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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Fathwa, - He lost hope in finding a good wife

Question
Salamu alaykum. I am 22 years now and I was brought up in the West. I
have needed a wife for 10 years now as there is so much fitnah in the
Western societies. I hate the process of finding a wife because I
never findanyone suitable or if I getin touch with someone suitable
)not directly obviously(, the process takes so long time and they say
that they are notready or similar things soI have to drop it. I feel
the pain in my whole body and especially in myheart every single day
because I do not have a wife. I am financially able, I have a degree
andafter taking my degree I moved to the Islamic world for studying
Islam. But I am not able to focusor do anything rightly because my
body and soul deeply hurts me and I suffer from depression because I
am not married. I have tried through websites and through people I
know, and my parents cannot really help me either. Theonly problem is
the pain Ifeel, I do not know if I amable to live much longer.
Sometimes I feel like I will just fall apart or evendie very soon
because I am not married and cannot handle it anymore. Now I am
thinking that I should maybe just wait for Jannah because there I can
have a wife without going through all the suffering of finding a wife.
Should I just forget about finding a wife in this dunyah and just
waitfor my wife in Jannah? This will be extremely painful for me until
I die, but I feel this maybe is the only option. Please advice me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His Slave and Messenger.
Allaah The Almighty has prescribed and encouraged marriage, and spoken
of its high status. So did the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah.
Allaah The Almighty says )what means(: }And marry the unmarried among
you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If
they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and
Allaah is All-Encompassing and Knowing.{ ]Quran 24:32[
Also,Anasnarrated that the Messenger of Allaah, said: "And I marry
women. Whoever overlooks my Sunnah does not belong to me."
]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
Scholars have pointed out the benefits of marriage. Az-Zaad )a book of
the Hanbali School of jurisprudence( reads: "Marriage is more
preferable than voluntary acts of worshipif one is under the pressure
of sexual desire."Al Buhootiexpained this statement in his Ar-Rawdh
Al-Murbi' saying: "For it contains many benefits such as guarding
chastity of man and woman, getting progeny and increasing the Ummah
)Muslim nation(." ]End quote[
Marriage is one of the means that help reforming one's religion,
getting rewards and entering Paradise.Abu Hurayrahnarrated that the
Messenger of Allaah, said: "When a man dies, all his deeds come to an
end except for three – an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a
righteous son who will pray for him." ]Muslim[
Moreover, marriage may be compulsory for one who fears committing Zina
)adultery or fornication(. In any case, a Muslim should not neglect it
while he is financially and physically able. Accordingly, you should
know that you arenot required to - not to mention you are not
obligated to - give up looking for a wife in this worldly life and to
wait for a wife in Paradise.
We have previously pointed out the ways to find a good wife, kindly
refer to Fataawa 85573, 85082and 193859. We advise you not to
despairof getting what you seek,but we warn against going extreme
regardingthe characteristic of the wife you seek for, lest you will
waste your lifetime in vain.
Finally, we advise you to seek the help of Allaah, and do not feel
helpless. Rather, search for the means that can help youraim, like
having righteous friends who can help you regarding the matters of
religion and worldly life; especially, it seems that you need much
psychological support and you need those who can stand beside you so
that you may achieve your aims.

Allaah Knows best.

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The significance of obedience to parents

Islam builds a family in which prevails mutual respect and care.
Parents and children in Islam are bound together by mutual obligations
and reciprocal arrangements. Allaah Says )what means(:"…No mother
should be harmed through her child, and no father through his
child…"]Quran 2: 233[
The Quran has made it compulsory for the child to treat his parents
with all goodness and mercy.
Every Muslim must show goodness and mercy to his parents throughout
their lives. There is only one exception to this, and that is, if the
parents ask their children to associate anything with Allaah and to
commit sins, then the children must not obey their parents. In all
cases, the children must show love and gratitude to their parents.
They must always speak to them gently and respectfully. They must try
their best to make them happy, provided they do not disobey Allaah in
the process.
Allaah says )what means(:"But if they )both( strive with you to make
you join in worship with me others of which you have no knowledge,
then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly…"]Quran
31:15[
Being patient and tolerant with parents:
The children must take great care not to react to what their parents
have to say. If they say or do anything which is not liked or approved
of by the children, then they must show patience and tolerance instead
of giving vent to their anger. The children must scrupulously try to
refrain from disobeying their parents since the Prophetregarded this
as one of the grave sins.
Supplicating for them:
Far from showing signs of displeasure, the children must pray for them
saying, as Allaah teaches us in the verse )which means(:"…My Lord and
Sustainer! Be kind and have mercy on them as they cherished,nurtured
and sustained me in childhood."]Quran 17: 24[
We must continue praying for them even after they die. Such prayer
will be regarded as a continuous charity asthe Prophet, sallallaahu
alayhi wa salllam, told us.
The greater right of the mother:
The children must be kinder and more gratefulto their mothers since
they took greater pains in their upbringing. That is why the
Prophetemphasized that it is the mother who has the first claim on the
child's care and attention.
Once a companionasked the Prophetas to whom he should showmore
kindness. The Prophetreplied:"Your mother."Heasked who comes next and
the Prophetagain replied:"Your mother."Heasked the Prophetyet again
who comes next. The Prophetreplied:"Your mother."When the
companionasked for the fourth time, only then did the
Prophetreply:"Your father."
Recognizing their great status:
The Muslim should recognize the status of the parent and know his
duties towards them. Thestatus of parents in Islam is a status which
mankind had not known before. Allaah Has placed the respect for the
parents just one step below the belief in Allaahand true worship of
Him.
Allaah says )what means(:"And your Lord has decreed that you not
worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or
both of them reach old age ]while[ with you, say not to them ]so much
as[, "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble
word."]Quran 17: 23[
The Prophetplaced kindness and respect towards parents just after the
prayer offered on time as the prayer is the foundation of Islam.
'Abdullaah Ibn Mas'oodsaid: "I asked the Prophetwhich deed is most
liked by Allaah? Hesaid: 'Prayer offered on time.'I asked him: 'Then
what? Hesaid: 'Kindnessand respect towards parents.'…"]Al-Bukhaari and
Muslim[
Knowing the duties towards them:
It is also the duty of the child to provide for his parents, if he is
able to do so. The Quran sums upthe whole matter in a master concept
called Ihsaan, which denotes what is right, good and beautiful )i.e.
showing tothem kindness, compassion, gratitude, reverence and respect,
praying for them and supporting them financially if they are in need.(
Concluding, we mention a verse that shows the significance of
obedienceand gratitude due to parents: Allaah says )what means(:"And
We have enjoined upon man ]care[ for his parents. His mother carried
him, ]increasing her[ in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in
two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the ]final[
destination."]Quran 31:14[ /- -e-p * - ▓███▓ TRANSLATOR 1:->
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Taariq Ibn Ziyaad: the conqueror of Andalusia

Taariq Ibn Ziyaad is one of the most prominent commanders who recorded
his name in the glorious Islamic history which includes names like
Khaalid Ibn Al-Waleed, S`ad Ibn Abi Waqaas, `Amr Ibn Al-`Aas,
Salaahuddeen and Muhammad Al-Faatih.
Through Taariq Ibn Ziyaad, a Muslim state was established in
Andalusia, known nowadays asSpainandPortugal. This state lasted for
eight centuries.This great hero was not originally an Arab, rather he
was one of the Berbers who lived inMorocco. Many of these Berbers
embraced Islam, including `Abdullaah, the grandfather of Taariq.
`Abdullaah is the first Arab Muslim name in his family but the rest of
his grandfathers were Berbers who were distinctly tall and blond.
The beginning
Taariq Ibn Ziyaad started out his life just like other Muslim
children. He learnt how to read and write and memorized some Qur'anic
chapters and Prophetic narrations.His love of military life made him
join the army commanded by Moosaa Ibn Nusayr, the Commander in charge
ofMorocco. Taariq participated in the Islamic conquests and he
displayed superior courage and excellent commanding skills that
attracted the attention ofMoosaa Ibn Nusayr. Moosaa Ibn Nusayr admired
his skills and abilities and appointed him as the ruler of Tangier, a
Moroccan city on theMediterranean.
An opportunity to conquer Andalusia
Andalusiawas ruled by an unjust king, Ludrique, who was hated by his
own people who were thinking of deposing himand revolting against him.
They sought the help of the Muslims who were ruling the North African
region, especially after they heard how fairthe Muslims are. Count
Julian, ruler ofCeutanear Tangier, intermediated inorder to convince
the Muslims to help the Andalusians. Julian contacted Taariq Ibn
Ziyaad and offered him his assistance in order to get rid of Ludrique.
Taariq welcomed this offer and found it a goodopportunity to resume
Jihaad and conquests and to spread Islam and allow people to know
about its noble teachings. Taariq sent to Moosaa Ibn Nusayr,
inMorocco, in order to takepermission to conquerAndalusia. Moosaa
asked Taariq to wait until he sends to the Caliph of the Muslims,
Al-Waleed Ibn `Abdul-Malik in order to take his permission to
conquerAndalusiaand explain the situation to him. The Caliph gave him
permission but instructedMoosaa Ibn Nusayr to send a reconnaissance
campaign first in order todiscover what is going on inAndalusiabefore
sailing towards them.
Tareef's reconnaissance expedition
In response to the command of the Caliph, Taariq started to prepare a
small campaign in order to cross the Mediterranean toAndalusia. The
campaign was under the command of a Berber commander called Tareef Ibn
Maalik. It consisted of five hundred of the best Muslim soldiers who
moved in order to check the status quo inAndalusia. The campaign
marched out in Ramadhaan 91 A.H., July 710 A.C. They crossed the sea
in four ships offered by Ct. Julian. They landed on the opposite bank
in an area which was later namedTareefIslandafter the commander of the
campaign. This small campaign examined the country well. They did not
encounter any resistance, and they returned with generous spoils of
war.
The expedition of Taariq Ibn Ziyaad
The results of Tareef's expedition encouraged Taariq to prepare for
the invasion ofAndalusia. After less than a year following Tareef's
expedition, Taariq Ibn Ziyaad marched out with seven thousand
soldiers, most of them were Muslim Berbers. He crossed the
Mediterranean to Andalusia and the MuslimArmy was assembled neara
mountain that was known later as Jabal Taariq )the mount of Taariq
orGibraltar( on the fifth of Rajab 92 A.H., the 27thof April 711 A.C.
Taariq stayed in this area for several days. He built a castle to act
as a military base near the mountain. He assigned some soldiers to
guard it and protect the back lines of the army in case he was forced
to withdraw.
Supported by Ct. Julian, Taariq Ibn Ziyaad marched with his army
penetrating the nearby area. He headed towards the "GreenIsland"
province and occupied itscastles. At this point, Ludrique came to know
about the invasion. He was busy fighting some rebels in the north. He
stopped fighting them and returned toToledo, the capital of the
country, and prepared himself to encounter the Muslim army.
Taariq Ibn Ziyaad marched north towardsToledo. His forces camped in a
wide valley betweenTajoriver in the east and Albarracin river in the
west. At the same time, Ludrique completedhis preparations and
recruited a tremendous army of one hundred thousand warriors armedwith
the most powerful weapons. Ludrique marched to the south and he was
quite sure that he will be victorious.
When Taariq Ibn Ziyaad was informed about this large number of
soldiers, he sent a message to Moosaa Ibn Nusayr tellinghim about the
situation and asking for support. Moosaa Ibn Nusayr sent five thousand
of the best soldiers. Thus the total number of the Muslims reached
twelve thousand.
The big encounter
Ludrique marched towards Shadhunah where he completed his
preparations. Then he headed in order to encounter the Muslims.
A decisive battle took place between the two armies near Shadhunah.
The battle started on the 28thof Ramadhaan 92 A.H., the 18thof July
711 A.C. and continued for eight days. The Muslims were courageous
fighters, and were as firm as mountains in the battlefield, although
their enemy who were well-equipped outnumbered them. The Muslims were
not afraid of the enemy's power or large number. The Muslims were
victorious over their enemy through excellent preparation,
deeply-rooted faith, sincerity, and the ardent desire to be killed as
martyrs for the sake of Allaah.
On the eighth day of the battle, the Muslims were victorious.
Ludrique, the last of the Visigoth kings, fled after the battle, and
no trace of him was found; it seems that he lost his life in the
battle in which he had also lost his kingdom.
The aftermath of victory
After this resounding victory, Taariq chased thedefeated army and he
marched out with his army conquering the country. He did not encounter
considerable resistance on his march to the north. On his way
toToledo, the capital of the Visigoth, Taariq sent small military
expeditionsin order to conquer citiessuch asCordoba,GranadaandMalaga.
Taariq continued his march northward penetrating the hills of
Andalusia until he reachedToledoafter a long, harsh journey that
covered more than six hundred kilometers awayfrom the battlefield.
When Taariq reachedToledo, he treated its people kindly and he did not
touch their churches. Then he marched further north until he reached
theBay of Biscay. He returned again toToledoand wrote a message to
Moosaa Ibn Nusayr informing him of his victorious conquest. He asked
for more men and equipment in order to continue his march, spread
Islam in these areas and help its people get rid of the injustice of
the Visigoths.
Moosaa Ibn Nusayr and his participation in the conquest ofAndalusia:
Moosaa Ibn Nusayr was following up the march of the Islamic army
underthe command of Taariq Ibn Ziyaad. He realized that Taariq is in
need of help and support, especially after the martyrdom of many
Muslims in the battles they fought. Commanding eighteen thousand
soldiers, he crossed toAndalusiain Ramadhaan 93 A.H., June 712 A.C. He
marched taking a different route other than the one taken by Taariq so
that he could have the honor of conquering new areas. He marched until
he reachedToledowhere he met Taariq Ibn Ziyaad.
After a short rest inToledo, the two commanders restarted invasion
again and they conquered Zaragoza,TarragonaandBarcelonaas well as
other cities. Then, each commander took a different route until they
conquered all ofAndalusia.
The Return toDamascus
While the two commanders were conquering these areas, they received a
message from caliph Al-Waleed Ibn `Abdul-Malik in whichhe asked them
to stop the conquest and return toDamascusin order to submit a report
on the progress of the conquest.The two commanders organized the
affairs of the places they conquered and tookSevilleas capital
ofAndalusiadue to its closeness to the sea.
The two commanders leftAndalusia and marched towardsDamascus, the
capital of the Umayyad caliphate. They reachedDamascusand found that
Al-Waleed died and his brother Sulaymaan Ibn `Abdul-Malik has become
caliph. They submitted a complete report on the conquest. The caliph
ordered them to stay inDamascus. Taariq Ibn Ziyaad stayed there and
the caliph was satisfied with his great conquests that made him
immortal among the great Muslim commanders.
The character of Taariq Ibn Ziyaad
Taariq Ibn Ziyaad was a great commander who managed, through his
faith, patience, decisiveness and determination, to reach this high
position.
He managed to achieve all these victories because he used to think
over every step he takes, and he never rushed in taking decisions. He
used to collect information before he moves; for example, before he
crossed to Andalusia, he sent a reconnaissance expedition in order to
check the status quo ofAndalusia.
He was also a faithful believer and he was quite sure that Allaah's
victory will be in his side even in the most critical moments. For
eight days, he continued to fight an enemy that excelled his army in
terms of number and equipment, but with the Grace of Allaah he managed
to achieve victory at the end. /- -e-p * - ▓███▓ TRANSLATOR 1:->
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The Mind-Set of a Muslim Child

The Missing Dimension in Educational Methods: The Sentimental Education
The sentimental education pertains to the person's feelings, which
form all sides of the integrated human personality.
Sentiment is a word given to any sense of pleasure or pain, as well as
to certain psychological states within the sphere of pleasure andpain,
vis-à-vis other states within the sphere of mental perception and
knowledge.
Based on this, all feelings in the human consciousness, and their
resulting sensations of pleasure and pain, along with the positive and
negative senses, constitute human sentiment.
The sentimental education, in myview, is that which helps develop such
feelings and senses in a positive way, which ultimately leads to a
constructive relationship with people, the universe and life.
The sentimental education, like other forms of education, is based on
a group of axes:
1- The Family:The family is the fundamental incubator in which the
individual and all his behavioris formed, and on the basis of which,
his attitudes are composed in general. The family is the most
important social institution which influences the personality of the
human being. It receives the human newborn and sustains him during the
most crucial period of his life: theperiod of childhood. It is the
"critical" period in the construction and formation of the human
personality, as stated by psychologists. That is because it is a
constructive and foundational period.
AHadeeth)narration( of the Messenger of Allaah,, refers to this
fact:"There is no child but that he/sheis born with a sound innate
inclination to the true religion )of Islam(, and it is his/her parents
who convert him/her to Judaism, Christianity or Magianism."]Muslim[
Within the familial environment, the parents mold the child, and
determine his fundamental attitudes, which are his creedal
orientations. Thus, the family plays a pivotal and important rolein
forming the individual's personality, conduct and beliefs, which give
rise to his various subsequent behavior.
In the family, the children learn how to control their desires and
suppress their inclinations that disagree with the society. In this
way, the foundations of social adjustment become inculcated, by virtue
of the educational function within the atmosphere of the family.
Hence, it is not strange to note the great importance given by those
who conduct research about juvenile delinquency to thefamily as one of
the main axes onwhich they centre their researches, in an attempt to
discover the causes and factors ofdelinquency. Undoubtedly, the
disintegrated family is the main factor responsible for juvenile
delinquency and abnormal conduct, and a suitable incubatorfor
producing delinquent adolescents.
2- The School:This ranks second in importance in terms of upbringing,
particularly after education has been made public and its elementary
years compulsory in most countries. The school undertakes the process
of teaching the children, in co-operation with the family, in order to
expand their means ofperception, and help them enjoy knowledge and
learning. Consequently, the school has emerged as an important social
institution, which has an effectiveimpact on all the child's
psychological, social, moral, and behavioral aspects. This goes back
to the fact that during his first years, the child is predisposed, by
nature, to imitate and acquire the salient values of the school and
the society in which he lives. Thus, the school is an important factor
that has a great impact on forming the individual's personality, in a
healthy scientific and educational way, and determining his future
attitudes and relations in society. The school, therefore, is not only
an incubator of giving information, but it is also a complicated
structure of relations, particularlyfor the young child.
In the school, the child's social circle extends to include new
children and groups, and he learns, in its atmosphere, "more social
standards in systematic forms, and new social functions. He learns his
rights and duties, the way to regulate his emotions and accommodate
his needs withthose of others, and co-operation, along with behavioral
discipline."
The child learns all this through the information he receives, and
acquires as a result of mixing with his school mates. In general,the
school has its effective influence on the children's future behavior
and orientations. Through the school, we are able to detect the early
symptoms of delinquency, which allows for their early remedy before
they become aggravated: I mean such symptoms as harming one's
schoolmates, stealing, attempting to flee from school, or damaging the
school property,all of which are indicators of deficiency in the
child's conduct.
3- The Environs:That is, the district or geographical area in which
the family lives in the neighborhood of many other families, where a
network of social relations is established between the different
families and their members in terms of reciprocal contact of effect
and influence.
For this reason, the neighborhood contributes in providing the
individual with some behavioral values, situations, attitudes, and
standards belonging to the general civilizational framework of the
social area.
4- Friends:The elements of the child's personality and behavior are
formed by means of several influences. Although the family and the
school are among the most prominent of these, his friends and peers
are no less important. Rather, the influence of friends may sometimes
be stronger than the other elements. The group of friends and peers
encourages the adolescent to challenge his parents, by virtue of the
force of that new group in which he becomes a member. This group
supports him to demonstrate that challenge, and gives him the
impression of a psychological provision which he does not receive from
his family, whether they are young or old. In this way, the peer group
is one of the most important sources favored by the adolescents to
imitate, and to acquire opinions and thoughts. Islam recognizes and
refers to the importance of one's company and friendship, and its
influence on the individual's life, in terms of acquiring values,
behavior and thoughts. In this connection, it is narrated on the
authority of Abu Hurayrahthat he said: The Messenger of Allaah,,
said:"A man )often( follows the religion of his friend: so each of you
should consider whom he takes as a friend."If thefriend's influence
extends to religion, then, no doubt, his influence on behavior and
attitudes is clearer and more evident. If this is the impact of only
one, then, what do you thinkof the influence of a group? Of a surety,
their influence on the child or the adolescent is stronger.
It is not strange that the group of friends has a strong influence.
Indeed, belonging is the basis forsurvival as a member in the team.It
lies in absolute acceptability and alliance. In a team, the child
learns how to live in a group atmosphere of a new kind and new social
relations, which he cannot disagree with, otherwise, he would be
rejected by the group.

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