Family, - The Virtue of Nurturing Girls - II

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Consider, may Allaah have mercy upon you, how Allaah The Almighty mentions houses in relation to women in three occasions in His Book, despite the fact that these houses )in most cases( belong to their guardians. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
•}And remember what is recited in your houses of the verses of Allaah and wisdom.{]Quran 33:34[
•}And abide in your houses.{]Quran 33:33[
•}Do not turn them out of their ]husbands'[ houses.{]Quran 65:1[
So, be eager to bring up your daughters to abide in the home, and adhere to firmness for it is more beneficial for their religion and more likely to bring you honor in this world and the Hereafter.
Third: Giving her shelter in a house full of Thikr )mentioning and remembering Allaah(, worship and righteous deeds. It is true that some women do not come out of their houses, but their houses, at the same time, are inhabited by the human devils and the jinn, where women do not veil themselves from the men who are not their Mahrams )unmarriageable relatives(, and their sons and those of the paternal and maternal uncles and aunts go and come and enter everywhere they like with neither a cover nor a veil.
The same is true of the driver and the servant, as if they have foster relations with them, for they enter upon the women of the house with no veil. Such a house is not fit to be a refuge, for it is a house in which honor is violated.
Also, some women do not come out of their houses, but their houses are filled with corruption-causing devices and channels of singing and adultery. The girl there thus learns, listens to and sees what is unlawful, is tempted away from her religion and strays and gets corrupted more than if she goes to markets.
Is this a refuge, O slaves of Allaah?
The real refuge lies in a screening shelter that guards and maintains your honor:"Whoever has three daughters whom he gives refuge, provides for and shows mercy to, Paradise is inevitably guaranteed for him."
That was the refuge; now what is intended by providing for them?
This is explained in the narration of Muslim:"Whoever looks after two girls until they attain the age of maturity."An-Nawawi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, "It means to raise them and provide them with sustenance." It is further explained in his )the Prophet's saying:"And dresses them from what he has."
Yes, O slaves of Allaah! To provide the woman with what she necessarily needs of food, clothing and sustenance is among the obligatory duties and one of the greatest acts that bring men closer to Allaah.
Men should provide women with these things so that they would not need to come out of the house to work and earn their living. They should provide them with these necessities so that they would not think about committing a sin or deviation.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"To provide for them,"and did not say to make them transgress by giving them what is beyond their needs as many fathers, may Allaah guide them, do with their daughters. They give their daughters all that they ask for, and whenever one's daughter has a desire for a certain thing, they hasten to buy it for her to fulfill her desire, and whenever they request anything, they hurry with full power in response to her command.
This kind of indulgence destroys the girl and would shorten her marital life. Once such a girl moves to the house of her husband and is no longer pampered, she rebels against her husband because she misses what she was brought up on.
On the other extreme are other men who fall short of fulfilling the necessities of their women, shouting at them things like, "Why do you not come out and work like so-and-so who obtains her needs and what is sufficient for her?" Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]they are[ those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, ]justly[ moderate.{]Quran 25:67[
The third qualification and condition included under being kind )to girls( lie in his statement:"And shows mercy to them."What is the real nature of mercy? What is intended by it?
The first thing that occurs to the mind is its apparent and general meaning; to show mercy to them is to sympathize and show pity for them, not to beat them, and everything else included in the meaning of mercy, which are, no doubt, true. However, the real mercy one should show girls lies in two things:
First: to show mercy to them by earnestly seeking and seriously working to keep them away from the Wretched Settlement that is the Fire. That is to bring them up on the rituals of Islam, the establishment of prayers, adherence to Hijaab and the maintenance of their chastity:}O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.{]Quran 66:6[
The man who shows sympathy towards his daughters, pampers them and is spiritually and materially kind to them, and, at the same time does not command them to perform prayers, to observe fast or to adhere to Hijaab, is in fact a tyrant and plain enemy of them, for he is not sincere in advising them, and he does not help them and keep them away from the Fire of Hell.
That is the real mercy, O company of believers. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"My parable in relation to that of my Ummah )nation( is like a man who kindled a fire and when it lit all around him, moths and insects started falling into the fire. I am there to catch hold of you )in order to save you( from the fire. But you plunge into it and overpower my efforts.”
This is only one of many forms with which Allaah The Almighty honored the woman and raised her esteem. Which honor and high esteem are better than exhorting men to enter Paradise and be gathered in the company of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and kept away from the Fire of Hell, if they are kind to the girls in their care, look after their affairs and take care of them perfectly?
So, fear Allaah, O slave-girl of Allaah, and be proud of that honor, and remember that the final statement of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, before he left this world was:"And I advise you to be kind and good to women."
Thus, he commanded and advised us to be good and kind to you, O woman. So, be a good helper to your guardians to achieve that great task, and bear in mind that your honor and glory lie in your adherence to your religion. And, O men, be good and kind to your girls – your daughters and sisters, and be aware of the fact that this great reward you have been told about is qualified by these heavy qualifications, which are easy for the person on whom Allaah The Almighty makes it easy, and within the capacity of him who strives his utmost and is eager to do them.
And Allaah is the guardian of success.









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Family, - How Advisable is Marriage Between Relatives?

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Marriage is a means of establishing new relationships, and expanding the sphere of connections within the community. However, marriage between relatives does not contribute to establishing new relationships as is the case in marriage to non-relatives. So, it is better for a Muslim woman to marry a non-relative if there is a potential husband who possesses the specifications that pleases her and her guardians.
In many cases, to marry a non-relative is necessary if there are no relatives available, who have the characteristics of the Muslim husband that are stipulated by Islam, with respect to piety, a good reputation, and a healthy body, soul and mind; or if there is such a man but the woman or her guardians did not accept him. Getting married to non-relatives provides the woman with a wider field of establishing connections, as a result of exposure to an environment and community other than the one she was brought up with.
Moreover, marriage between relatives might lead to weak offspring due to the accumulation of negative hereditary characteristics. It may be this factor which prompted ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, to advise the Muslims saying, "Marry from non-relatives lest your )offspring( would be weak."
Of course, this does not mean that marriage to relatives is prohibited or unfavorable, if the suitable conditions are met. Rather, this draws our attention to the danger of preventing marriage to non-relatives, as is prevalent in certain Muslim communities.








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Dought & clear, - Commited Adultery and Wants to Abort Foetus

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I am a Muslim single person who lives in the USA. I committed adultery many times with the same woman. Now the woman is pregnant. I would like to know if I can marry her in order to solve the problem (I mean cover the scandal) so the baby will find a father and gets the name. Actually, unfortunately, I would prefer abortion and I wish to convince her to do that, but don't know if this is considered killing a person. If so, I would feel guilty because of that. I believe the embryo is about 6-8 weeks. Please, I need your help as soon as possible.
Praise be to Allah
Firstly, my brother in Islam, I offer you my condolences for the faith that you lost during the times when you were committing adultery. For the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When an adulterer commits illegal sexual intercourse, then he is not a believer at the time he is doing it, and when a drinker of an alcoholic liquor drinks it, then he is not a believer at the time of drinking it, and when a thief steals, then he is not a believer at the time of stealing, and when a robber robs, and the people look at him, then he is not a believer at the time of doing robbery.” (al-Bukhari)
Have you not read what your Lord says in His Book?
“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Fahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).”
[17:32 – interpretation of the meaning]
Do you not know that Allah sees you wherever you are, and He hears you when you speak?
Do you not remember the great blessings that Allah has bestowed upon you? For He is the One Who heals you when you are sick, the One Who feeds you when you are hungry and gives you to drink when you are thirsty. And He has given you the greatest blessing that He has bestowed upon mankind, the blessing of Islam.
“Is there any reward for good – other than good?” [55:60 – interpretation of the meaning]
My brother, ask yourself: Whose dominion do you live under? Whose provision do you eat from? By Whose command do you live? Is it not the dominion of Allah, the provision of Allah, the command of Allah? So how can you disobey Allah?
Perhaps you have forgotten the hadeeth (narration) of the Mi’raj (ascension), in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
“… then we proceeded and came to something like a tannoor (a kind of oven).” [The narrator] said: “I think he said, ‘in which there were clamouring voices.’” He [the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)] said: “We looked into it and there we saw naked men and women. Flames were coming to them from the bottom of it, and when the flames reached them, they made an uproar. I said to them [i.e., the two angels who were accompanying him], ‘Who are these?’ They said, ‘Proceed, proceed!’… I said to them, ‘I have seen strange things this night. What is this that I have seen?’ They said, ‘We will tell you…. The naked men and women in the structure that resembled a tannoor oven are the adulterers and adulteresses.’”
(Narrated by al-Bukhari).
So you must hasten to repent sincerely before death overtakes you, for the gate of repentance is open until the sun rises from the west or before the soul reaches the throat [at death]. Allah rejoices over the repentance of His slave, and He will change his bad deeds (sayyiat) into good deeds (hasanat). Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such a person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
The torment will be doubled for him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.
And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance.”
[25:68-71]
Secondly, with regard to your question, “Do I have to marry her?”: this is the issue of the adulterer marrying the woman with whom he committed adultery. The answer is that it is not permissible for him (the adulterer) to marry her, or for her to marry him, until the label of adultery no longer applies to them. That label can only be removed through repentance.
It is not permissible for you to marry her even if she is Jewish or Christian, because she is a zaniyah (adulteress). Even if she is Muslim, it is not permissible for you to marry her because she is a zaniyah. And it is not permissible for her to accept you as a husband because you are a zani (adulterer). Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The adulterer — fornicator marries not but an adulteress — fornicatress or a polytheist; and the adulteress –fornicatress, none marries her except an adulterer — fornicator or a polytheist [and that means that the man who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrikah (female polytheist, pagan or idolatress) or a prostitute, then surely, he is either an adulterer — fornicator, or a Mushrik (male polytheist, pagan or idolater). And the woman who agrees to marry (have a sexual relation with) a Mushrik or an adulterer — fornicator, then she is either a prostitute or a Mushrikah]. Such a thing is forbidden to the believers (of Islamic Monotheism).” [24:3]
The phrase “Such a thing is forbidden to the believers” indicates that this marriage is forbidden.
“It is essential that both of you repent to Allah, give up this sin, regret the evil actions that have occurred in the past, resolve not to return to them, and do many righteous deeds, so that Allah may accept your repentance and turn your bad deeds (sayyiat) into good deeds (hasanat). Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
‘And those who invoke not any other ilah (god) along with Allah, nor kill such a person as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
The torment will be doubled for him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful.
And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds; then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance.”
[25:68-71]
If you want to marry her, you have to be sure that she is not pregnant by waiting to see if she menstruates. If it becomes apparent that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for you to marry her until after she delivers the baby, in accordance with the hadeeth (narration) of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), in which he forbade a man to use his water to irrigate the crops of another.”
(Fatwas of the Standing Committee in al-Buhooth al-Islamiyyah magazine)
Thirdly, you say, “so the baby will find a father and gets the name.” This is the matter of attributing the child of adultery: who is he to be named after?
The answer is that the majority of scholars have said that the child of adultery should not be named after the adulterer, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The child goes to the owner of the bed and the adulterer gets nothing but the stones (despair, i.e., to be stoned to death).” (Agreed upon.)
Fourthly, you say, that you would prefer the woman to get rid of the baby. This is the issue of abortion, and the ruling on that is as stated in the report of the Committee of Senior Scholars (Hay at Kibar al-‘Ulama) which is as follows:
“1 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy at any of its various stages except for a legitimate shar’i (legal) reason, and within very narrow limits.
2 – If the pregnancy is in the first stage, which is forty days, and aborting it will serve a legitimate shar’i interest or ward off some harm, then it is permissible to abort it. But aborting it at this stage for fear of difficulty in bringing up children or in providing for them or teaching them, or fear for their future, or because the couple feel that they have enough children – this is not permitted.
3 – It is not permissible to abort the pregnancy once it has become an ‘alaqah (clot) or mudghah (chewed lump of flesh) [i.e., after 40 days’ gestation] unless a trustworthy medical committee has stated that allowing the pregnancy to continue poses a danger to the health of the mother, such that there is the fear that she will die if the pregnancy continues. In this case it is permissible to abort the pregnancy, after exhausting all other means of trying to ward off that danger.
After the third stage, and after the completion of four months of pregnancy, it is not permissible for you to abort the pregnancy unless a group of trustworthy specialist doctors decide that leaving the foetus in his mother’s womb will lead to the death of the mother; this is after exhausting all possible means of keeping the foetus alive. Performing an abortion subject to these conditions is permitted in order to ward off the greater of the two harms, and to preserve the greater of the two interests.”
(Quoted from al-Fatawa al-Jami’ah)
We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound and to accept our repentance.
May Allah bless our Prophet Muhammad.







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