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Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Islamic Marriage Articles, - Choosing a Spouse - Istikhara: The Guidance Prayer

















Question:Several people I know are confused on the topic of salat ul- Istikhara. Is it meant to be prayed several days in a row until a decision is made, or only once? Is it meant to be prayed after one has pretty much made up their mind, or when someone hasn't really figured out what to do? Are their various valid opinions?
Answer:Assalamu alaikum,
When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha mention that it is recommend to repeat it, up to seven times if necessary (usually done on separate occasions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]
Getting a Dream?
It is not necessary that you get a dreamor even a "feeling." Rather, the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is best (khayr) for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly and next-worldly affairs.
In general, when it is not possible to perform the istikhara prayer itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd al-Muhtar]
The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of (specific) istikhara prayer as being superior.
Others, including Shaykh Ibn al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after sunrise).
Before Istikhara Prayer
Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and concern one is confident.
Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned that one of the benefits of this is to further distance oneself from the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.
Opening the Prayer
It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara [below], with praise of Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), and to close it in this manner, too.
Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla. It is disliked to 'hasten' in seeking the answer to one's istikhara, just like other duas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said,"Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed, but no answer came.'"
One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes clear.
Question Two:
There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ] my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of Islam on how to make dua and decisions. Should I follow her advice (according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?
Answer:
This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussed this issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya, Kuwait], but there is nothing in it that would indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.
In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...
Salat al-Istikhara
CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION [SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A'] APPROPRIATE TO IT.
According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be well pleased with him and with his father) who said:
"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach us how to seek guidance in choosing the best option available in a practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi 'l-amr], just as he would sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an.:
"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles of ritual prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but voluntarily. Then he should say:
'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible.
(Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub):
O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it.
(Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h :fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h):
If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O Most Merciful of the merciful.'"
(wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin)."
The information presented here is copyright of Al-Baz Publishing, Inc. and may not be reproduced by any means for distribution or commercial gain.
Copyright holder grants to reader license to print single copy for personal use or study only.
http://www.al-baz.com /shaikhabdalqadir /Books_and_Text_of_Wisdom /Special_Prayers/ Salat_al-Istikhara/salat_al-istikhara.html
The South African Jamiatul Ulama Transvaal collected this:
The Etiquette of Du'â
These etiquettes are narrated in the Hadith. For reasons of brevity, only the following summary and reference of each Hadith is mentioned instead of the entire Hadith.
*.To abstain from haraam food, clothing and earnings. (Muslim : Tirmidhi)
*.To make Duaa with sincerity. In other words, one should firmly believe that nobody but Allah Ta'aala will fulfill his objectives. (Haakim)
*.One should perform a good deed prior to making the Duaa & he should mention this during the course of the Duaa. For e.g. He should say, O Allah! I had performed so & so deed solely for Your pleasure. O Allah! accept my Duaa due to the barkat of that deed. (Muslim, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud).
*.To make Duaa whilst one is paak & clean. (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Nasai, Ibn Hibbaan, Mustadrak).
*.To make wudhu before the Duaa (All six major hadith collections)
*.To face the Qiblah (All six major hadith collections)
*.To sit as in the Tashahhud position (Abu Awanah)
*.To praise Allah Ta'aala at the beginning as well as at the end of Duaa (All six major hadith collections)
*.To convey Durood upon Rasulullah (pbuh) at the beginning as well as the end. (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
*.To spread out both the hands. (Tirmidhi, Mustadrak)
*.To raise both the hands up to the shoulders (Abu Dawud, Musnade-Ahmad)
*.To sit with humility and respect. (Muslim, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud)
*.To mention ones helplessness and dependence. (Tirmidhi)
*.To abstain from raising the eyes towards the sky whilst making Duaa (Muslim)
*.To mention the Asmaal-Husnaa (the names of Allah Ta'aala ) and the sublime qualities of Allah Ta'aala. (Ibn Hibbaan and Mustadrak)
*.To abstain from ceremonies rhyming of the Duaa phrases (Bukhari)
*.To abstain from saying the Duaa in a "sing-song" tone if the Duaa is in a poetic form (Hisn)
*.To make the Duaa in a soft voice (All six major hadith collections on the authority if Abu Musa)
*.To utter the Duaa phrases transcribed from Rasulullah Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam because Rasulullah Didn't leave out a single need of the Deen nor of the dunya whilst teaching us how to make Duaa (Abu Dawud/Nasai)
*.To make a Duaa that encompasses most of the needs of Deen and the dunya. (Abu Dawud)
*.To make Duaa in favour of oneself first, thereafter ones parents and to include the other Muslims in the Duaa as well (Muslims)
*.If the Imam is making Duaa, he should not make Duaa for himself only but he should Include all the congregants in the Duaa (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah)
*.Abu Dawud (R.A.) Narrates that Rasulullah Said that the Imam who makes Duaa for himself only, has betrayed the people." In other words, the Imam should not Make a Duaa that is restricted to him alone. For e.g. He should not say, "O Allah! cure my son." or "O Allah! Return my lost item." etc. but he should make a Duaa that includes all the congregation for e.g. He may say "O Allah! Forgive us and have mercy upon us."
*.To make Duaa with firm conviction (for e.g. he should not say: "O Allah! If you wish fulfil so and so task of mine." (All six major hadith collections)
*.To make Duaa with enthusiasm & yearning. (Ibn Hibbn & Abu Awana).
*.As far as possible endeavour to bring about a "presence of heart and mind" and cherish a high hope of the Duaa being accepted. (Haakim)
*.To make Duaa repeatedly. (Bukhari, Muslim)
*.This repetition should be at least thrice (Abu Dawud)
*.Note One may repeat the Duaa thrice in one sitting or he may repeat it on three different occasions. The "repetition of the Duaa" can be interpreted in both ways."
*.To make Duaa earnestly and insistently. (Nasai, Hakim, Abu awanah)
*.To abstain from making Duaa of severing family ties or other sins. (Muslim, Tirmidhi)
*.Avoid making Duaas of pre-determined and fixed things (for e.g. woman should not make a duaa of being transformed into a man or a tall person shouldn't make Duaa thus: "O Allah! Make me short." etc) (Nasai).Don't Make Duaa for impossible things. (Bukhari)
*.Don't make a Duaa in which you ask Allah Ta'aala to confine His mercy to yourself only (Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)
*.Ask only Allah Ta'aala alone for all your needs. Do not depend upon His creation. (Tirmidhi/Ibn Hibbaan)
*.The one making the Duaa as well as the person listening to it, both should say 'Aameen' at the end. (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Nasai)
*.Rub both hands over the face at the termination of the Duaa (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibbaan, Majah, Hakim)
*.Don't be impatient over the acceptance of Duaas. In other words, don't say: "I've made Duaa repeatedly but to no avail." (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, Nasai, Ibn Majah)






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Sex in Islam, - Sex and Marriage in Islam: Some Q & A














Sex and Marriage in Islam: Some Q & A(Adapted from various articles)
"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature."(Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect."(Surah Al Rum 30:21)
Sex has always been a difficult topic to talk about publicly among the Muslims. This topic is always shoved aside and not dealt with in an honest manner. Every young Abdul and Ayisha is confused by the ambivalence shown toward sex by their parents and elders. They go out in the world where sex is a commodity, everyone is engaging in sex and talking about sex but then they come back to their Muslim communities only to find that their elders are unwilling to engage the topic in a manner both relevant and ethical. This article will try to address some common questions about sex & marriage by presenting a compilation of different ahadith, quranic ayahs, and scholarly statements on the etiquettes of sex.Q1: Is Sex and relationships before marriage allowed in Islam?
Sex outside of marriage is categorically prohibited and that includes touching, kissing, fondling, hugging a non-mahram man or woman
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity, and God is well acquainted with all they do. And say to the believing woman that they should lower their gaze, and guard their modesty."(24:30-3 1).
"Do not go near to adultery. Surely it is a shameful deed and evil, opening roads (to other evils)."(17:32)
Q2: But I am in a relationship with this person, I really love her and I am going to marry her!
Nevertheless you should cease all physical relationship with her. It is understandable that you have feelings for her, which is notharam(prohibited) by the way, but you are expressing your feelings in ways God has prohibited. Love can make you do crazy things but you must see that this can ruin your afterlife. You do not necessarily have to stop all contacts with her, which would confuse and hurt her, but tell her plainly that you want to behave more islamically and she should support you. If you truly love her and she loves you truly then you wouldn't want to do things with her that can destroy her afterlife. Forego the immediate haram physical pleasure for an eternity with her in heaven, inshallah.
"And those who guard their chastity, Except with their wives and whom their right hands possess,- for (then) they are not to be blamed. But those who trespass beyond this are transgressors."(70:29-31)
"Allah created male and female from a single soul in order that man might live with her in serenity."(Quran, 7:189)
Q3: When should I get married? I cannot wait!!!
Marriage is a hefty responsibility. It is immensely rewarding but also emotionally taxing. According to Sh Abullah Adhami,
"By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend. She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you. When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world."
Also Sheikh Abdullah Adhami advices that one should not marry unless one has a job and can pay for his wife's expenses. In the Quran it says:
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard."(4:34)
Also do not make a girl wait for you by promising her that one day you will marry her. Approach a parent of the girl you are intending to marry only if you are sure that you can marry her the next day (hypothetically speaking), move her into your place and be able to support her. If you can not then you should not leave a woman hanging with empty promises and uncertainty. It is not allowed in Islam to make another suffer from one's own uncertainty. It can be emotionally and spiritually very damaging for her and for you.
Q4: Many people in America use different types of aphrodisiacs, preventative measures and enticement techniques in their sex life which has no precedents in the Prophet's time. Are they allowed in our religion?
This is a tough question. Certainly there are some things and practices that are clearly prohibited in Islam. However the absence of a practice in the Prophet's (pbuh) time does not necessarily make it haram. Please consult a jurist for rulings on specific issues. One rule of thumb to follow is that any practice or act that somehow demeans or hurts your significant-other should be avoided.
Q5; Hi, I am a sister and I will be married soon! I was wondering if you could tell me and my future hubby how the Prophet (sa) approached his wives and what did he suggest?
"They are your garments and you are their garments."(Surah Al Baqarah 2:187).
"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah . And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe."(2:223)
Allah's Messenger (pbuh) said:"In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa."(i.e. a good deed, an act of charity). The Companions replied: "O Messenger of Allah! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said,"Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded."(Muslim)
The First Time
The first time is very special and a man should take extra care with his wife. Most likely his wife has been very modest all her life and will be very shy. She will feel very uncomfortable, at first, about undressing herself in front of a man (that is you) right away.
A wise man said"Women are like beautiful flowers. Their petals are very soft and sensitive so be careful when handling them."
I have no advice for women about how to treat men because, well simply men are easily satisfied (trust me on this one).
The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended that on the wedding night the husband should be kind to his bride, and comfort her by offering her something to drink when they meet the first time after the official marriage ceremony( Zawaj.com Editor's Note: this does not refer to alcoholic drinks, but rather milk, water, juice, etc).
The man should put his hand on her forehead, say the name of Allah (Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim), and pray to Allah (make a Du'a) to bless their marriage.
The groom and the bride are also recommended to pray two Rak`ahs together when they meet on the first day of marriage.
The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended that the couple should start every intercourse by saying: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (in the name of Allah ), and by praying to Allah (making a Du'a) to protect them from Satan, and to protect the child from Satan if a child comes from that intercourse. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:"If one of you when going to his wife said: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (In the name of Allah ), O Allah! Protect us from Shaitan and protect the sustenance (child) you give us from Shaitan, and if Allah then gave them a child, Shaitan would not affect it at all."(Al-Bukhari).
The Prophet (s.a.w.) also told the men not to leave their wives before they too had been satisfied, as is their right. The man should not surprise his wife by starting the intercourse suddenly, since that is harmful to her, and the consequences could be harmful to her faith. He should get acquainted with her and should make her feel comfortable instead. "Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you."( Zawaj.com Editor's Note: this "messenger" consists of sweet words and caresses).
And Imam al-Ghazali says:"Sex should begin with gentle words and kissing."
The Prophet (saw) said:"The best of you, is the one who is best to his wives, and I am the best of you toward my wives."(At-Tahaawi: Saheeh )
And Allah knows best.









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Never forget the existence of Satan












Satan is your enemy, so treat him as an enemy. He summons his party so they will be among the people of the Searing Blaze. (Surah Fatir: 6)
Never Forget That...
• Satan is our greatest enemy,
• Satan patiently waits to deceive people at every moment,
• Satan will try to hinder you from being grateful to your Lord by making you forget the blessings,
• Satan wants you to forget that there is good in every situation and thereby hinder you from putting your trust in Allah,
• Satan will try to instil carelessness, laziness, anger, heedlessness, selfishness and forgetfulness in you,
• Satan wants to hinder you from your acts of worship and conducting yourself responsibly towards Allah,
• Satan has no influence whatsoever on true believers,
• Seeking refuge in Allah when a deceptive suggestion from Satan provokes you will bring you relief,
• Forgetfulness is Satan's greatest weapon,
• Satan wants to hinder you from keeping your mind occupied with Allah's remembrance,
• Arrogance and resisting truth are attributes of the accursed Satan,
• Satan will try to fill you with false hopes,
• Satan never wants you to engage in deeds that will please Allah and attain Paradise,
• Satan's primary aim is to make you earn eternal torment, as he himself will,
• Satan has no authority over people, but merely calls on them.













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