Marriage Breakdown

Nowadays, the general trend governing marriages is that the husband
views his responsibility towards hisfamily as being a purely
materialistic one i.e. to provide financially for them (a house, car,
clothes, etc). This attittude is resulting in many marriages breaking
down since many husbands are seriously deficient in not spending
sufficient time with their families – in communicating and interacting
with the family and children. Islam presents a different viewof the
role of the husband, where he is made responsible for the Islamic
nurturing and development of his wife and children as well as their
psychological and moral welfare.
In actual fact the time which he spends with hisfamily is not only a
responsibility but an act of Ibaadat for which he will be rewarded.
Sad to note that despite this, many husbands become restless and seek
every opportunity to withdraw from their families by, among other
things:
*. Spending a great deal of time watching sportson TV
*. Spending many afternoons and evenings 'with the boys' at THE CLUB
*. Going off at weekends to play golf or fishing.
It also often transpires that if the wife (reluctantly) agrees to an
arrangement allowing the husband regular time'with the boys' the
opportunity is used for other purposes e.g. conducting illicit
relationships (adultery), etc.
He seeks more and more to be away from his family and should the wife
raise even the mildest objection, he usually reacts with a great
temper tantrum. Sadly, many wives endure this torture of loneliness
and neglect with a great deal of bitterness and sorrow, tolerating
their miserablecondition because they have no where else to go. How
often have you heard a tearful wife say, 'He's got more time for his
friends than for me'.
BROTHER HEED THIS WARNING:
If you are guilty of this type of behaviour then you will have no one
but yourself to blame if your marriage hits the rocks. CHANGE NOW!
There can never be a limit to the love and attention that you can give
to your wifeand children. Aside from Deeni activities and basic
business activities, devote yourselves towards your wife and children.
It will pay excellent dividends.
Allah's Messenger (Sallallaahu layhi Wasallam) said, 'The best of you
is he who is best to his family'. (Mishkat)

The Bond of Holy Love

An extract from Az-ZaujusSalih (The Pious Husband)by Mujlisul Ulama of
South Africa
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "The noblest of you are those who
are the noblest to their families…"
"Verily, among the most perfect Believers in Iman are those who are
best incharacter and kindest to their wives."
Even lifting a morsel of food to the mouth of the wife has been given
the significance of ibadat. It is an act of love by which the husband
derives thawab (reward in the Hereafter).
It was part of the Uswah Hasanah (Noble character) of the Prophetصلى
الله عليه وسلم to engage in light hearted talk with his wives. Hadhrat
Abu Hurairah رضى الله تعالى عنه said:
Allah loves a man who caresses his wife. Both of them are awarded
thawab because of this loving attitude and their rizq (earning) is
increased."
A man is rewarded for even a drink of water he presents to his wife.
According to the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم the mercy of Allah Ta'ala
cascades on a couple when the husband glances at his wife with love
and pleasure and she returns his glance with love and pleasure.
When a husband clasps the hand of his wife withlove their sins fall
from the gaps between their clasped fingers. Even mutual love between
husband and wives serve as a kaffara (expiation) for sins. The Prophet
صلى الله عليه وسلم said:
"When a man enters his home cheerfully, Allah creates, as a result of
his happy attitude, an angel who engages in istighfar (prayers of
forgiveness) on behalf of the man until the day of Qiyamah."
May Allah give us the ability to act upon the above, ameen.
Al-Mar'atus Salihah (The Pious Wife) is also published by Mujlisul
Ulama, both books can befound in the English language and have been
described as the islamic prescription for a happy and successful
marriage , the blessings and rewards of which extend into even the
Hereafter.

Ingratitude towards parents

"Say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them
in terms of honour." [Quran 17:23]
In Islam, it is obligatory for us to show kindness, respect, and
obedience to our parents. The position of parents, and the mutual
obligations and responsibilities, havebeen addressed in Islam in great
detail. In fact, kindness and obedience is so strongly emphasizedthat
Allaah has linked showing gratitude to one's parents with showing
gratitude to Allaah. In the Noble Quran, Almighty Allaah Says (which
means):
"And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail
upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his
weaning: (hear thecommand), "Show gratitude to Me and to your parents:
to Me is (your final) return." [Quran 31:14]
Sadly, we are living in a time where children speaking disrespectfully
to their parents and about their parents, is the norm rather than the
exception. However, Islam places great emphasis on respectful and
considerate behaviour to even our enemies, so to not uphold the
obligations laid down by Allaah to our parents is actually one of the
major sins.
In the Quran
Let's see what the Quran says about parents. "This is the Book; in it
is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fearAllaah." [Quran
2:02]
Treat parents with honour and speak to them graciously and with humility
Allaah Says (which means):
"Your Lord hath decreed that youworship none but Him, and that you be
kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your
life, say not to them aword of contempt, nor repel them, but address
them in terms of honour. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing
of humility, and say: My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy even as they
cherished me in childhood." [Quran 17:23]
Be grateful to parents but do not obey them if they strive to make you
associate anything with Allaah
Allaah also Says (which means):
"...Be grateful to Me and to both your parents; to Me is the eventual
coming. But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things
of which you have no knowledge, obey them not; yet bear them company
in this life with justice (and consideration), and follow the way of
those who turn to Me (in love): in the end the return of you all is to
Me, then will I informyou of what you did." [Quran 31:15]
These verses make it clear that we must honour our parents, appreciate
their sacrifices and efforts for us, and do our best for them. This is
required regardless of whether they are Muslims or not.
Be good to parents and everyone whom you meet
The Quran states (which means):
"Worship Allaah, and join not anypartners with Him; and do good- to
parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near,
neighbours who are strangers, the companion by yourside, the wayfarer
(ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allaah loves not the
arrogant,the vainglorious." [Quran 4:36]
If the Quran tells us to be good to a stranger, then how can we even
think of disrespecting our parents?
Hadeeth
Let's see what Prophet Muhammad said aboutparents in the authentic
Hadeeth (narrations). Almighty Allaah Says (which means):
"Whatsoeverthe Prophet gives you, take it andwhatsoever he forbids
you, refrain from it." [Quran 59:7]
Undutifulness to parents is a major sin
Anas narrated from Prophet Muhammad about the major sins. He (the
Prophet) observed: 'Associating anyone (or anything)with Allaah,
undutifulness to parents, killing a person and falseutterance.'
[Muslim]
One of the dearest deeds to Allaah is being good and dutiful to parents
'Abdullaah Ibn Mas'ood narrated: I asked the Prophet "Which deed is
thedearest to Allaah?" He replied,"To offer the prayers at their early
stated fixed times." I asked,"What is the next (in goodness)?"He
replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" [Al-Bukhaari]
Being dutiful to parents is one of the keys to enter Paradise
Abu Hurayrah reported Prophet Muhammad as saying: Let him be humbled
into dust; let him be humbled into dust; let him be humbled into dust.
It wassaid: O Allaah's Messenger, who ishe? He said: He who
accompanieseither of his parents during their old age or one of them,
but he does not enter Paradise (by beingundutiful to them). [Muslim]
Acts of kindness we can do for our parents after their death
A man of the tribe of Salamah came to ProphetMuhammad and said: 'O
Apostle of Allaah! Is there any kindness left that I can do to my
parents after their death?' He replied: 'Yes, you can invoke blessings
on them, forgiveness for them, fulfill their promises and pledges (to
do righteous deeds), maintain ties with kinfolkfor the mere reason of
being dutiful to them (i.e. parents), andhonour their friends.' [Abu
Daawood]
The High Status given to Mothers
A man came to the Prophet and asked him for permission to fight
Jihaad. The Prophet asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied
affirmatively, he said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet
(i.e. she is the way leading to it)." [Ahmad]
Summary
Sometimes we may take our parents for granted and overlook their
importance. As Muslims, we should constantly be alert to guard
ourselves from sins; however, are we guarding ourselves from one of
the biggest major sins? Are we honouring and respecting our parents
asper their right? Or are weneglecting one of the dearest deeds to
Allaah?
Right now the choice is ours!
We ask Allaah the Most High, the All-Powerful, to teach us that which
will benefit us, and to benefitus by that which we learn.

Those who openly sin – I

It is from the Sunnah of the Prophet that we take the light of
guidance regarding this crucial issue, which is one that requires
urgent attention due to it being one of the most important matters
that will assist in preserving the Muslim community with regards to
its religion and chastity.
Abu Hurayrah reported: "The Messenger of Allaah said: "Every member of
my nation will be forgiven, except those who expose their wrongdoings.
An example of this is that of a man who commits a sin at night which
Allaah then conceals, but, the next morning, he goes and says (to
people): 'I committed such and such a sin last night' - while Allaah
had kept it secret. During the night Allaah had concealed it, but in
the morning he tore up the cover provided by Allaah Himself."
[Al-Bukhaari & Muslim]
Those who openly expose their sins to others will be deprived from the
forgiveness of Allaah. Imaam An-Nawawi said: "It is permissible to
speak openly about those who openly expose the sins that they commit,
or innovations they propagate."
Such a person would sit in a gathering and say: "I committed such and
such a sin last night" and then give details, whilst the Messenger of
Allaah said: "Refrain from these filthy matters(i.e. sins) that Allaah
has forbidden, and if one of you is tried by committing any of them,
then let him conceal them as Allaah has concealed them for him."
[Al-Haakim]
Why is this? It is because openly exposing one's sins is a way of
slighting the rank of Allaah; it is Allaah who forbade such sins to be
committed and who informedus of this through His Messenger . Thus, the
one who openly exposes his disobedience is expressing indifference
regardingthe legislation of Allaah, the rank of His Messenger and the
feelings of the righteous within the Muslim community. To do this is
therefore nothing except dogged arrogance.
Openly exposing sins and bragging about them is a common practice
amongst people nowadays, and has replaced repenting from them and
concealing them from others. If one sins, he should not even inform a
single person, and must repent and resolve never to commit the same
sin again. One may, however, inform a scholar or a wise friend in
order to seek his help and receive advice on how to refrain from and
resist such sins, as well as to receive guidance on matters that would
protect him from being tempted again and to inform him of deterrents
that would prevent him from falling into the same mistake again.
Another specific permissible reason for one exposing his sin isto do
so in order to seek the Islamic ruling regarding what he has
committed; the proof for thisis the story of the man who had sexual
intercourse with his wife during the daytime one Ramadhaan during the
lifetime ofthe Messenger of Allaah . The man then went and informed
theProphet of what he had done so that he would know what the ruling
was and what he should therefore do regarding this sin. The Prophet
did not condemnhim for telling him what he had done and instructed him
as to what to do for expiation.
Exposing sins and bragging about them encourages others tocommit them
and imitate the sinners. The prohibition of openlycommitting sins is a
great wisdom, because Allaah knows that such acts move others and
motivate them to indulge in the same evil; it also makes sinning more
attractive to people, decorating it in their eyes. This is why openly
exposing one's sins isso perilous.
The Islamic scholars mentioned many rulings related to those who
openly expose theirsins to others, such as the prayer behind such
people to be disliked(i.e., such people may not lead congregational
prayers). Some scholars even went as far as to state that one must
repeat his prayer if he prays behind such a person. Ibn Abu Zayd was
asked whether or not a sinner can lead people during congregational
prayers, to which he answered: "If he is one who openly and
persistently exposes his sins to others, then he may not." This means
that he should not be given the opportunity to lead to begin with, and
if he is already leading, then people must strive to remove and
replace him, because this person is unfit for leadership.
On the other hand, if one openly exposes a sin of his unintentionally
then he is pardoned due to it occurring accidentally. Imaam Maalik was
asked about this and answered: "This is something that anyone could
(accidentally) do … (but) nothing is similar to the evil of he who
persistently and openly exposes his sins."
An issue related to this is that of visiting such a person when he is
sick; visiting a sick Muslim is highly rewardable by Allaah, and it is
a right that a Muslim has over other Muslims, but the Islamic scholars
said regarding the one who openly exposes his sins: "He is not to be
visited, so that this (shunning) acts as a means of making him repent
from such evil, and in order for others to refrain from such an act
when they see how badly he is treated; but, (one mayvisit him) if the
intention is to admonish and advise him."
Another ruling regarding such a person is concerning praying the
funeral prayer over him; the Islamic scholars stated thathe is not to
be prayed over as a deterrent for others, so that they will not follow
in his footsteps. Inthis regard, Imaam Ibn Taymiyyah said: "People
should refrain from praying over the dead person who was knownto
openly expose his sins to others as a means to prevent others from
acting like him." Onlythe common people should pray over such a
person, because he was still a Muslim, but people of piety and
knowledge should be absent.
What is the ruling of backbiting such people and revealing their sins?
Generally, it is recommended to conceal the sinsof others because the
Prophet said: "Whoever covers up the fault of a Muslim, Allaah will
cover up his fault(s) on the Day ofResurrection." [Al-Bukhaari &
Muslim]
The exception to this narration applies only for the one who openly
exposes his sins, as the scholars stated; this is because it becomes
recommended for others to expose him to people so that they can avoid
dealing with him. Concealing the faults ofsuch a person could
encourage him to commit more evil.
As for backbiting such people, Imaam Ahmad said: "He whoopenly exposes
his sins to others has no protection against backbiting (i.e. it is
not prohibited to backbite him)." On the other hand, Imaam An-Nawawi
stated that it is permitted, but only regarding thesins he exposed to
others and nothing else, so that people can be warned against him.
Additionally, if he is likely to take heed as a result of people
boycotting him, then people should boycott him by not talking to him,
not visiting him, not responding to him when he salutes with Salaam
and so on. This is because exposition of sins is a matter taken very
seriously inIslam.
One is obliged Islamically to respond to invitations to wedding feasts
because the Prophet said: "He who does not respond to and honour the
dinner invitation of a wedding has disobeyed Allaah and His
Messenger." Nonetheless, this obligation does not apply to the
invitations of those who openly expose their sins.