Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * He married her without the knowledge of his first wife, then his secret was found out,and he is still not giving her her rights with regard to his staying overnight with her

I got married four years ago to a man who was already married and had
a daughter. He told me that it would remain a secret to his wife and
father, until they found out from people and not from him, and I
agreed to that. From the day we married, he has not slept at my house
except for one week, on the basis that he was travelling. After that
he has not slept in my house and I have been living on my own, and he
comes every day. I got pregnant from him and gave birth to a daughter,
who is now two years old. Until today he has not registered her in his
name, for fear that his wife will find out. I have been patient all
this time and have said it doesn't matter, because frankly my husband
is a man like no other and he loves me, but after 3 1/2 years his wife
and his father found out, and she asked him to divorce me, but he
refused to divorce me or to divorce her. But until now he is not
treating us fairly, and he has never stayed the night with me and my
daughter, and he has not registered his daughter in his name, and I do
not know why. Even on Fridays it was hard for him to come and visit
us; even when my daughter was sick at night, I could not tell him and
I was always the one who took her to the hospital. I do not know what
I should do. By Allaah, I always ask Allaah to give me patience
because I have suffered all these years and I do not know for how
long. Please note that my husband fears Allaah and does not miss a
prayer, and he always does good. Every time I argue with him he tells
me: "Everything in its own good time; you have been very patient,
can't you be patient for longer?"
I hope that you can help me because in fact I am not able to put up
with this injustice any more.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
When a husband conceals his second marriage, in most cases that leads
to some kind of injustice for his new wife, as he will be confused and
uncertain and will be afraid that he may do something that would lead
to his first wife finding out that he has taken a second wife. This
may lead him into a series of mistakes.
As you agreed to that at first, then you have to put up with what
happens to you in some ways and you have to try to set things straight
in other ways.
If your husband had an excuse -- in your view -- before his marriage
to you was discovered, then he has no excuse now. What he has to do is
to teach you and his first wife fairly with regard to spending the
night. However many nights he spends there, he has to spend the same
number of nights with you, and you have the right to demand this right
which Allaah has obliged him to give and that Allaah has given to you.
If he persists in refusing, then you have the choice: either you can
accept your life with him and put up with it until Allaah grants you
relief -- which is what we recommend -- or you can choose to leave
him.
As the matter has been discovered, we advise you to appoint as an
intermediary someone who has knowledge and is of good character, who
can intervene between you to resolve your problem with him and make
him do that which Allaah has obliged him to do of treating you and his
first wife fairly, and registering your daughter officially. This is
something that is essential. How can he accept for his daughter to
remain like that, with no recorded lineage and with her rights exposed
to loss?
Now the matter is up to you. Advise him and remind him of Allaah, and
if he does not respond, then appoint as intermediaries wise people
from among your family, or from among your family and his, to advise
him and make him adhere to that which Allaah has enjoined upon him of
treating his wives fairly and registering his daughter in the official
records.
Ask Allaah to help and guide you and him. We ask Allaah to bring you
together on the basis of good and to make it easy for you to do that
which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.

Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * He stipulated that she should look after his father, then he took a second wife and she asked him for separate accommodation and to divide the work with her co-wife

The questioner got married to a woman after explaining to her his
father's situation, as his father is sick and needs someone to take
care of him. She agreed to that, but now he wants to marry a second
wife, but the first wife said: If you take a second wife, then it is
my right to ask for separate accommodation and to share the care of
your father between us (wives). What is your opinion on that? The
questioner is saying: How can she request this when it was stipulated
from the beginning that she should take care of his father; in fact he
only married her for this purpose and no other?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allah has enjoined fulfilment of covenants and promises. He says
(interpretation of the meaning):"O you who believe! Fulfil (your)
obligations" [al-Maa'idah 5:1]. The most important covenant that is to
be fulfilled is the marriage contract, whether by the husband or by
the wife. It was narrated that 'Uqbah ibn 'Aamir (may Allah be pleased
with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) said: "The condition which most deserves to be fulfilled
is that by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2572) and Muslim (1418).
Based on that, what is required from the wife is to fulfil the
condition that her husband stipulated, which is to serve and take care
of his father. It seems to us that the wife has no right to ask him to
divide this work between her and her co-wife, because that was not
stipulated in the marriage contract; furthermore, she knows that Allah
has permitted him to marry another woman, and she did not stipulate
that he should not take another wife.
As for her request for separate accommodation, she has the right to
that unless it was stipulated before marriage that she should take
care of his father in his house and that she would not have
accommodation separate from his father. In that case, she is obliged
to adhere to the two conditions regarding accommodation and taking
care of the father, and she does not have the right to ask for
separate accommodation or for the work to be divided between her and
her co-wife, unless the husband doest hat on his own initiative.
If the wife cannot put up with her new situation, then she has the
right to ask for khula' (a type of divorce), in which she will give up
her mahr to her husband and he will divorce her (talaaq).
For more details on khula', see the answer to question number 26247.
We advise the husband to be wise in his conduct and to fear Allah with
regard to his first wife; she has accepted him as a husband and has
agreed to serve his sick father. It is not right to respond to that by
bringing in a co-wife who will not share the work with her and will
have advantages over her which will cause him distress in his life and
cause him trouble.
We are not trying to forbid that which Allah has permitted of plural
marriage; but we are aware that part of good attitude on the man's
part is responding in kind to the one who has been kind to him in word
and in deed. We do not think that the husband's insisting on not
making his second wife share the work of caring for his father is a
good way of responding to his first wife's good conduct. He should
stipulate for the second wife what he stipulated for the first; that
is what is fair and wise.
Whatever the case:
We think that this wife should adhere to the conditions of marriage
that were stipulated for her, but she has the right to ask for khula'
if she fears that she will not be able to fulfil the conditions or
fulfil her duties towards her husband. But we think that the husband
should do the right thing to get out of this situation, which is
stipulating for the second wife what he stipulated for the first of
caring for his father. If the marriage contract has been done without
that, then he has to deal with her kindly and ask her to serve his
father and look after him, working with his first wife.
And Allah knows best.