She is annoyed by the constant demands from her husband’s father for financial support even though he is able to work and earn a living.

I want to know if it is right to support my husbands parents even
though we both make$3000 a month. We have 2 daughters and owe$3600
debt. I dont know if there is a rule of having money for emergency,
but our surplus after deductions is $1000. I am a female and make
$1500. My husband makes$1500. Now, consider he is supposed to support
me and my daughters without my salary although I still put it in the
house. His father is 43 and lives in europe. They say we have to
support them. He has 2 other sons (22,25years old), one is married and
my husbands father has 2 twin daughters (14 years old). They do not
think to save money for winter, because that's how they live their.
Theydont work winter because there is no work. His father smokes 3
packs a day. His mother and all of them want to have things or buy
make up and stuff. Too modest. If i did that, i would not have money
for rent too. I dont buy make up and etc. They pay rent $170 dollars a
month. They live in an apartment. They recentlyturned down a job
beause they dont want to work 7 days a week baking bread at a bakery
which pays 300 euros. That is a good salary there. Overall, My
question is, Is it right or wrong to support HIS parents only,
although they are making bad decisions and are capable of working? His
parents only, father and mother, others not. the quran says to make
your parents happy? I am not sure if I have to support them even
though they are still ok to work. Theyjust dont want to work. They do
construction during summer and dontwant to work anything else. I dont
own a house,I want to buy a house for my kids, if i support them then
i cant do anything. I live in an apartment.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Undoubtedly obedience to parents, so long as it does not involve
disobedience towards Allah, is one of the greatest of righteous deeds
and acts of worship. This is a well-known basic principle in Islam.
The father has the right to take whatever he wants from his son's
wealth, but that is subject to conditions, one of which is that taking
it should not cause harm to his son and that he should not take from
him in order to give to someone else.
Moreover, he should not take from his son's wealth in order to wasteit
on extravagances or buy things that he does not need. This is more
obviously forbidden; in fact it is not allowed even if it is one's own
wealth and earnings, so how about if it is his son's earnings? See the
answer to question no. 9594 .
Secondly:
Spending on the father'smaintenance is only obligatory if the father
isin difficulty and unable to earn a living from a suitable job. If he
is not in difficulty or he is in difficulty but he is able to earn a
living from a suitable job, then his sonis not obliged to spend on
him, according to themore correct of the two scholarly opinions.
It says in Minah al-Jaleel, 4/416: Spending on the maintenance of
parents who are in financial difficulty is obligatory, even if they
have a servant and a house thatthey need but are no more than is
necessary. It seems that this is the case even if the father is able
to earn a living. Thisis the view of al-Baaji and those who agreed
with him. However al-Lakhmi says that rather he should be compelled to
work in hisprofession, and this is the correct view and is the view of
the author of al-Jawaahir. This is what appears to be the correct view
by analogy with the son, because in order for it to be obligatory for
the father to spend on his son, it is stipulated that the son should
be unable to earna living doing work that is not demeaning to him.
End quote. See: Haashiyat ad-Dasooqi, 2/523
It says in Kashshaaf al-Qinaa', 5/481-482:
We may sum up the conditions of it being obligatory to spend on
arelative in the following points: Firstly, that those on whom he is
spendingshould be poor, with no wealth or income to make them
independentof means so that they donot need someone else to spend on
them. If those on whom he is spending are well off and have sufficient
wealth or income, there is no obligation to spendon them, because the
condition is not applicable in this case. But if their wealth or
income is not sufficient for them, then he is obliged to top it up.
Secondly, the one who issupposed to spend on them should have
sufficient wealth to do so that is surplus to whathe needs to spend on
hisown maintenance and that of his wife and family. Thirdly, the one
who spends should be an heir of the one on whom he spends, either
according to the shares allocated by sharee'ah or because of blood
ties through the father.
End quote.
Thirdly:
The husband does not have the right to take from his wife's wealth
inorder to give it to his father, mother or siblings without her
consent. It is not permissible for the husband to take anything of his
wife's wealth except what she gives willingly.
See the answer to question no. 163541 .
What we think is that the son should give his father something by
wayof upholding ties of kinship, in such a way that will not adversely
affect your needs and will not be unfair to you,and he and his
siblings should encourage their father to work.
You could make your salary separate from your husband's salary, and
save all of your salary, and your husband can spend on you and the
children and shoulder the responsibility of living costs. This is his
basic duty in the first place. Then if there is anything left over, he
can use thatto uphold ties with his father in a way that will not
adversely affect you or be unfair to his children. Then he can add
whatever is left overto what you have of wealth, and you can put that
towards buying a house or you can save it for your needs.
But you have to be very careful not to let that choice lead to trouble
in your relationship with your husband. However, you are in a position
to evaluate the situation as you are living with him.
If you are afraid that that may lead to some trouble, then carry on as
you have been doing, and try to advise him to think of what is best
for you and your children whilst avoiding cutting off ties with his
father orfailing to uphold ties with him and treat him kindly, in ways
that will benefit him and not harm you.

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