Seven Keys to happiness and success (Married Life)

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems,
but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.
In this picture, just look at their condition... no place to sleep,
still they have made some space for the cat and the dog... water
poring from the roof but still each one of them have a peaceful smile
on their face... Simply amazing! Therefore: Success is not the key to
happiness. Happiness is the key to success.
1. Mutual Trust: Key to happiness and success
Mutual Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When
trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust
leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and
enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call.
She answered, 'Public Utilities Board.' There was silence. She
repeated, 'PUB.' There was still no answer. When she was going to cut
off the line, she hearda lady's voice, Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry, I
got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number
it is.
Without mutual trust, justimagine what will happen to the couple if
the telephone operator answered with just 'Hello' instead of 'PUB.'
Imam Ali (as) says: "The best of belief is trustworthiness, and the
worst of manners is betrayal."
Imam Baqir (as) says:"There are three things that God did not exempt
anyone from doing. Returning the trusts and keeping your pledges to
the good and the evil-doers alike, and being good and merciful towards
parents regardless of their being good of not."
Imam Sadiq (as) says:"Had the killer of Imam Alikept a trust with him
he would have given it back."
Imam Ali (as) says: "Do not betray the one who trusts you even if he
betrays you. He also swore that the Messengerof God told him an hour
before he died: Return the trust, to the good andthe evil-doers, and
whether it is trivial or big."
2. No Pointing Fingers: Key to happiness and success
A man asked his father-in-law, 'Many people praised you for a
successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?'
The father-in-law answered in a smile, 'Never criticize your wife for
her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind
that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a
better husbandthan you.'
We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are
afraid of losing face. Generally, when a personmakes a mistake, he
would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is
the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one
finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
Imam Ali (as) says:"Ignore the shortcomings and forgive the mistakes
of others, just as you hope that God will forgive your crimes and
sins." "The best deed of a great man is to forgive and forget."
3. Creating Perfect Relationships: Key to happiness and success
A person visited the matchmaker for marriage, and requested 'I am
looking for a spouse. Please help me tofind a suitable one.' The
matchmaker said, 'your requirements, please?' 'Oh, good looking,
polite,humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, nice talking. Willing to
accompany me the wholeday at home during my leisure hour, if I don't
go out. Telling me interesting stories when Ineed companion for
conversation and be silent when I want to rest.' The matchmaker
listened carefully and replied, 'I understand you need television not
spouse.'
There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a
blind wife and a deaf husband, because the blind wife cannot see
thefaults of the husband andthe deaf husband cannot hear the nagging
of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and
dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the
excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage
is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
4. No Overpowering: Key to happiness and success
Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,
ordemands too much. People in love tend to think that love will
conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after
marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying
which carries the meaning that"It is easier to reshape a mountain or a
river than a person's character."
It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing
the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations.
Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One
day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he
was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful,
because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and
the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then
ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with
leather.
Definitely, this would need thousands of cows' skin, and would cost a
huge amount of money.
Then one of his wise servants dared himself to tell the king, "Why do
you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money? Why don't you just
cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet?"
The king was surprised, but he later agreed to hissuggestion, to make
a"shoe" for himself.
There is actually a valuable lesson of life in this story: to make
this world a happy place to live, you better change yourself - your
heart; andnot the world.
5. Right Speech: Key to happiness and success
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that 'a speech
will either prosper or ruin a nation.' Many relationships break off
because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,
we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything
without considering if it would hurt the other party.
A women and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A
worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted, 'Hi, Emily! Remember me?
We were friends in the secondary school.' On the way home, her
millionaire husband teased her, 'Luckily you married me. Otherwise you
will be thewife of a construction worker.' She answered, 'You should
appreciate that you married me. Other wise, he will be themillionaire
and not you.'
A little girl asked her father, 'How did the human race appear?'
Thefather answered, 'Allah (SWT) made Adam and Eve and they had
children and so was all mankind made.' Two days later the girl asked
her mother the same question. The mother answered, 'Many years ago
there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.' The confused
girl returned to her father and said, 'Daddy how is it possible that
you told me the human race was created by Allah (SWT), and mother said
they developed from monkeys?' The father answered, 'Well, dear, it is
very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother
told you about hers.'
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad
relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.
6. Personal Perception: Key to happiness and success
Different people have different perception. Oneman's meat could be
another man's poison.
Once Luqman (as), The Wise said to his son, "Oh son! Do not tie your
heartin seeking the pleasure of people. You are not likely to succeed.
Do not pay attention to what people say. Instead tell yourself always
to seek the pleasure of Allah (SWT)."
Luqman (as), The Wise wanted this lesson to be always remembered and
never to be forgotten. Hethought of a way. So, he then told his son to
ride adonkey and the son obeyed. The father followed behind on foot.
They traveled in this way for some distance.
After some distance they came across a group of people. Seeing the son
on the donkey, one of them said, "What an impolite and bad boy. The
old father is walking on foot. The young son is comfortably riding on
the donkey. This is no manner to show respect to one's father."
Father and son heard this. The son came down from the donkey. Luqman
(as), The Wise rode on the donkey.
After some distance they came across another group of people. On
seeing the father riding the donkey, the elder of the group said, "Oh
you old man! This is not the way to bring up a son. You make him walk
in the hot sun, while you sit comfortably on the donkey."
Luqman (as), The Wise paid attention to what the people said. He came
down from the donkey. Both father and son walked on foot. The donkey
walked in front. They went a little further.
People seeing them, said,"How foolish you are? You walk behind a
donkey. Why don't you ride it?"
Luqman (as), The Wise and his son once again accepted what the people
said. They both rode the donkey and went further. They came across a
river. There was a bridge to be crossed. Some people were
sittingthere. They saw Luqman (as), The Wise and his sonriding the
donkey. One ofthem said, "It is very unkind and cruel of you two to
ride on the poor donkey. The little animal can hardly take all your
burden."
So taking this advice Luqman (as), The Wise and his son dismounted
from the donkey. They traveled a little distance further. Looking very
lovingly Luqman (as), TheWise said to his son, "Youhave heard and seen
what the people said. It must have assured you, by now, that whatever
you do or whichever wayyou move, one is not ableto please the people
of the world." You can never have everyone praise you, nor will
everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never
will be in the future.
Luqman (as), The Wise pointed at the flowing river and added, "A
person can build a wall across the river. It will stop the flow of the
water. But it is not possible to shut the mouth of the people from
criticism."
Very clearly, similar is the case in our world today. The tongue has
no bone. It can speak even without thought. There are as many opinions
as there are people in the world. It is very bad to find fault with
the other person, especially when he is doing something good. A person
can feel very hurt when he listensto all the tongues that talk loose.
To avoid getting hurt by loose talk, a person can train himself. He
can discipline himself to think. By thinking he can know what is wrong
and void. When a person is sure that what he is doing willplease his
Master, Allah (SWT) the Almighty, then he must never worry what others
speak. Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if your conscience
is clear.
"We must do what we conceive to be the right thing and not bother our
heads or burden our souls with whether we will be successful. Because
if we don't do the right thing, we will be doing the wrong thing and
we will just be a part of the disease and not a part of the cure." -
E. F. Schumacher
7. Be Patient: Key to happiness and success
This is another story which happened in the States. A man came out
ofhis home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his
three-year-old son was happily picked stone and scratched lines on the
side of the truck. In his anger, the man ran to hisson, knocked him
away. And took the little boy's hands and hit it many times as
punishment, not realizing he was using a wrench. When the father
calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the doctor trieddesperately to save the crushed bones, he
finally had to amputate the fingers from both the little boy's hands.
When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he
innocently said, "Daddy, I'm sorry about your truck." Then he
asked,"But when are my fingers going to grow back?" The father was so
hurt. He went back to truck and kicked it a lot of times. Sitting back
he looked at the scratches, little boy wrote "I LOVE YOU DAD." Later
then committed suicide.
Think about this story thenext time someone steps on your feet or you
wish to take revenge. Think first before you lose your patience with
someone you love. Trucks can be repaired. Broken bones and hurt
feelings often can't. Too often we fail torecognize the difference
between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is
greater than revenge.
People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes, because we
human beings are not perfect. But the actions we take while in a rage
will haunt us forever.
It takes 72 muscles to frown - only 14 to smile! So keep smiling,
After all, we only live once.
In the word SMILE:
*.S stands for Sets you free
*.M stands for Makes you special
*.I stands for Increases your face value
*.L stands for Lifts up your spirits
*.E stands for Erases all your tensions
A Smile makes us look younger, while Prayers make us feel stronger.
Think about how special a smile is. It costs nothing, but has the
power to enrich all, who receive it.
A smile is the light in yourwindow that tells others that there is a
caring, sharing person inside.
Even a smile or a kind word is considered charity.
Good Life starts only when you stop wanting abetter One. So, Live like
a Candle, which burns itselfbut give lights to others.