Islamic Marriage Articles, - (Choosing a Spouse, -) Pleasant Companionship

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Good companionship, choosing and having good companions is extremely important for many reasons and from many aspects.
1.Mankind cannot live alone; every individual must live and interact with others.
2.Those people who you sit with and make your friends are inevitably going to fall into one of two categories. Either they are going to be good individuals - who guide and encourage you towards what is good, and help you to accomplish that which Allah has ordered, or they are going to be bad - encouraging you to do what is pleasing to Shaytaan, that which misleads you and leads you to the Hell-Fire.
3.When the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was sent with the Da'wah to establish the Deen of al-Islaam, he did not do it on his own. Rather, Allah chose for him companions who accompanied him and who carried the Message until it was complete.
These three aspects show the importance of having good companions, companions who are Saalih (righteous). Such a companion will help you to do what is good and remind you of Allah, he will enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil. They also show the importance of avoiding keeping bad companions. Such companions who have a bad effect upon you, they help you to do those deeds which are displeasing to Allah and which lead to the Hell-Fire - and we seek Allah's refuge from that.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) explained the matter of good companionship, so that no room is left for doubt or confusion, when he (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
"A person is upon the Deen of his khaleel (close friend), so look to whom you befriend."[Abu Dawud & Tirmidhee]
This means that a person is upon the same minhajj (methodology) as his friend, the same tareeq (path) as his friend, the same nature, manner and behaviour as his friend. So we must be careful about whom we befriend.
There is an Arabic expression -'Your companion is what pulls you to something'. So if your companion is good, he will pull to towards that which is good. But if your companion is bad, he will only pull you towards that which is evil. We must choose our friends and companions carefully so that we take friends who are sincere, and who will order us with what is good and forbid us from what is evil. If he observes us committing sins he would warn us, if he becomes aware of our shortcomings he would advise us, and if he finds a fault in us he would cover it. About this the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,"A Muslim is the brother of another Muslim. He neither betrays him nor tells him a lie, nor humiliates him."[At-Tirmidhee] So should you see a fault in your brother, you should wish to remove that fault from him and not expose it to the people. This is what is required by brotherhood and again stresses the importance of choosing friends who are upon the correct way, who are loyal, and who hide your faults whilst ordering you with good and forbidding you from evil, who stand beside you and support you, and co-operate with you upon all that is good.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) also explained this great principle further in another narration, wherein he (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) stated,
"Do not keep company except with a believer, and do not feed except a person who has taqwaa (fear of Allah)."[Abu Dawud, Tirmidhee]
This principle is important from the standpoint of how the Deen is to be established, and from the standpoint of what brotherhood is and what it does. Indeed, the reason that one takes a companion is to help him establish his Islaam, and to help him worship Allah. We find a good example in the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)- the one who Allah chose and who He spoke to - Musa (as). When Allah sent him to Fir'awn, he said,"And appoint for me a helper from my family, Haaroon - my brother; increase my strength with him, and let him share my task (of conveying Allah's Message and Prophet hood), that we may glorify You much and remember You much."[20:29-34]
Musa wanted his brother to support him and help him, protect him and accompany him. And this is what the believers do for one another. For the thing that binds the believers together and makes them brothers is eemaan (Islamic belief). The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,
"There are three characteristics; whoever has them will find the sweetness of eemaan: That Allah and His Messenger are more beloved to him than all else, that he loves a person and does not love him except for Allah, and that he would hat to revert to unbelief just as he would hate to be thrown into the Fire."[Bukhari & Muslim]
Thus the connection between the believers is based upon eemaan and sincere brotherhood.
Be warned against taking any companion if such companionship is based upon other than this, for if you were to do that you would then bite your hands in grief. Just as the unjust ones will bite their hands in grief on the Last Day. Saying,"Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (the Qur'aan) after it had come to me."[25:27]
Allah says,"And whosoever turns away from the remembrance of the Most Beneficent (Allah), We appoint for him Shaytaan to be a Qareen (intimate companion) to him."[43:36]
So all of the physical togetherness that you see around you, which is based upon other than eemaan, will be wiped away on that Day, and will be a source of misery and torture for them. Allah says that those who love one another for other than the sake of Allah will be"...foes one to another..."on the Last Day. [43:67]
It is only the brotherhood which is based upon eemaan and taqwaa that is the true and lasting brotherhood. All of those who come together for materialistic reasons; because of complexion, because of nationality, or for whatever other reason, will be enemies one to another "...except al-Muttaqoon." Those who have taqwaa, and love a brother only because he is upon the Path of Allah and has the same eemaan that they have; he has taken the path of the Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and the Salafus-Saalih (righteous predecessors). So be careful, before you slip and find yourself exposed to a fitnah, which you never imagined, all because you were not careful about whom you took as a companion.
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said,"The case of the good companion and the bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blower of the bellows (iron-smith). As for the seller of musk, he will either give you some of the musk, or you will purchase some from him, or at least you will come away having experienced its good smell. Whereas the blower of the bellows will either burn your clothing, or at least you will come away having experienced its repugnant smell."[Bukhari & Muslim]
The good companion has been given this similitude because he is righteous and will help you to remember Allah. If he sees you make a mistake he will advise you and support you, whereas the bad companion would forsake you; leaving you at the time when you are most in need of him."And remember the Day when the Zaalim (wrong-doer, oppressor, polytheist etc.) will bite at his hands, he will say, 'Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger. Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (this Qur'aan) after it had come to me. And Shaytaan is ever a deserter to man in the hour of need'."[25:27-29]
The bad companion is the Shaytaan from amongst mankind, and the Shayaateen are both men and jinns. Sometimes the harm, which comes from the Shayaateen amongst men, is greater than the harm, which comes from the Shayaateen of the jinn. As a matter of fact the Shayaateen amongst mankind could probably teach the Shayaateen from the jinn a few things they didn't know!
So in this hadeeth, where the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said that the good companion is like the seller of musk - which is a particular type of perfume, one of the best - it is said that either you will take some from him or you will get some of its fragrance on you. It can be seen that from the good companion you will either pick up good actions and statements from his example - obeying Allah because he does so and because he supports you in that, ordering what is good and forbidding what is evil, acquiring good characteristics and qualities and beneficial knowledge - or if he sees you becoming weak in your eemaan he will advise you and help you.
A good example of this can be found in the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), who was ma'soom (free from making sins). When he was making the hijrah (migration) from Makkah to Madinah he would not leave until he had chosen a companion to accompany him on his way. Abu Bakr offered to go with him and make the hijrah also, but the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) ordered him to wait until Allah allowed him to do so. This implies that the fact that Abu Bakr was to be the Prophet's companion on this hijrah was a choice from Allah, and so great a choice and such a blessing that Allah mentioned it in the Qur'aan:
"Allah did indeed help him (Muhammad [sallallahu alaihi wa sallam]) when the disbelievers drove him out. The second of the two, when they (Muhammad [sallallahu alaihi wa sallam] and Abu Bakr) were in the cave, and he (s) said to his companion, 'Be not sad (or afraid), surely Allah is with us'."[9:40]
He (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, 'surely Allah is with us', not 'with me', since Abu Bakr had supported the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) in the establishing of the Deen of Allah, he had thus earned the right to be supported by Allah also.
Abu Bakr - a good friend and companion, one who was willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of Allah and to the service of His Messenger (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam); his blood, his wealth, his sweat, his tears and everything that he owned he gave for Allah's sake. Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq, radhi Allahu anhu, the first Khalifah after the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and his great companion, the best of this Ummah after the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), sets for us this great example of the good companion who is like the perfume merchant.

PUBLISHER The fact that Islamic moral values do not yet rule the world must stir all Muslims

I welcome, My Blog Readers Openions. So write your comments and Suggetions any time, below each Posts or Write to my Email - dgptnayd14@yahoo.ca/-

Islamic Marriage Articles, - (Choosing a Spouse, -) Questions to Ask a Prospective Marriage Partner

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The following questions are offered in the interest of helping Muslims to think through issues important to marriage. You may wish to ask these questions when you’re considering someone for marriage, either of them or just of yourself. You may also wish to ask them of an intermediary, who may be able to provide you an unbiased perspective. Some of the questions may seem "unIslamic", but they deal with the reality of today's social situation, and NOT asking a question may ultimately prove to be a bigger mistake than asking it.
GENERAL QUESTIONS:
*.Why are you interested in marrying at this time?
*.How would you describe yourself?
*.What do you consider your greatest achievement to date?
*.Describe three experiences you’ve had that you’ve benefited/learned from.
*.What has been the hardest obstacle you’ve faced thus far in life? How has it affected you?
*.If there was one thing you would like to change about yourself, what would it be?
*.What are your goals for this life? What would you like to accomplish before you die?
*.What are you looking for in a spouse?
DECIDING WHETHER TO MARRY:
*.What role do you think parents should play in helping to select your spouse?
*.What process do you want to use to determine whether you have found the right spouse? Phone? E-mail? Chaperoned or unchaperoned in person? How much time do you want to decide?
DEEN (ISLAMIC LIFESTYLE):
*.What do you do to feel close to Allah (swt)?
*.How to you hope to get closer to Allah (swt) through marriage?
*.What do you want to improve about yourself Islamically?
*.How many times per day do you pray? What about while at work?
*.How much Qur’an have you memorized?
*.To what extent are you involved in the Islamic community?
*.Do you fast during Ramadan?
*.How do you determine how to distribute Zakat? How do you give in Sadaqa?
*.Have you been on Hajj or Umrah? When would you like to go?
*.Are you affiliated with a particular masjid or Islamic group?
*.How important do you think it is to only eat Halal meat?
*.How important do you think it is for women to wear hijab? What about men?
*.How do you like to celebrate religious holidays?
*.Do you go for jummah prayers?
LIVING AS A MUSLIM MINORITY:
*.Do you have non-Muslim friends?
*.What do you think Muslims should do on American holidays?
EXTENDED FAMILY:
*.What do you think parents/extended family’s role should be in making important decisions: wedding planning, child rearing, vacations, where you will live?
*.What do you do if there is a conflict between your spouse and your family?
*.Are you comfortable living with extended family, particularly as they age? Are other accomodations possible?
*.How much time do you anticipate spending with your extended family, in person or by phone?
*.Would you describe the character of your family members?
*.What have you learned from observing your family that you do or do not want to incorporate into your marriage?
PROFESSION:
*.What career path do you plan on taking?
*.Will both husband and wife work outside the home?
*.Under what conditions would you be willing to move to further your or your spouse’s professional growth?
*.How much time do you spend at work?
*.How do you plan to balance time at work and time with the family?
*.What kind of business functions will you ask each other to host/attend?
*.Would you encourage/support the idea of me going back to school for advanced degrees?
*.How would we support ourselves if we both had to be in school?
INTERESTS/ACTIVITIES:
*.How do you like to spend your free time?
*.How much time do you spend watching TV?
*.What interests would you like to share with your spouse?
*.How much time alone would you like to have?
*.How do you feel about separate vacations? Business trips? Conferences?
SOCIAL LIFE:
*.How much time do you want to spend with friends? By yourself? As a couple?
*.How would you feel about your spouse having friends of the opposite gender?
WHERE TO LIVE:
*.Where do you want to live? Why?
*.Will you want to live near your extended family?
*.Do you prefer city? Suburb? Countryside?
*.Do you want to live in the U.S. or abroad?
*.How important is it to live in a large Muslim community?
CHILDREN:
*.How many children do you want to have?
*.When do you think you’ll be ready to have children?
*.How will you distribute responsibility for child rearing? Diapering?
*.What do you think it is important to teach children?
*.What is your view on raising children? Do you spank?
*.To what extent would you be willing to utilize family members, friends, baby sitters or day are to watch your children?
*.How will you ensure your children have a good Islamic education?
*.What would you do if you could not have children?
*.Do you want your children to grow up bilingual? In what languages?
MONEY:
*.How many personal savings/checking accounts would you want?
*.Who should be responsible for paying bills?
*.What about prior assets?
*.How will you determine how much should be spent on the household? On personal items? On charity?
*.How much should either person be able to spend by themselves without consulting the other?
*.How much should be paid out in maher (dowry)? Up front versus deferred?
*.If we were on an uncomfortably tight budget, and your brother asked you for a generous loan for a third attempt at a start-up when the first two had failed, would you give it to him?
*.What would be your top five criteria for developing a financial plan?
LAST NAMES:
*.Should the wife change her last name?
*.What last name should the children carry?
HOUSE:
*.How do you feel about cleanliness, neatness and housework?
*.How do you feel about knickknacks and artwork?
*.Who is responsible for work around the house?
*.What are the household chores you are used to doing?
*.Have you ever lived alone? Have you ever had a roommate? Have you always lived with your parents?
*.How do you feel about pets?
*.What are your preferences in terms of food? Mostly from your own ethnic group, or a more diverse palate? Only home-made, or also convenience or from restaurants? Meat or vegetarian?
*.If we were both working and we both got home about the same time, would you expect the wife to always be the cook?
*.How do you feel about smoking?
DIFFERENCES:
*.What are your pet peeves?
*.How should disagreements be resolved?
*.How do you act when you get upset?
*.How would you go about making you spouse happy when s/he was feeling down?
*.What would you want your spouse to do if you disagreed about something?
*.What if the disagreement is over an interpretation of Islam?
*.Who would be your choice of arbiters, or how do you feel about arbitration?
*.How do you feel about marriage counseling?
MONOGAMY/FIDELITY/HONESTY:
*.What are your views?
*.What is your experience with families with a second wife?
*.Will infidelity automatically end the marriage?
CULTURE:
*.What role does culture play in your life?

PUBLISHER The fact that Islamic moral values do not yet rule the world must stir all Muslims

I welcome, My Blog Readers Openions. So write your comments and Suggetions any time, below each Posts or Write to my Email - dgptnayd14@yahoo.ca/-

Story, - Knowing love

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Life is so unpredictable. U never know what would be happen in life.My life is also concave in this world.
I was very shy person.A gal who lives with her own virtues,her own rules.I never thought I would be in luv. I met him as friends or can say a collegiate who studied college with him.we were introduced with common friends.we met mostly for our projects.As days were passing. Our college been planed for trip.I suddenly found myself unknown world. I didn't know what was going to me.As we never had talked to much. I realised that something is happen to me. i just wanted to be with him.I was just wanted to talk with him.My eyes was just searching for him.And Then I realised I fallen luv with him. I never thought I would be in luv.
As days were going I was never had courage to tell my feelings to him but from days to years.But never told him about it. But some how I confess to him but our destiny never given chance to be together.I always pray for him.I always were with him but as his friends.As three years has been passed but still my heart waits for him.Still I pray for him. I Always ask GOD dat Shall v be together or can U give me 1chance ?
Wats Ur opinion Friends?

PUBLISHER The fact that Islamic moral values do not yet rule the world must stir all Muslims

I welcome, My Blog Readers Openions. So write your comments and Suggetions any time, below each Posts or Write to my Email - dgptnayd14@yahoo.ca/-