The way to reform society

Good manners, respecting others, and ensuring their rights result in
friendly bonds between people, and removes dislike and grudges from
their hearts. In this way the hearts become pure, sympathetic, and
kind; sofeelings of love and brotherhood prevail. The Messenger of
Allaah, said: "He is not from my nation, he who does not respect our
elderly, have mercy upon our young, and honor our scholars." [Musnad
Ahmad 5/323]
Good moral conduct is the path to beneficial knowledge:
Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): } Allaah will raise those who
havebelieved among you and those who were given knowledge, by degrees.
And Allaah is acquainted with what you do. { [Quran 58:11].
We are so much in need today for beneficial knowledge that leads us
towards the progress, glory, and dignity that we have lacked for a
long time. At the same time, this would achieve for us the
satisfaction of our Lord and knowledge that is not a result of
[following] the inseparable two: whims and ignorance. Good manners
save us from such things.
A student of knowledge –any type of knowledge –cannot obtain it
withoutacquiring good manners first. Should a person obtain some
knowledge without obtaining good manners, it shall have negative
consequences on him in this life and in the Hereafter, because herisks
being a bad scholar.
Our predecessors frequently cautioned about taking knowledge from
someone who lacks good manners.
One of the righteous predecessors said, "One who seeks religious
knowledge and does not have good manners is likely to tell a lie about
Allaah [The Exalted] and His Messenger."
Another person said, "Through good manners, knowledge can be
understood, and throughknowledge, deeds are soundly performed."
Good manners are a necessity
Good manners are necessary for every Muslim with Allaah The Exalted,
the Prophet Muhammad, , and withall creation. Allaah The Exalted Says
(what means): } And speak to people good ] words ]} [Quran 2:83]
When there is interactionbetween a Muslim and another person, each
oneshould fulfill the criterionof rights and obligations;and it is
necessary to understand the principlesneeded for interacting with
others. This is what is meant [here] by good manners. This can only
begained through acquiring knowledge. Some would say good manners are
a kind of etiquette; but in reality they are a Sharee'ah (Islamic
legislation) and religion and a way by which to draw nearer to Allaah
The Exalted; and they are subject to the five basic Sharee'ah rulings.
Good manners are an obligation upon every Muslim to seek and to abide
by [in everyday life]. Good manners constitute the following five
basic Sharee'ah rulings: that which is obligatory, forbidden;
recommended, and that which is permissible, and that which is
disliked.
· Obligations are known through good manners:
Through good manners aMuslim knows what his obligations are in
worship, in daily practices, in his interaction with others and in his
conduct. The Messenger of Allaah, , said, "May Allaah have mercy upon
a man who isforgiving if he sells, [whois forgiving] if he buys, and
[who is forgiving] if he collects money due to him that he had lent
out." [Al-Bukhaari:1934]
· Good manners are the nation's image:
We require good manners so that a youth respects his elders, a student
respects his teacher, a teacher respects his students, offspring
respect their parents; a wife respects her husband. The Messenger of a
Allaah, , said, "He is not from my nation he who does not respect our
elders, have mercy upon our young, and honor our scholars." [Musnad
Ahmad 5/323]
· Good manners are the result of the Da'wah of the Prophets:
Good manners are the means to every virtue, and they are one of the
purposes for sending messengers and the result of their Da'wah (call
to Islam).
The Messenger of Allaah, , said:
· "I was sent to perfect righteous manners." [Ahmad, Saheeh ].
· "A believer reaches with his good manners the rank of one who is
fasting and praying throughout the night." [Ahmad, Saheeh ].
· "There is nothing heavier in the scales [of the Hereafter] than good
manners." [Abu Daawood, Saheeh ].
· "I guarantee a house on the outskirts of Paradise for he who leaves
arguing even if he is right; and a house in the center of Paradise for
he who does not lie even when he jokes; and a house in Upper Paradise
for the one who has good manners." [Abu Daawood, Saheeh [
When you realize the value of good manners inIslam and how Islam gives
much importance to it then know that acquiring good manners is
comprised of two stages:
First. The manners that parents teach their children
Second. The manners that a person acquires as he grows up
Parents should teach their children basic manners, so that they become
an essential part of their lives and they can easily acquire them as
they grow up. Should teaching a young child good manners be ignored,
it is very difficult to achieve that after he has grown up.
Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): } O you who have believed,
protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is people
and stones… { [Quran 66:6]
Ibn 'Abbaas said (that protecting them in the verse means), "Educate
them and teach them good manners."
The manners required fora person when he is grown is to supplement
what was missed, and this is what is required, because it is necessary
for the reformation of the soul. With a righteoussoul the body becomes
sound; rather, a person's whole life and affairs become sound.
Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): } He has succeeded who purifies
it[the soul], And he has failed who instills it [withcorruption]. {
[Quran 91: 9-10] - - ▓███▓ Translator:->
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Etiquette of eating and drinking

For every act that a Muslim does, there is a chance for him to earn
some reward for it from Allaah. From praying to per­forming Ghusl
(ritual bath), O Allaah has placedHis Blessings in everything. These
rewards and blessings can be attained only by those keen to follow the
guidance and example ofthe Prophet Muhammad into every aspect of their
lives, thereby seeking nothing but the pleasure of their Creator.
The entire life of such people becomes an act ofworship. Even the act
of eating and drinking, upon which all living things depend, can
become acts of worship. Thus, by acquainting ourselves with the Sunnah
(the tradition of the Prophet ) of eatingand drinking, we too canturn
this mundane exercise into an act of worship and a source of blessing.
The Etiquette of Eating
1- How to Begin
When a Muslim begins to eat, he should begin withthe name of Allaah.
As theProphet Muhammad said: ' When one of you eats, he should mention
Allaah's name (i.e. say Bismillaah). If he forgets to mention Allaah's
nameat the beginning, he should say (when he remembers): I begin in
the name of Allaah at the beginning and at the endof it.'
The Prophet explained that Shaytaan (Satan) partakes in the food if
the name of Allaah is not mentioned at the start of eating. However,
if one forgets in the beginning and then remembers and saysthe
aforementioned Du'aa (supplication), Shaytaan is made to vomit out
what he had eaten.
2- The Manners of Eating
The best manner in which to eat food is with the fingers of the right
hand. The Companion, Ka'ab bin Maalik reported that he saw the
Messenger eating withthree fingers and when he finished, he would
lickthem. Another manner ofeating which the Prophet taught us is that
we should always eat from what is near­est to us andnot from the
middle of the plate. The reason for this is that the blessings come
down upon the food in its mid­dle, therefore it should be leftto last.
[Abu Daawood, eng. Trans. Vol. 3, p. 1064,no. 3763]
3- The Manners of Sitting while Eating.
The Prophet would never eat while in a reclining position. Eating
while reclining was a manner used to show arrogance, as traditionally
associated with the Greeks and Romans.
The whole life of the Prophet was a model of modesty and humility and
this was evident in his manner of eating. TheCompanion Anas reported
that he saw Allaah's Messenger squatting and eating dates [Muslim]. At
other times, the Prophet would sit on his knees as reported by
'Abdullaah bin Busr who said that: "The Prophet wassitting on his
knees upon which a bedouin asked: 'Why are you sitting like this?' The
Prophet replied: "Allaah has mademe a respectable servant and He did
not make me an obstinate tyrant."
4- Do not Criticize Food:
Abu Hurayrah reported that the Prophet never found fault with food. If
he liked it, he would eat it, but if he disliked it, he just left it.
These are the manners our Prophet who we are enjoined to emulate, who
was the best example for mankind. If we look at the manners of people
nowadays, we will see that people are quick to criticize food. It is a
sign of extreme ingratitude to Allaah, the Provider. Rather, one
should be thankful to Allaah for whatever He has provided us with
andnot complain about its taste. One should also remind oneself that
thereare many people who do not know where their next meal is coming
from. So we should instead be grateful as instructed by Allaah (what
means): " O you who believe, eat of the good (lawful) things We have
provided you with, and be grateful to Allaah,if it is (indeed) He whom
you worship." [Quran 2:172]
5- Do not Eat too Much
In today's times, many people follow a lifestyle in which they over
indulge in food. They eat large quantities until it is difficult for
them to breathe and they can almost feel the food rising to their
throats. Wehave been taught by the Prophet that we should do all
things in moderation, including eating. The Prophet said: "A Believer
eats in one intestine, whereas a non-believer eats in seven
intestines" [Muslim]
Therefore, we should noteat until we are completely satiated; rather
we should eat an amount of food that eliminates the hunger and does
not satisfy us toour fullest.
6- After Eating
When we have finished eating, we should alwaysremember Allaah and be
grateful to Him, for He is the Provider and our Sustainer. We should
express this gratitude in the manner in which the Prophet taught us.
He said: " One who has eaten some food and then says: 'All praise is
forAllaah, who has given methis (food to eat) and provided for me
without any effort or power on my part', he will have his sins
forgiven." [At-Tirmithi]
We can extract most of the etiquettes of eating from the following
Hadeeth: Narrated 'Umar bin Abi Salamah : "I was a boy under the
careof Allaah's Messenger and my hand used to go around the dish while
I was eating. So Allaah's Messenger said to me: 'O young boy! Mention
the name of Allaah, eat with your right hand andeat of the dish what
is nearer to you." [Al-Bukhaari]
Etiquette of Drinking Water
Water should be drunk inthree breaths, that is one should breathe
three times outside the drinking vessel one is drinking from. This
habit has a salutary impact on one's character and helpsone avoid
doing things in haste.
Anas reported: The Messenger of Allaah used to breathe three times in
the course of a drink (he used to drink inthree gulps).
The Messenger of Allaah also prohibited us from breathing in the
drinking vessel because the bad smell or spittle may flow into the
drink. This is both vile as well asinjurious to one's health. Abu
Qataadah reported: "The Prophet forbade breathing into the vessel
while drinking."
To sum up the etiquette of drinking :
1. Never drink straight from a bottle (carbon dioxide is released in
the bottle).
2. Do not drink from the mug's cleft and do not breathe in the beverage.
3. Drink in three draughts.
4. Invoke Allaah when you drink and praise him when you finish.
It is reported that the Prophet said: "Do not drink the water in one
draught just like camels, but drink it in one or three gulps, and
invoke Allaah when you drink and praise Him when youfinish." - -
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Altruism

If it is easy for you to givewithout being annoyed, you are a generous
person. If you are one of those who donate profusely and retain only
little for themselves, you are openhanded. However, if you give while
in need yourself, you have reached the highest degree of generosity:
altruism; this stems from staunch faith, genuine love, perseverance
and steadfastness, and hope of reward from Allaah The Almighty.
The following are some of the most important factors that urge one to
favor others over his or her self:
1- Love of good manners and abhorrence of incivility: one's level of
self-sacrifice is proportionate to one's desire to possess good
morals, because favoring others is the epitome of courtesy.
2- Dislike of stinginess: anyone who hates miserliness knows that
there is no means of countering it other than with generosity and
kindacts.
3- Respect of the rights ofothers: when a person gives people their
due and respect, he or she meticulously fulfills their rights, fully
aware that if he or she does not reach the level of altruism, he or
she will not give others their due.
4- Belittling the worldly life and aspiring for the Hereafter: if
people are primarily concerned withthe next life, the worldly one
becomes inconsequential in their sight; they know that they will be
recompensedfor whatever they give here, on the Day of Resurrection
when they will be in dire need.
5- Adapting oneself to tolerating hardship and distress: this helps
one reach a degree of self-sacrifice that may result in poverty and
harsh conditions; so, if a person is not accustomedto endurance, he or
she will not be capable of giving while in need.
Degrees of altruism
Among the scholars who have divided altruism into varying degrees, is
Ibn ul-Qayyim who said:
"The first level is to favor others over yourself in that which does
not diminish your commitment to the religion, hinder your path [to
Allaah] or waste your time; this means that you favor their interests
over your own, such as when you feed them while you are hungry, dress
them whileyou are still unclothed and offer them water while you are
thirsty. However, this should not lead you to commit anything
Islamically prohibited. Thus, any act that results in reforming your
heart, time and standing with Allaah The Almighty, should not be an
object of sacrifice. If you favor others at the expense of such acts,
you are actually ignorantly favoring Satan over Him.
The second degree is to give preference to the pleasure of Allaah The
Almighty over the satisfaction of people, even if its repercussions
are so severe that one's body and faculties cannot afford them. This
act entails that one wantsand does whatever pleases Him, although it
may result in the anger of His creatures. This is the degree of the
Prophets of Allaah, whereas the Messengers were at a higher level, and
the resolute Messengers, may Allaah exalt their mention, even more
esteemed.
However, the Prophet occupies the highest level of all, as he resisted
the whole world, devoted himself to calling others to Allaah The
Almighty, bore the animosity of both relatives and strangers for His
sake and favored His pleasure over anyone else's, in all aspects,
fearing the criticism of no one. His intention, concern and endeavors
were all dedicated to satisfying Allaah The Almighty, conveying His
message, rendering His Words the uppermost and fighting His enemies
until His religion became superior over all others, its argument
established against the worlds and His favor perfectly bestowed on the
believers. The Prophet conveyed the message, delivered the trust,
advised the Ummah, strove ardently in the way of Allaah The Almighty
and worshipped Him until he passed away. Therefore, no one attained as
exalted a degree of altruism as the Prophet .
As for a person who favors people's approval over that of Allaah The
Almighty, it is His unchangeable tradition that He makes their
satisfaction impossible toachieve and he or she is forsaken by them,
with only him/herself to blame. Indeed, someone whose praise is sought
will eventually vilify and the one whose satisfaction is desired, will
become displeased. Accordingly, the person who seeks the approval or
delight of others will neither achieve his or hergoal, nor attain the
reward of the pleasure ofthe Lord; and this is the weakest and most
foolishperson."
Ash-Shaafi'i said, "Satisfying people is an unattainable goal.
Therefore, adhere to what makes you righteous; and that is possible
only if we favor the satisfaction of the Lord over that of others."
Some Arabic verses of poetry speak about this, such as those that
read:
I wish that my bond with You [O Allaah] remains sweet
Even if life becomes bitter;
I wish that You are pleased [with me],
Even if all people are disgruntled;
I wish that what is between me and You is good,
Even if my relations with people are not.
If You love me, every problem will seem easy
And everything on earth will amount to nothing.
The third degree of altruism is to attribute this quality to Allaah
The Almighty and not one's own self, and to admit that these
self-sacrificing acts are by His Command, thereby submitting them to
Him. Consequently, if we do favor others over our own self, it means
that it is Allaah The Almighty Who did so in reality, for He is the
actual Giver.
Memorable acts of self-sacrifice
History has brightly recorded many immortal examples of Muslims
attaining the exalted degree and the paramount quality of altruism.
Once, a woman came to the best of creation, the last Prophet and the
leader of Messengers, , and presented a garment to him, saying: "O
Messenger of Allaah, this is [a gift] for you." The Prophet, ,
accepted it and wore it as he was in need of it; then, one of the
Companions sawhim wearing it, and said to him, "What a beautiful
garment! Give it to me!" The Prophet, , indicated his willingness to
do that; then, when he had left, the other Companions reproached the
man, saying, "Youdid not do a good thing when you asked the Prophet to
hand it to you while you see that he is short of [clothes]; and you
know that he never declines to give anything if asked." He explained,
"I sought the blessing of the garment as the Prophet had worn it; and
I wished I could be shrouded in it."
We see similar acts of favoring others even in the Companions and
those that succeeded them . Abu Hurayrah narrates: "A man came to the
Prophet who sent [for some food for him] to his wives, but they
replied: 'We have nothing except water.' So, he asked, 'Who will
receive this man as a guest?' A man from the Ansaar [supporters in
Madeenah] said, 'I will.' He then took the man [home] to his wife and
said to her, 'Host the guest of the Messenger of Allaah hospitably.'
She replied, 'We have nothing except the food of my children.' He
instructed, 'Prepare your food, light your lamp and put your kids to
sleep, if they ask for supper.' Therefore, she prepared her food, lit
her lantern and made her children lie down; she then stood up,
pretending to fix her lamp, when, in reality, she turned it off. Then,
both husbandand wife, pretended to eat beforetheir guest [so as not to
let him know of their dilemma], but actually went to bed hungry. In
the morning, when the Ansaar man went to the Messenger of Allaah he
said, 'Tonight, Allaah laughed [or wondered] at your action.' Then
Allaah The Almighty revealed the verse (what means): {But [they] favor
[others] over themselves, even though they are in privation. And
whoever is protected from the stinginess of his soul - it is those who
will be the successful.} [Quran 59: 9]
Likewise, another of the Ansaar offered to relinquish half of his
property to an emigrant who was paired up with him through the bonds
of brotherhood; he even gave him both, the option to marry one of his
wives, who he would divorce for him. However, the Muhaajir (emigrant
from Makkah) refused, praying, "May Allaah bless for you your wives
and possessions." In yet another paradigm of altruism, Abu Talhah
Al-Ansaari who was the richest of the Ansaar , had a favorite land, a
garden called Bayruhaa' . When he heard a verse in which Allaah The
Almighty Says (what means): {Never will you attain the good [reward]
until you spend [in the way of Allaah] from that which you love}
[Quran 3:92], he went tothe Prophet, , and donated it as charity for
His sake.
Another Companion, Qays ibn Sa'd ibn 'Ubaadah once fell ill;when he
did not receive any visitors, he asked after them and was informed,
"They are ashamed to visit you because of the debt they owe you." He
remarked, "May Allaah debase money that prevents brothers from paying
visits." Then, he ordered someone to announce: "Whoever is indebted to
Qays, is relieved of repayment." That night, his threshold broke, due
tothe large number of people who came to see him.
But, perhaps the exemplars of self-sacrifice among our predecessors,
are the three who favored the other's lives over their own. Huthayfah
Al-'Adawi relates, "I went looking for my cousin on the battlefield
during the war of Al-Yarmook. I had some water and mentally noted, 'If
he still has any breath, Iwill give him some water to drinkand will
wipe his face with it.' I found him and asked, 'Should I give you
water to drink?' He made an affirmative gesture; but then we heard
someone gasp, so he signaled to me to take the water to that man, who
was Hishaam ibn Al-'Aas. When I asked him if I should give him water
to drink, he replied positively, but we heard another man cry out,
"Ah!" Therefore, Hishaam made a sign to me, telling me to go to that
man. When I went to him, I found that he had already expired. When I
returned to Hishaam, I discoveredhe, too, had passed away; and when I
returned to my cousin, I saw that he had died as well, may Allaah have
mercy on all of them!"
Benefits of altruism
If there is no advantage of altruism other than the fact that it
demonstrates the perfection and strength of one's faith, and noble
manners, that would be a good enough reason to practice it. In fact,
favoring others over oneself is also a way to the love of Allaah The
Almighty, intimacy among people, incurring blessings and protection
against stinginess.

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Sins of the Tongue - Calling Self Disbeliever in an Argument.

When I was having an argument with one of my relatives, I uttered the
words, "I am a kafir (disbeliever)" and I slapped myself on the face.
Please note that I regret what happened and I need direction
andguidance. What is the religious ruling in this case? Do I have to
offer any expiation?
Praise be to Allah
Inna Lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji'oon (Verily toAllah we belong and
unto Him is our return). We ask Allah to keep us safe and sound in
this world and in the Hereafter, and we ask Him for a good end and to
cause us to die in faith.
You should realize that you have fallen into the worst and most
abhorrent of sins, which is the sin of kufr (disbelief) and apostasy,
Allah forbid.
The words which you say that you said are a clear statement of kufr
and apostasy. The scholars said: when a person utters the words of
kufr, he is judged to be an apostate (if he knew the meaning of the
words) and he need not be asked about his intention, as Allah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"If you ask them (about this), they declare: 'We were only talking
idly and joking.' Say: 'Was it at Allah, and His Ayaat (proofs,
evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and His
Messenger that you were mocking?" [9:65]
Allah stated that they disbelieved after having believed, even though
they said, "We spoke thewords without believingthem, we were only
talking idly and joking."
Ibn Nujaym said: Whoever speaks the words of kufr, jokingly or
otherwise, is a kafir according to all the scholars, and it doesn't
matter what his real belief is. End quote. Al-Bahr al-Raa'iq. See also
Nawaaqid al-Eemaan al-Qawliyyah wa'l-'Amaliyyah.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen said:
If he utters words that put him beyond the paleof Islam, such as
saying that he is a Jew or a Christian or Magian or that he has
nothing to do with Islam, or with the Quran or the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him), thenhe is a kafir and an apostate,
and we take him at his word. End quote. Al-Sharh al-Mumti'
Apostasy is an extremely serious matter. The scholars differed
concerning one who apostatizes then repents:will any of the reward for
his previous deeds remain, or is it all erasedbecause of his apostasy?
Shaykh al-Fawzaan was asked the following question:
What is the ruling on one who apostatizes from Islam then returns to
it? Should he repeat his previous deeds in accordance with the pillars
of Islam, such as Hajj, fasting and prayer, or is it sufficient for
him to repent and return to Islam?
He replied:
The correct scholarly view is that if the apostate returns to Islamand
enters Islam anew, repenting to Allah, then he does not need to repeat
the deeds that hedid before apostatizing, because Allah has stipulated
that in order for deeds to be cancelledout by apostasy, the person has
to die as an apostate.
Allah says (interpretationof the meaning):
"And whosoever of you turns back from his religion and dies as a
disbeliever, then his deeds will be lost in this life and in the
Hereafter, and they will be the dwellers of the Fire. Theywill abide
therein forever" [2:217]
So in order for deeds to be lost, it is stipulated that a person
persist in apostasy until he dies in that state. The verse indicates
that if a personrepents then the deeds that he did before apostatizing
are still valid and will be rewarded in sha Allah. End quote.
Al-Muntaqa min Fataawaal-Fawzaan
With regard to slapping the face, this is a deed ofJaahiliyyah
(pre-Islamic age of ignorance) whichthe Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) warned against. It is narrated that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) disavowed himself of the
one who does that, as he said: "Heis not one of us who slaps his
cheeks, rends his garment and calls outwith the cry of the
Jaahiliyyah." [al-Bukhaari].This indicates that slapping the cheeks is
a major sin.
As you regret what you did, we hope that Allah will accept your
repentance. You have to utter the Shahaadatayn (twin declaration of
faith) in order to re-enter Islam after going out of it. You haveto do
good deeds and guard your tongue, for aperson may say a word that
angers Allah but he regards it as insignificant, then he will be
thrown into the Fire and will continue falling down into it for
seventy years.
With regard to expiation, there is no expiation for what you have done
apart from repentance, regret and resolve not to do it again.
We ask Allah to accept your repentance and to enable you to adhere to
His religion.
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