It is not prescribed to pray for patience until after calamity has come.

What is the ruling on praying for patience? I heard some people
warning against that, and they quoted as evidence the fact that the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) heard a man saying:
O Allah, I ask You for patience. He said: "You have asked Allah for
calamity; rather ask Him for well-being." Thishadeeth is quoted in
some chat rooms and is attributed to Jaami' at-Tirmidhi, no. 3527. I
want to understand the meaning of this hadeethand how we can reconcile
between it andthe verses throughout the Book of Allah which enjoin and
encourage patience. I hope that youcan clarify that, with evidence,
because some people heard me praying for patience for my son, because
he is quick to get angry, and they warned me against doing that.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
The hadeeth mentioned was narrated by at-Tirmidhi (3527) via
Abu'l-Ward from al-Lajlaaj from Mu'aadh ibn Jabal who said: The
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) heard a man saying:
O Allah, I ask You for patience. He said: "You have asked Allah for
calamity; rather ask Him for well-being."
This is a da'eef (weak) hadeeth. It was quoted by al-Albaani in
ad-Da'eefah (4520) and he said: There is some weakness in this isnaad.
Abu'l-Ward is ibn Thumaamah ibn Hazn al-Qushayri, whom no one regarded
as trustworthy. Al-Haafiz said: His reports may be accepted if there
is corroborating evidence. End quote.
Al-Qaari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The argument here has to do with praying for patience before
calamitystrikes; however after calamity strikes, there is no reason
not to ask for patience; rather it is mustahabb, because Allah, may He
be exalted,says (interpretation of the meaning): "Our Lord!Pour forth
on us patience" [al-Baqarah 2:250].
That is because asking for patience should only come after the
calamity has befallen or the disaster has struck, or any situation in
which a person needs to be patient. In that case it is prescribed for
him to askAllah for patience. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And when they advanced to meet Jaloot (Goliath) and his forces, they
invoked: Our Lord! Pour forth on us patience and make us victorious
over the disbelieving people.
So they routed them by Allah's Leave"
[al-Baqarah 2:250-251].
And Allah, may He be exalted, said concerning the sorcerers of
Pharaoh(interpretation of the meaning):
"They said: Verily, we arereturning to our Lord.
And you take vengeance on us only because we believed in the Ayat
(proofs, evidences, lessons, signs, etc.) of our Lord when they
reached us! Our Lord! pour out on us patience, and cause us to die as
Muslims"
[al-A'raaf 7:125, 126].
But when one is in a state of well-being, it is appropriate to ask
Allah to complete His blessing, and to grant well-being and
protection.
Secondly:
There is nothing wrong, in sha Allah, with a person asking his Lord
for patience, restricting that to calamity if it should happen, or if
something should occur that requires patience. Itis quite natural that
man's life should not be free of trials and tribulations in which he
needs to be patient and to call upon Allah. Hence one of the
supplications of the Prophet (blessingsand peace of Allah be upon him)
was: "O Allaah, by Your knowledge of the unseen and Your power over
creation, keep me alive so long as You know that living is good for me
and cause me to die when You know thatdeath is better for me. O
Allaah, cause me to fear You in secret and in public. I ask You to
makeme true in speech in times of pleasure and of anger. I ask You to
make me moderate in time of wealth and of poverty. And I ask You for
everlasting delight and joy that will never cease.I ask You to make me
pleased with that which You have decreed and for an easy life after
death. I ask You for the sweetness of looking upon Your face and a
longing to meet You in amanner that does not entail a calamity that
will bring about harm ora trial that will cause deviation. O Allaah,
beautify us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who
guide and are rightly guided."
Narrated by an-Nasaa'i, 1305; Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in
Saheeh al-Jaami', no. 1301.
He asked Allah, may He be exalted, to bless him with contentment with
that which He decreed. Itis clear that what this means is a decree
that one dislikes, otherwise everyone is pleased and content with that
which he likes and which suits him. But this does not mean that this
is a du'aa'that something disliked be decreed, just as the other
du'aa' – in the same hadeeth – does notmean that one is asking for
poverty or death.
Thirdly:
The fact that your son is quick to get angry is a matter concerning
which it is appropriate to pray for patience. Theone who is quick to
get angry will react to the slightest annoyance and panic at any
problem; undoubtedly he is the one who is most in need of praying for
peace of mind, patience, calmnessand a good attitude. Therefore this
does not come under the headingof praying for calamity or seeking to
hasten it; rather this is a prayer forthe best remedy for him from the
problem he is faced with.
..... [And Allah knows best.]