Rulings on Marriage, - * Is premature ejaculation one of the defects that must be disclosed when wanting to marry?

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When getting married, does one have to inform the other of defects such as premature ejaculation? I have such and other problems that relate to premature ejaculation. Do I tell her privately? This is embarrassing and I do not know how I tell this to the one I want to marry. How would anyone want to marry such and how would the marriage last? I have a strong desire and fear I would commit sin, so what do I do?
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Praise be to Allah
These sexual problems and illnesses that some people may suffer from before marriage may be divided into two categories when it comes to the issue of whether or not it is obligatory to inform the other party of them:
There is one category of which the other party must be informed, which refers to those sicknesses that will have an impact on married life, and because of which there will be problems and shortcomings in fulfilling marital duties, and which have an impact on the basic objectives of marriage such as physical pleasure, producing offspring and the like, as well as problems which may require lengthy treatment or may be chronic and the doctors cannot find of cure for them, such as incurable diseases like AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhoea and sterility, and diseases that are usually found off-putting and repulsive.
And there is another category that does not have to be disclosed, which is matters that do not usually affect married life and do not cause people to miss out on the basic objectives of marriage, such as those kinds of diseases that may occur but usually disappear with treatment, and symptoms that usually happen to young people.
What appears to be the case is that premature ejaculation and similar issues fall under the second category, because it is something that usually affects young newlyweds because of the intensity of desire, but with the passage of time, as they become accustomed to having intercourse, and with medical advice and using appropriate medication, this symptom will disappear and this problem will cease, by Allah’s leave.
The other party may have no knowledge of this issue and its nature, so telling them may cause some confusion for which there is no need.
Whatever the case, we advise you to consult a specialist doctor who can clarify the nature of your problem from a medical point of view, and the extent to which it will affect your marriage, and your ability to fulfil what is required of you of marital duties. If the problems that you are suffering are likely to affect that, then you must inform the woman to whom you propose, in one way or another, even if it is via some trustworthy women among your mahrams and the like.
And Allah knows best.

Rulings on Marriage, - * She has gone to her family’s home and is claiming that she is not married because the marriage was not documented

I'm in a tricky situation and need some guidances, me and my wife are
on bad terms and not living in the same house anymore. She wanted a
divorce from me and when I asked why it was because her mother doesn't
like me and sees me unfit for her daughter it has nothing to do with
the accepted Sharia law options for divorce just because I had an
arguments with my mother in law its stupid but my wife and her family
are very ignorant when it comes to islam and don't know much many
times they make up stuff in order to benefit their situation and when
I question them she tells my wife I have no respect for her. Also my
inlaws always intervenes and tells my wife why i do this and that why
does he not love you essentially causing a lot of issues of trust and
peace for us. She has moved back to her mother's house and they have
cut all communication with me I cant get hold of her blocked from
social media and I fear my wife is involved with someone else because
according to her mother we never got married only brought an imaan so
nikkah never happened no legal papers signed and also my wife never
bleed during our wedding night so there's no consumation of marrige
according to them so shes free to marry someone else and has no
responsibilities to me. My question is what can I do, if I pray and
wait for her to come back will I sin for not being there for her? I
tried telling them shes married and commiting serious evil but they do
not listen. I dont want to divorce am I wrong for trying?
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Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
If the marriage fulfilled the necessary conditions, namely the
proposal and acceptance, the consent of the wife, and the presence of
the wife's guardian and two witnesses, then it is a valid marriage,
even if it was done verbally. Documentation of the marriage contract
is only required in order to preserve people's rights; it is not a
condition of the marriage being valid.
If we assume that one of the conditions – such as the presence of the
woman's guardian or his deputy – was not fulfilled, then it was an
invalid marriage, yet despite that the wife cannot exit the marriage
except through divorce.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If a woman gets
married in an invalid marriage, it is not permissible for anyone else
to marry her until (the first husband) divorces her or her marriage is
annulled.
End quote fromal-Mughni(7/9)
See also the answer to question no. 256417.
It makes no difference if the wife did not lose her virginity, because
as soon as the marriage contract is done, she becomes a wife, and if
she has moved to her husband's house, it is haraam for her to leave
the house except with his permission, even if she is going to visit
her family.
Among the evidence that the husband's permission is necessary even to
visit her family is the report narrated inas-Saheehaynfrom 'Aa'ishah
(may Allah be pleased with her), according to which she said to the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): Do you give me
permission to go to my parents? Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4141) and
Muslim (2770).
If the woman goes out without her husband's permission, then she is
disobeying her Lord and her husband, so how about if she goes further
in disobedience and refuses to go back to him?
Secondly:
it is not permissible for a woman to seek divorce except for a valid
reason that makes it permissible to do so. If she does not have any
valid reason, then she is exposing herself to a stern warning from
Allah.
It was narrated by Abu Dawood (2226), at-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn
Maajah (2055) that Thawbaan (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The
Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not
absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to
her." Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
What is meant by it being absolutely necessary is that there should be
some hardship and a compelling reason for divorce.
From what you have mentioned, there does not seem to be any reason
that makes it permissible to ask for divorce.
The woman and her family should fear Allah, may He be exalted, and
adhere to the limits that He has set. They should beware of His anger
and wrath.
If this wife marries another man, then her action constitutes zina
(adultery), which is haraam and is a grievous crime.
It is not permissible for her to form a relationship with any man who
is not her mahram, even if she is not married, so how about if she is
already married? This is even worse and more reprehensible.
What we advise is to bring in a mediator from among her family,
neighbours or friends, or the imam of the mosque, who can warn them
about the consequences of this evil action, and remind them of the
rights of the husband, and dispel any doubts they may have, because
this is a valid marriage which the woman cannot exit except by means
of divorce.
Allah instructs us to look for two arbitrators in the event of wilful
defiance (on the part of the wife), as He says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife),
appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from
hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their
reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with
all things"
[an-Nisa' 4:35].
Perhaps you can find someone among your family and her family who can do that.
Moreover, there is no sin on you if you do not give her her rights of
maintenance and the like, because the one who is wilfully defiant does
not deserve maintenance, and because she is the one who has forfeited
her rights by her own actions, and has been disobedient and committed
sin.
If your wife and her family insist on their attitude, then we advise
you to leave her, because there is nothing good for you in such a
woman.
We ask Allah to set straight our affairs and the affairs of all the Muslims.
And Allah knows best.
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Marriage Contract, - * Her mother wants her to marry one suitor, but her father thinks that he is not suitable; what should she do?

My Mum wants me to get married to someone who my Father thinks isnt good for me and as you know men are the head of the family and I want my dad to choose my life-partner than my mum so is this right?
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Praise be to Allah.
Allah, may He be exalted, has given authority in the matter of marriage to the man, so it is not permissible for a woman to arrange a marriage for herself or for anyone else; rather her marriage must be arranged by a wali or guardian. Women have nothing to do with guardianship in marriage; rather that is only for men, and is basically for the father, who takes precedence over others in arranging the marriages of his daughters.
Imam Abu Bakr al-Qaffaal ash-Shaashi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The reason being – and Allah knows best –that women have a natural inclination towards men and they are not able to judge people well, and that could lead them to choose one who is not an appropriate choice (for marriage),therefore Allah entrusted the woman’s case, with regard to her marriage, to her father. If the matter had been entrusted to her, there would be the fear that she might marry someone who is not compatible with her.
End quote from Mahaasin ash-Sharee‘ah, 247. See also the answer to question no. 2127
If the father has the right to guardianship in the case of marriage, and the marriage contract cannot be done without him, then it is only logical that his opinion should take precedence in the matter of choosing a husband for his daughter, especially when he in most cases will be better able to judge their character, thus he will be able to find out about the suitor and reach the right conclusion.
But that does not mean that the mother has no say in choosing a husband for her daughter; rather she should be consulted about the matter and her opinion should be taken into consideration, because perhaps it may be correct and some things may be apparent to her that are not apparent to her husband.
To sum up:
The basic principle is that the father’s opinion and choice takes precedence over that of the mother, but that does not mean that the mother’s opinion should be ignored altogether; rather it should be taken into consideration so so that she does not feel left out and to convince her of the father’s point of view, and that he is responsible with regard to their daughter’s marriage. Thus the choice is up to your father, especially if he is known to be of sound reasoning, but he should not make her feel left out; rather he should respect her opinion.
And Allah knows best.

Marriage Contract, - * Rulings having to do with divorce before consummation of the marriage

I hope that you can help me with the following, because I am confused about my situation. I was divorced before consummation of the marriage. After getting some opinions, according to the majority of opinions that I found, I have to observe ‘iddah and receive my mahr in full, because we were alone together and some intimacy happened between us, but my husband refused to believe that. Then we got married a second time with a new marriage contract and mahr a few months ago, ma sha Allah. But my husband went to study fiqh and one of the shaykhs told him: if you divorce the sister before consummation of the marriage, then she will be haraam for you like one who is divorced three times. So my husband refused to consummate the marriage with me, saying that he wants to think about it and be sure that the marriage will be successful, and that before that I have to lose some weight, and that he will not have intercourse with me unless that happens. We have been married for approximately four months, ma sha Allah, but if consummation has not happened up till now, do we have to separate? He also asked me to give up some of my rights at present, and he also agreed to some conditions, but now he is saying that he intends to go back on the agreement, saying that it was only verbal, and that it should have been written in the marriage contract in order to be valid. Is it permissible for him to do that? What is the state of my marriage?
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Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
It would have been better for you and your husband to refer what happened between you of matters having to do with marriage, divorce, the mahr and ‘iddah before deciding whether to end the marriage or carry on with it, to a shaykh near you, or to an Islamic centre run by people who you trust, or to wait until you asked someone whom you trusted, even if that was someone far away. You should not have taken the rulings on these issues from people or from a lesson given by a shaykh in a mosque. This is the advice that we always give to spouses who have problems, and we advise them to refer matters of marriage and divorce only to an Islamic judge (qaadi) or to one who plays the same role in countries where there is no Islamic legal system.
Secondly:
With regard to divorce before consummation of the marriage, the following details apply:
1.
If a divorce is issued to the wife before consummation of the marriage and without having been completely alone together in such a manner that consummation of the marriage would have been possible, then she does not have to observe ‘iddah, and she is entitled to half of the mahr that was agreed upon. If no mahr was agreed upon, then she is entitled to some payment, according to how well off he is. And he cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
Please see the answers to questions no. 75026and 99597.
2.
If a divorce is issued to the wife before consummation of the marriage but they have been completely alone together in such a manner that consummation of the marriage was possible, then the majority of Hanafi, Maaliki, Shaafa‘i (according to the earlier view of their madhhab) and Hanbali scholars are of the view that she must observe ‘iddah and she is entitled to the mahr in full. As far as taking her back is concerned, the majority of Hanafi, Maaliki and Shaafa‘i scholars are of the view that he cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
Please see the answers to questions no. 49821and 118557.
3.
As you (re)married in that manner – i.e., with a new marriage contract and mahr – then at present you are a wife to him according to sharee‘ah, and he is your husband; the marriage contract between you is valid, with all its shar‘i implications, and it is not permissible for either of you to undermine any of its conditions, if the conditions are Islamically acceptable. Moreover, it is not permissible for him to ask you to give up some of your rights, unless you do that willingly, not as a result of compulsion or embarrassment.
It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir (may Allah be pleased with him) that he said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2572; Muslim, 1418.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The words “those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you” mean: The conditions that most deserve to be fulfilled are the conditions of marriage.
End quote fromFath al-Baari, 9/217
For more details on conditions in the marriage contract, please see the answers to questions no. 10343, 49666and 20757
Thirdly:
It is not permissible for the husband to go back on the conditions that he agreed upon with his wife or her guardian, whether the conditions were stated verbally or in writing. If the conditions were not recorded in the marriage contract, then they are still binding on him before his Lord, may He be exalted, even if they are not legally binding. Please see the answer to question no. 126855.
To sum up:
1.
Your first marriage ended with a valid, Islamically acceptable divorce. As it happened before consummation of the marriage and after being alone with him in such a manner that he could have consummated the marriage, then you are entitled to the mahr in full, and you have to observe ‘iddah, and you cannot go back to him except with a new marriage contract and mahr.
2.
Your going back to your husband with a new marriage contract and mahr is valid, whether you were completely alone with him or not. Hence your second marriage contract is valid with all its shar‘i implications, and you both have to fulfil the Islamically acceptable and permissible conditions stipulated by both of you, whether they were stated verbally or in writing.
We ask Allah to guide your husband to that which He loves and is pleased with, and to guide him to adhere to what we have mentioned of rulings. If he does not agree with what we have mentioned here, then we advise you to take your case to the director of the nearest Islamic centre, or to someone near you whose knowledge and religious commitment you trust. There is nothing wrong with asking some sincere people to intervene, especially if they are from your family or his, to bring about reconciliation between you.
And Allah knows best.