A new Muslimah is asking about problemsin her marriage

Im worried if my marriage is valid, the ceremony was in english but
the witnesses did Notunderstand english!(i even stopped the wedding
but was told one was an imam, one hafiz!but not english speaking!)
2)the mahr was not given(and i didnt agree to delay)
3)the marriage was not properly consumated we found out on wedding
night that he has "retarded ejaculation" (this means no chance of
children or real satisfaction)
4) 2 days after marriage he left to do 40 days dower with tablighi
jamaat i only had 1 fone call, to me this is not howto look after your
family and how can you pay to do dower but not pay mahr? help i am a
convert and need some advice please!
the appointed wali also conducted the ceremony and is my husbands
friend. as i am revert i dont have family for maharam. i am doing so
much dua but feel ashamed and embarrassed .
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allah to make yousteadfast in adhering to His religion and to guide you.
We are happy to hear of your coming to Islam andemerging from the
darkness of kufr to the light of faith.
"Say: 'In the Bounty of Allah, and in His Mercy (i.e. Islam and the
Quran);-therein let them rejoice.'That is better than what (the
wealth) they amass"
[Yoonus 10:58].
Secondly:
Having witnesses to the marriage contract is one of the conditions of
it being valid, but announcing the marriagedoes away with the needfor
witnesses, because it serves the same purpose and more. See the answer
to question no. 112112 .
Thirdly:
The marriage contract is valid if done in a language other than
Arabic, but it is stipulatedthat the witnesses shouldknow that
language, because the witness is going to bear witness to what he
hears; if he cannot understand anything, his witnessing is not valid.
But announcing the marriage does away withthe need for witnesses
asstated above. So if the marriage was announcedand become known among
a number of Muslims, then the marriage is valid.
Fourthly:
If the marriage contract was done without statingthe mahr, then it is
valid. In that case the woman isentitled to a mahr like that of her
peers (other women like her).
It says in al-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah (39/151): The mahr is obligatory
in all marriages, because Allah, may He be exacted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"All others are lawful, provided you seek (them in marriage) with Mahr
(bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of
marriage) from your property"
[an-Nisa' 4:24].
So the permissibility of marriage is connected to it, although
mentioning the mahr in the marriagecontract is not a condition of the
marriage being valid. So it is permissible to do the marriage contract
without naming the mahr, according to the consensus of the fuqaha'.
See also the answer to question no. 111127
Fifthly:
It is not valid for a woman to get married without a guardian, because
the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "There is
no (valid) marriage without a guardian."
Narrated by Abu Dawood,2085 and others; classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
If there is no guardian present or he is not qualified to be the
woman's guardian, then guardianship with regard to her marriage passes
to the ruler or the one who acts on his behalf. If there is no Muslim
ruler either, the director of the Islamic Centre, the imam of the
mosque or one of the scholars may act as her guardian in marriage. If
none of these are available, then a Muslim of good character may act
as her guardian in marriage with her permission.
The scholars of the Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas said:
If the woman does not have a Muslim guardian, whether he is a relative
or otherwise, then the director of the Islamic Centre in your country
may act as her guardian in marriage, because he takes the guardian's
place in cases such as this. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah
be upon him) said: "The ruler is the guardianof the one who has no
guardian." The head of the Islamic Centre has authority in his
locality, because there are no Muslim judges in that locality. End
quote.
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa'imah, 3/387
What appears to be the case is that your marriage is valid, because
this man who did the marriage contractacted as your guardian for the
purpose of the marriage contract, as youdid not have a guardian.
But it would have been better had the marriage been performed by the
director of the Islamic Centre in your city.
For more information please see the answer to question no. 48992
Sixthly:
Jamaa'at at-Tabligh is an Islamic organisation that is prominent and
active in the Islamic field and it has done a lot of good work in
calling people to Allah, but there are some points to be noted with
regard to matters of 'aqeedah (belief), ideology and level of
scholarship. For information on that, please see the answer to
questions no. 8674 , 39349 , 47431
Going out with them and leaving you during the first days of your
marriage is something that your husband shouldnot have done.
But it is essential to think positively of him; his going out with
them twodays after getting married indicates that the man is eager to
call people to Allah.
Seventhly:
Having a wedding party is not a condition of the marriage being valid.
Whether it is done correctly or otherwise makes no difference to the
validity of the marriage. But it is essential to make it free of evils
that are all too common in wedding parties, such as indecent songs,
music, free mixing,showing of adornment and so on.
Eighthly:
The fact that your husband suffers from problems in ejaculation or
that the possibility of having children from himis low, and that
sexual satisfaction is also low are all problems that can be treated
by going to a specialist doctor.
We advise you to be patient, careful and wise in making decisions. You
are in a situation in which it might not be appropriate at all to
think of leaving him. If it is possible for the imam of the mosque who
was present at your wedding or another trustworthy Muslim who is known
to be knowledgeable to intermediate with your husband and advise him
of his duty to treat his wife kindly and take careof her rights, that
may bea good idea.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to reconcile between you and set
things straight between you.
And Allah knows best.

Is there a set age for marriage in Islam?

I would like to know whether there is a set age for marriage in
Islamfor men and women? I hope you can explain with reference to the
Qur'aan and saheeh hadeeths.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Islam does not give a specific age for marriage,either for the husband
orfor the wife. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"And for such of your women as despair of menstruation, if ye doubt,
their period (of waiting) shall be three months, along with thosewho
have it not"
[al-Talaaq 65:4].
Al-Sa'di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: "along with those who
have it [menses] not" means minors, those whohave not yet started to
menstruate. Adult women who have never menstruated at all are like
those who "despair of menstruation" (i.e., have passed
menopause);their 'iddah is three months. End quote.
Tafseer al-Sa'di, p. 870
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married
'Aa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when she was six years old
and the marriage was consummated when she was nine years old. Narrated
by al-Bukhaari (4840) and Muslim (1422).
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allahhave mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Kabeer, 7/386:
With regard to females, the father may give his minor, virgin daughter
who has not yet reached the age of nine in marriage, and there is
nodifference of opinion concerning that, if he gives her in marriage
to someone who is compatible. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of those
scholars from whom we acquired knowledge unanimously agreed that it is
permissible for a father to give his minor daughter in marriage if he
arranges her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for
him to do that even if she is reluctant. End quote.
Secondly:
No one may give a minor daughter in marriage except her father
according to the view of Maalik and Ahmad. This was also the view of
al-Shaafa'i, but he regarded the grandfather as being likethe father
in that regard. Abu Haneefah said – and it was also narrated from
Ahmad – that it is permissible for a guardian other than the father to
give (the minor girl) in marriage, but the more correct view is the
former one.
See: al-Mughni, 7/33
Thirdly:
The father should not give a minor daughter in marriage except in a
casewhere he thinks it is in her best interests. Just as he may only
dispose of her wealth in that which is in her best interests, the same
applies with regard to arranging her marriage. Islam only permits that
to the Muslim father who is pious and pays proper attention to the
best interests of his children, and who understands very well that he
is a shepherd and that he is responsible for his flock.
Ibn Wahb narrated that Maalik said, with regard to a man arranging a
marriage for an orphan girl under his care: If he thinks that (the
husband)is a man of virtue, righteousness and wisdom, it is
permissible for him to do that.
Ahkaam al-Qur'aan by al-Jassaas, 2/342
Fourthly:
A man should not consummate marriage with his young bride until she is
physically ableto bear intercourse. This varies from one time, place
and environment to another.
What young men and guardians of girls should do is hasten to arrange
marriages, so as to guardchastity and protect honour, and so as to
attain the great purposesfor which Allah ordained marriage.
And Allah knows best.

The Concept of Brotherhood

Another fundamental element in the value system of Islam is the value
of human brotherhood. This value also is founded on the same
principles which have been discussed in connection with freedomand
equality. Besides those foregoing principles, human brotherhood in
Islam is based on an unshakable belief in the Oneness and Universality
of God the worshipped, the unity of mankind the worshippers, and the
unity of religion the medium of worship. For the Muslim, God is One,
Eternal and Universal. He is the Creator of all men, the Provider for
all men, the Judge of all men, and the Lord over all men. To Him,
social status, national supermanship, and racial origin are
insignificant. Before Him,all men are equal and brothers of one
another.
The Muslim believes in the unity of mankind with regard to the
sourceof creation, the original parentage, and the final destiny. The
source of creation is God Himself. The original common parentage is
that of Adam and Eve. To this first parentage, every human being
belongs and of it he partakes. As for the final destiny, there is no
doubt in the Muslim's mind that it will be to God, the Creator, to
Whom all men shall return.
The Muslim believes in the unity of God's religion. This means that
God does not confine His religion or favors to any particular nation,
race, orage. It further means thatthere can be no contradiction or
fundamental differences in the Religion of God. When all this is
interpreted properly, it will leave no ground for pretended supremacy
or presumptuous exclusivity. And when it isimparted into the
humanmind, it will provide man with a clear concept and a solid basis
of human brotherhood. Because the Muslim believes in the Oneness of
God, the unity of mankind, and the unity of religion, he believes in
all the Messengers and Revelations of God without discrimination.

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And Allah Knows the Best!

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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA

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Your faith is your key to happiness

'Aa ' ishah was once asked, "Who is the best of women?" Sheanswered,
"She who does not usefoul language, who is unaware ofmen's cunningness
(so she does not become their rival), and whose heart is occupied with
nothing but adorning herself for her husband and caring for her
children."
Know, my dear sister, that believing in Allaah The Exalted is the
essence of your happiness and the source of comfort and tranquillity.
Indeed, misery, suffering, and constant agonies are caused by
abandoning faith inAllaah The Almighty, and neglecting His
remembrance, thankfulness to Him, and failing to fulfil the due rights
of the acts of worship. Allaah The Exalted Says (what means): } "Those
who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of
Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah the hearts are
assured." { [Quran 13:28 [H.S1 [
} "And whoever turns away from My remembrance – indeed, he will lead a
depressed life, and We will gather him on the Day of Resurrection
blind." { [Quran 20:124]
A young Muslim immigrant to theUSA narrates that he had worked for a
wealthy businessman who owns companies there. Whenever this
businessman passed by this young man, he would find him smiling and
appearing happy, whereas, the employer was sad, worried and gloomy all
the time. Once he asked the young Muslim man about the secret behind
his smilewhich reflects happiness and joy. The young man simply
answered him, "Because I am Muslim." Thenthe businessman exclaimed,
"WillI find this happiness that you feelif I embrace Islam?" The young
man answered, "Yes." Then he accompanied his employer to an Islamic
Centre where he embraced Islam and then burst into tears. When he was
asked about the reason why he was crying, he answered, "This is the
first time in my entire life that I have experienced real happiness."
] Tareek As-Sa'aadah (The Way to Happiness)]
A mother's advice to her daughter
When 'Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybaani, one of the most highly respected
leaders of the Arab nobility during the Jaahiliyyah , (pre-Islamic
era) married his daughter Umm Iyaas to al-Haarith ibn 'Amr al-Kindi,
she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umaamah
came in to her, and advised her daughter saying,
My dear daughter, you are leavingthe home in which you have
beenbrought up and were raised, to a home which you do not know, and
with a new companion who you are not accustomed to. By marrying you,
he has become your guardian and superior. Therefore, be a slave to him
and he will be a slave to you.
My dear daughter, maintain theseten traits and he will always support
you. As for the first and second trait: Be content in your life with
him and be an obedient companion.
The third and fourth: Continuously be attentive to what his eyes fall
on and to what his nose might smell. Do not let him behold you
unattractive, and let him only smell pleasant scentsfrom you.
The fifth and the sixth: Be attentive to the time of his meals, and be
quiet during his sleep; for hunger is agitating, anddisturbing one's
sleep arouses anger.
The seventh and eighth: Preserve his money, and look after his
household and children, for guarding his money is a good
characteristic, and looking after his household and children is a way
of honoring him.
As for the ninth and tenth traits: Never expose his secrets or disobey
his orders, for if you expose his secrets you will not besafe from his
betrayal, and if you disobey his orders you will make him angry.
In addition, avoid expressing happiness while he is sad, or being
gloomy while he is happy, for the first quality is an act of
negligence, and the second displeases him.
Honor him the best you can, and he will honor you the best he can.
The more you agree with him, the longer he will stay in your company.
Know, that you will not attain what you aspire for unless you favor
his contentment over yours,and his desires over yours whether
concerning something that pleases or displeases you.
Steps to marital happiness
· Remember that you are not a man:
Many wives face marital failure due to developing complexes about
their femininity. Such women are not proud of their femininity, and do
not acknowledge their husbands' roleof being in charge and their right
to lead the family. Such women are paranoid, constantly feeling that
their husbands are trying to subdue them and exercise their
masculinity over them. Consequently, such a wife will try to prove
that she is equal to him. These poisonous beliefs will ruin their
lives and turn it into a living hell.
Such a woman should know that men and women complete one another; men
enjoy the qualities that women lack, and similarly, women enjoy the
qualities that men lack. Men's right to take charge over women does
not mean humiliation or suppression;rather, it means leadership,
responsibility, wisdom, compassion, mercy and affection.By virtue of
man's right to take charge, he can take his wife through their life
journey tosafety and happiness.
· Search for the positive side:
Many wives do not feel happy in their marriages because of their
negative perspective of their husbands; they only see their flaws and
defects. Their husbands might have countless good qualities that
surpass their defects, but their melancholic perspective of their life
blinds them from such good traits, thusshe is only able to see her
husband's weaknesses.
A wise wife should look for her husband's positive traits, enumerate
them, try to foster them and praise him for them. Moreover, she should
be patient with his flaws and defects, and try to overlook them. Were
she toconfront her husband's abuse with kindness, it would deeply
affect him and perhaps drive him to change his bad behavior with her,
and replace his flaws and defects with positive qualities.
· Make sure of your husband's love for you:
Verifying your husband's love for you is essential for the wife to
attain marital happiness. On the one hand, a husband should affirm his
love for his wife from time to time. On the other hand, a wife should
remind herself of her husband's love for her and tryto find reasons
which could verifythat love; the first of which was his proposal to
marry her in the first place which proves his attraction towards her
and his love for her. Besides, the fact thathe is still married to her
also indicates this. Add to that, the fact that he financially
supports her, tends to her, cares for her, and feels protective
jealousy over her. All this highlights his love forhis wife.
· Your happiness lies in your contentment:
How many women have deprived themselves of attaining marital happiness
because of wishing for what others have? The wife pushes her husband
to satisfy herdesires by providing her with luxuries that are not
necessary at all, knowing that he cannot afford that. On seeing her
husband unable to provide her with what she wants, she loses respect
for him and sees him as alazy and passive person.
If such a wife were to judge her life fairly, she would have seen
countless positive points and the bright side of the pages of her
life, that can guarantee her happiness if she is content with the
blessings that Allaah The Exalted has bestowed upon her. In the past,
the Muslim wife would stand at her porch biddingher husband farewell,
as he wentto work and remind him, "Fear Allaah The Almighty, and
beware,beware of bringing back home anything that is unlawful; we
canendure hunger, but we can never endure Hell." It is worth
mentioning that a happy person is not he who gets all that he wishes
for; since one's desires cannot be fully satisfied, and wishes
continue until the last breath. Actually, true happiness isfound in
contentment.