Etiquettes of Supplicating- I

During the caliphate of 'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, May Allaah Be Pleased
with him, there was no rain for an entire year and the people were
about to perish. So 'Umar, May Allaah Be Pleased with him, gathered
the people and they went out to the desert. He then asked Al-'Abbaas,
May Allaah Be Pleased with him, the paternal uncle of the Prophetto
invoke Allaah The Exalted for the Muslims. Al-'Abbaas, May Allaah Be
Pleased with him, raised his hands towards the sky and said, "O
Allaah, we stretch our hands to You admitting our sins and our
forelocks to You declaring our repentance, so Grant us rain." Thus,
Allaah The Almighty Sent down the rain.
The mother of Anas ibn Maalik, May Allaah Be Pleased with them, went
to the Messenger of Allaahwhile holding the hand of her son Anas to
serve the Prophetand asked him to supplicate Allaah The Exalted for
him. The Prophetinvoked Allaah The Almighty Saying,"O Allaah, Bless
his wealth and offspring."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ Anas, May Allaah Be
Pleased with him, lived until his wealth and offspring increased in
abundance and he saw one hundred of his children and grandchildren.
Supplication )Du'aa'( means to ask for pardon, mercy, forgiveness and
to ask Allaah The Almighty for what one wants to achieve. It is one of
the acts of worship that earns the Satisfaction of Allaah The
Almighty. The Prophetsaid,"Supplication is worship."]At-Tirmithi[ Then
the Prophetrecited the verse in which Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:
•}And your Lord Says, "Call upon Me; I Will Respond to you." Indeed,
those who disdain My worship will enter Hell ]rendered[
contemptible.{]Quran 40:60[
•}Is He ]not best[ Who Responds to the desperate one when he calls
upon Him and Removes evil{]Quran 27:62[
The Prophetsaid,"Nothing is more honorable in the Sight of Allaah than
supplicating )to Him(."]At-Tirmithi and Ahmad[
There are etiquettes for supplicating that every Muslim should abide
by. Some of these etiquettes are:
• Choosing the time for supplication: There are some times when
supplication is likely to be answered such as in the month of
Ramadhaan, the Day of 'Arafah, Fridays, the time of Sahar )last third
of the night( and the first ten days of Thul-Hijjah. The
Prophetsaid:"No good deeds done on any other day are superior to those
done on these days )first ten days of Thul-Hijjah(."Some of his
Companions asked, "Not even Jihaad in the Path of Allaah?" He
replied:"Not even Jihaad in the Path of Allaah except that of a man
who leaves )for it( with his life and wealth and does not return with
either )i.e. he is martyred(."]Al-Bukhaari[
It was narrated that upon entering the month of Ramadhaan, the
Prophetwould say,"This month that has come has in it a night which is
better than a thousand months. Whoever is deprived of it has been
deprived of all of its goodness and none is deprived of its goodness
except the truly deprived."]Ibn Maajah[ As for Friday, the
Prophetsaid,"There is an hour on Friday in which a Muslim does not ask
Allaah for anything except that Allaah Will definitely Grant it to
him."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
The Prophetsaid,"Allaah Descends ]in a way that befits His Majesty[ in
the last third of every night and Says: 'I am the King… I am the King…
Is there anyone invoking Me that I May Respond to his invocation? Is
there anyone asking of Me so that I May Grant him his request? Is
there anyone asking My Forgiveness, so that I May Forgive him?' And
this continues until the break of dawn."]Muslim[
The Prophetalso said:"The supplication made in between the )two( calls
for prayer )i.e. Athaan and Iqaamah( will never be rejected."]Abu
Daawood, At-Tirmithi, An-Nasaa'i and Ahmad[ The Prophetsaid,"The
supplication made in between the )two( calls for prayer )i.e. Athaan
and Iqaamah( is answered, so supplicate."]Ibn 'Adiyy[
The Prophetsaid,"The slave is closest to his Lord when he is in
prostration; so supplicate Allaah much )in prostration(."]Muslim[ Also
among the times when supplications are answered is when facing the
enemy, when it is raining, when roosters are crowing, after obligatory
prayers and during prostration.
• Facing the Qiblah. Once, the Messenger of Allaahwent out to lead the
people in the prayer of Istisqaa' )prayer for seeking rain(. He faced
the Qiblah and kept invoking Allaah. ]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
• Raising the hands. It was narrated on the authority of 'Umar, May
Allaah Be Pleased with him, that the Messenger of Allaahused to raise
his hands when supplicating Allaah The Almighty. ]Al-Haakim[ The
Prophetalso said:"Allaah Is Considerate and Generous; He Does not Turn
away empty the hands of His servant when he raises them to Him."]Abu
Daawood, At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah[
• Praising Allaah The Almighty and asking Him to Confer His
Salutations on the Prophet: Salamah ibn Al-Akwa', May Allaah Be
Pleased with him, said, "I never heard the Messenger of Allaahbegin a
supplication other than by saying, 'Glory be to my Lord The Exalted,
The Bestower.'" ]Ahmad[
One day, the Messenger of Allaahheard a man saying, "O Allaah, I ask
You as I testify that none is worthy to be worshipped except You, The
One, The Absolute Who neither Begets nor Is Begotten, Nor is there to
Him any equivalent." The Prophetsaid,"Indeed, you have asked Allaah
with His Greatest Name upon which He Gives when He is Asked with it
and Answers when He is invoked by it."]Abu Daawood[
Fadhaalah ibn 'Ubayd, May Allaah Be Pleased with him, said,"Once,
while we were sitting with the Propheta man entered the mosque and
prayed and then said, 'Allaahumma'ghfir li warhamni ]O Allaah, Forgive
me for my sins and Bestow Your Mercy upon me[.' The Prophettold him:
'You have been hasty in your Du'aa' O you who are praying. When you
finish your prayer and are seated, you should first praise Allaah The
Exalted as He Deserves, then ask Him to Confer His blessings and peace
upon me , then Supplicate to Him.'"After this, another man entered and
prayed. Then he praised Allaah and asked Him to Confer His Peace upon
the Prophet. Thus, the Prophettold him,"O you who are praying, invoke
Allaah and He Will Answer your invocation."]Abu Daawood, At-Tirmithi
and An-Nasaa'i[
• Being persistent in supplication and repeating it thrice. 'Abdullaah
ibn Mas'ood, May Allaah Be Pleased with him, said, "If the
Prophetinvoked Allaah, he would do so thrice. And if he would ask
Allaah, he would do so thrice. And the Prophetsaid:"The supplication
of every one of you will be granted as long as he is not impatient and
say, 'I have supplicated my Lord but He has not answered
it.'"]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ The Prophetalso said:"None of you should
say, 'O Allaah, Forgive me if You Will, Have mercy upon me if You
Will. Rather, be determined in asking for Allaah Does whatever He
Wills and no one forces Him. )i.e. one should invoke Allaah The
Almighty with certainty that his supplications would be answered as
Allaah Has Power over all things.("]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
Sufyaan ibn 'Uyaynah, May Allaah Have mercy upon him, said, "None of
you should abstain from invoking Allaah because of what is apparent
from his sins as Allaah The Almighty answered the invocation of the
worst of creation, Iblees, May Allaah Curse him. Allaah The Almighty
Says )what means(:}He said, "My Lord, then reprieve me until the Day
they are resurrected." ]Allaah[ Said, "So indeed, you are of those
reprieved. Until the Day of the time well-known."{]Quran15: 36,37,38[
• Lowering the voice when supplicating. Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}Call upon your Lord in humility and privately;{]Quran 7:55[
The Prophetsaid to the Companions, May Allaah Be Pleased with him,
when they raised their voices in supplication,"You are not calling
upon someone deaf or absent. You are calling upon One who is
All-Seeing and All-Hearing. He is with you all the time."]Muslim[
• Supplicating Allaah The Almighty with what was mentioned in the
Quran and the Sunnah. It is better for the Muslim to supplicate Allaah
The Almighty with what was mentioned in the Noble Quran of many
invocations such as:
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
•}"Our Lord, Forgive us our sins and the excess ]committed[ in our
affairs and Plant firmly our feet and Give us victory over the
disbelieving people."{]Quran 3:147[
•}"Our Lord, Give us in this world ]that which is[ good and in the
Hereafter ]that which is[ good and Protect us from the punishment of
the Fire."{]Quran 2:201[

Etiquettes of Supplicating- II

The Prophetused to invoke Allaah The Exalted saying:"Allaahumma anta
rabbi la ilaaha illa ant, khalaqtani wa ana 'abduk, wa ana 'ala
'ahdika wa wa'dika mastata't, a'oothu bika min sharri maa sana't,
aboo'u laka bini'matika, wa aboo'u laka bithanbi faghfir lee fa
innahoo la yaghfiru ath-thunooba illa ant )O Allaah, You are my Lord,
there is none worthy of worship except You. You Created me and I am
Your slave; and I abide by Your Covenant and Promise as best I can. I
take refuge in You from the evil that I committed and I am grateful to
You for the blessing that You Conferred on me. I acknowledge my sin,
so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sins except
You(."]Al-Bukhaari[ The Prophetalso said,"Allaahumma inni a'oothu bika
min ash shiqaaqi wan nifaaqi wa soo'u al akhlaaq )O Allaah, I seek
refuge with you from dissension, hypocrisy and bad
morals."]An-Nasaa'i[
• Avoiding exaggeration in making an invocation rhyme: A Muslim should
not exaggerate in making a supplication rhyme because this is a state
of humility and submissiveness. Ibn 'Abbaas, May Allaah Be Pleased
with him, said, "Avoid rhymes in supplication for the Prophetand his
Companions, May Allaah Be Pleased with them, used to avoid it."
]Al-Bukhaari[
Some of the righteous people said, "Invoke Allaah The Exalted with a
humble and mild tongue, not one that is eloquent and quick."
• Invoking Allaah The Almighty for one's self and then for others.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}"Our Lord, Forgive us and our
brothers who preceded us in faith and Put not in our hearts ]any[
resentment toward those who have believed. Our Lord, indeed You are
Kind and Merciful."{]Quran 59:10[ The Prophetused to invoke Allaah The
Almighty for himself first before invoking Him for any other person.
]At-Tirmithi[
• Avoiding supplicating Allaah The Almighty against one's self,
family, wealth or children. The Prophetsaid,"Do not supplicate Allaah
against yourselves, your children or your wealth."]Muslim[
• Supplicating Allaah The Exalted for fellow brothers in their
absence. The Messenger of Allaahsaid,"The supplication of a Muslim for
another Muslim in his absence is accepted by Allaah. He has an
appointed angel at his head and every time he supplicates good for his
brother, the angel would say: "Aameen and for you the same."]Muslim[
• Invoking Allaah The Almighty for whoever does you a favor. The
Prophetsaid,"If a favor is performed for someone and he says to the
one who performed it, 'May Allaah Reward you.' He would be rewarding
him perfectly."]At-Tirmithi and An-Nasaa'i[ The Prophetalso
said,"Whoever does you a favor, reward him for it. And if you cannot
find the means of doing so, then keep supplicating for him until you
think that you have rewarded him adequately."]Abu Daawood and
An-Nasaa'i[
• Asking righteous people for supplications. A Muslim should ask his
fellow brothers to supplicate Allaah The Almighty for him especially
the righteous people. It was narrated that 'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, May
Allaah Be Pleased with him, said, "I asked the Prophetfor permission
to perform 'Umrah and he granted it to me and said, 'O brother,
remember us in your supplication and do not forget us.' The words he
said pleased me more than could all that is in the life of this
world." ]At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah[
• Avoiding supplicating Allaah The Almighty for a sin or the severance
of kinship. The Prophetsaid:"A servant shall continue to have his
supplications answered so long as he does not supplicate for sins or
the severance of kinship."]Muslim[
• Remembering Allaah The Exalted, obeying Him and performing good
deeds. Being conscious of Allaah The Exalted, diligent on performing
acts of worship, abandoning sins and evils and hastening to repentance
makes supplication more likely to be answered. Allaah The Almighty
Says )what means(:}"Indeed, Allaah only Accepts from the righteous
]who fear Him[.{]Quran 5:27[ It was narrated that Allaah The Almighty
said in the Qudsi Hadeeth,"Whoever keeps himself busy with the Quran
and remembering Me, I Will Give him the best of all those who ask of
Me."]At-Tirmithi[
• Being keen on having lawful sustenance. The Prophetsaid,"O people,
Allaah Is Good and He Accepts only that which is good. And Allaah
Commanded the believers as He Commanded the Messengers by saying )what
means(:}"O messengers, eat from the good foods and work righteousness.
Indeed, I, of what you do, Am Knowing.{"]Quran 23:51[ And He Says
)what means(:}O you who have believed, eat from the good things which
We have provided for you and be grateful to Allaah if it is ]indeed[
Him that you worship.{]Quran 2:172[He then mentioned )the case of( a
man who has travelled a long distance – unkempt and dusty – and raises
his hands towards the heavens and says: 'O Lord, O Lord, while his
food, drink, clothing are from unlawful means and he is fed with
unlawful food. Then how could his supplication be answered?"]Muslim[
Ibraaheem ibn Adham, May Allaah Have mercy upon him, was once asked,
"Why are our supplications to Allaah The Exalted not answered?" He
answered, "Because your hearts have died due to ten things."
"1- You know Allaah The Almighty but do not obey Him.
2- You know the Prophetbut do not follow his Sunnah )tradition(.
3- You recite the Quran but do not act upon it.
4- You enjoy the Blessings of Allaah The Exalted without giving thanks.
5- You know of Paradise but do not exert any effort to enter it.
6- You know of Hell but you do not exert any effort to escape it.
7- You know of Satan but do not oppose him.
8- You know of death but do not prepare for it.
9- You bury your dead but do not learn from their example.
10- And in your state of slumber, you focus your attention on the
shortcomings of others while neglecting your own."

Hope – the Most Sublime Rank for the Followers

In this article, we will talk about hoping for Allah's mercy. The
believers' relationship with their Lord is characterized both by fear
and hope, such that the former deters them from sins and disobedience,
whereas the latter drives them towards good deeds.
Ibn Al-Qayyimsaid:
"Hoping for the reward of Allah is one of the most supreme and
honorable ranks of one who pursues the right path. Allah The Almighty
praises those ]who do that[, when He Says )what means(:}There has
certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern
for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and ]who[ remembers
Allah often.{]Quran 33:21[ It was also narrated in a Hadeeth Qudsi,
that Allah The Almighty Says: 'O son of Adam, If you supplicate to Me,
expecting My forgiveness, I will forgive you however great or many
your sins may be.' When a person has hope, it means that he or she is
bound and attached to these names of his or her Lord: "The Benevolent,
The Beneficent". The more one knows Allah The Almighty, His names,
attributes and the dominance of His mercy over His wrath, the more his
or her hope increases ]in Him[. Had it not been for hope, the
servitude of the heart and organs ]to Allah[ would have ceased, and
monasteries, churches, synagogues and mosques, where the name of Allah
is frequently mentioned, would have been demolished. If not for the
spirit of hope, ]our[ limbs would not have performed acts of
obedience, and neither would the ships of good deeds have sailed in
the seas of will without its pleasant breeze."
Similarly, the Prophetsaid:"If a believer ]truly[ knew of the
punishment of Allah, no one would expect His Paradise. Equally, were a
disbeliever to know of the ]actual[ mercy of Allah, none would despair
of His Paradise."'Abdullaah ibn Mas'ood, may Allah be pleased with
him, remarked, "The most encouraging verse in the Quran is in the
Chapter Az-Zumar )The Groups(; Allah The Almighty Says )what
means(,}Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves
]by sinning[, do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah
forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the
Merciful."{]Quran 39:53["
One of those who visited Maalik ibn Anasduring the night in which he
died, asked him, "O Abu 'Abdullaah, how do you find yourself?"
Heanswered, "I do not know what to say to you except that you will
soon see ]aspects[ of the clemency of Allah that you have never
expected."
Glory be to Allah The Almighty! If those who turn away from Him only
know how He waits for their return and how Merciful He is to them,
they will long for Him enormously. Indeed, if this is His will towards
such people, how will He be to those who draw near to Him? 'Abdullaah
ibn Al-Mubaarak approached Sufyaan Ath-Thawriboth, on the night of
]standing in[ 'Arafah, and found him kneeling ]in prayer[, as his eyes
overflowed with tears; he asked, "Who is the worst person in this
gathering ]in the plains of 'Arafah[?' Sufyaan Ath-Thawrireplied:
"Whoever thinks that Allah will not forgive their sins ]i.e., of the
people who are present[.'"
On a similar night, Al-Fudhayl ibn 'Iyaadhobserved people's
glorification ]of Allah The Almighty[ and their crying, so he asked
those around him: "If those people went to a man and requested
one-sixth of a dirham from him, would he let them return
empty-handed?" When they replied in the negative, he commented: "By
Allah, pardoning is easier for Allah than ]that[." Therefore, I
implore Allah The Almighty, seeking His forgiveness, knowing fully
that He absolves and forgives; even if people's sins are great, they
are minor in comparison to His mercy.
Hence, a slave should have much hope in Him, especially when he or she
is on the verge of death. Allah The Almighty Says, as narrated in a
Hadeeth: "I am ]to him or her[ as My slave thinks of Me." That is why,
perhaps, when Waathilah ibn Al-Asqa', may Allah be pleased with him,
went to see Yazeed ibn Al-Aswadas he lay dying, he asked him, "What is
your expectation about Allah?" The latter replied: "My sins have
brought me to the brink of ruin, but I hope for the mercy of Allah."
So, Waathilah, may Allah be pleased with him, ]happily[ exclaimed
"Allah is The Greatest", and then said, "I heard the Messenger of
Allahsay:'Allah The Almighty Says: 'I am as My slave thinks of Me, so
let him think of Me what he wants'.'"For the same reason, when
Sulaymaan At-Taymiwas dying, he instructed his son: "O Mu'tamir, talk
to me about exemptions ]in Islam[, so that I may meet Allah while
having good expectations of Him."
Hope prompts one to do good deeds
It is witnessed as a reality in life that many neglect good deeds and
dare to commit evil and sins, claiming that they trust in the mercy
and forgiveness of Allah The Almighty. Undoubtedly, this is a
misunderstanding of the true meaning of hope. The words of Al-Hasan
Al-Basriare applicable to such people mentioned above; he says: "There
are people whose confidence in forgiveness diverts them from doing
what is moral, so much so that they die with no virtues. They
proclaim: 'we have good expectation of Allah'. Surely, they are liars,
for if they had hope ]in Him[, they would have done good ]to support
their claim[."
Allah The Almighty is indeed the most Forgiving, Ever Merciful;
however, I would like to draw your attention, dear reader, to the
subtle meaning embedded in the verse )which means(:}Indeed, those who
have believed and those who have emigrated and fought in the cause of
Allah - those expect the mercy of Allah. And Allah is Forgiving and
Merciful.{]Quran 2:218[. Contemplate how this verse alludes to these
people hoping for the mercy of Allah The Almighty alongside doing
those great noble deeds.
Dear Muslim, let us, then, do good and repent from our sins and evil
which we have committed. Let us repeat the words of Mahmood
Al-Warraaq: "O Allah, I have much hope in Your forgiveness and You
]alone[ manage my affairs. I have concealed my secrets from my
relatives and others; You are the only One to Whom I disclose them as
I am confident that You will veil them. O Allah! Do not fail me on the
Day of Resurrection when all hidden matters will be exposed. O Allah,
do not reveal my secrets before people; Your protection will provide
me with an argument ]for my forgiveness[, even though I have no basis
for contention or a real excuse."

Dought & clear, - (Abandoning or Neglecting Salaat) ,- His wife does not pray and she disobeys him in a lot of things. What is the ruling concerning her? How should he dealwith her?.

My wife disobeys me about many matters: about bringing our children
up, education, our relationships with relatives, and about many
marital matters. What should I do with her? I asked her to pray and
read Quran, but she did not listen. Please make du'a that Allah guides
her.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Happy homes are those which are built on mutual understanding and love
and consolidated with affection and compassion between spouses. None
of this can be achieved without the spouses doing the duties that are
specific to them. For example, the husband is obliged to spend on his
wife and children, and the wife is obliged to obey her husband. If the
wife wants to deny her husband the right of qawwaamah (being in charge
of the household) or to be wilfully defiant and refuse to obey him,
then she is destroying her home by her own hand, and she will be the
cause of her children being lost and neglected because of her bad
actions.
Wives in general have to understand that obedience to their husbands
is an Islamic duty that is required of them. The husband should do a
good job of being in charge of his wife and family, by guiding them to
that which is in their best interests and will bring them happiness.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has
made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to
support them) from their means"
[al-Nisa' 4:34]
Wives should ponder the following ahaadeeth:
1-
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "If I were to command anyone to prostrate
to anyone else, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their
husbands."
Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh
by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
2-
It was narrated that Abu Umaamah said: The Messenger of Allaah(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "There are three whose
prayer goes no further than their ears: the runaway slave until he
returns, a wife whose husband remains angry with her overnight, and a
imam who leads the people in prayer when they object to him doing so."
Narrated and classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi (360).
3-
It was narrated from Mu'aadh ibn Jabal that the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No woman offends her husband
in this world but his wife among the hoor al-iyn says, 'Do not offend
him, may Allaah kill you, for he is only with you for a short time and
soon he will leave you and come to us.'" Narrated by al-Tirmidhi
(1174) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
4-
It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him)
that the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "It is not permissible for a woman to fast when her husband
is present except with his permission, or to allow anyone to enter his
house without his permission."
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4899) and Muslim (1026).
Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on
this hadeeth:
As a woman is obliged to obey her husband and satisfy his desire, so
it is more appropriate that she is required to obey him with regard to
things that are more important than that, such as the upbringing of
their children, the well being of the family, and other rights and
duties.
Al-Haafiz said inal-Fath: This hadeeth shows that the husband's rights
over the wife are more important than doing voluntary good deeds,
because fulfilling his rights is obligatory, and that which is
obligatory takes precedence over voluntary acts.
Adaab al-Zafaaf(p. 210).
Secondly:
The husband has to look for the causes of his wife's wilful defiance
and find out the ways in which he can treat her sickness and lead her
to the way of guidance and salvation, so that she will be protected
from the wrath and punishment of Allaah. These causes may include the
husband! Yes, you may be one of the causes of her wilful defiance,
either because of sins that you are committing - as one of the salaf
said: "I see the effect of my sins in my mount and my wife", in her
bad attitude or refusal to obey him - or the husband may have a bad
attitude towards his wife so her behaviour is a reaction against the
way he deals with her.
Other causes may include her family, relatives, neighbours or friends
who share a role with the shaytaan in causing separation between man
and wife.
If the cause has to do with her - due to the weakness of her faith and
her ignorance of the rulings of sharee'ah - then he should remind her
of Allaah and play a role in strengthening her faith and teaching her
what she does not know about the rights that her husband has over her.
If that does not work, then he may hit her in a way that is not severe
and that does not cause injury, and if that does not work, then he may
forsake her in her bed.
If his efforts do not succeed and she does not respond to good advice
from him or from someone else, then he may divorce her once (one
talaaq). This may serve as a reminder and "wake up call". But if she
persists in her defiance and disobedience, then there is nothing good
in her and Allaah may give him someone better than her.
The basic principle for this gradual approach in setting things
straight is to be found in the verse in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them
(first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them
(lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not
against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High,
Most Great"
[al-Nisa' 4:34]
Shaykh 'Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
"As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct" means: who
refuse to obey their husbands in word or in deed; he may discipline
her by using the lightest means then the next lightest.
"admonish them" means: explain the ruling of Allaah with regard to
obeying and disobeying the husband, and encourage her to be obedient,
and warn her against disobedience. If that produces the desired
results, all well and good, otherwise the husband should refuse to
share her bed, by not sleeping with her or being intimate with her, to
whatever extent will produce the desired result. Otherwise he may hit
her in a way that is not severe and that does not cause injury. If one
of these methods produces the desired result, then
"seek not against them means (of annoyance)" i.e., you have got what
you wanted, so stop pursuing rebuking her for what is past and seeking
out faults mention of which will cause harm and provoke evil.
Tafseer al-Sa'di(p. 142).
Whatever the case, the husband is the one who knows his wife best. If
he knows that the reason for her wilful defiance is something that he
can remedy, then he should do that. If he cannot deal with her, then
he should appoint someone else from among his family or hers to
undertake this mission. Someone else may have a stronger influence
over her than him.
Thirdly:
What we have said above is general in meaning and applies to any
husband who is suffering because of his wife's wilful defiance. It
would also include the wife asked about here, if she was one of those
who pray. But as she does not pray, what we have said does not apply
to her, because dealing with her is different. By not praying she is a
kaafir woman and it is not permissible for him to be close to her or
have intercourse with her, unless she prays.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they repent [by rejecting Shirk (polytheism) and accept
Islamic Monotheism], perform As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah) and give
Zakaah, then they are your brethren in religion"
[al-Tawbah 9:11]
And the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"Between a man and shirk and kufr there stands his giving up prayer."
Narrated by Muslim (116).
And he said: "The covenant that distinguishes between us and them is
prayer; whoever does not pray is a kaafir."
Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (2621); al-Nasaa'i
(463); Ibn Majaah (1079); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh
al-Tirmidhi.
Hence you have to start with this important matter and try by whatever
means are available to you to remind her of the ruling on prayer, and
that not praying is major kufr, and that your marriage contract with
her will be rendered invalid if she persists in this grave sin. If she
responds, then praise be to Allaah, and you can go on to do the things
that we have mentioned above. If she does not respond, then do not try
to deal with her wilful defiance, and do not ask about her
shortcomings in raising the children, because it is not permissible
for you to remain married to her. Warn her before her marriage is
annulled - and annulment may be by your divorcing her, because most
courts do not regard not praying as a reason for annulling a marriage.
Give her another chance; perhaps Allaah will guide her and open her
heart to the truth.
See also the answer to question no. 47425which describes the best way
to call one who does not pray.
See also the answers to questions no. 12828and 91963.
We ask Allaah to guide her and help her to pray regularly, and to
guide her to all that is good, and to guide her hearing, sight and
physical faculties, and to enable her to give thanks for the blessings
that Allaah has bestowed on her.
And Allaah knows best.