Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Should he make his Christian wife wear hijab?

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M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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I read many fatwas regarding hijab and niqab, and that wife is commanded to obey her husband, so long as it does not involve sin, and that there is no differentiation between a Muslim wife and a non-Muslim wife. My wife is Christian so I ask if I can make her wear hijab and niqab or dress modestly when out or non-mahram men are present for her own modesty and protection?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The husband should tell his wife to wear hijab, even if she is Christian or Jewish, because the sin of her being uncovered and showing her adornment will be on him. The husband has the right to instruct his wife to do what she thinks it is permissible and he thinks is obligatory, and she has to obey him in that regard, as discussed previously in the answer to question no. 97125.
For more information please see also the answer to question no. 70177
The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked:
In some countries it is rare for Muslim women to wear hijab. A man married a Muslim woman and she does not want to wear hijab. Should he divorce her or what should he do? Another Muslim married a kitaabi (Jewish or Christian) woman and she does not want to wear hijab either. What is the ruling?
They replied:
The woman who refuses to cover herself in front of non-mahram men is regarded as disobedient to her husband and going against the laws of Allah. Her husband should advise her to wear proper shar‘i hijab, and if she does not respond then he should divorce her, whether she is Muslim or Jewish or Christian, so as to keep away from evil and protect the family from sin. And Allah is the source of strength. May Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his Family and Companions.
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah, 17/108
Note:
Hijab is obligatory for Christian women, as it says inDidascalia Apostolorum (Teachings of the Apostles)which is regarded as the secondary book on religious law for Orthodox Christians. On p. 72 it says:
“Thou therefore that art a Christian, do not imitate such women; but if thou wouldst be a faithful woman, please thy husband only. And when thou walkest in the street, cover thy head with thy robe, that by reason of thy veil thy great beauty may be hidden. And adorn not thy natural face; but walk with downcast looks, being veiled.
[i. 9] And take heed that thou bathe not in a bath with men. For when there is a women's bath in the city or in the village, a believing woman may not bathe in a bath with men. For if thou coverest thy face from strange men with a veil of modesty, how then canst thou go in with strange men to a bath?”
End quote fromDidascalia Apostolorum (Teachings of the Apostles), translated into Arabic by the Hegumen Marqus Dawood, Maktabat al-Mahabbah edn. (English translation by R. Hugh Connolly, Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1929).
So think about this command to observe hijab and this prohibition on displaying oneself and showing adornments to men. How many Christian women follow these teaching nowadays?!
And Allah knows best.
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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Dealing With a Wife Who Visits Her Family Too Often and is Demanding

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I am a young man who got married three years ago and I have two children. My wife is falling short in her duties towards the house such as cleaning, and she has worn me out with her demands. She goes to her family’s house too often; whenever any holiday come she wants to go to her family’s house on the basis that her sisters are getting together, and I wish that she would stay with me and my children during the holiday, but she does not listen to me; rather she wants to go there. I could force her but it is against my principles.
Now I am thinking of divorcing her, because this is not a life. On any holiday she wants to go to her family’s house, even during the New Year and Eid Holidays. Indeed matters have gone so far that the husband of one of her sisters is travelling and my wife wants to stay with her sister in her house. What is the solution? Please advise me, may Allah reward you, because by Allah I am very tired. I do not have any problem with taking another wife, but without this one being present, because I am not well off. Please do not tell me to give her advice, because by Allah I have tried to give her advice to no avail.
Praise be to Allaah.
You should not hasten with regard to the matter of divorce, and you should implement all the means prescribed in Islam to set your wife straight and solve the problem between you. Part of that is what Allah has taught us of admonishing, then refusing to share their beds, then hitting them lightly (meaning not injuring them in any way, shape or form and only if there is some benefit anticipated from it), then seeking the help of arbitrators from your family and hers. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) hit them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things”
[an-Nisa’ 4:34-35].
You could seek help in admonishing or exhorting her by means of some tapes (or CDs etc, of lectures), or by advising her to ask scholars about her behaviour and attitude, or taking her to listen to a lecture that deals with family life and the marital relationship. You should try to find out the reasons why she is not keen to stay home and why she wants to go to her family. There may be some harshness in your treatment of her, or some shortcoming with regard to her rights. The way to deal with that is to speak frankly and try sincerely to resolve the differences. If you try to implement all the ways and means of dealing with the matter but you do not succeed in setting things straight, and you do not think that you could be patient with her, then there is nothing wrong with divorce in that case and you should divorce her with one revocable talaaq (pronouncement of divorce), in the hope that that will bring her to her senses and prompt her to pay attention to her husband and her health.
There follows some advice that the scholars have given in this regard.
Shaykh as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct”[an-Nisa’ 4:34] that is, their refusal to obey their husbands by disobeying in word or deed. He should discipline her with the lightest method, then the next lightest. “admonish them” that is, explain the ruling of Allah about obeying and disobeying the husband, encouraging her to obey and discouraging her to disobey. If she stops, then this is the desired outcome, otherwise the husband should refuse to share her bed, not sleeping with her or having intercourse with her to the extent that will achieve the desired result. Otherwise, he may hit her lightly. If the desired outcome is attained by means of one of these things and they (wives) obey you (husbands), then “seek not against them means (of annoyance)” i.e., you have got what you want, so do not keep on at her about things that are in the past or comment on faults the mention of which is hurtful and will cause problems. End quote.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked (19/225):
I have a wife who has five children, including an infant who is nursing and one who is walking. Their mother, my wife, does not take care of her duties towards the house or her marital duties, and does not pay attention to the cleanliness of her children, or take care of me, and she does not accept any advice from me.
They replied:
If the situation is as you describe, then advise her and explain to her the rights that the husband has over his wife. Use tact and kindness in explaining to her how she should perform her duties. If she mends her ways, then praise be to Allah. If she refuses, then refuse to share her bed. If that does not work, then hit her (lightly) as a kind of discipline, not a means of revenge or taking out your anger on her. If she obeys, then treat her kindly and nicely. But if she refuses and it is not possible to reconcile between you, then you have no choice but to bear it with patience or separate. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husbands property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.”
[an-Nisa’ 4:34-35].
End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: If it is not possible to be patient, we try to bring about reconciliation, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation”
[an-Nisa’ 4:35].
This applies if there is fear of separation (a breach) between the two parties.
End quote fromFataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * He lives in America and has done the marriage contract with her; can she travel to join him?

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I am a young woman living in Jordan, and I got engaged on the basis of a contract to a young man who is religiously committed and fears Allah, and he lives in America. We have been engaged for a year and a half, and he is still studying. My question is: is it permissible for me to travel to be with him and his mother until he finishes his studies, then we can go to where he is going to work? Please note that until now there is no place where we can get married and live together. In other words I would stay with him until he finishes his studies. Please note that I cannot stay away from him more than that, and my being with him will help him to keep away from the fitnah that surrounds him.
Praise be to Allaah.
If you mean that the marriage contract has been done for you and there remains nothing but consummation of the marriage, and that he wants to consummate the marriage with you there, then there is nothing wrong with that; rather it is something good and we encourage you and advise you to go ahead, because it is better for you to be with your husband and it is more chaste for you and for him, and will keep both of you further away from fitnah.
Your family and his should announce news of the consummation of the marriage everywhere and publicise it in the place where you are. It is not essential for the consummation to actually take place in the country where you are; rather that may be easier for you and it may be more affordable to get married this way in the beginning, then after that you can prepare your home gradually.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is better for a woman to travel overseas with her husband than to stay in her country; that is better for her and for him too. I do not see anything wrong with it.
End quote fromLiqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, 81/17
See also the answer to question no. 3477
In that case he has to come and travel with you, or one of your mahrams should travel with you to take you to him, because a woman can only travel with a mahram. See the answer to questions no. 316and 34380
If you mean that you will travel to him without that which is customarily called consummation, meaning that you would be travelling to him thinking that you are married in the sense that a marriage contract has been done but the marriage has not been consummated, in spite of all that you mention, and that the actual consummation of the marriage will come after he finishes his studies and gets a house and a job, when he can afford the expenses of marriage and the consequences and costs thereof, this is a kind of messing about and fooling oneself, and that is something that is not acceptable at all.
This idea of yours seems to be based on the way you phrased your question, “I got engaged on the basis of a contract” i.e., a marriage contract, as some people call this period an engagement period, even if the shar‘i marriage contract has been done.
But if that does not mean a marriage contract, then it is not permissible for you to travel to him and none of the aims of marriage result from that. Rather you should look at what your words really mean.
It says inFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah(18/69): Mere engagement between a man and woman does not mean that it is a marriage contract. Both the man and the woman may change their minds if they see fit during that period, whether the other party agrees or not.
And Allah knows best.

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