'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
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{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
Question
Salaams, I am seperated from my husband for 10months, he did not give me my talaaq i left on my own. Things got very ugly between us, my parents were involved he even lifted his hand on my mother. He has made maaf he wants us to try and reconsile but i do not want to go back. He says he want a valid reason that he can understand to why i do not want to go back. eg I can not say because he beat me up, he replies he has changed i should give him another chance to prove himself. I do not have feeling for him anymore, how should i explain it to him in a way he would accept. Please advise me urgently. Jazakallah Salaam
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messengear.
Both spouses should have good marital relationship with each other as Allaah ordered in His Book saying )what means(:}And due to them ]i.e. the wives[ is similar to what is expected to them, according to what is reasonable.{]Quran 2:228[
If problems happen, then they should be wise in solving them. Besides, the parents of the wife should endeavour to reconcile between their daughter and her husband and not be part of the problem.
In any case, if what you mentioned is true that your husband beat you, and he has no sound reason for doing so, or that this beating was through aggression only to harm you, then he is wrong. However, you also was wrong by going out of the marital home without the consent of your husband if this going out was without a sound reason, like fearing to be harmed by him and the like. Moreover, it is not permissible for you to ask for divorce without a sound reason as this is prohibited in the Sharee’ah.
On the other hand, if the wife is harmed by her husband by him beating her, for example, then this is a sound reason for her to ask for divorce.
However, we advise you to be patient with your husband especially that he wishes to reconcile with you, and reconciliation is good especially if you have children from him because in general the children are harmed when divorce takes place. Also, it could be that the wife asks her husband to divorce her and once she is divorced, she regrets. Therefore, you should take your time and ask the advice of rational people in your family.
Nonetheless, if you are determined to separate from him, then you may ask him to divorce you. If he accepts and divorces you, then this is what is required, but if he refuses, then you may ask for Khul’. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 89039and 84309.
Finally, it should be noted that we are unable to determine how you could convince him, and if you do not want to mention to him the fact of him beating you, then you may say to him that you are unable to live with him anymore.
Allaah Knows best.
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NajimudeeN M
NajimudeeN M
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