The phenomenon of spinsterhood -II

One of the main reasons for the spread of this phenomenon is that some
parents oppressively prevent their daughters from marrying suitable
young men, despite the fact that the Prophet,said:"If a man whose
religionand manners you approve of comes to you )proposing to your
daughter(, then give her in marriage to him, otherwise, there will be
turmoil on the earthand great corruption."]At-Tirmithi & Ibn Maajah[
Some fathers breached the trust from Allaah which they have carried
regarding their daughtersby preventing them from marriage. It may be
that a young man comes to them asking for their daughter and they
delay or prohibit him for no reason, citingbaseless excuses, it may be
that their criteria for acceptance is trivial, such as how much his
salary is, or what his career aspirations are, while at the same time
totally disregarding his practice of the religion, manners and
honesty. Indeed some fathers see their daughters as a piece of
merchandise to be sold at an auction.
Such fathers do not realise that this is in fact oppression and
betrayal. Are these fathers unaware of the painful real life stories
that are widespread? These stories should act as a warning for all
parents to stop their heedlessness and protect their honour and
dignity before itis too late.
Where is their mercy? Do they notconsider the consequences of their
actions? How can someone who knows about the nature of awoman imprison
her for life? If these people had used their minds then they would
have looked for suitable husbands for their daughters, just as
'Umaroffered his daughter for marriage to Abu Bakr and then 'Uthmaan.
Sa'eed Ibn Al-Musayyibgive his daughter in marriage to one of his
students, indeed this was the practice of our Salaf. Indeed making
marriage difficult results in destroying homes, killing chastity,
ruining morality and spreading evil.
Rejecting suitable men and delaying women from marriage jeopardises
and endangers men, woman and indeed the community as a whole. Suitable
men are those whose practice ofIslaamis sound, whose manners are good
and who are kind, honest and from a good family. The
Prophet,,said:"Marry theone who has religion )i.e.,
devoutMuslim("]Al-Bukhaari & Muslim[
Another reason for the spread of this evil phenomenon is the
exorbitant dowries that some fathers request, so much so that marriage
becomes impossible forsome people; in some countries dowries reach
ridiculous and unimaginable levels, which results in a mountain of
debt for anyone who tries to pay it. The greed which some people
suffer from is truly saddening; they ask for amounts which the one
proposing could never afford, even if he were to save for half of his
life. Such people's greed and lust for this life has resulted in
making honourable women into pieces of merchandise, which they then
sell. All this has resulted in a huge increase in the number of
unmarried women.
The dowry in Islam is a mean andnot an objective and inflating it has
terrible effects on individuals and communities which are known to
everyone. It prevents marriages from taking place or results in
marriages to unfit or unsuitable partners from non-practicing
communities, which results in regret and sorrow.
This greed which some people suffer from is completely the opposite of
how our Salaf)predecessors(used to be, as'Umarsaid:"Do not inflate
dowries, because if it was good for ones livelihood, or righteous to
do, then the Prophetwould have done this".In fact, the Prophet,gave a
woman in marriage to a man and the dowry was what he had memorised
from the Quran, and hesaid to another man regarding the amount of
dowry to give:"Give her a ring made from iron"and 'Abdur-Rahmaan Ibn
'Awfgave a golden coin as his dowry.
After hearing all this, how can people ask for what they do? Do they
not know that they will be questioned about that which they are
entrusted with? Do they lack any mercy whatsoever? Moreover, the
tradition of excessive expenditure on weddings which some people
impose upon the groom only adds to the problem, and it is only done in
order to show off and boast.
Scholars, wealthy people and people who hold a respected position in
their community mustaddress this issue and set an example for the
Muslim nation. The media should educate people, highlight the
solutions and offer them to the people.
Brothers and sisters who are suffering from this problem should
persevere, remain steadfast and chaste and be content with the decree
of Allaahbecause what He has for them is better.
After knowing about the disease, comes information about the cure. The
cure for spinsterhood lies in strengthening the foundation of faith in
the Muslim nation and raising this coming generation upon the correct
belief, while emphasising on morals and principles in our Muslim
communities.
We should also facilitate marriages, reduce dowries and marry our
daughters to suitable young men based on the correct Islamic criteria
for choosing a spouse. We should guide people to suitable young men
and the wealthy should support those who wish to get married.
Finally, to comprehensively address the solution to the problem of
spinsterhood, the Muslim community must give great attention to the
issue of polygamy according to Islamic guidelines, because there are
far too many women who are single,divorced or widowed. Having
saidthis, those men who partake in polygamy must be just, merciful and
wise when dealing with theirwives, especially the first one, because
we are always hearing complaints from sisters about their husbands
being unjust to them. We must remember that the Prophetsaid:"He who
has two wives and favors one over another )i.e., by being unjustto one
of them by not fulfilling his duties towards her( will be onthe Day of
Resurrection with one side of his face cut and hanging)as a form of
punishment(."]Ahmad[