http://aydnajimudeen.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/marital-life-get-married-and-live-happily/

http://aydnajimudeen.wordpress.com/2014/01/30/marital-life-get-married-and-live-happily/

Marital Life, - Get Married and Live Happily

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| A Swiss university conducted a recent study on the health benefits of marriage.
The study proved that marriage protects men and women from chronic and occasional headaches. The psychological feeling of a lasting and stable relationship helps to reduce physical stress and increases the excretion of the happiness hormone in larger quantities than those of worry, fear and sadness.
The study also proved that early marriage helps man to get rid of most forms of psychological and nervous pressure, as well as the consequences of work problems and confrontation with society. Marriage also helps in treating insomnia and insufficient sleep in addition to getting rid of extra calories with no less than 200 calories burned during each sexual intercourse. This equals exercising for 40 minutes for men. Marriage also helps men retain their vitality for many years and decreases the possibility of their being afflicted with prostate cancer by no less than 85%. Moreover, the study asserted that marriage strengthens the heart muscles, activates blood circulation, and helps inhaling additional oxygen, which benefits the body and gives it more energy.
One of the most important findings of this study, which is based on a sample of 5,000 married men and women, is that marriage helps one enjoy intellectual, emotional and physical stability, and that if marriage lacked any of these elements, it would lead to dire consequences for the life of the husband and the wife.
All the 5,000 spouses who were included in this study asserted that their current life is much better than their life before marriage. They all affirmed that the presence of children in their life creates a happy marital relationship and understanding and helps them preserve the entity of the family.
The study mentioned that misunderstanding, insincerity, niggardliness and dominance are the most important things about which married people are concerned. On the other hand, love, understanding, sincerity, truthfulness, caring for the interests of each other and performing marital duties perfectly were proved to be among the factors that bring the spouses closer to each other.
The study concluded its results by saying, “It is not difficult to get married, but it is also not easy to be continually happy as a spouse.” |

Marital Life, - Observe Etiquettes With Your Spouse

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| Without a set of rules and orders to be applied and respected, life would be chaotic and uncivilized. A home that is based on desires will be destroyed by them. A home that is built on water will sink into it. A house that is constructed in the path of the flood will be destroyed by that flood. A family that is founded on piety and obedience to Allaah The Almighty cannot be uprooted, even by the strongest of winds.
“Build your house on rock” is the advice of many grandfathers to their grandsons. What a wonderful order it is when it is followed at home, at school, in the factory, in the mosque and on the street. Conversely, how great is the ugliness of chaos at home, at school, at the clubs and on the street. One of the great tasks that Allaah The Almighty assigned to His Messengers was to teach people good manners. Some people call virtues and good manners etiquettes. Anyone who observes these rules is regarded as being civilized and well-mannered. On the other hand, anyone who violates these rules is considered uncivilized and ill-mannered.
We usually observe manners around strangers, so that we would gain their trust, respect and appreciation. However, often when we are around our loved ones who live with us or our life partners, we act thoughtlessly. We might hurt their feelings unintentionally and sometimes even intentionally hurt them because we think that etiquettes should be observed only while dealing with strangers. When dealing with close ones, we are often rough, thoughtless, and uncouth. Therefore, every newly-wed couple should agree together on rules to be written in the form of a document or an agreement that includes everything that can enrich their life and provide it with pleasure through activities, various hobbies, visits, meditations, and journeys. The purpose of this agreement is to enhance the spouse’s respect and appreciation for each other, and to decrease the amount of disagreements and maltreatment.
They should agree on a penalty that will befall either of them who violates any of the terms of the agreement. Penalties can include desertion for no more than a day or two, an apology to the wronged spouse, paying an amount of money or to buy a gift to make it up to the wronged spouse. Then, both parties should willingly sign that document. In the course of time, new terms can be added and old terms may be deleted. However, order should remain in effect and respect should be ongoing.
Some Rules for Good Manners
Some of the good manners that Islam and people with illuminated minds encourage, which some people may call etiquettes, are:
1-To ask permission and knock before entering anyone’s room.
2-To say “Assalaamu ‘alaykum…” when entering the home, the room or the car.
3-The person who is leaving a room should ask those inside the room whether they need anything from outside.
4-A person should not read a letter, a check or a piece of paper that does not belong to him.
5-To return anything, such as a book or a ruler, that we borrow.
6-To buy a new object if we break or damage something belonging to someone else.
7-To put anything which belongs to the other partner back where it was if we move it.
8-To apologize to the person we wrong.
9-To accept the apology of the wrongdoer without blaming excessively.
10-To have quiet, respectful speech that does not have any foul language in it.
11-To speak the truth even if it is bitter but in a gentle, unoffending way.
12-To offer advice to the one who needs it without any haughtiness.
13-To be pleased when our partner is pleased. If one weeps, the other should be sad and weep or at least try to weep.
14-To share in happy occasions and not miss them.
15-To respect, appreciate, and praise the other’s hobbies as if they were ours.
16-Not to return an irritable, rash attitude with a similar one.
17-To help the other fulfill his tasks quickly, if he needs help.
18-Not to make up arguments or reopen closed subjects of disagreement so as not to renew pain and sorrow.
19-Tolerance and forgiveness are some of the noblest attributes.
20-To distribute the tasks between both parties. Everyone should fulfill their duty before demanding their rights.
21-Never lie; no matter how big the mistake we try to hide is. Lying is the father of all sins and a liar will not enter Paradise.
22-If the spouses see an incident together and one of them narrates it to others differently from how his/her spouse sees it, the other spouse must not comment or belie them; let him/ her complete the story the way they see it.
23-Never steal no matter how badly money is needed.
24-To love for the spouse what one loves to himself/herself and try to comfort him/her as much as possible.
25-Maintaining patience in times of adversity is an act of worship. Frequent praising of Allaah The Almighty is obligatory.
26-Salaah)Prayer( is the pillar of the religion, and confidence in Allaah The Almighty is the basis of success and certainty.
27-Everyone should call their partner by the name they like and not to take liberties in dialogue or joking in private or among others. |

Marital Life, - Before it is Too Late

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| It was completely unpredictable that something was going to happen and that my young, gentle cousin would experience the most difficult trial or that her two young children would become orphans in less than a moment.
As usual, her husband dined and performed the ‘Ishaa’prayer at home after a long, exhausting day at work. As he folded the rug on which he performed the prayer, he said to her, "May Allaah forgive me. I was occupied with work and did not pray at the mosque today." She carried the dishes of food and went to the kitchen. Before she had put them in the sink, she heard a bang and a crashing on the floor. She ran to find her husband lying motionless on the floor. Minutes later, the doctor arrived, turned his hands and sadly announced her husband's demise.
A few days earlier, l had offered condolences to my friend at the death of her husband who fell on the floor of the bathroom while he was performing ablution. He left behind two children; the older is three years old and the other is a newborn. Less than one month later, my husband prayed the funeral prayer over his neighbor whom he had met and greeted on the staircase that morning as the two were going to work. After every consolation, the question that emerged was regarding the last words that the husband said to his wife before he died. Was he pleased with her or not? I was astonished with myself and spoke to my husband about this. He smiled, and said, "Press inquisitiveness." Actually, it was not mere inquisitiveness; my questions were accompanied by intense fear and worry as well as intense certainty. I realized why the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, warned wives against letting the night pass while her husband is angry with her, and why he gave the glad tidings of Paradise for any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her.
I was terrified at the thought that a disagreement could arise between me and my husband and we would have a row, then he would go to bed, draw the cover over his head, sleep, and never wake up again. It would be impossible for me to make up with him and see a pleased smile of forgiveness on his lips and a look of tolerance in his eye. I did not ask any widow the questions that I had. I kept my concerns within myself and sought refuge with Allaah The Almighty from interfering in other people’s affairs. Since that time, a strange change took place in my life. When my husband goes to bed while I am busy with some housework, I leave the work and go to his bed in order to watch his breath and be certain that it is regular. When he delays a little after the usual time of coming home from work, I sit there trembling behind the door of the apartment as if I am waiting for someone who will tell me what I do not want to hear.
It has become the favorite jest of my husband when I talk to him, to put his hand on my mouth and imitate me saying: "Sweetheart, are you pleased with me," then he bursts into laughter. I have come to ask him this repeatedly after my shock to see the sudden death of three healthy husbands within just one month. The only good thing about these sad feelings is that they alerted me to the wisdom and eloquence of the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and made me keener to please my husband. They purified me from the remains of arrogance that sometimes caused me to think that I was not guilty when I really wronged him; and prevented me from thinking that he might die while being angry with me. It has become easy for me to apologize even though I used to find that was difficult for me to do. It has become my pleasure to please my husband after it was just a duty. My husband's waking up and peacefully returning home after work have become the happiest moments of my life after they used to be usual routine. I used to be indifferent to those moments as if I was saying, "It is a routine that he wakes up. It is ordinary routine that he returns home after work." His voice has become more lovable to my ears. When I tidy his study, prepare his food or arrange his clothes, I supplicate to Allaah The Almighty not to deprive me of this beautiful effort, the wonderful effort which indicates that my husband is still with me and that he is alive.
I did not want to keep such feelings to myself, I believe that it is a trust and responsibility to transfer it to each wife. How wonderful it is for a wife to go to sleep while her husband is pleased and content with her. If he dies during that night, it would relieve a little of her sadness to know that he was pleased with her. How wonderful it is for the wife to know that her husband was not angry with her or annoyed at some of her behavior when he died. Each Muslim wife, who knows the correct way, should expect the death of her husband at any moment and, therefore, she should not surrender to the feelings of fear and ask herself, "What will I do without him?" She has to love him more and do her best to fill him with feelings of satisfaction and happiness. She has to minimize their disputes, cherish the moments of affection and serenity and not allow them to pass. She has to do only what brings his satisfaction and avoid everything that displeases him.
Many wives are miserable with their husbands and because of them. This really happens. They may be unable to do anything but wish that death would separate them. However, I am sure that they would regret this when the wish is realized, long for the days of their life together and repeat in a sad voice an Arabic proverb that I have recently understood the wisdom of, "His cruelty is better than the emptiness of his place at home."
Moreover, I realized how hasty I was when I harbored enmity towards their saying, "The mere shade of a man is better than the shade of a wall," and considered it a disgraceful proverb that mocked women. The shade of the wall does not provide feelings of security, cordiality nor remove the loss of feelings of loneliness and silence. The shade of a wall is not a being that a woman can belong to or be a member in a family with. Without her husband, a woman is hanging in space. The shade of a man is the shade of a partner, even if he is a contradicting partner. Only a foolish woman wastes the privilege of having a husband and fails to protect herself with him from the coldness of loneliness and the bitterness of regret when it is too late. |