'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
-
{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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Assalamu Alikum, My mother-in-law is a divorced woman who had only my
husband as a child. She constantly likes to know our affairs and says
as long as it's not the sexual relationshipissues then she needs to
know how much myhusband makes, dictates where we live including NEVER
leaving the state where she lives cause she is lonely. She has many
brothers that live very close to her but she demands that we live very
close. we are about 45 minutes away. with our son I feel more
comfortable leaving him with my mom if we travel cause I have many
issues with my mother-in-law but she makes a big deal out of that too.
she has many bad habits and made many mistakes raising her son that
makes me not trust her judgment like smoking and dating men and
drinking and so forth.I feel that we can not make a single decision
without her interfering in it. my husband does not like to tell her
much about our lives but she really demands to know if hedoesn't want
to tell her and eventually he does and this causes a lot of stress on
our marriage. I feel that anything such as money or where we live or
when we take a vacation or where I want to leave my son cause of
concerns about her behavior should be up to us and not up to whether
she will get upset over it or not. she demanded once before that he
divorces me and she slandered me in an email to him. this led to him
wanting to divorce me 3 times in a matter of a couple of months. what
should we do since we went to many sheiks who would give general
advice of try harder to please your mom but don't ruin your marriage
and honestlynothing pleases her but to know and dictate our lives and
I can't and don't want tolive like that. please advise on what to do.
you are my last resort and may Allah help us all. Ameen
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
Dear Sister,
Assalamu alaikum,
I pray you are doing well.
Kind treatment remains arequirement from your husband to his mother.
Nonetheless, her behavior certainly sounds way out of line. What is
needed here is for your husband to develop a backbone and let his
mother know that he won't tolerate abuse or disrespect of his family.
The religion does not require him to disclose his income or live in
the same city as his mother. As long as her needs are being met in
terms of kind treatment, companionship, and maintenance, then your
husband has done his duty.
You and your husband should set guidelines for how you will handle the
situation as a couple. These guidelines should be adhered to, because,
in the long run, they will bring more peace into the family,
insha'Allah.
I also suggest you seek out couples counseling.
And Allah knows best.
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