Family disintegration – III

Neglecting one's family and failing to give them enough to suffice
their needs results in them leaving their homes in order to find a
source of income, and in many cases it leads to women committing
adultery; there are many real life stories proving this, and in these
cases itis not sexual desire that pushed the woman to indulge in this
immorality as much as her need for money.
'Aa'ishahnarrated that Hind bint 'Utbahcame to the Prophetand said: "O
Messenger of Allaah! My husband Abu Sufyaan is tight fisted and does
not give me and my son what suffices us, so I take from his wealth
without him knowing.Is this permissible?' Hereplied:"Take from his
wealth what suffices you and your son without exaggeration."
Allaah the All-Knowing, knows that if there is insufficient money in a
home, it could lead to something evil, so He allows the woman to take
from her husband's wealth secretly without his permission if he is
stingy and does not provide themwith what suffices them; but at the
same time, Islam does not oppress the husband, hence the condition was
set that she takes without exaggeration and not whenever it takes her
fancy.
Disclosing the wife's secrets is another cause of family
disintegration. Some people go as far as to reveal the very intimate
secrets of their wives, which not only causes this problem to occur,
but also reflects malicious manners and a lack of protective jealousy.
The Prophetonce asked his companions:"Is there any of you who, when
wishing to have sexual intercourse with his wife, goes into the room,
closes the door, and covers himself?"They replied, "Yes." Then
heasked:"Is there any of you who later sits with his friends and
informs them about what went on between him and his wife?"His
companions remained silent. After this heturned towards his female
companions and askedthe same questions, and so one of them stood up
and said: "O Messenger of Allaah! I swear by Allaah that both the men
and thewomen disclose what takes placein their bedrooms to others."
Upon hearing this, the Prophetsaid:"The similitude of those who do
this is like that of a male and female devil, who meet on the road and
have sexual intercourse publicly, while othersare watching them."
Undutifulness to parents is another reason behind family
disintegration, because it either causes the child to be expelled from
the house, which breaks thefamily bond, or, the son continues to
oppress one or bothof his parents, causing them to live a humiliated
and oppressed existence in their own home, which deprives them from
living a normal life. This is a common thing in families nowadays;
families suffer grief and anxiety due to the undutifulness of their
children, who may eventually expel their parents from their home.
A real life story and a good example of what we are saying is: …A son
kicked his parents out from their home which they owned, but Allaah
never neglects or overlooks anything - This son'sown daughters began
beating him when he grew old, because he was trying to sexually
assault them.
Bad manners, which lead to immorality and wife beating - these are
more reasons behind the disintegration of families. A man beats his
wife and mother, curses his daughter and supplicates that she becomes
sick with cancer … he neither prays nor fasts … he enters his home
shouting and cursing … he blames his wife for having delivered a
daughter for him, which made her worthless in his sight … he hits his
daughter viciously with an electric wire … this is a true story … this
is a standard result of shunning the path of Allaah … the marks
remained on his daughter's back,even when she got married.
Again, this is normal for people who are not upon the straight path …
when religion is removed from people's hearts and souls they become
worse than beasts, because it is only Islam that makes people behave
correctly and maintain noble manners.
Sinning is another factor behind this phenomenon; a man gambles and
travels for the sole purpose of gambling; when he receives his salary
he squanders itin less than ten days because of his gambling … he does
not worry about his wife or children … he does not attend to their
needs.
Many family problems result fromalcohol consumption, which is one of
the major great sins … when a person is drunk he has nocontrol over
his brain - and families easily break up after this loss of control.
Many families face problems due to the shortage of money, as wellas
the great attachment that they have to this life; this usually leads
to people becoming stingy and selfish.
A western newspaper published an article regarding a couple whohad to
make a choice between keeping their car or their newborn baby girl as
they could not financially afford to keep both. So, they chose to keep
the car and handed the baby over to a foster home, when the father was
asked about this, he commented: "She might find a family who would
take her in for adoption and give her a better life than what we can
offer her." The mother also assured that they made the right choice!
Many parents sell their children in the west … What type of family
bond do these people have? Where is mercy? Where is the love? Where is
the compassion?
Greed and fighting over money adversely affects the family, and that
is why you find men who wish to confiscate their wife's salary, and
fathers who deprive their daughters from marriage due to them wishing
to continue receiving her salary; others convince their sisters to
loan them money which they do not intend to repay while the
Prophetruled doing this as one of thegreat major sins - to borrow
money with the intention of not returning it … this is how money
becomes a cause of family disintegration.
Undoubtedly, another of the major causes of this phenomenon is the
possession ofdrivers and maids in the home, especially when the maid
is not a Muslim, people surrender to them their valuables such as the
car and the house, but the most important thing they surrender are
their children, which they give them to look after.
These people represent a great danger, but people do not take lessons
from what afflicts others,the maids seduce the father and young men of
the house, and likewise the drivers seduce the females. With such a
setup disasters are likely to happen - especially if the household is
not brought up Islamically.
Fear Allaah with regards to your families … fear Allaah in your
households … beware of the wrath of Allaah which He sends upon the
oppressors. We are not only responsible for our own homes, but rather
we have to advise others.
It is true that we have many good families who mix with some of these
bad ones, so they should advise and instruct them, because otherwise
we may be affected by their evil if we are notworking on correcting
it, since we do not live in isolation from one another. We must enjoin
what is good and forbid what is evil, or our families may eventually
become like those in the West.