Kinship Rights - III

Allaah The Almighty does not command injustice, and therefore it is
improper to request the husband to remain close to his parents in
order to satisfy his parents while they are a whip of torture, harm,
evil and oppression against his wife. The same applies to the wife's
parents. Both the husband and the wife are required to fear Allaah The
Almighty and treat each other fairly. Hence, the situation should be
weighed upon the scale of the Sharee'ah. If there is great harm and
the woman is patient, this is better and would be greatly rewarded.
Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): {So give good tidings to My
servants, who listen to speechand follow the best of it.} [Quran 39:
17-18]
Commenting on this verse, some scholars said that "the best of it"
refers to the best of the Quran. This is because the Quran includes
what is good and what is best. In such a case, the wife has the right
to return harm withthe same level of harm and likewise the husband.
The best ofthe Quran, however, is to return harm and evil with
kindness and beneficence. Allaah The Almighty refers to people who do
so Saying (what means): {But none isgranted it except those who are
patient, and none is granted it except one having a great portion [of
good].} [Quran 41: 35]
This is regarding the parents of both the husband and the wife. As for
other kindred like brothersand sisters, both the husband and the wife
are required to obeythe orders of Allaah The Almightyconcerning their
kinship. A brother might take the status of a father. Some scholars,
includingthe Hanafi scholars as well as others, are of the view that
an elder brother replaces his dead father in being worthy of kindness
and respect. Some scholars are of the view that paternal uncles
replace fathers and likewise maternal aunts replace mothers. This is
why the Prophet said: "The maternal aunt is in the place of the
mother." [Al-Bukhaari]
Consequently, if the wife has an elder brother who married her off or
used to support and protect her, he is entitled to kindness and
respect in the sameway mentioned previously. Such kindness is not
restricted to the wife's father; rather, it includes brothers and
other kindred, even paternal uncles. It was narrated that the Prophet
said: "A man's paternal uncle is a peer to his father." [Ahmad & Abu
Daawood] This indicates that the paternal uncle takes the place of the
father, and the maternal aunttakes the place of the mother. It was
narrated that when a disputed arose regarding the custody of Hamzah's
daughter the Prophet commanded that she would be given to her maternal
aunt and further he said: "The maternal aunt is in the place of the
mother." [Al-Bukhaari]
This means that it is a duty to maintain good relations with all of
one's in-laws, not only parents-in-law. If a husband notices his
wife's kindness and respect for her elder brother, he should
understand - particularly if she is an orphan and her brother was the
one who brought her up. A husband should be dutiful to this elder
brother and honor him. A husband has a duty towards his brother-in-law
like the duty he has towards his parents-in-law.
Our Muslim societies are in need of everyone to fulfill the rights of
kinship. In the past, people cherished the rights of their in-laws,
because people's nature was wholesome. People would teach their sons
and daughters to maintain kinship ties. Nevertheless, since values of
upbringing have deteriorated in recent times and duties towards kin
have been neglected, attention needs to be drawn to them. Muslims need
to be furtheralerted on this subject and called to fulfill their
duties towards their kin. Muslim scholars are required to draw
Muslims' attention to this.
The situation is so bad now that a husband might even sue his aged
father-in-law. A judge in one of the Muslim countries relates, "The
most difficult lawsuits that annoy me the most are to see an old man
at the end of his life who has a respectable position versus a
foolish, ignorant young man who scorns his [this old man's] daughter
within his hearing, scandalizes and humiliates him and does not
observe the least of kinship rights. This makes my heart bleed, and
sometimes I become too disturbed to pass a judgmentdue to what I see
and hear."
Where is obedience to the command of Allaah to maintain kinship ties?
We see old men at the end of their life being humiliated by their
sons-in-law. Some husbands frequently go to their fathers-in-law only
to complain to them about their daughters, criticize them, and expose
their mistakes. The woman's father could be sick yet his son-in-law
would not have mercy on his old age.
Such behavior saddens the believer. It is obligatory to give this
issue its due importance. Such negative behavior cannot beshunned
unless we achieve two things:
The first is the righteous upbringing of our sons and daughters. They
are to be directed to, educated and brought up to noble morals and
maintaining kinship ties. Therefore, when the son gets married, he is
grateful and fulfills his duty towards his wife's fatherand kinship.
Likewise, the mothershould teach her daughter and righteously direct
to and teach her noble morals and the best habits.
The second is that all Muslims should exchange sincere advice. There
have recently been many disputes among people and spouses and very few
people offer sincere advice and admonition. Sorrowfully, one gets to
see some men speaking lowly of their in-laws to friends or relatives,
yet none of them tells him to fear Allaah The Almighty, advises him to
be grateful, or remind him that Allaah The Exalted Says (what means):
{And do not forget graciousness between you.} [Quran 2: 237]
It is obligatory for us to exchangeadvice, and it is also obligatory
torevive that which Allaah The Almighty commanded to be revived of
fearing Him concerningkinship. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means):
{And fear Allaah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs
[kinship].} [Quran 4: 1]
During the pre-Islamic era, it was the habit of the Arabs, even though
they were misguided polytheists, that when there was a conflict
between two men and one of them wanted to admonish, remind or even
threaten the other, he would say to him, "I beseech you by Allaah and
kinship ties." Thereupon, the other would surrender and if the former
wanted him not to do something, he would refrain; andif he wanted him
to do something, he would obey. The reason behind this was their
feeling of the greatness of kinship ties.
It was narrated that the Messenger of Allaah said: "You will conquer a
land where Qiraat [a unit to measure land] is used. So, be kind to its
nation, forthey are [our] kin." [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] By the land
where Qirat is used, the Prophet wasreferring to Egypt. He told them
that they would conquer that land where the Qiraat is used, and he
commanded them to be kind to its people dueto kinship ties. That is
because Haajar, the mother of Ismaa'eel (Ishmael), may Allaah exalt
their mention, was from Egypt. Also, Maariyah the Coptic, the mother
of Ibraaheem, the son of the Prophet was from Egypt. The Prophet
commanded the Muslims to treat the Egyptians kindly and considered
them kindred of the whole Ummah (Muslim nation). This is concerning
distant kinship ties, so how about the close ones?
We must advise each other to fulfill these duties. When we attend
gatherings and we observe someone abusing his wife's family, we are
required to remind him of the punishment ofAllaah The Almighty and
admonish him to fear Allaah The Almighty. When we know about a problem
between relatives thatwould lead to severing kinship ties, wise people
are required to intervene for reconciliation. Such actions bring the
satisfaction of Allaah The Almighty who commands us to cherish kinship
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