Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * * She likes a religiously committed man, and there is correspondence between them, such as congratulations (for Ramadaan) and religious reminders. What should she do?

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I am a young woman who graduated from university four years ago. Praise be to Allah, I wear hijab and memorise Qur’an, and I love Islam a great deal. I want to know all the details of my religion. I grew up in a conservative family, and during all stages of my life I did not mix with boys, even at work, and I never put any boy’s number in my mobile phone. I always pray to Allah to bless me with a righteous husband who will help me to learn Islam and Qur’an, and help me to be religiously committed. I have refused all the young man who proposed to me, because they were not as religiously committed as I hoped for.
My problem started when I opened an engineering office, and I began to work in it in order to help my family. I got to know a young man who started coming to my office for some of his work. He is studying for his Masters degree in ‘ilm al-hadeeth (hadeeth sciences), and he is top of the class in his specialised studies. I asked him if I could ask him about some matters having to do with Islam, and he asked me for my phone number so that he could tell me the answers. I gave him my number because I trusted myself and him, because he is a man who has knowledge of sharee‘ah, and it is obvious that I am impressed with his Islamic character, because in our society you rarely see a young man who follows the example of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and lets his beard grow. After that he contacted me and gave me the answer, and he said: You can get in touch any time you need something. After that, I sent him a text message to thank him and congratulate him on the occasion of the month of Ramadan, and he replied to my message. After that, he began to send me messages from time to time that contain advice, du‘aa’s or hadeeth of the Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and I began to reply in like manner. But I was always very happy to receive his messages, and they made me feel that he remembers me and was thinking of me, and I prayed to Allah to make him my husband, and I said to myself that maybe he will graduate and propose to me.
I do not know why I am so fond of him. Every time a young man proposes to me, I reject him and compare him to this man, especially with regard to religious commitment. But sometimes I think that exchanging messages with him is haraam, so I would stop doing that, but he was sending me a message every week, and I used to reply and I thought that if it was haraam, and he is one of the people of knowledge, then how can he approve of that? I do not know if he is married or not, but I think that if he was married, he would not send messages to me; I know the society in which I live.
Now I do not know what I should do, or how I can find out whether he is married or not, or if he wants to marry me or not, or if corresponding with him is haraam. Should I wait for him? I do not have anyone trustworthy who could help me. I know that in material terms he is not well off, but I used to wonder if this is the reason, because I have a share of beauty that makes many people propose marriage to me. Please advise me.
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Praise be to Allah.
The Shaytaan uses various means and methods to ensnare people, including the exact phrases that you mentioned every time: “I trust myself”, ” I trust him”, “for the sake of beneficial knowledge”, “congratulations on the occasion of Ramadan and Eid.” After that comes emotional attachment, then words of admiration, then love, and the matter may continue until it develops into things that are worse than that and more haraam.
You made a mistake when you gave your mobile number to a man who is not your mahram, and you made a mistake when you sent him a message thanking him, then a message congratulating him (on the occasion of Ramadan), and you made a mistake when you let him carry on sending messages to you.
We have discussed the ruling on correspondence and conversations between the sexes in several fatwas. Please see the answers to questions no. 78375, 26890and 82702
You have two ways of ending this problem and putting an end to continuing in sin. They are:
Propose marriage to him yourself, but in a manner that will preserve your dignity and modesty.
We have discussed the way of doing that in the answer to question no. 99737
Or you can send him a message saying that you made a mistake when you allowed him to continue corresponding with you, and that you are not happy about it, and that you have decided to put an end to this correspondence.
In that case, he will either tell you frankly that he is interested in marrying you, or he will agree to put an end to the correspondence. Whatever the case, you will have achieved your purpose.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do all that is good.
And Allah knows best.





















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Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * * She got to know a man through the Internet and she wants to carry on talking to him and getting to know him because she wants to marry him

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- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M. MD, IRI (Managing Director, Islamic Research Institution)

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I am a Muslim woman and I want to get married to one of the brothers whom I have met on the Internet. He is a convert to Islam and he lives abroad, and he has good character, but he does not have a job, but he will find one soon –– in sha Allah.
As for me, I am in my final year of university, and my parents will not let me get married until after I have finished my studies; in other words, we have six months to wait. During this time we want to get to know one another better, so that each of us will know how compatible they are with the other, because we cannot introduce the topic to my guardian like that, without details about the person I want to marry, and I want to be certain that he is suitable to be a father in the future and able to spend on the family’s maintenance, and so on. In other words, I do not want to give my family any chance, even if it is slight, to reject this man. I have prayed istikhaarah, and it seems that what I have learned about him up till now is good.
What do you suggest with regard to ways of communicating with him, within the bounds of modesty, moderation and Islamic teachings?
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Praise be to Allah.
Ascertaining that a suitor is qualified in terms of character and religious commitment is one of the two foundations of a successful marriage; the other foundation is emotional compatibility and inclination of the heart. The first foundation is the more important, because character and religious commitment form the basis of every successful relationship and happy household, even if it is devoid of complete love and emotional harmony.
Hence attention should be paid to this foundation as much as is possible, and help should be sought from Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, to choose one who is religiously committed and of good character. We have previously stated in fatwa no. 105728some of the means that will help to achieve this aim.
With regard to conversations between a man and a woman who are not mahrams via chat programs, the basic principle concerning this is that it is not allowed, because it opens the door to evil and fitnah. How often have such conversations brought evil and calamity to the participants, and even caused them to become infatuated, and has led to some of them committing immoral actions and sins. The Shaytaan may cause each party to see in the other characteristics that cause them to become infatuated, which has a negative impact on their worldly and religious affairs.
Islam closes all the doors that may lead to fitnah. Hence it forbids speaking in a soft voice, shaking hands with a non-mahram woman, looking at her and being alone with her. These private conversations are one of the causes of fitnah, as is well known.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and women, so long as this correspondence is free of immoral matters, infatuation and so on?
He replied:
It is not permissible for any man to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the fitnah to which that leads. The man may think that there is no fitnah, but the Shaytaan will keep trying to tempt him and tempt her. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) instructed the one who hears of the Dajjaal to keep far away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer, but the Dajjaal will keep trying to influence him until he confuses him.
Correspondence between young men and young women is a great fitnah and poses a grave danger; it should be strictly avoided, even if the questioner says that he is not infatuated with her.
End quote fromFataawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnad, p. 96
Undoubtedly talking via chat has a greater impact and poses a greater danger than corresponding by mail. So fear Allah and refrain from talking to this man. That is safer for your religious commitment and is purer for your heart. You should understand that marriage to a righteous man is a blessing from Allah, may He be exalted, and a blessing cannot be attained by means of sin.
If this man wants to marry you, then let him approach the matter properly and correspond with your guardian in order to propose marriage to you. Then after that, the matter of ascertaining his religious commitment and character may be done by means that are Islamically acceptable, which we have explained in the fatwa referred to above.
Moreover, this matter is in fact the responsibility of the guardian. One of his most important roles is being in charge of the marriage contract. He should examine the situation of the suitor and find out about him to see whether he is compatible, qualified, and able to fulfill the duties of marriage. The woman is not able to decide about these matters in an objective and correct manner.
If you can inform him of what he must do before he comes to propose marriage to you, then when he has the financial means and is compatible, he must approach the matter properly, and he should approach your father and get to know your family.
And Allah knows best.`