Protecting our Children from Lying - I

The doorbell rang in the house of the grandfather, and four-year-old
Fahd ran toopen the door. Soon, he returned running and jumping,
announcing thevisitor to his grandfather, "Grandpa! Shaykh Al
'Uthaymeen is waiting for you in the salon."
The grandfather smiled and asked inquiringly, "Who is it Fahd? Talk seriously."
Fahd said insistently, "By Allaah, grandpa, Shaykh Al 'Uthaymeen is
sitting inthe salon."
The grandfather went to receive his guest and returned soon to hold
back the mother of Fahd from punishing him saying, "Leave him
daughter, Fahd did not lie. The day before yesterday, he heard me
talking to you about Shaykh Al 'Uthaymeen, May Allaah have mercy upon
him, whom I described as a slim round-faced man, with large eyes and a
thick white beard. When Fahd saw my friend Hajj Husayn, who has come
tovisit us, with the same appearance, he imaginedthat it was Shaykh Al
'Uthaymeen!"
Dear parent,
Lying is one of the most disturbing challenges for the one assuming
the child's upbringing, when the liar is his child. Just
astruthfulness is the summit of good morals, lying is among the most
hateful bad morals and attributes and one should do his best not to
allow it be one of the characteristics of his children, as it is a
blameworthy attribute and a prohibited behavior rejected by noble
souls.
In spite of the great importance of truthfulness in building the
child's personality, the attribute of lying is a prevalent behavior
among many children.
The parent is more confused when he sees his child lying repeatedly in
different contexts and situations. The parent here faces a real
problem: Why does his child lie? How should he prevent him from lying?
What is considered lying in children?
In order to treat the child's lying, we should study each situation in
which he lies individually, and get acquainted with the real motive
for his lying, and whether it goes back to his desire to have a good
appearance and conceal his feeling of inferiority, or whether it is
due to the child's extensive imagination and his failure to remember
events well. We also should wonder: Is lying instinctive or an
acquiredcharacteristic? Are there different kinds of lying among
children? What causes a child to lie? Is there a way to prevent the
child from lying and how should we treat the liar?
Dear parent and mentor,
Here are the answers to all those questions. Let usexplore this
article, in order to convey our children to the shore of truthfulness,
where Allaah The Almighty commanded us to be, as He Says (what means):
} O you who have believed, fear Allaah and be with those who are true.
{ [Quran 9:119]
First of all, we like to know, in some detail, about the concept and
manifestations of lying.
In his definition of lying, Dr. Ahmad Az-Zu'bi, Professor of
psychotherapy, says, "Lying is to tell something untrue in word, deed
and behavior, with the intention to cheat and deceive another person
to get a particular benefit, or get rid of something unpleasant." He
adds, "Lying, in this sense, is an abnormal habit and attitude that is
acquired by the child from the environment in which he lives."
Lying is an acquired and not an instinctive or hereditary behavior:
The child is not born a liar. However, there are many causes which
lead him to lie. That finding is confirmed by both psychologists and
educationists who see that children are born with a pure disposition,
and learn, step by step, truthfulness and honesty from their
environment ifthose surrounding them observe truthfulness in their
words and promises. Nevertheless, if the child is brought up in an
environment where the people are deceitful, evasive and doubtful, he
is more likely to learn the same behavioral attitudes in facing his
life and achieving his goals.
When the child lives in anenvironment which does not help to direct
and train him in the attitudes of truthfulness, it becomes easier for
him to lie -- especially if he has the capability of speaking fluently
and hasa fertile imagination.
Those two faculties, in addition to his imitating those surrounding
him who resort to lying and fabricate lame excuses to get out of
different situations, train him to liefrom his early childhood until
it becomes familiar to him and a habit.
Based on that, lying is an acquired and learnt and is not instinctive
or a hereditary behavior and attribute.
On the other hand, children may lie at different levels, some stronger
and worse than others. Those include:
Hiding a part of the reality:
If lying is to tell something that is different from the reality or
the facts, children mayincline to conceal even a simple part of the
fact, for some purpose or benefit they like in their view. For
example, a child may narrate a certain event completely except a
simple part just for the sake of entertainment.
Complete concealment:
In this case, the child inclines to conceal the event entirely. A
typical example is the school certificate: many childrentake the
school certificate and return it once again to the class teacher
without showingit to their parents.
Adding something to reality:
Some children, especially those who are young, may like to add some
details to the event whenrelating it, for the sake ofembellishment,
modification, drawing the attention of others orthinking those details
may really happen. For example, when the child says to his mother, "
My father told me to go to the grocery store to buy a bottle of
mineral water for him" and this is a reality, then he adds, "And told
me to keep the change to buy some sweets for myself" and this addition
is a lie which did not take place.
Fabrication:
This is the worst and the most terrible level of lying, where the
child fabricates an illusory story from his own imagination for a
certain purpose. Unfortunately, the child may swear that his claim is
true.