Islam on dowry

The Real Gift
Islam has legislated the giving of the dower by the husband to the
wife in order to please the woman's heart and to honour her. It is
also meant to bring an end to what was done in the Days of Ignorance
wherein she was wronged, exploited, despised and robbed of her wealth.
The dower is a right exclusively for the wife. It is her possession
and none of her guardians or relatives may share any part of it. No
one has any power over her concerning how she wishes to dispose of it,
as long as she does so in a legally acceptable manner. She may give it
away as a gift, she may lend it to others or she may give it in
charity or do any other permissible acts she wishes with it.
T he dower was instituted because the goal of marriage is not the
actual act of the marriagecontract in itself. In fact, the actual
purpose of marriage cannot be achieved unless the spouses stay in a
state of marriage. However, that may not be achieved unless the dower
is an obligation at the time of the marriage contract itself. In this
case, when there come times that may lead the man to divorce his wife,
such as estrangement orcoarse behaviour, the husband would not be
willing to divorce his wife due to just the slightest act of rudeness
that occurs. If it were not for the dower that was required due to the
contract itself, it would be very easy for him to leave her.
Therefore, the goals of marriage would not be met as the goals and
benefits of marriage are only met when the two are in accord and
agreement with one anotherbut that accord will not come about unless
the woman is something honoured and special to the husband. But such
honour will not come about unless he had to give up something
important to him. This is becausewhat is most difficult to achieve is
most special to the person. Therefore, if the wife is not something
special in the eyes of the husband, then he will disposeof her at the
first sign of unhappiness, the accord will not occur and the purposes
of marriage will not be achieved.
What we see happening in some European countries, and indeed some
Muslim countries, is very strange indeed. This is where the woman is
required to furnish a dowry or provide the furniture for their future
house. This is definitely turning the natural order of things upside
down and goes against the nature of mankind. It leads to a great deal
of social ills and behavioural harm. It is a means by which the woman
is despised and belittled. Indeed, she is ruined because of it. If the
woman is not able to gather enough wealth together for marriage, she
will not be able to get married and, instead, will have boyfriends and
affairs, and other evil results.
Such a practice contains a great deal of evil and harm for the
society; this practice may even bring about society's end soon. There
is a great difference between the case where the woman feels that she
and what she possesses belong to her husband and where she feels that
she is something desired and honoured, as the fiancé spends money on
her and gives her presents and so on to get heras his wife.
One regrettable aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is
becoming more and more a matter of ostentation. Nothing could be more
un-Islamic in motivation than this. Even the practice of performing a
marriage quietly, without any flamboyant display of wealth,
butsubsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable the bride to set up
her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the
Sunnah of the Prophet . Faatimah was his favourite daughter, but he
neither gave her a lavish dowry nor did he send things to her home
after the wedding, and even when she made a request to him for
something of a material nature, he only gave her the benefit of his
counsel.
Mahr (The Dower)
Islam has successfully maintainedan even balance in society between
men and women by giving its unequivocal endorsement to a practical
division of labour, whereby women are placed in charge of the internal
arrangement of the household, while men are responsible for its
financing. The home is thus organised on the pattern of a microcosmic
estate, with the man in a position of authority. The Quran is
specified on this issue; Allaah Says (what means): "Men are in charge
of women by [right of] what [qualities] Allaah has given one over the
other and what they spend [in support] from their wealth. So righteous
women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what
Allaah would have them guard…" [Quran 4:34]
For largely biological reasons, women are well adapted to domestic
pursuits while men, for similar reasons, are better suited to work
outside the home. These physical and mental differences between men
and women are, in practice, what underlay Islam's division of familial
responsibilities into internal and external spheres, with the woman
dealing exclusively with the home and family and the man providing the
funds.
Mahr Mu'ajjal (Promptly given dower)
At the time of the marriage, the groom hands over to the bride a sum
of money called Mahr (dower) which is a token of his willing
acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all necessary expenses of
his wife. This is the original meaning of Mahr, although this custom
has come to have different connotations in modern times.
There are two ways of presentingthe Mahr to the bride. One is to hand
it over at the time of the marriage, in which case it is known as Mahr
Mu'ajjal, or promptly given dower. During the time of the Prophet and
his companions, Mahr Mu'ajjal was the accepted practice and the amount
fixed was generally quite minimal. The giving of Mahrby 'Ali to
Faatimah who was the Prophet's daughter, is anillustration of how this
custom was respected. After the marriage had been arranged, the
Prophet asked 'Ali if he had anything he could give as dower in order
to make Faatimah his lawfully wedded wife. 'Ali replied:"I swear by
Allaah that I have nothing, O Messenger of Allaah." The Prophet then
asked: "Where is the coat of armour I once gave you?" 'Ali replied
that it was still in his possession. The Prophet then instructed him
to send the coat of armour to Faatimah thereby making his union
lawful. This then was the sum total of Faatimah's dower.