Dought & clear, - How can he enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil with regard to his father who is older than him?.

As a young Muslim (26yrs) im often challenged with enjoining good and
forbidding the wrong with poeple much older than me, especially my
father who is muslim(from Egypt),howdo I do this when he acts unjust
with the wayhe talks to me,my brothers and my mother,not spending or
teaching that much for thier deen ,whilst they go extreamly
astray,seeing my father shaking hands or hugging wemon at work for
business puposses as he says not to make them feel uncomfortable or
think weird,,,or as a youth leader for a youth group ,the parents will
some times tell the children in my group while we are having a meeting
to do something wich is a bida' in front of me,,how do I correct
things like this in my position with out seeming disrespectfull to my
elders.
Praise be to Allaah.
Enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil is one of the
greatest duties that Islam enjoins upon Muslims; Allaah has madeit the
main quality of this ummah and a condition of it being the best of
people. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"You (true believers in Islamic Monotheism, andreal followers of
ProphetMuhammad and his Sunnah) are the best of peoples ever raised up
for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all
that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief
and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allaah"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:110]
"The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa' (helpers, supporters,
friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin(on the people)
Al-Ma'roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to
do), and forbid (people) fromAl-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief
of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they perform
As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah), andgive the Zakaah, and obey Allaah and
His Messenger. Allaah will have His Mercy on them. Surely, Allaah is
All-Mighty, All-Wise"
[al-Tawbah 9:71]
See also question no. 11403. This is indicative of the high status
that Islam gives to enjoining what is good and forbidding what is
evil.
With regard to the problems of undertakingthis duty with regard to
those who are older than you, especially yourfather, you can overcome
these problems to a great extent by understandingthat this duty must
be accompanied by three basic characteristics: knowledge, kindness and
patience. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: "These three are
essential: knowledge, kindness and patience: knowledge before
enjoining or forbidding, kindness when doing so and patience
afterwards, as it was narrated that one of the salaf said: No one can
enjoin what is good or forbid what is evil unlesshe understands what
he is enjoining or forbidding, and is kind in enjoining and kind in
forbidding, and is patience and forbearing when enjoining and when
forbidding."
Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 28/137
In order to solve these problems we should firstdraw attention to the
importance of being patient and forbearing. Do not be too harsh
withyour father, because he is first of all your father, and because
he is older than you. Seek help in doing that by choosing the right
time for each conversation, watching out for times when he is in a
good mood and is more likely to be influenced and respond. Also seek
the help of wise, righteous and sincere people. Before all that it is
essential to be sincere towards him in word and deed, and in all your
affairs, and to fear that the punishmentof his Lord may befall him,
and after that be patient in awaiting the decree of your Lord.
Whatever happens to you if you do this duty for the sake of Allaah, as
Luqmaan the wise said to his son:
"O my son! Aqim-is-Salaah (performAs-Salaah), enjoin (on people)
Al-Ma'roof (Islamic Monotheism andall that is good), and forbid
(people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allaah,
polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with
patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important
commandments (ordered by Allaah with no exemption)"
[Luqmaan 31:17 - interpretation of the meaning]
You should always remember the Close Friend of the Most Merciful,
Ibraaheem, andhow he addressed his father when he told him not to
associate others with Allaah, which is worse than the things that your
father is doing;how he was loving towards him, felt pity forhim and
was sincere towards him, then he bore his bad response with patience.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And mention in the Book (the Qur'aan) Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he
was a man of truth, a Prophet.
42. When he said to his father: 'O my father! Whydo you worship that
which hears not, sees not and cannot avail youin anything?
43. 'O my father! Verily, there has come to me of the knowledge that
which came not unto you. So follow me, I will guide you to the
Straight Path.
44. 'O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, Shaytaan
(Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah).
45. 'O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Gracious
(Allaah) should overtake you, so that you become a companion of
Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hell-fire).'
46. He (the father) said: 'Do you reject my gods, OIbraaheem
(Abraham)? Ifyou stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So getaway
from me safely (before I punish you).'
47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: 'Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness
of my Lord for you. Verily, He is untome Ever Most Gracious.
48. 'And I shall turn awayfrom you and from thosewhom you invoke
besides Allaah. And I shall call upon my Lord and I hope that I shall
not be unblest in my invocation to my Lord'"
[Maryam 19:41-48]
With regard to the group that you are leading, this is an easier
matter, because their closeness in age makes iteasier for them to
acceptadvice from you, especially if they know you to be sincere and
honest, and that you practise what you preach. This practical
implementation of what you are calling them to is one of the most
effective means of da'wah, especially if speaking directly will cause
them to turn awayand be stubborn.
With regard to your advice and da'wah being undermined by their
parents' directions,you should avoid blatantly contradicting what they
say; rather you should look at the mistakes and teach themthe right
way. If it is the matter of a sin that they are committing, then teach
them to fear disobeying Allaah and tolove obeying Him. Instill in
their hearts a sense ofthe greatness of Allaah and the seriousness of
His prohibitions, then teach them about what has been narrated
concerning these particular sins. This is what you should do if it is
the matter of an innovation that you notice them engaging in. First
instill in their hearts the love of the Sunnah of the Prophet(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and teach them that this is the
practical manifestation of love forthe Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him). And instill in their hearts a hatred for bid'ah
and tell them how it is the way that leads to Hell even though the one
who follows it thinks that it isthe way that leads to Paradise. Tell
them of the advice of the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) to his ummahconcerning that, as narrated in the hadeeth of
al-'Irbaad ibn Saariyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:
"The Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
led us in praying Fajr then he turned to us and delivered an eloquent
exhortation that caused our eyes to flow with tears and our hearts to
melt. We said (or they said): 'O Messenger of Allaah, it is as if this
exhortation is a farewell,so advise us.' He said: 'I advise you to
fear Allaah and to listen and obey even if (your leader is) an
Abyssinian slave. Those of you who live will see great differences
after I am gone, so I urge you to adhere to my Sunnah and the path of
the Rightly-Guided Caliphs, and take hold of it firmly. And beware of
newly-invented matters, for every newly-invented matter is an
innovation and every innovation is a going astray.'" Narrated by
Ahmad, 16692 and others; classed as saheehby al-Albaani inal-Saheehah,
45.
So after this general advice we move to addressing the specific bid'ah
into which they have fallen.
It should be noted that your presence in this group should be for a
good purpose; as long asyour presence is more likely to do good or to
reduce any evils, then join them in their gatherings with this
intention. But beware ofletting your presence have any negative
effector make you get used to accepting mistakes, or lead you to make
similar mistakes. In that case you should leave the place where evil
things are happening. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Qur'aan)
that when you hear the Verses of Allaah being denied and mocked at,
then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that;
(butif you stayed with them) certainly in that case youwould be like
them. Surely, Allaah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all
together in Hell"
[al-Nisa' 4:140]
Shaykh Ibn Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Whoever attends
a gathering in which Allaah is disobeyed, then he must denounce their
action if he is able to, or he must leave if he not able to dothat.
Tafseer Ibn Sa'di, p. 210.
May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases
Him, and make us steadfast in adhering to true guidance and the
straight path.