seriousness of backbiting and its evil, and for hastening to give it up. We ask Him to help you and make you steadfast in that.
Secondly:
It is well known that many women become depressed and anxious during their menses, especially at the beginning, and that a woman’s intellectual state is not normal during menses. Most women feel pain in their backs or lower abdomen, and for some of them the pain may be more than they can bear, so they use medicines and painkillers. See question no. 43028.
Undoubtedly what you are feeling is one of the effects of menstruation but all you have to do is be patient and seek reward, for nothing befalls a Muslim, not even anxiety and grief, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.
You should keep yourself busy with work, study etc that will benefit you, for free time makes worries worse.
There is nothing wrong with a menstruating woman reading Qur’aan without touching the Mus-haf, and that will distract her and make it easier for her.
And Allaah knows best.

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Menstruation and Post-Natal bleeding, - Dought& clear, - * Should he have intercourse with his menstruating wife and pay the expiation because her menstrual cycleis so long?

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My period lasts ten days, and then I find yellowish discharge for another five days. This offends my husband a lot as he cannot tolerate this. Is he allowed to have an intercourse with me before then ten day ends then pay expiation? Especially that I have only 16 days between the two periods.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
If the yellowish discharge comes straight after the menses then it is part of the menses, and it is not permissible at that time to have intercourse or to pray or fast. If the yellowish discharge comes after the end of the menses (tuhr), then it is not counted as anything.
As for the yellowish discharge that comes directly before the menses, if it is accompanied by the pains of menses (cramps) that happen to women, then it is menses; if it is not accompanied by pains, then it is not menses.
See the answer to question no. 37840.
The end of menses (tuhr) occurs when one of two signs appear: the emission of a white discharge, or when the place becomes dry, so that if a piece of cotton etc is inserted it comes out clean with no trace of blood or yellowish or brownish discharge.
Secondly:
It is not permissible for the husband to have intercourse with his wife during her menses, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is an Adha (a harmful thing for a husband to have a sexual intercourse with his wife while she is having her menses), therefore, keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they are purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in their vagina). Truly, Allaah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts and bodies for their prayers)”
[al-Baqarah 2:222].
So it is not permissible to have intercourse with a menstruating woman until she becomes pure (her menses ends) and she has done ghusl.
There is a stern warning against having intercourse with a menstruating woman, as was narrated by al-Tirmidhi (135), Abu Dawood (3904) and Ibn Majaah (639) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “Whoever has intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her back passage, or who goes to a fortuneteller and believes what he says, has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
The husband may enjoy his menstruating wife in ways other than intercourse. See question no. 36722.
The wife does not have the right to agree to this evil, rather she must refuse.
The husband must fear Allaah and beware of haraam forms of intimacy. In that which is halaal there is sufficient. In addition to being haraam, having intercourse during menses is harmful to both the man and the woman.
And Allaah knows best.

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Menstruation and Post-Natal bleeding, - Dought& clear, - * She gets brownish spotting before the bleeding starts

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My period does not come naturally, rather I have to take pills to bring it on. Two months ago I took medicine to bring it on but I did not get my period. This month I took pills to bring it on, and on the day when I was supposed to get my period I got some brownish spotting, which came and went throughout the day, then the next day I had reddish spotting, then I had bleeding which was like a natural period.
My question: on the first day on which I had brownish spotting, should I stop praying or should I pray?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It seems – and Allaah knows best – that as long as this spotting came at the usual time of the period and was connected to the bleeding that came afterwards, then it is part of the menses, so you should stop praying and fasting at that time.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Before my monthly period, I get a brownish discharge that lasts for five days, and after that I get the normal bleeding, and the bleeding lasts for eight days after the first five days. I pray during the five days, but I am wondering whether I should fast and pray during those days or not.
He replied: If the five days when you have the brownish discharge are separate from the days when you bleed, then it is not part of your period, and you have to pray and fast during those days, and you should do wudoo’ for each prayer because it comes under the same ruling as urinary incontinence, not menses, so it does not mean that you cannot pray and fast. But you have to do wudoo’ each time until it ends, like the bleeding of istihaadah.
But if these five days are connected to the menses then they are part of the menses and should be regarded as part of your period, so you should not pray or fast.
And Allaah knows best.

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