Part I
Madam,
I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my considering your
desires as indispensable orders. Ungracious then as the task may be, I
shall recall to view those scandalousstages of my life, out of which I
emerg'd, at length, to the enjoymentof every blessing in the power of
love, health, and fortune to bestow; whilst yet in the flower of
youth, and not too late to employ the leisure afforded me by great
ease and affluence,to cultivate an understanding, naturallynot a
despicable one, and which had, even amidst the whirl of loosepleasures
I had been tostin, exerted more observation on the characters and
manners of the world than what is common to those of my unhappy
profession, who looking on all thought or reflection as their capital
enemy, keep it at as great a distance as they can, or destroy it
without mercy.
Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary preface, I shall give
you good quarter in this, anduse no farther apology, than to prepare
you for seeing the loose part of my life, wrote with the same liberty
that I led it.
Truth! stark, naked truth,is the word; and I will not so much as take
the pains to bestow the stripof a gauze wrapper on it, but paint
situations such as they actually roseto me in nature, careless of
violating those laws ofdecency that were never made for such
unreserved intimacies as ours; and you have too much sense, too much
knowledge of the ORIGINALS themselves, to sniff prudishly and out
ofcharacter at the PICTURESof them. The greatest men, those of the
first and most leading taste, will not scruple adorningtheir private
closets withnudities, though, in compliance with vulgar prejudices,
they may not think them decent decorations of the staircase, or salon.
This, and enough, premised, I go souse intomy personal history. My
maiden name was Frances Hill. I was born ata small village near
Liverpool, in Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piously
believe, extremely honest.
My father, who had received a maim on his limbs that disabled him from
following the more laborious branches of country-drudgery, got, by
making of nets, a scanty subsistence, which was not much enlarg'd by
my mother's keeping a little day-school for the girls in her
neighbourhood. They had had several children; but none lived to any
age except myself,who had received from nature a constitution
perfectly healthy.
My education, till past fourteen, was no better than very vulgar;
reading, or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a little
ordinary plain work composed the whole system of it; and then all my
foundation in virtue was no other than a totalignorance of vice, and
the shy timidity general to our sex, in the tender stage of life when
objects alarm or frightenmore by their novelty than anything else. But
then, this is a fear too often cured at the expence of innocence, when
Miss, by degrees, begins no longer to look on a man as a creature of
prey that will eat her.
My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between her scholars
and her little domestic cares, that she had spared very little of it
to my instruction, having, from her own innocence from all ill, no
hint or thought of guarding me against any.
I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst of ills befell
mein the loss of my tender fond parents, who were both carried off by
the small-pox, within a few days of each other; my father dying first,
and thereby hastening the death of my mother; so that I was now left
an unhappy friendless orphan (for my father's coming to settle there
was accidental, he being originally a Kentishman).That cruel distemper
which had proved so fatal to them, had indeed seized me, but with such
mild and favourable symptoms, that I was presently out of danger, and,
what I then did not know the value of, was entirely unmark'd. I skip
over here an account of the natural grief and affliction which I felt
on this melancholy occasion. A little time, and the giddiness of
thatage dissipated, too soon,my reflections on that irreparable loss;
but nothing contributed more to reconcile me to it, than the notions
that were immediately put into my head, of going to London, and
looking out for a service, in which I was promised all assistance and
advice from one Esther Davis, a young woman that had been down to see
her friends, and who, after the stay of a few days, was to return to
her place.
As I had now nobody leftalive in the village who had concern enough
about what should become of me to start any objections to this scheme,
and the woman who took care of me after my parents; death rather
encouraged me topursue it, I soon came to a resolution of making this
launch into the wideworld, by repairing to London, in order to SEEK MY
FORTUNE, a phrase which, by the bye, has ruined more adventurersof
both sexes, from the country, than ever it made or advanced.
Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspiritme to venture with
her, by piquing my childish curiosity with the fine sights that were
to be seen in London: the Tombs, the Lions, the King, the Royal
Family, the fine Plays and Operas, and, in short, all the diversions
which fell within her sphere of life to come at; the detail of all
which perfectly turn'dthe little head of me.
Nor can I remember, without laughing, the innocent admiration,
notwithout a spice of envy, with which we poor girls, whose
church-going clothes did not rise above dowlass shifts and stuff
gowns, beheld Esther's scowered satin gowns, caps border'd with an
inch of lace, taudry ribbons, and shoes belaced with silver: all which
we imagined grew in London, and entered for a great deal into my
determination of trying to come in for my share of them.
The idea however of having the company of atownswoman with her, was
the trivial, and all the motives that engaged Esther to take charge of
me during my journey to town, where she told me, after her manner and
style, 'as how several maids out ofthe country had made themselves and
all their kin for ever: that by preserving their VIRTUE, some had
taken so with their masters, that they had married them, and kept them
coaches, and lived vastly grand and happy; and some, may-hap, came to
be Duchesses; luck was all, and why not I, as well as another?'; with
other almanacs to this purpose, which set me a tip-toe to begin this
promising journey, and to leave a place which, though my native one,
contained no relations that I had reason to regret, and was grown
insupportable to me, from the change of the tenderest usage into a
cold air of charity, with which I was entertain'd even at the only
friend's house that I had the leastexpectation of care and protection
from. She was, however, so just to me, as to manage the turning into
money of the little matters that remained to me after thedebts and
burial charges were accounted for, and,at my departure, put my whole
fortune into my hands; which consisted of a very slender wardrobe,
pack'd up in avery portable box, and eight guineas, with seventeen
shillings in silver; stowed up in a spring-pouch, which wasa greater
treasure than ever I had yet seen together, and which I could not
conceive there was a possibility of running out; and indeed,I was so
entirely taken up with the joy of seeingmyself mistress of such an
immense sum, that I gave very little attention to a world of good
advice which was given me with it.
Places, then, being takenfor Esther and me in the London waggon, I
pass over a very immaterial scene of leavetaking, at which I dropt a
few tearsbetwixt grief and joy; and, for the same reasons of
insignificance, skip over all that happened to me on the road, such as
the waggoner's looking liquorish on me, the schemes laid for me by
some of the passengers, which were defeated by the vigilance of my
guardian Esther; who, to do her justice, took a motherly care of me,
at the same time that she taxed me for her protection by making mebear
all travelling charges, which I defrayed with the utmost cheerfulness,
andthought myself much obliged to her into the bargain.
She took indeed great care that we were not over-rated, or imposed on,
as well as of managing as frugally as possible; expensiveness was not
her vice.
It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached London-town, in
our slow conveyance, though drawn by six at length. As we passed
through the greatest streets that led to our inn, the noise of the
coaches, the hurry, the crowds of footpassengers, in short, the new
scenery of the shopsand houses, at once pleased and amazed me.
But guess at my mortification and surprize when we came to the inn,
and our things were landed and deliver'd to us, when my fellow
traveller and protectress, Esther Davis, who had used me with the
utmost tenderness during the journey, and prepared me by no preceding
signs for the stunning blow I was to receive, when I say, my only
dependence and friend, in this strange place, all of a sudden assumed
a strange and cool air towards me, as ifshe dreaded my becoming a
burden to her.
Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of her assistance and
good offices, which I relied upon, and never more wanted, she thought
herself, it seems, abundantly acquitted of her engagements to me, by
having brought me safe to my journey's end;and seeing nothing in her
procedure towards me but what was naturaland in order, began to
embrace me by way of taking leave, whilst I wasso confounded, so
struck, that I had not spirit or sense enough somuch as to mention my
hopes or expectations from her experience, and knowledge of the place
she had brought me to.
Whilst I stood thus stupidand mute, which she doubtless attributed to
nothing more than a concern at parting, this idea procured me perhaps
a slight alleviation of it, in the following harangue: That now we
were got safe to London, and that she was obliged to go to her place,
she advised me by all means to get into one as soon as possible; that
I need not fear getting one; there were more places than
parish-churches; that sheadvised me to go to an intelligence office;
that ifshe heard of any thing stirring, she would find me out and let
me know;that in the meantime, I should take a private lodging, and
acquaint her where to send to me;that she wish'd me good luck, and
hoped I should always have the grace tokeep myself honest, and not
bring a disgrace on my parentage. With this, she took her leave of
me,and left me, as it were, on my own hands, full as lightly as I had
been put into hers.
Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless, I began then to
feel most bitterly the severity of this separation, the scene of which
had passed in a little room in the inn; and no sooner was her back
turned, but the affliction I felt at my helpless strange circumstances
burst out into a flood of tears, which infinitely relieved the
oppression of my heart; though I still remained stupefied, and most
perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of myself.
One of the waiters coming in, added yet more to my uncertainty by
asking me, in a short way, if I called for anything? to which I
replied innocently: 'No.' But I wished him to tell me where I might
get a lodging for that night. He said he would go and speak to his
mistress, who accordingly came, and told me drily, without entering in
the least into the distress shesaw me in, that I might have a bed for
a shilling, and that, as she supposed I had some friends in town (here
I fetched a deep sigh in vain!) I might provide formyself in the
morning.
'Tis incredible what trifling consolations the human mind will seize
inits greatest afflictions. The assurance of nothingmore than a bed to
lie on that night, calmed myagonies; and being asham'd to acquaint the
mistress of the inn that I had no friends to apply to in town, I
proposed tomyself to proceed, the very next morning, to an
intelligence office, to which I was furnish'd with written directions
on the back of a ballad Esther had given me. There I counted on
getting information of any place that such a country girl as I might
befit for, and where I couldget into any sort of being, before my
little stock should be consumed; and as to a character, Esther had
often repeated to me that I might depend on her managing me one; nor,
however affected I was at her leaving me thus, did I entirely cease to
rely on her, as I beganto think, good-naturedly,that her procedure was
all in course, and that it was only my ignorance of life that had made
me take it in the light I at first did.
Accordingly, the next morning I dress'd myself as clean and as neat as
my rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my box, with
special recommendation,with the landlady, I ventured out by myself,
and without any more difficulty than can be supposed of a young
country girl, barely fifteen, and to whom every sign or shop was a
gazing trap, I got to the wish'd-for intelligence office.
It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt of custom,
with abook before her in greatform and order, and several scrolls,
ready made out, of directions for places.
I made up then to this important personage, without lifting up my eyes
or observing any of the people round me, who were attending there on
the same errand as myself, and dropping her curtsies nine-deep, just
made a shift to stammer out my business to her.
Madam having heard meout, with all the gravity and brow of a petty
minister of State, and seeing at one glance over my figure what I was,
made me no answer, but to ask me the preliminary shilling, on receipt
of which she told me places for women were exceedingly scarce,
especially as I seemed too slight built for hard work; but that she
wouldlook over her book, and see what was to be donefor me, desiring
me to stay a little till she had dispatched some other customers.
On this I drew back a little, most heartily mortified at a declaration
which carried with it a killing uncertainty that my circumstances
could not well endure.
Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversion from my
uneasy thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little, and sent my
eyes on a course round the room, wherein they met full tiltwith those
of a lady (for such my extreme innocence pronounc'd her) sitting in a
corner ofthe room, dress'd in a velvet mantle (nota bene, in the midst
of summer), with her bonnet off; squab-fat, red-faced, and at least
fifty.
She look'd as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring at me from
head to foot, without the least regard to the confusion and blushes
her eyeing me sofixedly put me to, and which were to her, no doubt,
the strongest recommendation and marks of my being fit forher purpose.
After a littletime, in which my air, person and whole figurehad
undergone a strict examination, which I had, on my part, tried to
render favourable to me,by primming, drawing up my neck, and setting
my best looks, she advanced and spoke to me with the greatest
demureness:
'Sweet-heart, do you want a place?'
'Yes, and please you' (with a curtsy down to
[ to be continued.....]
'' Our Lord ! grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter and save us from the torment of the Fire '' [Ameen]
-
{in Arab} :->
Rabbanaa aatinaa fid-dunyaa hasanatan wafil aakhirati hasanatan waqinaa 'athaaban-naar/-
(Surah Al-Baqarah ,verse 201)
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