Women site, - O Parents! You Cannot Build Without a Model - I

Dear educator, you cannot build without a model as your child imitates
you and follows your steps literally.
Hence, when we speak about building faith, we have to speak about a
faith-boosting example first. Likewise, when we speak about building
the child's morals, first we have to speak about the moral role model.
When we speak about sacrificing for the sake of Islam, then we have to
speak first about the example, because this is the only way to get
things right.
Allaah The Exalted Says )what means(:
•}There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allaah an
excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day
and ]who[ remembers Allaah often.{]Quran 33:21[
•}There has certainly been for you in them an excellent pattern for
anyone whose hope is in Allaah and the Last Day. And whoever turns
away - then indeed, Allaah Is The Free of need, The
Praiseworthy.{]Quran 60:6[
Scientists say that children learn through imitation, since their
ability to observe and imitate during this stage is wonderful.
Scientists even describe it as a formation process in accordance
with an example followed by the child. Children learn speech through
imitation, listening and observation. They also acquire their
tendencies in life and learn the values and the right to choose, as
well as their traditions. In other words, children learn from the
behavior of those who are around them. Therefore, we )educators and
parents( should be more careful about what we do and what we say
because we are the role models for our children.
If the children lose the role model represented in their parents or
educators, then teaching will be of no use and all our efforts to have
a righteous generation from those children will be in vain. The reason
is simple: they see that our words and actions are not the same.
Values cannot be imposed on children, but good example is the only
thing that can attract them to these values.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And the good land - its
vegetation emerges by permission of its Lord; but that which is bad -
nothing emerges except sparsely, with difficulty. Thus do We diversify
the signs for a people who are grateful.{]Quran 7:58[
Good example does not mean mere words; rather, it comprises good
behavior and actions. If you want to attach your child to the mosque
or the Quran, first you have to be attached to them.
If you want to make your child observe Thikr )remembrance(, then you
should make frequent Thikr yourself.
The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, attaches Ibn 'Abbaas to worship:
Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,
"I came to the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, at
the end of the night and prayed behind him. He took my hand and drew
me to stand in line with him, and when the Messenger of Allaah,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, turned back to his prayer, I took a
step backwards. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, prayed, and when he had finished his prayer, he said to
me:'What is the matter? I made you stand in line with me, then you
took a step backwards!'I said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, is it right for
anyone to pray in line with you when you are the Messenger of Allaah
to whom Allaah The Almighty has given such a high status?' He was
pleased with me and supplicated Allaah The Almighty to bestow more
understanding and knowledge upon me."
He added, "I saw the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, sleeping
until he was breathing deeply. Then Bilaal, may Allaah be pleased with
him, came and told him that prayer had started. So, he went out and
prayed without making ablution again." ]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,
"One day, I was riding behind the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa
sallam, when he said:'O boy! I will teach you some words. Be watchful
of Allaah )commandments of Allaah The Almighty(, He will preserve you.
Safeguard His rights and He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of
Him alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate Allaah alone for
help. Remember that if all people gather to benefit you, they will not
be able to benefit you except with that which Allaah has written )for
you(; and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be
able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allaah has
written against you. The pens have been lifted and the ink has dried
up."]Al-Albaani: Saheeh[
This is what the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, did with
'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him. He did not
tell him to wake up and pray, but he started praying and then took
'Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him, beside him. In other
words, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, provided the good
)and the greatest( example that taught the Habr ]Senior Scholar[ of
the Ummah )Muslim nation(, i. e., Ibn 'Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased
with him(.
The importance of the "theory of attaching":
We saw how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, led his
Companions through good example and how this good example affected
their personalities magnificently until we saw many of them as good
memorizers of the Quran and brave fighters in the cause of Allaah The
Exalted.
This proves that we should adopt the theory of attaching in
upbringing, because this theory is the practical interpretation of
"upbringing through example".
The attaching theory means linking the child to a true role model who
applies the morals to which we want to accustom our child. That is why
the righteous educator is very important and precious.
The righteous predecessors and Muslim kings used to bring educators to
their children and they used to choose the educators who were fit to
be role models for their children.
In his Muqaddimah, Ibn Khuldoon, may Allaah have mercy upon him, reported,
Haaroon Ar-Rasheed said to the educator of his son, Muhammad Al-Ameen,
'O Ahmad, the Commander of the Believers is entrusting )his son( to
you, the life of his soul and the fruit of his heart. Take firm hold
of him and make him obey you. Occupy in relation to him the place that
the Commander of the Believers has given you. Teach him to recite the
Quran. Instruct him in history. Let him transmit poems and teach him
the Sunnah )tradition( of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
Give him insight into the proper occasions for speech and how to begin
)a speech(. Forbid him from laughing, except at times when it is
proper. Let no hour pass in which you do not seize the opportunity to
teach him something useful. However, do so without vexing him so as
not to kill his mind. Do not always be too lenient with him, or he
will get to like leisure and become used to it. As much as possible,
correct him kindly and gently. If he does not respond that way, you
must then use severity and harshness.'
'Abdul-Malik ibn Marwaan advised the educator of his children saying,
"Teach them to tell the truth just as you teach them the Quran and
accustom them to beautiful morals. Make them memorize poetry to be
brave and noble. Accompany them to the noble people and senior
scholars, but keep them away from the mean people and slaves, because
they are the most ill-mannered of all people. Respect them in public
and censure them in private. Beat them if they lie, because lying
leads to vice and vice leads to Hell."